Blow us down! It’s another weekend? So soon? Well….okay then!
Fighting our way down another windy avenue, we find ourselves being pushed and pulled around from one side to another like trying to pick which top retro films from our list we should choose from. Will it be comedy, sci-fi or perhaps a thriller??
Have a happy retro weekend!
SATURDAY 30th JANUARY
The ‘Burbs (1989) ITV4 10:45am-12:45pm (2 hours)
The arrival of secretive neighbours sparks an unhealthy curiosity in a group of friends, leading them to go to bizarre lengths to discover the truth about the newcomers. However, their investigations take an even weirder twist when they begin to suspect their unseen fellow suburbanites are part of a cannibalistic cult. Joe Dante’s black comedy, starring Tom Hanks, Bruce Dern, Carrie Fisher, Corey Feldman and Henry Gibson.
Planet of the Apes (2001) 5* 5:20pm-7:40pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
An astronaut crash-lands on a strange planet and is captured and enslaved by the ruling race of highly intelligent apes. Luckily, he is helped by a sympathetic chimpanzee – but then discovers a shocking secret. Remake of the 1960s sci-fi adventure, directed by Tim Burton and starring Mark Wahlberg, Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Roth, and featuring a cameo appearance from the original film’s star Charlton Heston.
Vertical Limit (2000) Sony Channel 6:40pm-9:00pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
A wildlife photographer is forced to master his fears and the elements as he leads an expedition to climb K2, the world’s second highest mountain, on a desperate mission to rescue his estranged sister and her fellow mountaineers, who have fallen into a crevasse. Action adventure, starring Chris O’Donnell, Bill Paxton, Scott Glenn and Robin Tunney.
The Mummy (1999) ITV2 6:50pm-9:15pm (2 hours 25 minutes)
A soldier of fortune joins an academic and her conniving brother on an expedition to an ancient Egyptian lost city. The explorers accidentally cause the spirit of a vengeful priest with awe-inspiring supernatural powers to rise from his tomb, leading to a desperate battle for survival. Fantasy action adventure, starring Brendan Fraser, Rachel Weisz, John Hannah, Arnold Vosloo and Oded Fehr.
Fun Fact: While filming, John Hannah sprained his wrist and had to wear a brace on it, which which you can actually see during his final scenes.
Wing Commander (1999) Syfy 7:00pm-9:00pm (2 hours)
A youthful space pilot resolves to put his troubled past behind him when he is assigned to an elite squadron aiming to protect the human race from feline alien foes. He faces an uphill struggle to prove his daring is matched by his talent. Sci-fi adventure based on the computer game, starring Freddie Prinze Jr, Matthew Lillard, Saffron Burrows and Tcheky Karyo.
Die Hard with a Vengeance (1995) BBC3 9:10pm-11:10pm (2 hours)
New York cop John McClane returns to duty following an explosion at a department store in the city. The perpetrator contacts the police and tells them that unless McClane and an unfortunate bystander who was in the wrong place at the wrong time carry out a series of instructions to the letter, more bombs will be detonated. Action thriller sequel, starring Bruce Willis, Samuel L Jackson and Jeremy Irons.
The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997) ITV London 10:30pm-12:45am (2 hours 15 minutes)
Scientist Dr Ian Malcolm reluctantly joins a research team on the island where his employer first designed genetically engineered dinosaurs. Meanwhile, a big-game hunter takes the chance to bag the biggest prize of all – a Tyrannosaurus rex. Steven Spielberg’s dinosaur adventure sequel, starring Jeff Goldblum, Julianne Moore, Pete Postlethwaite and Richard Attenborough.
Jurassic Park Merchandise
SUNDAY 31st JANUARY
Sister Act (1992) E4 2:35pm-4:35pm (2 hours)
Nightclub singer Deloris Van Cartier agrees to testify against her gangster boyfriend after witnessing a murder. Placed in protective custody by the authorities, she is less than pleased to discover she is expected to pose as chaste nun Sister Mary Clarence in a convent. Comedy, starring Whoopi Goldberg, Harvey Keitel, Maggie Smith, Bill Nunn and Kathy Najimy.
Big Business (1988) Film4 2:50pm-4:45pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
The first-born babies in two sets of identical twins are mixed up at birth by a short-sighted nurse, leading to their being raised in very different social circles. In later life, one pair, brought up in a poor mining town, visits New York to challenge a powerful conglomerate – only to find their respective siblings are in charge of the company. Comedy, starring Bette Midler and Lily Tomlin in dual roles alongside Fred Ward and Edward Herrmann.
The Mummy Returns (2001) ITV2 3:45pm-6:15pm (2 hours 30 minutes)
Married explorers Rick and Evelyn battle the newly resurrected mummy Imhotep and his ruthless partner, who have captured their son. The undead creature is heading for a confrontation with a legendary ancient warrior – with power over a magical army to be won. Fantasy adventure sequel, starring Brendan Fraser, Rachel Weisz, John Hannah, Arnold Vosloo, Oded Fehr and Patricia Velasquez, with a brief appearance by Dwayne Johnson.
Diamonds Are Forever (1971) ITV London 3:40pm-6:00pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
James Bond investigates a diamond-smuggling operation, and discovers that behind the scheme is his insidious arch-enemy Blofeld, who is planning to construct a devastating orbital doomsday weapon powered by the precious stones, which will force world powers to disarm and give him global domination. Spy adventure, starring Sean Connery, Jill St John, Charles Gray, Bernard Lee and Lois Maxwell.
Fun Fact: Because of Sean Connery’s high fee, the film’s special effects budget was significantly scaled back. Connery was reportedly paid $1.25 million (US) to return as James Bond, a figure unheard of in those days.
Mr Bean’s Holiday (2007) ITV2 6:15pm-8:00pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
The bumbling fool wins first prize in the church raffle – a trip to France and a video camera. His travels cause chaos as he disrupts a film shoot in Cannes, to the fury of its megalomaniac director, and is then accused of kidnapping a youngster. Comedy, starring Rowan Atkinson, Willem Dafoe, Emma de Caunes and Max Baldry.
Mr Bean Clothing
A Knight’s Tale (2001) Film4 6:25pm-9:00pm (2 hours 35 minutes)
A poverty-stricken squire spies an opportunity to make his dreams come true when his employer dies. He takes his place as a knight, launching himself on the road to riches by competing in jousting tournaments, but his ruse is jeopardised by a dastardly nobleman. Comedy adventure, starring Heath Ledger, Paul Bettany, Mark Addy, Shannyn Sossamon and Rufus Sewell.
Meet the Parents (2000) BBC3 9:00pm-10:45pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
A male nurse delays proposing to his girlfriend until he has won the approval of her strict father, a former CIA agent who does not suffer fools gladly, and vows to be on his best behaviour during a visit to her family home. However, his efforts to impress soon collapse into a catalogue of disasters. Comedy, starring Robert De Niro, Ben Stiller, Teri Polo, Blythe Danner and Owen Wilson.
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (2012) ITV2 8:00pm-11:15pm (3 hours 15 minutes)
Unassuming hobbit Bilbo Baggins is pulled out of his comfortable life when Gandalf the wizard volunteers him for a dangerous quest. He joins a party of dwarves who are on a mission to reclaim their lost homeland, which has been taken over by a dragon. The first part of Peter Jackson’s fantasy adventure trilogy based on JRR Tolkien’s novel, starring Martin Freeman, Ian McKellen and Richard Armitage.
Jackie Brown (1997) ITV4 11:00pm-2:10am (3 hours 10 minutes)
An air hostess is arrested for smuggling drugs and money into the US for a local arms dealer. Realising her life may be in danger she leaves jail with a plan to stay one step ahead by playing the criminal and the police off against each other. Quentin Tarantino’s crime drama, based on the novel Rum Punch by Elmore Leonard, starring Pam Grier, Robert Forster, Robert De Niro, Samuel L Jackson, Bridget Fonda, Michael Keaton and Michael Bowen.
Whatever you’re up to this weekend, always keep a pen handy and remember that sometimes your time is the best gift you can give someone.