Airplane!

Great balls of fire! Another movie packed weekend is among us, can you smell it?

Setting up our little white ball on it’s plucky little wooden tee, we will slowly and eagerly line up our shot. Taking a little practice before, we will begin to line up our club of choice behind the ball as we gaze into the distance to really visualise what’s about to happen. With our head held down, legs slightly bent and shoulders relaxed, we will pull back the club before swooshing through with more rhythm than a grandfather clock. Will the ball go where we aimed? The ducks on the pond better hope so!

SATURDAY 27th October

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Overboard
(1987) ITV 3:25pm-5:30pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
A wealthy heiress suffers amnesia after falling overboard from her yacht. A rough-hewn carpenter and father of four steps in and claims to be her husband – but only to avenge himself for her previous ill-treatment of him, which she has no recollection of. Comedy, starring Goldie Hawn, Kurt Russell, Roddy McDowall and Edward Herrmann.

The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002) ITV2 6:45pm-10:20pm
Frodo and Sam continue their quest to destroy the all-powerful ring, bringing them face to face with the magical artefact’s twisted former owner Gollum. Meanwhile, their allies prepare to make a desperate last stand against the vast armies of the corrupted wizard Saruman, who has declared war on a neighbouring kingdom. Part two of Peter Jackson’s fantasy adventure trilogy, starring Elijah Wood, Sean Astin, Viggo Mortensen, Ian McKellen, Billy Boyd, Dominic Monaghan, Andy Serkis and Christopher Lee.

Lord of the Rings Merchandise

Reservoir Dogs (1992) ITV4 11:00pm-1:05am
Criminals are employed by a crime boss to carry out a diamond robbery that goes disastrously wrong. In the bloody aftermath of the heist, they try to establish what happened and how the police were aware of their plans all along – leading to the hardening suspicion that one of them betrayed the gang. Quentin Tarantino’s thriller, starring Harvey Keitel, Tim Roth, Michael Madsen, Chris Penn and Steve Buscemi.

Airplane! (1980) ITV 11:45pm-1:25am (1 hour 40 minutes)
The passengers on board an ill-fated airliner become increasingly jittery when the flight crew flounder during a food-poisoning crisis. As ground control personnel struggle heroically to ensure the plane lands safely, a traumatised war veteran must face his fear to take the controls. Spoof disaster movie, starring Robert Hays, Leslie Nielsen, Robert Stack and Lloyd Bridges.

Airplane! Merchandise

SUNDAY 28th October

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Hocus Pocus
(1993) Channel 4 3:20pm-5:15pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
A teenager in Salem, Massachusetts, breaks into a spooky house on Halloween and accidentally resurrects three witches who have been dead for 300 years. The sorceresses are soon causing chaos while seeking a suitable sacrifice for a ritual to give them eternal youth. However, an old foe – a boy they turned into a cat – is on hand to help stop their mischief. Supernatural Disney comedy, with Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker, Kathy Najimy and Omri Katz.

Vice Versa (1988) Film4 5:25pm-7:20pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
A department store executive returns from a trip to Thailand in possession of a mysterious artefact that causes him to change places with his 11-year-old son. While the horrified father struggles to cope with a world of teachers and school bullies, the youngster is revelling in the perks of being a grown-up. Fantasy comedy, starring Judge Reinhold, Fred Savage, Swoosie Kurtz and Corinne Bohrer.

Fun Fact: There have been four television versions of F. Anstey’s “Vice Versa (1882) novel. They are: Vice Versa (1937), Vice Versa (1953), Vice Versa (1961), and Vice Versa (1981).

The Man in the Iron Mask (1998) Channel 5 5:35pm-8:00pm
The Three Musketeers set out to depose the villainous King of France and reinstate his long-imprisoned twin brother. However, they face an unexpected threat in the form of old friend D’Artagnan, who has remained loyal to the evil monarch. Swashbuckling adventure, starring Leonardo DiCaprio in a dual role, alongside John Malkovich, Jeremy Irons, Gerard Depardieu, Gabriel Byrne, Anne Parillaud and Hugh Laurie.

Coneheads (1993) Film4 7:20pm-9:00pm (1 hour 40 minutes)
An alien couple and their daughter crash-land on Earth and try to blend into suburban society, all the while dodging the immigration authorities and their increasingly suspicious neighbours. Comedy, starring Dan Aykroyd, Jane Curtin, Michael McKean, Jason Alexander, Michelle Burke, David Spade and Chris Farley.

Die Hard 2 (1990) E4 9:00pm-11:25pm (2 hours 25 minutes)
Tough cop John McClane arrives at an airport to pick up his wife, but finds himself plunged into a bloody life-or-death struggle. He must battle terrorists who have seized control of the terminal as part of a campaign to secure the release of a convicted drug baron. Action thriller sequel, starring Bruce Willis, Bonnie Bedelia, William Sadler, Franco Nero and William Atherton.

Fright Night (1985) Film4 10:55pm-1:10am (2 hours 15 minutes)
A teenager becomes convinced his new next door neighbour is a vampire responsible for a series of recent disappearances. Finding nobody is willing to believe his unlikely story, he seeks the aid of a washed-up movie star famous for playing a vampire hunter in destroying the monster. Comedy horror, starring Chris Sarandon, Roddy McDowall, William Ragsdale, Amanda Bearse and Stephen Geoffreys.

Whatever you’re up to this weekend, don’t let the muggles get you down and remember to always have tea bags in the cupboard.

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Splish, splash… another retro movie weekend is here! Let’s stir up some super sweet retro movie goodness.

Clicking on the kettle like shaking hands with an old and trusted friend, we’ll begin to gather all the essential bits and bobs from all the various locations. Selecting the perfect mug from the bunch, we’ll pluck out our next tea baggy victim, throw in just the right amount of sugar and then begin to fill our mug to the perfect level. Watching the clear liquid quickly turn into a familiar shade of brown with a stir with the spoon, we’ll begin to dream of the tea creation we are so close to complete before we can sit back and enjoy the weekends retro movie wonder.

SATURDAY 23rd September

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Look Who’s Talking Too (1990) Sony Movie Channel 9:00am-10:35am (1 hour 35 minutes)
Wisecracking toddler Mikey is joined by mischievous baby sister Julie and sibling rivalry inevitably erupts – while their parents have problems of their own to deal with, in the shape of the kids’ good-for-nothing uncle. Comedy sequel, starring John Travolta and Kirstie Alley, with the voices of Bruce Willis and Rosanne Barr.

The Rugrats Movie (1999) Film4 11:00am-12:40pm (1 hour 40 minutes)
Tommy tries to return his new brother to the baby shop, helped by Angelica, Chuckie, Phil and Lil – but the friends get lost in dense woodlands en route, turning their expedition into a scary and exciting journey of discovery. Animated comedy based on the TV series, with the voices of Elizabeth Daily, Christine Cavanaugh, Kath Soucie, Whoopi Goldberg and Busta Rhymes.

Matilda (1996) Sony Movie Channel 2:20pm-4:25pm
A gifted youngster is packed off by her selfish parents to the prison-like Crunchem Hall School. Once there, she befriends a sweet-natured teacher who convinces her that not all grown-ups are bad – and urges her to use her special powers to turn the tables on the nasty headmistress. Fantasy comedy, adapted from the children’s book by Roald Dahl, with Mara Wilson, Pam Ferris, Embeth Davidtz, Rhea Perlman and Danny DeVito, who also directed.

Roald Dahl Merchandise

Babe (1995) ITV2 3:30pm-5:10pm
A kindly farmer wins a cute piglet, which some greedy humans and jealous animals hope will end up as the Christmas roast. Undaunted, the young pig proves himself useful on the farm and enlists the aid of the resident dog in learning how to herd sheep. Family comedy, starring James Cromwell and Magda Szubanski, with Christine Cavanaugh, Miriam Margolyes and Hugo Weaving among those providing the voices of the animal characters.

Jumanji (1995) Sony Movie Channel 4:25pm-6:35pm
A man who has been trapped inside a mysterious jungle board game for 26 years is eventually freed when two children start to play it. Unfortunately, he arrives with a rampaging horde of animals on his heels, leaving only one solution – to finish the game he started all those years ago. Fantasy adventure, starring Robin Williams, Kirsten Dunst and Bonnie Hunt.

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986) ITV4 4:35pm-6:45pm
A cocky teenager plays truant from school and spends the day dragging his girlfriend and a reluctant friend into all manner of crazy adventures in the big city – while the school’s dean of students vows to stop at nothing to prove the youngster is faking illness. Comedy, starring Matthew Broderick, Mia Sara, Alan Ruck, Jennifer Grey, Jeffrey Jones and Charlie Sheen.

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off Clothing

Airplane II: The Sequel (1982) Film4 7:15pm-9:00pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
Hapless hero Ted Striker tries to prevent the launch of a passenger space shuttle, certain it will end in disaster. Sadly, his prediction comes true when a computer malfunction sends the spacecraft hurtling toward the sun, while a man driven mad by sexual inadequacy smuggles a bomb on board. Disaster movie spoof sequel, starring Robert Hays, Julie Hagerty, Lloyd Bridges, William Shatner, Sonny Bono and Chad Everett.

Airplane! TShirts

Speed (1994) Film4 9:00pm-11:15pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
An LAPD cop discovers a psychopathic criminal has planted a bomb on a crowded bus, primed to go off if the vehicle drops below 50mph. He boards the vehicle and helps the hapless passenger who has been forced to take the wheel to keep a constant speed to avoid a disaster. Action thriller, starring Keanu Reeves, Sandra Bullock, Dennis Hopper and Jeff Daniels.

There’s Something About Mary (1998) 5STAR 9:00pm-11:25pm
A lovelorn man hires a sleazy private eye to track down his high-school sweetheart in the hope of rekindling their brief relationship. By unfortunate coincidence, the detective also falls for her, and then it emerges there are even more men out there competing for her affections. Comedy from the Farrelly brothers, starring Cameron Diaz, Ben Stiller, Matt Dillon and Lee Evans.

SUNDAY 24th September

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Hulk
(2003) Channel 4 1:30pm-4:10pm (2 hours 40 minutes)
Scientist Dr Bruce Banner turns into the rampaging green Hulk after exposure to a huge dose of gamma radiation, prompting the military to embark on a no-holds-barred mission to destroy the monster. Meanwhile, Banner’s unstable father resurfaces, holding the secret to his transformation. Comic-book adventure from director Ang Lee, starring Eric Bana, Jennifer Connelly, Sam Elliott and Nick Nolte.

Superhero Gifts

The Four Musketeers (1974) Film4 3:00pm-5:05pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
The swashbuckling heroes, with young swordsman D’Artagnan promoted to their ranks, are sent to quell an uprising against the king. But the scheming Cardinal Richelieu continues plotting to seize power, while his treacherous partner-in-crime Milady de Winter has revenge in mind. Adventure sequel, starring Oliver Reed, Michael York, Charlton Heston, Faye Dunaway, Christopher Lee, Richard Chamberlain and Frank Finlay.

The Dam Busters (1954) ITV4 3:15pm-5:55pm
The story of the destruction of the major dams in Germany’s industrial heartland in the Ruhr valley in 1943, a mission that seemed impossible until engineer and scientist Barnes Wallis came up with the ingenious idea of bouncing bombs, and the pilots of 617 Squadron were trained to fly the crucial mission. Second World War drama, with Michael Redgrave, Richard Todd, Basil Sydney, Derek Farr and Ursula Jeans.

Fun Fact: The bombs shown in the movie were the wrong shape because the actual shape (a stubby cylinder) was still secret at the time.

Volcano (1997) E4 8:00pm-10:00pm (2 hours)
A river of molten lava spews from an erupting volcano onto the streets of Los Angeles, prompting the head of a crisis agency to team up with an intrepid scientist in a frantic and dangerous bid to save the city’s residents. Disaster thriller, starring Tommy Lee Jones, Anne Heche, Gaby Hoffmann, Keith David and Don Cheadle.

The Rainmaker (1997) Sony Movie Channel 10:00pm-11:50pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
An idealistic newly qualified lawyer teams up with a disreputable researcher to champion the cause of a leukaemia sufferer whose mother is suing an insurance company for refusing to pay his medical costs. As the case progresses, the young legal eagle finds he has much to learn about the dark side of the judicial process. Francis Ford Coppola’s courtroom drama adapted from the novel by John Grisham, starring Matt Damon, Danny DeVito, Jon Voight, Claire Danes and Mickey Rourke.

Boyz N the Hood (1991) BBC2 11:15pm-1:00am
A bright but underachieving teenager with a domineering single father strikes up a friendship with two brothers, and over time, the three young men each follow their own path – but a tragedy eventually leaves them facing a dangerous choice. Drama, starring Cuba Gooding Jr, Laurence Fishburne, Morris Chestnut and Ice Cube.

Whatever you’re up to this weekend, don’t forget to recycle and always keep your socks dry.

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Sweet home Alabama! Another retro movie weekend has come among us and is here to bring adventure, drama and some good old fashioned fun!

Click-lock and looking good! Ripping up the old and warn carpet like a dog hunting for a bone, we’ll quickly reveal the bare boards which hide below. Starting afresh, we’ll lay down the new smelling and super soft underlay before starting to cut and slide into place the shiny new flooring. With each new board laid down, we will see our vision come to life as we stitch together our new look like an an oversized game of Tetris.

SATURDAY 16th September

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The Rugrats Movie
(1999) Film4 1:00pm-2:35pm (1 hour 35 minutes)
Tommy tries to return his new brother to the baby shop, helped by Angelica, Chuckie, Phil and Lil – but the friends get lost in dense woodlands en route, turning their expedition into a scary and exciting journey of discovery. Animated comedy based on the TV series, with the voices of Elizabeth Daily, Christine Cavanaugh, Kath Soucie, Whoopi Goldberg and Busta Rhymes.

The Three Musketeers (1973) Film4 2:35pm-4:45pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
A naive country boy arrives in Paris, keen to seek adventure and prove himself a swordsman. He falls in with a trio of roguish soldiers, and together they set out to save the queen from the schemes of a treacherous cardinal. Swashbuckling adventure, starring Oliver Reed, Michael York, Richard Chamberlain, Frank Finlay, Charlton Heston and Faye Dunaway.

The Pink Panther (1963) ITV4 3:25pm-5:45pm
The world’s most inept police detective, Inspector Clouseau, heads off to Switzerland in search of a suave jewel thief who has purloined a priceless diamond from a princess – but the bumbling officer’s every ruse to foil the crime ends in chaos, not least when he is framed for the robbery himself. Blake Edwards’ comedy, starring Peter Sellers, David Niven, Capucine, Robert Wagner and Claudia Cardinale.

Fun Fact: The film was intended to have David Niven’s character Sir Charles Lytton as the main character. However, Peter Sellers’ portrayal of Inspector Clouseau was so loved by the crew (and later by the audience) it became his character that this film and the sequels focused on.

Bean (1997) ITV 4:00pm-5:35pm (1 hour 35 minutes)
The hapless fool is employed as a security guard for a British art gallery and is sent to Los Angeles to bring back a famous painting. Unfortunately, he finds himself mistaken for a renowned art professor and invited to make an important presentation. Mel Smith’s British comedy, starring Rowan Atkinson, Burt Reynolds, Peter MacNicol, John Mills, Peter Capaldi and June Brown.

Field of Dreams (1989) Film4 4:45pm-6:55pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
A farmer hears a mysterious voice inspiring him to mark out a baseball diamond in a cornfield – which, to his surprise, is visited by the ghost of the star player of the 1919 Chicago White Sox team, whose career was cut short by scandal. It later dawns on him the pitch has a greater purpose – to give people who have sacrificed important parts of their lives a second chance. Fantasy, starring Kevin Costner, Ray Liotta, Burt Lancaster and James Earl Jones.

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986) ITV4 5:45pm-7:45pm
A cocky teenager plays truant from school and spends the day dragging his girlfriend and a reluctant friend into all manner of crazy adventures in the big city – while the school’s dean of students vows to stop at nothing to prove the youngster is faking illness. Comedy, starring Matthew Broderick, Mia Sara, Alan Ruck, Jennifer Grey, Jeffrey Jones and Charlie Sheen.

Ferris Bueller Clothing

Dante’s Peak (1997) Film4 6:55pm-9:00pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
A vulcanologist’s suspicions that a long-dormant volcano is about to erupt turn out to be true, prompting him to race against time to save the community standing in its way – and clash with local government officials weighing his predictions against the loss in tourism revenue. Disaster movie, starring Pierce Brosnan, Linda Hamilton, Elizabeth Hoffman and Charles Hallahan.

Fun Fact: A great many special effects in the movie were practical special effects, using real-world models or full-size properties and vehicles.

A Few Good Men (1992) Sony Movie Channel 9:00pm-11:55pm
Two marines based in Cuba stand accused of murdering a comrade-in-arms. Three Navy lawyers working on their defence unearth evidence that the soldiers may have been acting under orders, which points to a trail of corruption leading all the way to a top-ranking officer. Drama based on Aaron Sorkin’s stage play, starring Tom Cruise, Demi Moore, Kevin Pollack, Jack Nicholson, Kiefer Sutherland and Kevin Bacon.

The Fast and the Furious (2001) ITV2 9:00pm-11:10pm
In a move to identify suspected hijackers, an undercover police officer infiltrates the high-octane world of illegal late-night street racing by rival gangs. He is befriended by a champion driver, but when he also forms a bond with the racer’s sister, he is pitched into a conflict of loyalties. Thriller, starring Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Michelle Rodriguez and Jordana Brewster.

The Nutty Professor (1996) ITV 10:35pm-12:20am (1 hour 45 minutes)
An obese, terminally shy professor invents a potion that transforms him into a slim, loud-mouthed charmer. His new streamlined self immediately sets out to woo the woman of his dreams – but soon starts to ride roughshod over everything he used to care about. Remake of the 1963 Jerry Lewis comedy, starring Eddie Murphy, Jada Pinkett Smith, James Coburn and Larry Miller.

SUNDAY 17th September

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Hook
(1991) Sony Movie Channel 9:10am-12:15pm
Peter Pan, who has finally grown up and is now a married lawyer with a family of his own, is whisked away by Tinkerbell to Neverland, where he must learn to fly again if he is to save his children from the clutches of Captain Hook. Steven Spielberg’s fantasy adventure, with Robin Williams, Dustin Hoffman, Julia Roberts, Bob Hoskins and Maggie Smith.

Matilda (1996) Sony Movie Channel 2:25pm-4:30pm
A gifted youngster is packed off by her selfish parents to the prison-like Crunchem Hall School. Once there, she befriends a sweet-natured teacher who convinces her that not all grown-ups are bad – and urges her to use her special powers to turn the tables on the nasty headmistress. Fantasy comedy, adapted from the children’s book by Roald Dahl, with Mara Wilson, Pam Ferris, Embeth Davidtz, Rhea Perlman and Danny DeVito, who also directed.

Matilda Merchandise

Never Say Never Again (1983) ITV 3:00pm-5:35pm (2 hours 35 minutes)
James Bond investigates the hijacking of two American nuclear warheads and tracks the stolen missiles to the Bahamas, where a sinister millionaire working for criminal organisation Spectre is planning to hold the world to ransom. Action adventure, starring Sean Connery, Klaus Maria Brandauer, Kim Basinger, Max von Sydow and Barbara Carrera.

James Bond Clothing

Jumanji (1995) Sony Movie Channel 4:30pm-6:40pm
A man who has been trapped inside a mysterious jungle board game for 26 years is eventually freed when two children start to play it. Unfortunately, he arrives with a rampaging horde of animals on his heels, leaving only one solution – to finish the game he started all those years ago. Fantasy adventure, starring Robin Williams, Kirsten Dunst and Bonnie Hunt.

The Secret of My Success (1987) Sony Movie Channel 6:40pm-9:00pm
A naive country boy travels to New York to make his fortune, only to end up working in a corporation’s mail room. He chances on a vacant office and hatches a plan to pass himself off as a top-ranking executive, but leading a double life proves harder than expected. Comedy, starring Michael J Fox, Helen Slater, Richard Jordan and Fred Gwynne.

Home Alone (1990) E4 8:00pm-10:00pm (2 hours)
A boy has to fend for himself when he is accidentally left behind after his family jets off to Paris for Christmas. The youngster initially enjoys his freedom, but is soon forced to resort to ingenious booby traps to defend the family home from two dim-witted burglars. Comedy, starring Macaulay Culkin, Joe Pesci, Daniel Stern, John Heard, Catherine O’Hara and John Candy.

Home Alone TShirts

Airplane! (1980) ITV4 9:00pm-10:50pm
The passengers on board an ill-fated airliner become increasingly jittery when the flight crew flounder during a food-poisoning crisis. As ground control personnel struggle heroically to ensure the plane lands safely, a traumatised war veteran must face his fear to take the controls. Spoof disaster movie, starring Robert Hays, Leslie Nielsen, Robert Stack and Lloyd Bridges.

Airplane! Merchandise

Whatever you’re up to this weekend, always hope for the best but prepare for the worst.

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Grab the wheel and push on the pedal! Another retro movie weekend has sniffed us out and is here to rock our world!

With the car packed up as full as the brimming fuel tank, we find ourselves just about to turn the key and start up another epic road trip to far and distant lands. What adventure awaits us? Where will we go and who will we meet? Taking a jump into the unknown with a pack of sweets for company, we’ll buckle up and ride on out to discover things we could have never imagined. Roll out!

Have a happy retro weekend!

SATURDAY 1st July

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Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (2001) ITV 10:25am-1:15pm (2 hours 50 minutes)
An orphaned boy endures a miserable childhood, until he discovers he has magical powers and enrols at a special school for young wizards. However, his suspicions are aroused by a sinister teacher who seems to be up to no good. Fantasy adventure, adapted from the first of JK Rowling’s books, starring Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, Emma Watson, Robbie Coltrane, Alan Rickman and Richard Harris.

Harry Potter Merchandise

Dragonheart (1996) ITV2 1:10pm-3:10pm
A knight sets out to slay a dragon, only to find the unhappy creature is the last of its kind. Forging an unlikely alliance, the pair embark on a mission to rid their kingdom of its tyrannical ruler. Fantasy adventure, starring Dennis Quaid, David Thewlis, Pete Postlethwaite and Julie Christie, with the voice of Sean Connery.

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989) BBC1 3:30pm-5:25pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
The intrepid archaeologist sets out to find his estranged father, who has gone missing while searching for the Holy Grail. Once reunited, the duo team up to finish the task and locate the sacred relic before the Nazis get their hands on it. Action adventure sequel directed by Steven Spielberg, starring Harrison Ford, Sean Connery, Alison Doody, River Phoenix, Julian Glover and Denholm Elliott.

The Secret of My Success (1987) Sony Movie Channel 3:50pm-6:10pm
A naive country boy travels to New York to make his fortune, only to end up working in a corporation’s mail room. He chances on a vacant office and hatches a plan to pass himself off as a top-ranking executive, but leading a double life proves harder than expected. Comedy, starring Michael J Fox, Helen Slater, Richard Jordan and Fred Gwynne.

Flubber (1997) ITV2 5:00pm-6:50pm
A scatty professor is in financial trouble, and his only hope of avoiding disaster is to market his latest invention – a strange rubbery substance with a life of its own. However, a criminal gang is determined to get hold of his creation. Remake of 1961 Disney comedy The Absent-Minded Professor, with Robin Williams, Marcia Gay Harden, Christopher McDonald and Wil Wheaton.

Last Action Hero (1993) Sony Movie Channel 6:20pm-9:00pm
A boy watching an action movie is transported into the film by a magic ticket and meets its hero figure, who refuses to believe he is a fictional character. Matters take a turn for the worse when the screen villain gets hold of the ticket and crosses over into the real world – where bad guys can win. Comedy adventure, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Austin O’Brien, Charles Dance, F Murray Abraham and Anthony Quinn.

Eraser (1996) ITV4 9:00pm-11:20pm
An arms industry executive is placed in danger after she exposes evidence of illegal deals by an international corporation. The authorities respond by assigning her to the custody of a government agent who specialises in helping federal witnesses disappear from the system. However, when the operative is framed for murder, he is forced to balance his duties with efforts to clear his own name. Action thriller, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, James Caan, Vanessa L Williams and James Coburn.

Fun Fact: The company name “Cyrez” was originally “Cyrex”, but the real-life company Cyrix complained. The movie had been shot, but all dialogue was dubbed and company logos were digitally altered during postproduction.

Total Recall (1990) ITV4 11:20pm-1:35am
A construction worker pays to have fake memories of a dream holiday implanted into his brain, but discovers his mind has already been tampered with – apparently to erase his true identity as a secret agent from a colony on Mars. He journeys to the planet in search of the truth, but is drawn into a conflict between the tyrannical ruler and a rebel faction. Paul Verhoeven’s sci-fi thriller, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Rachel Ticotin and Michael Ironside.

Money Train (1995) Sony Movie Channel 11:15pm-1:40am
A New York cop in debt to loan sharks persuades his foster brother and fellow police officer to rob a train carrying all the day’s takings from the city’s subway network. However, things start to go wrong when a female detective creates rivalry between the pair, and a pyromaniac serial killer threatens their plans. Action comedy, starring Woody Harrelson, Wesley Snipes, Jennifer Lopez and Chris Cooper.

SUNDAY 2nd July

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Beverly Hills Ninja (1997) 5STAR 8:45am-10:30am
A baby survives a shipwreck and is raised by a clan of ninjas, growing up to become clumsy and overweight, and does not fit in with the other warriors despite his best efforts. When a woman seeks their help, he seizes the chance to prove himself, travelling to America and battling an international counterfeiting operation. Slapstick comedy, starring Chris Farley, Nicolette Sheridan and Chris Rock.

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986) E4 12:30pm-2:35pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
A cocky teenager plays truant from school and spends the day dragging his girlfriend and a reluctant friend into all manner of crazy adventures in the big city – while the school’s dean of students vows to stop at nothing to prove the youngster is faking illness. Comedy, starring Matthew Broderick, Mia Sara, Alan Ruck, Jennifer Grey, Jeffrey Jones and Charlie Sheen.

Ferris Bueller Clothing

The Parent Trap (1961) Film4 1:00pm-3:35pm (2 hours 35 minutes)
When twins sisters meet for the first time at summer camp, they decide it is high time their estranged parents got back together again, and hatch an ingenious plan to reunite them by swapping places with each other. Disney comedy, starring Hayley Mills in a dual role as both sisters, alongside Maureen O’Hara, Brian Keith and Leo G Carroll.

Dante’s Peak (1997) Channel 4 2:30pm-4:35pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
A vulcanologist’s suspicions that a long-dormant volcano is about to erupt turn out to be true, prompting him to race against time to save the community standing in its way – and clash with local government officials weighing his predictions against the loss in tourism revenue. Disaster movie, starring Pierce Brosnan, Linda Hamilton, Elizabeth Hoffman and Charles Hallahan.

Fun Fact: Cast and crew of this movie found themselves in a distribution race with Twentieth Century Fox, who were producing the similarly themed potential blockbuster Volcano (1997) at the time. Due to a sped-up production schedule, Dante’s Peak reached the cinemas almost 3 months earlier than Volcano, and had by far the best box office success. ALSO The “volcanic ash” was really fine newspaper shavings!

Legends of the Fall (1994) Sony Movie Channel 4:10pm-6:35pm
A retired army colonel has raised his three sons alone on their remote Montana ranch. But the all-male household is thrown into turmoil when the youngest son brings home his beautiful fiancee, causing jealousy and tensions that culminate in tragedy. Edward Zwick’s period drama, starring Anthony Hopkins, Brad Pitt, Aidan Quinn, Julia Ormond and Henry Thomas.

The Flintstones (1994) Channel 5 6:30pm-8:05pm (1 hour 35 minutes)
Blue-collar caveman Fred Flintstone is promoted to an executive position at work and unwittingly becomes embroiled in an embezzlement scheme – thanks in no small part to his seductive new assistant. Live-action version of the cartoon comedy, starring John Goodman, Rick Moranis, Rosie O’Donnell, Halle Berry and Elizabeth Taylor.

Airplane! (1980) Film4 7:20pm-9:00pm (1 hour 40 minutes)
The passengers on board an ill-fated airliner become increasingly jittery when the flight crew flounder during a food-poisoning crisis. As ground control personnel struggle heroically to ensure the plane lands safely, a traumatised war veteran must face his fear to take the controls. Spoof disaster movie, starring Robert Hays, Leslie Nielsen, Robert Stack and Lloyd Bridges.

Point Break (1991) Spike 9:00pm-11:25pm (2 hours 25 minutes)
An FBI agent infiltrates a Californian surfing gang suspected of carrying out a series of armed robberies wearing masks modelled on former US presidents. However, his loyalties are tested to the limits when he is befriended by the gang’s leader. Kathryn Bigelow’s thriller, starring Keanu Reeves, Patrick Swayze, Gary Busey and Lori Petty.

The Deer Hunter (1978) ITV4 9:00pm-12:45am
The lives of three American steelworkers and their families are torn apart in the wake of the Vietnam War. After enduring horrific treatment in a prison camp during the conflict, the three friends return to their homes but struggle to readjust to normal life. Oscar-winning drama, starring Robert De Niro, Christopher Walken, Meryl Streep, John Savage and John Cazale in his last film role.

Whatever you’re up to this weekend, always have a back up and remember to bring some dry socks.

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Grey and drizzle! Another weekend is here which can only mean… it’s time for… another retro movie rundown!

Sugar and spice! Mixing together the perfect blend of aromatic spices and flavours, we find ourselves in the throws of a chilli cook-off. Mixing the finest and freshest ingredients with a spoon of this and a splash of that to create a balanced and spicy delight, we’ll eagerly taste at each stage to ensure a correct course of culinary travel. Finishing off with a helping of soft fluffy rice, we’ll serve up our creation to be savoured, enjoyed and ultimately judged like a director revealing their latest creation.

Have a happy retro weekend!

SATURDAY 22nd April

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Free Willy 3: The Rescue (1997) ITV 9:25am-11:10am (1 hour 45 minutes)
The amiable killer whale is reunited with his human friend Jesse, now a teenager working on a research ship. Jesse meets a boy whose father is secretly involved in poaching whales for their meat, and persuades the youngster to help him protect Willy and his pod from harm. Family adventure, starring Jason James Richter, August Schellenberg and Annie Corley.

The Wizard of Oz (1939) 5STAR 1:05pm-3:10pm
Youngster Dorothy Gale is whisked over the rainbow by a tornado into the magical land of Oz, where she inadvertently kills a wicked witch – incurring the wrath of another. Setting out to find the wizard who can show her a way home, she is joined on her journey by a scarecrow, a tin man and a cowardly lion, who all hope their own wishes will be granted. Musical fantasy, with Judy Garland, Ray Bolger, Jack Haley, Bert Lahr and Frank Morgan.

The Wizard of Oz Merchandise

Jumanji (1995) Sony Movie Channel 2:25pm-4:35pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
A man who has been trapped inside a mysterious jungle board game for 26 years is eventually freed when two children start to play it. Unfortunately, he arrives with a rampaging horde of animals on his heels, leaving only one solution – to finish the game he started all those years ago. Fantasy adventure, starring Robin Williams, Kirsten Dunst and Bonnie Hunt.

Airplane! (1980) Film4 7:10pm-9:00pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
The passengers on board an ill-fated airliner become increasingly jittery when the flight crew flounder during a food-poisoning crisis. As ground control personnel struggle heroically to ensure the plane lands safely, a traumatised war veteran must face his fear to take the controls. Spoof disaster movie, starring Robert Hays, Leslie Nielsen, Robert Stack and Lloyd Bridges.

Midnight Run (1988) Sony Movie Channel 9:00pm-11:40pm (2 hours 40 minutes)
When accountant Jonathan Mardukas skips bail after having been arrested for embezzlement, bounty hunter Jack Walsh is hired to catch the fraudster and return him from New York to Los Angeles. Unfortunately, his task is hindered by the ingenuity of Mardukas and the attentions of pursuing FBI agents and Mafia hitmen. Comedy thriller, starring Robert De Niro, Charles Grodin, Yaphet Kotto, Dennis Farina, John Ashton and Joe Pantoliano.

Patriot Games (1992) ITV4 9:05pm-11:25pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
Former CIA agent Jack Ryan foils an assassination attempt by an IRA splinter group, killing one of the terrorists in the process. However, he becomes caught in a lethal game of cat-and-mouse with the dead man’s revenge-seeking brother. Thriller based on Tom Clancy’s novel, starring Harrison Ford, Sean Bean, Samuel L Jackson, Richard Harris and James Earl Jones, reprising his role from earlier Clancy adaptation The Hunt for Red October.

SUNDAY 23rd April

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Flight of the Navigator (1986) Film4 11:00am-1:00pm (2 hours)
A boy mysteriously disappears in 1978, and is found eight years later, having not aged a day. He escapes being experimented on by government scientists by taking off in a crashed alien spaceship. With the help of the robot pilot, he tries to find out what has happened to him and if he can get back home. Sci-fi adventure, starring Joey Cramer and Veronica Cartwright, with the voice of Paul Reubens

Sleepless in Seattle (1993) Sony Movie Channel 12:00pm-2:20pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
A widowed father is coping badly with his wife’s death, but his son is convinced that what he really needs is some new romance in his life. He arranges for his dad to go on a radio phone-in show, and his touching story moves a reporter to respond, even though she is already engaged. She returns to her fiance, but the boy, certain she is the woman for his father, plots to bring them together. Romantic comedy, with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan.

You Only Live Twice (1967) ITV 3:15pm-5:30pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
James Bond is sent on a mission to uncover the truth behind the disappearances of Soviet and American space capsules before the mutually suspicious superpowers go to war. The trail leads to Japan, where Bond finally comes face to face with his arch-enemy Blofeld. Spy thriller, starring Sean Connery, Donald Pleasence, Akiko Wakabayashi and Bernard Lee.

James Bond TShirts

The Borrowers (1997) Film4 3:15pm-5:00pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
A family of four-inch-high people living beneath the floorboards of an ordinary human home help the owner’s son fight back when a dastardly lawyer plans to demolish the house and make way for a luxury apartment block. Children’s fantasy, starring John Goodman, Jim Broadbent, Celia Imrie, Flora Newbigin and Tom Felton.

Mission: Impossible (1996) Channel 4 3:20pm-5:25pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
Secret agents suspect there is a traitor in their organisation when their latest assignment ends in disaster. The sole survivor is accused of being the mole, forcing him to go on the run to clear his name. However, in the process, he discovers a former Russian spy is selling information about the world’s leading undercover operatives. Action thriller based on the 1960s TV series, starring Tom Cruise, Jon Voight and Ving Rhames.

My Best Friend’s Wedding (1997) Sony Movie Channel 4:30pm-6:45pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
A food critic realises she is in love with her best friend just as he announces he is going to marry another woman. Determined to have him to herself, she heads for the wedding with the intention of sabotaging the ceremony – but persuading the groom to give up on his bride-to-be proves harder than expected. Romantic comedy, starring Julia Roberts, Dermot Mulroney, Cameron Diaz and Rupert Everett

Airplane II: The Sequel (1982) Film4 7:10pm-9:00pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
Hapless hero Ted Striker tries to prevent the launch of a passenger space shuttle, certain it will end in disaster. Sadly, his prediction comes true when a computer malfunction sends the spacecraft hurtling toward the sun, while a man driven mad by sexual inadequacy smuggles a bomb on board. Disaster movie spoof sequel, starring Robert Hays, Julie Hagerty, Lloyd Bridges, William Shatner, Sonny Bono and Chad Everett.

Enemy at the Gates (2001) Spike 9:00pm-11:30pm (2 hours 30 minutes)
A Soviet sniper becomes a national hero during the Second World War Battle of Stalingrad, so the Germans enlist a crack marksman of their own to deal with him. A lethal contest of wits follows as the two sharpshooters stalk each other, while the Russian also finds himself caught up in a love triangle with one of his friends. Drama, starring Jude Law, Ed Harris, Rachel Weisz, Joseph Fiennes, Bob Hoskins and Ron Perlman.

A Few Good Men (1992) Sony Movie Channel 9:00pm-11:55pm (2 hours 55 minutes)
Two marines based in Cuba stand accused of murdering a comrade-in-arms. Three Navy lawyers working on their defence unearth evidence that the soldiers may have been acting under orders, which points to a trail of corruption leading all the way to a top-ranking officer. Drama based on Aaron Sorkin’s stage play, starring Tom Cruise, Demi Moore, Kevin Pollack, Jack Nicholson, Kiefer Sutherland and Kevin Bacon.

The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad! (1988) ITV4 10:05pm-11:50pm
While investigating the shooting of a colleague, disaster-prone police lieutenant Frank Drebin uncovers a plot to assassinate Queen Elizabeth II during her visit to Los Angeles. However, after he is sacked from the force by the mayor, the cop has to operate beneath the radar to get to the bottom of the conspiracy. Comedy, with Leslie Nielsen, Priscilla Presley and Ricardo Montalban.

Whatever you’re up to this weekend, always remember to take more bags than you think you’ll need, and to fill up on washer fluid before it runs out. You’re future self will thank you.

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Great balls of fire! Another weekend, another amazing chance to catch some top retro films!

Trekking our way through the jungle like a khaki wearing explorer, we find ourselves totally and completely surrounded with classic movie wilderness. Each turn will lead to previously unseen territory where we could learn more around the worth around us, find new lands and discover something completely new. Like this weekend’s top picks for retro goodness, there are no wrong turns, just new adventures.

Have a happy retro weekend!

SATURDAY 6th FEBRUARY

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Mr Bean’s Holiday
(2007) ITV2 2:10pm-4:00pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
The bumbling fool wins first prize in the church raffle – a trip to France and a video camera. His travels cause chaos as he disrupts a film shoot in Cannes, to the fury of its megalomaniac director, and is then accused of kidnapping a youngster. Comedy, starring Rowan Atkinson, Willem Dafoe, Emma de Caunes and Max Baldry.

Chocolat (2000) Film4 2:40pm-5:00pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
A woman and her daughter move to a sleepy French village in 1959 and brazenly open a chocolate shop directly opposite the Catholic parish church during Lent. At first the locals are enraged and appalled, but her confections soon raise spirits in the community, especially among the wives. Drama adapted from Joanne Harris’s novel, with Juliette Binoche, Johnny Depp, Alfred Molina and Judi Dench.

Beethoven (1992) ITV2 4:00pm-5:50pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
An all-American family adopts a huge St Bernard, but the father is dismayed when it turns into a one-dog disaster zone. He insists the mutt must go to a new home, but when it is kidnapped by a crooked vet, dad has a change of heart and races to the rescue. Comedy, starring Charles Grodin, Bonnie Hunt, Oliver Platt and David Duchovny.

Willow (1988) 5* 4:50pm-7:25pm (2 hours 35 minutes)
A farmer with dreams of becoming a wizard finds an abandoned baby, who is destined to bring about the downfall of an evil queen. The wicked tyrant’s minions have been sent to kill the child before she can fulfil the prophecy, and it falls to the would-be sorcerer to protect her, with the aid of a rogue warrior. Fantasy adventure, starring Warwick Davis and Val Kilmer.

Shallow Hal (2001) Film4 6:45pm-9:00pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
Superficial Hal is only interested in dating physically perfect women, but his outlook is changed when a self-help guru hypnotises him into seeing inner beauty – and he ends up falling for a spirited overweight woman. However, when the hypnosis wears off he struggles to remember that looks are not everything. Farrelly Brothers comedy, starring Gwyneth Paltrow, Jack Black, Jason Alexander and Joe Viterelli.

The Mummy Returns (2001) ITV2 6:50pm-9:20pm (2 hours 30 minutes)
Married explorers Rick and Evelyn battle the newly resurrected mummy Imhotep and his ruthless partner, who have captured their son. The undead creature is heading for a confrontation with a legendary ancient warrior – with power over a magical army to be won. Fantasy adventure sequel, starring Brendan Fraser, Rachel Weisz, John Hannah, Arnold Vosloo, Oded Fehr and Patricia Velasquez, with a brief appearance by Dwayne Johnson.

The Fifth Element (1997) 5* 7:25pm-10:00pm (2 hours 35 minutes)
In the 23rd century, the world faces destruction from a seemingly unstoppable force of pure evil. Meanwhile, a New York cab driver encounters a mysterious woman destined to save the Earth from its fate, and has to protect her from a scheming arms dealer and a horde of alien mercenaries. Luc Besson’s sci-fi adventure, starring Bruce Willis, Milla Jovovich and Gary Oldman.

Escape from New York (1981) ITV4 9:00pm-11:05pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
Former special forces soldier Snake Plissken is sentenced to life on Manhattan Island, an anarchic penal colony for the most dangerous criminals. When Air Force One is hijacked and crashes there, Snake is coerced into rescuing the US president from prisoners holding him hostage. John Carpenter’s sci-fi action adventure, with Kurt Russell, Donald Pleasence, Lee Van Cleef, Adrienne Barbeau and Isaac Hayes.

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001) AMC 9:00pm-11:10pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
The foul-mouthed New Jersey layabout and his quiet sidekick discover Hollywood executives are making a film based on them. Fearing for their reputation, they head to Tinseltown to stop it being made, only to fall foul of a gang of female jewel thieves. Comedy featuring the characters from Clerks, directed by and starring Kevin Smith. With Jason Mewes, Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, Will Ferrell and Shannon Elizabeth.

Jurassic Park III (2001) ITV London 10:40pm-12:15am (1 hour 35 minutes)
Palaeontologist Dr Alan Grant is lured to a dinosaur-infested island by a divorced couple who offer to fund his research, unaware their real motive is to find their missing son – and that the creatures on the island are far more intelligent than anyone suspected. Action adventure sequel, starring Sam Neill, William H Macy, Tea Leoni and Alessandro Nivola.

Jurassic Park Clothing

SUNDAY 7th FEBRUARY

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The Princess Bride
(1987) 5* 2:00pm-4:05pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
A cynical youngster becomes entranced by his grandfather’s magical tales, which revolve around a stable-boy’s heroic quest to rescue his lost love from the clutches of an evil prince, with the aid of a vengeance-seeking Spanish swashbuckler and his hulking sidekick. Rob Reiner’s comic fantasy adventure, with Cary Elwes, Robin Wright, Chris Sarandon, Mandy Patinkin, Peter Falk and Fred Savage.

School of Rock (2003) E4 2:30pm-4:45pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
A slobbish guitarist dreams of stardom, but his hopes are dashed when the other members of his band kick him out. Struggling to make ends meet, he takes a job as a supply teacher at an exclusive private school, and sets about moulding his pupils into rock gods. Comedy from director Richard Linklater, starring Jack Black, Joan Cusack, Mike White and Sarah Silverman.

Smokey and the Bandit II (1980) Dave 2:55pm-5:00pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
The maverick haulier must overcome a crisis of confidence when he and his friends are hired to transport a pregnant elephant to Texas, a mammoth task that proves far from easy, especially with their old enemy in hot pursuit. Road comedy, with Burt Reynolds, Jackie Gleason, Jerry Reed, Dom DeLuise and Sally Field.

Fun Fact: The scene where Carrie (Frog) announces her ending up the relationship to Bandit was written by Sally Field, who was about to break up with Burt Reynolds at the time. Reynolds wanted Sally to express her feelings about the breakup on film because he wanted to know how she really felt about him.

Three Men and a Little Lady (1990) Channel 5 3:40pm-5:35pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
Bachelor Jack and his two best buddies have brought up his baby Mary since she was left in their care by her mother, Sylvia. Now that Mary is five years old, Sylvia believes she needs a more conventional upbringing and decides to accept a marriage proposal from an English aristocrat, leaving the trio of dads rushing to stop the wedding. Comedy sequel, with Tom Selleck, Ted Danson and Steve Guttenberg.

Despicable Me (2010) ITV2 5:10pm-7:00pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
A criminal mastermind hopes to seal his reputation as the greatest villain of them all by stealing the moon. First he needs to get his hands on a shrinking ray owned by a rival evil genius, and adopts three orphan girls to help him – but finds that fatherhood brings out his long-buried caring side. Animated comedy, with the voices of Steve Carell, Jason Segel, Russell Brand and Julie Andrews.

Minions Merchandise

X-Men (2000) Channel 4 5:35pm-7:30pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
Super-powered outsiders Rogue and Wolverine enlist at a school for mutants which is run by a benevolent psychic professor. While there, they agree to join others with similar gifts to take on a superhuman mutant terrorist faction intent on establishing dominance over mankind. Sci-fi comic-book adventure, starring Hugh Jackman, Patrick Stewart, Ian McKellen, Anna Paquin and Halle Berry.

Superhero Merchandise

Little Nicky (2000) Channel 5 5:40pm-7:15pm (1 hour 35 minutes)
The Devil decides to put off retirement for a little longer, but his two oldest sons are left fuming – and decide to get revenge by creating Hell on Earth. The job of saving the world falls to their good-natured younger brother, who travels to New York to put things right. Comedy, starring Adam Sandler, Patricia Arquette, Harvey Keitel, Rhys Ifans, Reese Witherspoon and Rodney Dangerfield.

Airplane! (1980) Film4 7:15pm-9:00pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
The passengers on board an ill-fated airliner become increasingly jittery when the flight crew flounder during a food-poisoning crisis. As ground control personnel struggle heroically to ensure the plane lands safely, a traumatised war veteran must face his fear to take the controls. Spoof disaster movie, starring Robert Hays, Leslie Nielsen, Robert Stack and Lloyd Bridges.

Zoolander (2001) Channel 5 7:15pm-9:00pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
Dim male model Derek Zoolander is stunned to find his career going downhill thanks to the arrival of an equally vacuous rival – but fails to realise he is merely a pawn in a dangerous game of international espionage and world domination. Comedy, starring Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Will Ferrell, Milla Jovovich, Christine Taylor and David Duchovny.

Nighthawks (1981) ITV4 9:00pm-11:05pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
Two tough cops are assigned to track down a ruthless terrorist on the streets of New York before he carries out his threat to blow up the UN building – and from randomly picking off innocent citizens as the pressure builds. Action adventure, starring Sylvester Stallone, Billy Dee Williams, Rutger Hauer, Lindsay Wagner, Nigel Davenport and Persis Khambatta.

Patriot Games (1992) Film4 9:00pm-11:15pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
Former CIA agent Jack Ryan foils an assassination attempt by an IRA splinter group, killing one of the terrorists in the process. However, he becomes caught in a lethal game of cat-and-mouse with the dead man’s revenge-seeking brother. Thriller based on Tom Clancy’s novel, starring Harrison Ford, Sean Bean, Samuel L Jackson, Richard Harris and James Earl Jones, reprising his role from earlier Clancy adaptation The Hunt for Red October.

Whatever you’re up to this weekend, keep it cool and keep it classy.

xoxo

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