Arnold Schwarzenegger

Great white Shark! Another retro movie weekend has appeared and we’re here to take it on like a monster from the depths!

Like one of the biggest, oldest and battle-scared Sharks roaming the deep blue, we find ourselves yet again on the hunt for the best and most rewarding retro movies. Sensing even the smallest of action, movement and drama, we’ll begin to home in on our next VHS victim (showing our age) as we brace to take them on in style with a leap and a splash. Bellies full of retro awesomeness, we will return to the depths until next time.

Have a happy retro weekend!

SATURDAY 17th June

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Spies Like Us (1985) 5STAR 8:00am-9:50am
Two incompetent US State Department officials are unwittingly used as decoys on a deadly mission to thwart Soviet activity in Pakistan. Unfortunately, their involvement in such a delicate operation brings the world to the brink of nuclear war. Comedy, starring Chevy Chase, Dan Aykroyd, Steve Forrest, Bruce Davison and Donna Dixon.

Vice Versa (1988) Film4 11:00am-1:00pm (2 hours)
A department store executive returns from a trip to Thailand in possession of a mysterious artefact that causes him to change places with his 11-year-old son. While the horrified father struggles to cope with a world of teachers and school bullies, the youngster is revelling in the perks of being a grown-up. Fantasy comedy, starring Judge Reinhold, Fred Savage, Swoosie Kurtz and Corinne Bohrer.

Fun Fact: The movie was made and released around 106 years after it source novel “Vice Versa: A Lesson to Fathers” by F. Anstey had been first published in 1882.

Gandhi (1982) 11:30am-3:20pm (3 hours 50 minutes)
Richard Attenborough’s Oscar-winning biopic of Mohandas K Gandhi, who rose from unlikely beginnings as a small-time lawyer to become the inspirational leader of India’s struggle for independence and a worldwide ambassador for peace thanks to his philosophy of non-violent protest. Starring Ben Kingsley, John Gielgud, Edward Fox, Candice Bergen, Martin Sheen, Richard Griffiths, Saeed Jaffrey, Om Puri and Geraldine James, with Daniel Day-Lewis in an early role.

Three Men and a Baby (1987) 1:30pm-3:30pm (2 hours)
The lives of three flat-sharing bachelors are turned upside down when they discover a baby left on their doorstep. Unfortunately, while trying to get to grips with the necessary parenting skills, they find themselves menaced by criminals searching for missing drugs. Comedy, directed by Leonard Nimoy, starring Tom Selleck, Ted Danson, Steve Guttenberg and Nancy Travis.

Iron Man 2 (2010) Channel 4 8:00pm-10:25pm (2 hours 25 minutes)
Tycoon-turned-superhero Tony Stark confronts a fearsome new foe in a Russian scientist using his own deadly hi-tech weapons to seek revenge. He also faces a struggle to keep his secrets out of the hands of both the government and an amoral rival, and discovers the armour he developed to fight evil is slowly killing him. Action adventure sequel, with Robert Downey Jr, Mickey Rourke and Don Cheadle.

Superhero Merchandise

Jaws: The Revenge (1987) ITV4 8:10pm-10:00pm
Ellen Brody, the widow of heroic police chief Martin Brody, travels to the Bahamas after her youngest son is killed by a great white shark. But as she is reunited with her surviving son, the predatory fish sets off in pursuit to wipe out the entire family. Thriller sequel, starring Michael Caine, Lorraine Gary, Lance Guest and Mario Van Peebles.

Jaws TShirts

Commando (1985) Film4 9:00pm-10:50pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
The daughter of retired special forces officer John Matrix is kidnapped by an old comrade-in-arms, now in league with a deposed former dictator. The tyrant plans to use the girl to force Matrix into assassinating the head of the country he once ruled, but is unprepared for the lengths to which the veteran soldier will go to rescue his child. Action adventure, with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Rae Dawn Chong.

Reservoir Dogs (1992) ITV4 10:00pm-12:05am
Criminals are employed by a crime boss to carry out a diamond robbery that goes disastrously wrong. In the bloody aftermath of the heist, they try to establish what happened and how the police were aware of their plans all along – leading to the hardening suspicion that one of them betrayed the gang. Quentin Tarantino’s thriller, starring Harvey Keitel, Tim Roth, Michael Madsen, Chris Penn and Steve Buscemi.

Reservoir Dogs Art Print

Shanghai Knights (2003) 10:40pm-12:30am (1 hour 50 minutes)
Chinese sheriff Chon Wang and reformed bandit Roy O’Bannon head for Victorian London on the trail of a murderer. Their investigation leads them to a nefarious Englishman plotting to kill the royal family – but fortunately Chon’s talented sister comes to their aid. Martial arts comedy sequel, with Jackie Chan, Owen Wilson, Aidan Gillen and Fann Wong.

Conan the Barbarian (1982) Film4 10:50pm-1:25am (2 hours 35 minutes)
A child who grows up in slavery becomes a formidable warrior and a cunning thief. Taken prisoner by a victorious king, he is sent out to destroy the leader of the barbaric cult that destroyed his village and slaughtered his family. Fantasy adventure, based on the stories by author Robert E Howard, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Max von Sydow, James Earl Jones and Sandahl Bergman.

Fun Fact: Arnold Schwarzenegger is not wearing a wig. That is his own natural hair. In 1979, Schwarzenegger began growing his hair long for the film.

SUNDAY 18th June

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The Mask of Zorro (1998) Sony Movie Channel 1:15pm-4:10pm (2 hours 55 minutes)
The sword-wielding saviour of Spanish California returns after 20 years in prison, tutoring a thief to take over his heroic role and tackle corrupt government officials, who are using slave labour to mine gold illegally. Both mentor and pupil have personal scores to settle with their enemies, led by a ruthless governor and a psychotic military officer. Swashbuckling adventure, with Anthony Hopkins, Antonio Banderas and Catherine Zeta-Jones.

Footloose (1984) Channel 5 1:30pm-3:35pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
A rebellious, hip-swinging student from the city moves to a small religious community, where he instantly clashes with an old-school fire-and-brimstone preacher – who has banned dancing and rock ‘n’ roll because he considers them immoral. Drama, starring Kevin Bacon, Lori Singer, John Lithgow, Chris Penn, Dianne Wiest and Sarah Jessica Parker.

Street Fighter (1994) Sony Movie Channel 6:50pm-9:00pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
A military officer goes in search of a power-mad general who is holding several hostages in a secret location. He soon finds he is not the only one on the maniac’s trail, and joins forced with a mismatched band of martial artists to save the captives. Action adventure based on the video game, starring Jean-Claude Van Damme, Raul Julia, Kylie Minogue and Ming-Na Wen.

Street Fighter TShirts

Hard to Kill (1990) ITV4 9:20pm-11:25pm
A gang of drug dealers attacks the home of a Los Angeles cop, leaving him in a coma and his wife dead. Seven years later, he regains consciousness and gets ready to exact a grisly payback on the murderers. As he embarks on his deadly mission of vengeance, he learns his son also survived the attack, but was told he is dead. Thriller, with Steven Seagal, Kelly LeBrock, Bill Sadler and Frederick Coffin.

Out for Justice (1991) ITV4 11:25pm-1:15am
A tough Brooklyn cop learns that his partner and best friend has been murdered in front of his family by a vicious drug dealer, the pair’s lifelong enemy and the scourge of the neighbourhood. The detective heads into the underworld on a one-man vengeance mission, but finds the killer’s criminal bosses are also hunting for him. Action thriller, with Steven Seagal, William Forsythe and Jerry Orbach.

Whatever you’re up to this weekend, don’t forget your sunglasses…. both leaving and coming home!

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Holy smokes Batman! Another retro movie weekend is here and boy are we excited!

Kicking down the door of our local Blockbusters (metaphorically), we find ourselves faced with a entire plethora of awesome retro movies just waiting to be released and enjoyed. Walking the isles, we gaze across the start-studded covers with all their promise or action, romance and of course some cracking one liners. After carefully selecting our weekend fill, we’ll slam our membership card on the desk before smoothly walking away in what felt like slow motion and through the fog. We will be back…

Have a happy retro weekend!

SATURDAY 20th May

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The Parent Trap (1998) 5STAR 1:30pm-4:05pm
Identical twin sisters who are unaware of each other’s existence meet by accident. They decide to join forces in a bid to reunite their estranged parents, and switch places to get the warring couple to kiss and make up. Remake of the 1961 Disney comedy, starring Dennis Quaid, Natasha Richardson, Elaine Hendrix and Lindsay Lohan in a dual role.

Last Action Hero (1993) Sony channel 6:20pm-9:00pm (2 hours 40 minutes)
A boy watching an action movie is transported into the film by a magic ticket and meets its hero figure, who refuses to believe he is a fictional character. Matters take a turn for the worse when the screen villain gets hold of the ticket and crosses over into the real world – where bad guys can win. Comedy adventure, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Austin O’Brien, Charles Dance, F Murray Abraham and Anthony Quinn.

Navy Seals (1990) ITV4 9:00pm-11:20pm
The US Navy’s elite commando force embarks on a dangerous covert mission to rescue hostages from an Arab terrorist in Beirut. However, the assignment proves far more serious than expected when they realise their enemies have acquired powerful stolen missiles. Action adventure, starring Charlie Sheen, Michael Biehn, Joanne Whalley, Bill Paxton and Rick Rossovich.

Total Recall (1990) ITV 9:50pm-12:20am
A construction worker pays to have fake memories of a dream holiday implanted into his brain, but discovers his mind has already been tampered with – apparently to erase his true identity as a secret agent from a colony on Mars. He journeys to the planet in search of the truth, but is drawn into a conflict between the tyrannical ruler and a rebel faction. Paul Verhoeven’s sci-fi thriller, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Rachel Ticotin and Michael Ironside.

The Outlaw Josey Wales (1976) Dave 10:00pm-12:40am (2 hours 40 minutes)
A Confederate soldier refuses to surrender at the end of the Civil War, and is branded a dangerous outlaw. Crossing America in search of sanctuary from the army and bounty hunters, he only wants solitude – but ends up with a strange assortment of travelling companions. Western, directed by and starring Clint Eastwood. With Chief Dan George and Sondra Locke

From Dusk Till Dawn (1996) ITV4 4 11:20pm-1:15am
A crook and his unhinged brother take a preacher’s family hostage and cross the border into Mexico. They head to a rough strip club to make a planned rendezvous with a third party – but they soon have to live on their wits when they realise that the establishment’s staff are vampires. Horror, starring George Clooney, Harvey Keitel, Quentin Tarantino, Juliette Lewis and Salma Hayek.

SUNDAY 21st May

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Hook (1991) Sony Movie Channel 11:30am-2:35pm (3 hours 5 minutes)
Peter Pan, who has finally grown up and is now a married lawyer with a family of his own, is whisked away by Tinkerbell to Neverland, where he must learn to fly again if he is to save his children from the clutches of Captain Hook. Steven Spielberg’s fantasy adventure, with Robin Williams, Dustin Hoffman, Julia Roberts, Bob Hoskins and Maggie Smith.

Willow (1988) Channel 5 2:45pm-5:10pm (2 hours 25 minutes)
A farmer with dreams of becoming a wizard finds an abandoned baby, who is destined to bring about the downfall of an evil queen. The wicked tyrant’s minions have been sent to kill the child before she can fulfil the prophecy, and it falls to the would-be sorcerer to protect her, with the aid of a rogue warrior. Fantasy adventure, starring Warwick Davis and Val Kilmer.

Time Bandits (1981) Film4 2:50pm-5:05pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
A bemused schoolboy is escorted on a bizarre journey through time by a group of larcenous dwarfs. His adventures lead him to encounters with various characters from history – but none of them are quite what he had imagined. Terry Gilliam’s fantasy comedy, starring Craig Warnock, David Rappaport, John Cleese, Michael Palin, Sean Connery, Ian Holm, Ralph Richardson and David Warner.

Robin Hood (1973) Chennel 4 3:50pm-5:30pm (1 hour 40 minutes)
The adventures of the legendary outlaw and Sherwood Forest’s band of heroes as they rob the rich to feed the poor, while evil Prince John hatches a cunning plan to exact revenge and finish off the brigands. Disney animation, with the voices of Terry-Thomas, Peter Ustinov, Phil Harris, Brian Bedford and Monica Evans.

The Man with the Golden Gun (1974) ITV 4:20pm-6:40pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
James Bond’s investigation into the death of a world-renowned scientist working on solar technology draws him into a battle of wits with a stealthy assassin, who dispatches his victims with a golden bullet and has the British secret agent next in his sights. Spy adventure, starring Roger Moore, Christopher Lee, Britt Ekland and Maud Adams.

James Bond TShirts

Labyrinth (1986) Channel 5 5:10pm-7:05pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
A teenager wishes her baby brother would be taken away, only to have her request granted by a band of goblins and their sinister king. She regrets her decision and sets out to rescue him, but to reach the castle where he is being held, she must find her way through a magical maze full of strange creatures. Jim Henson’s fantasy adventure, starring Jennifer Connelly and David Bowie.

Labyrinth Merchandise

The Cable Guy (1996) Sony Movie Channel 7:05pm-9:00pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
A man makes the mistake of engaging a cable TV installer in conversation in a ploy to get all the channels for free. However, the manic repairman shows an invincible determination to be his new best friend – and does not take kindly to rejection. Comedy directed by Ben Stiller, starring Jim Carrey, Matthew Broderick and George Segal.

The Terminator (1984) Spike 9:00pm-11:00pm (2 hours)
A cyborg assassin is sent on a murderous mission back in time to the 20th century, where he wreaks havoc while searching for his intended victim – a woman whose unborn son is destined to lead the human race in a war against machines. However, a soldier has also been sent from the future to protect her. James Cameron’s sci-fi thriller, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Linda Hamilton and Michael Biehn.

Highlander (1986) Channel 5 11:55pm-2:00am (2 hours 5 minutes)
A 16th-century Scottish clansman discovers he is one of a race of immortal warriors who can only be killed by beheading, and who are destined to fight to the death until just one survives. Centuries later in modern-day New York, he prepares for a final showdown with his deadliest enemy. Fantasy action adventure, starring Christopher Lambert, Sean Connery, Clancy Brown and Roxanne Hart.

Whatever you’re up to this weekend, stay cool, stay humble and stay out all night!



Bluebells and sunny spells! Another retro movie weekend is here which means…. time for some retro movie goodness!

Setting sail into the vast infinity of the deep blue sea, we find ourselves at the simple beginnings of what could quite be the journey of a lifetime. With ration sacks bulging and water receptacles sealed and tight, we slowly begin to drift away from the certainty of the land as we aim our craft into the unknown to take on all that may lay before us. Will we find old and forgotten lands? Will we just end up going in a circle and end up where we began? Let’s find out!

Have a happy retro weekend!

SATURDAY 13th May

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IQ
(1994) Sony Channel 12:00pm-2:00pm (2 hours)
A woman is determined to find a husband as brainy as her famous uncle – who happens to be Albert Einstein. However, the famous scientist is convinced she would be better off with a humble car mechanic. Romantic comedy, starring Meg Ryan, Walter Matthau, Tim Robbins and Stephen Fry.

The Man in the Iron Mask (1998) ITV 1:30pm-4:00pm (2 hours 30 minutes)
The Three Musketeers set out to depose the villainous King of France and reinstate his long-imprisoned twin brother. However, they face an unexpected threat in the form of old friend D’Artagnan, who has remained loyal to the evil monarch. Swashbuckling adventure, starring Leonardo DiCaprio in a dual role, alongside John Malkovich, Jeremy Irons, Gerard Depardieu, Gabriel Byrne, Anne Parillaud and Hugh Laurie.

The Return of the Musketeers (1989) Sony Movie Channel 4:00pm-6:10pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
D’Artagnan reunites his former companions to save the queen of France from the scheming Cardinal Mazarin, and embark on a mission to England to prevent the beheading of Charles I. Meanwhile, the daughter of a former vanquished enemy is seeking revenge on the four heroes. Swashbuckling adventure sequel, with Oliver Reed, Michael York, Frank Finlay, Richard Chamberlain, Kim Cattrall and Roy Kinnear, who died during filming.

The Three Musketeers (1973) Film4 4:40pm-6:50pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
A naive country boy arrives in Paris, keen to seek adventure and prove himself a swordsman. He falls in with a trio of roguish soldiers, and together they set out to save the queen from the schemes of a treacherous cardinal. Swashbuckling adventure, starring Oliver Reed, Michael York, Richard Chamberlain, Frank Finlay, Charlton Heston and Faye Dunaway.

Mr Bean’s Holiday (2007) ITV2 6:35pm-8:20pm
The bumbling fool wins first prize in the church raffle – a trip to France and a video camera. His travels cause chaos as he disrupts a film shoot in Cannes, to the fury of its megalomaniac director, and is then accused of kidnapping a youngster. Comedy, starring Rowan Atkinson, Willem Dafoe, Emma de Caunes and Max Baldry.

Mr Bean TShirts

Training Day (2001) Dave 9:00pm-11:20pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
A cop embarks on his first day in narcotics, partnering a seasoned officer whose willingness to flout the rules forces him to question everything he has learnt. As they resort to extreme measures to crack a case, the rookie is left battling his conscience in a dangerous situation. Thriller, starring Denzel Washington, Ethan Hawke, Scott Glenn and Tom Berenger.

Conan the Destroyer (1984) ITV4 9:00pm-11:10pm
The mighty sword-wielding warrior returns and is hired by a duplicitous queen to retrieve a mystical artefact from an evil sorcerer. Unfortunately, he fails to see that the malevolent monarch has a sinister plan in mind, and intends to kill him once his task is complete. Fantasy adventure sequel, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Grace Jones, Wilt Chamberlain and Sarah Douglas.

The Mask (1994) ITV 9:50pm-12:00am
A timid bank clerk stumbles on an ancient mask, which endows whoever wears it with untold superhuman powers, unbridled self-confidence and an irresistible charm for the ladies. Unfortunately, he earns the enmity of a local gangster for daring to flirt with his girlfriend – and when the crook gets wind of the artefact’s existence, he covets the power for himself. Comic-book comedy, with Jim Carrey, Cameron Diaz, Peter Riegert and Peter Greene.

Fallen (1998) BBC1 11:45pm-1:45am (2 hours)
A detective investigates a series of grisly murders that mimic the handiwork of an executed serial killer. The case takes a stranger twist when he realises a bloodthirsty disembodied demon is responsible – and that it can leap from one unsuspecting host to another. Supernatural thriller, starring Denzel Washington, John Goodman, Donald Sutherland and Embeth Davidtz.

SUNDAY 14th May

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Fright Night
(1985) Film4 1:10am-3:25am (2 hours 15 minutes)
A teenager becomes convinced his new next door neighbour is a vampire responsible for a series of recent disappearances. Finding nobody is willing to believe his unlikely story, he seeks the aid of a washed-up movie star famous for playing a vampire hunter in destroying the monster. Comedy horror, starring Chris Sarandon, Roddy McDowall, William Ragsdale, Amanda Bearse and Stephen Geoffreys.

Dr Dolittle (1998) Channel 4 1:30pm-3:10pm (1 hour 40 minutes)
A doctor is stunned to discover he can talk to animals, and it is not long before his home and surgery are taken over by an assortment of ailing creatures in need of help. However, when the medic’s odd behaviour attracts his colleagues’ attention, he is forced to rely on his new-found furry friends to save him from the asylum. Comedy, starring Eddie Murphy, Ossie Davis and Oliver Platt..

See No Evil, Hear No Evil (1989) Sony Movie Channel 4:10pm-6:20pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
A blind man and his deaf friend go on the run to clear themselves of a trumped-up murder charge. However, all kinds of oddball characters are on their trail, determined to get hold of a top-secret microchip that the duo do not realise they have. Comedy, starring Richard Pryor, Gene Wilder, Kevin Spacey, Joan Severance, Alan North and Anthony Zerbe.

Live and Let Die (1973) ITV 4:20pm-6:35pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
James Bond’s investigation into the murder of three British agents leads him to a connection between the dictator of a Caribbean island and a notorious Harlem drug kingpin – along with a plot to flood America with limitless supplies of free heroin. Spy adventure, with Roger Moore in his first appearance as 007, alongside Yaphet Kotto and Jane Seymour.

James Bond TShirts

Star Trek (2009) Film4 6:35pm-9:00pm (2 hours 25 minutes) *Not retro but not to be missed*
The trainee crew members of the starship Enterprise embark on their maiden flight, which pits them against a Romulan commander from the future who is planning a horrific revenge on those he blames for a tragedy in his own time. Sci-fi adventure based on the original TV series, starring Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Eric Bana, Zoe Saldana and Leonard Nimoy.

Star Trek Clothing

In the Line of Fire (1993) Sony Movie Channel 9:00pm-11:45pm (2 hours 45 minutes)
An ageing secret service agent, tormented by his failure to save the life of John F Kennedy in 1963, is drawn into a battle of wits with a sinister CIA-trained assassin out to kill the current president. As the day of reckoning draws closer, the agent’s nerves are tested to the limit – and nothing seems to be going his way. Wolfgang Petersen’s thriller, starring Clint Eastwood, John Malkovich, Rene Russo and Dylan McDermott.

Whatever you’re up to this weekend, always dress the part and remember to prepare for the worst, but hope for the best.

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Great Gatsby! Another retro movie filled weekend is here folks. Time for adventure, mystery and of course a full helping of action. Let’s go!

Climbing the steep, cold and grainy steps up towards the top board, we find our excitement and nerves increasing evermore with each step. Reaching the heights of the wide, long and solid top board, we slowly make our way to the edge before peeping over to see the blue depths that lurk below. Taking a deep breath, we’ll leap into the air seemly weightless for a moment, before gravity kicks in and launches us into the cold blue depths.

SATURDAY 18th MARCH

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Hook
(1991) Sony Movie Channel 10:50am-2:00pm (3 hours 10 minutes)
Peter Pan, who has finally grown up and is now a married lawyer with a family of his own, is whisked away by Tinkerbell to Neverland, where he must learn to fly again if he is to save his children from the clutches of Captain Hook. Steven Spielberg’s fantasy adventure, with Robin Williams, Dustin Hoffman, Julia Roberts, Bob Hoskins and Maggie Smith.

The Addams Family (1991) Film4 1:00pm-3:05pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
Creepy couple Morticia and Gomez find their unconventional life threatened by a man claiming to be a long-lost relative. When they welcome him with open arms, they fall prey to a plot that could cost them their ancestral home and the family fortune. Black comedy based on the 1960s TV series, starring Anjelica Huston, Raul Julia, Christopher Lloyd, Christina Ricci, Jimmy Workman and Carel Struycken.

First Knight (1995) Sony Movie Channel 2:00pm-4:50pm (2 hours 50 minutes)
A wandering swordsman is knighted for his fighting prowess at the court of King Arthur and his wife, Lady Guinevere. However, the new knight and the queen develop a dangerous and secret attraction for each other, while a neighbouring warlord threatens the downfall of the kingdom. Adventure, starring Richard Gere, Sean Connery, Julia Ormond and Ben Cross.

Fun Fact: Mel Gibson was attached to this project at one stage, but chose to direct and star in Braveheart (1995) instead.

Mr Bean’s Holiday (2007) ITV2 6:15pm-8:00pm
The bumbling fool wins first prize in the church raffle – a trip to France and a video camera. His travels cause chaos as he disrupts a film shoot in Cannes, to the fury of its megalomaniac director, and is then accused of kidnapping a youngster. Comedy, starring Rowan Atkinson, Willem Dafoe, Emma de Caunes and Max Baldry.

Mr Bean Clothing

Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991) ITV4 9:00pm–11:45pm
A reprogrammed killing machine is sent back in time to the 20th century to protect John Connor, a teenage boy whose destiny is to save the human race. After breaking John’s mother out of a mental institution, the pair set out to avert a future nuclear war – pursued by an advanced prototype terminator with shape-changing powers. Sci-fi action adventure sequel, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Linda Hamilton, Edward Furlong and Robert Patrick.

Rambo III (1988) ITV 11:35pm-1:25am (1 hour 50 minutes)
Vietnam veteran John Rambo turns down a request from his old colonel to join a mission in Soviet-occupied Afghanistan. However, when the officer is captured, Rambo sets off to save him, joining the Mujahedeen rebels in fighting against the Russian invaders. Action adventure sequel, starring Sylvester Stallone, Richard Crenna, Kurtwood Smith, Marc de Jonge and Sasson Gabai.

Scary Movie 2 (2001) Film4 11:05pm-12:40am (1 hour 35 minutes)
Teenage survivors of an encounter with a ghost-faced killer end up in college and try to forget the trauma of earlier events – but fate takes a hand when an eccentric college professor bribes them to stay in a haunted house in return for A-grades. Spoof horror sequel, starring Marlon and Shawn Wayans, Anna Faris and Tim Curry.

SUNDAY 19th MARCH

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Vice Versa
(1988) Film4 1:00pm-2:55pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
A department store executive returns from a trip to Thailand in possession of a mysterious artefact that causes him to change places with his 11-year-old son. While the horrified father struggles to cope with a world of teachers and school bullies, the youngster is revelling in the perks of being a grown-up. Fantasy comedy, starring Judge Reinhold, Fred Savage, Swoosie Kurtz and Corinne Bohrer.

Fun Fact: This is actually the seventh film or television adaptation of F. Anstey’s “Vice Versa (1882)

Batteries Not Included (1987) Channel 5 1:05pm-3:05pm (2 hours)
A family of tiny alien spacecraft intervenes to help the residents of a run-down Manhattan brownstone tenement stop greedy developers from demolishing their homes. However, the miniature flying saucers have the odds stacked against them as they bravely do all they can to save the day. Sci-fi fantasy, starring Jessica Tandy, Hume Cronyn, Frank McRae and Elizabeth Pena.

Despicable Me (2010) ITV2 3:55pm-5:00pm
A criminal mastermind hopes to seal his reputation as the greatest villain of them all by stealing the moon. First he needs to get his hands on a shrinking ray owned by a rival evil genius, and adopts three orphan girls to help him – but finds that fatherhood brings out his long-buried caring side. Animated comedy, with the voices of Steve Carell, Jason Segel, Russell Brand and Julie Andrews.

Minion Merchandise

Addams Family Values (1993) E4 7:00pm-9:00pm (2 hours)
Spooky couple Gomez and Morticia hire a nanny to look after their new baby son – and stop him suffering an early death at the hands of his jealous elder siblings. Romance soon blossoms between the new childminder and Uncle Fester, but he does not realise she is planning to kill him once she has got hold of the family fortune. Comedy sequel, starring Anjelica Huston, Raul Julia, Christopher Lloyd, Christina Ricci and Joan Cusack.

Fun Fact: Oddly, Carol Kane, who plays Grandmama, is almost a year younger than Anjelica Huston, who plays her daughter, Morticia Addams.

RoboCop 3 (1993) ITV4 9:05pm-11:15pm
A giant Japanese corporation’s plan to turn Detroit into an anaesthetised metropolis prompts the gun-toting cyborg hero to help a band of rebels fight against the forces of tyranny. Sci-fi thriller sequel, starring Robert Burke, Nancy Allen, Rip Torn, John Castle and Jill Hennessy.

Die Hard 2 (1990) E4 10:00pm-12:25am (2 hours 25 minutes)
Tough cop John McClane arrives at an airport to pick up his wife, but finds himself plunged into a bloody life-or-death struggle. He must battle terrorists who have seized control of the terminal as part of a campaign to secure the release of a convicted drug baron. Action thriller sequel, starring Bruce Willis, Bonnie Bedelia, William Sadler, Franco Nero and William Atherton.

Good Will Hunting (1997) ITV3 11:05pm-1:35am
A troubled maths genius refuses to use his gift, preferring to work as a janitor and lead a normal life with his friends. Eventually, a university professor persuades him to see a psychologist, who befriends him and proves the only person able to help him come to terms with his talent and past traumas. Drama, written by and starring Matt Damon and Ben Affleck, who won Oscars for their screenplay. With Robin Williams, Minnie Driver and Stellan Skarsgard.

Firefox (1982) ITV4 11:15pm-2:00am
A former US Air Force pilot comes out of retirement for a top-secret mission – to go undercover behind the Iron Curtain and steal a hi-tech Soviet fighter plane that is invisible to radar and equipped with a thought-controlled weapons system. Cold War action adventure, directed by and starring Clint Eastwood. With Freddie Jones, David Huffman and Warren Clarke.

Whatever you’re up to this weekend, always show your working and don’t forget to clean out the fridge.

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Crunchy crisps and dip! Another retro movie weekend is upon us. Let’s go!

With a bump and a flick, we’re plugging back in after many years one of our oldest friends, our first game console. Feeling some of the excitement we first experience upon first ever playing on our shiny new system back in the day, we’ll dust off the bold and clunky hardware which still feels so familiar in our hands before loading up our game of choice. With each load screen, we find our childhood memories loading into our minds as we dive in, as if nothing had changed around us.

SATURDAY 4th MARCH

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Dragnet (1987) Dave 2:00pm-4:00pm (2 hours)
A by-the-book Los Angeles cop is paired with a laidback new partner to investigate the nefarious activities of a TV evangelist and a pornographic-magazine baron suspected of operating a criminal cult. Comedy spoof of the 1950s TV series, starring Dan Aykroyd, Tom Hanks, Christopher Plummer and the original show’s star Harry Morgan.

Casper (1995) Film4 4:55pm-6:55pm (2 hours)
A paranormal expert moves into a haunted house where his daughter befriends the amiable ghost of a young boy – but things start to go awry when three smelly spooks and two dastardly crooks try to chase the new residents away. Family comedy, starring Christina Ricci, Bill Pullman, Eric Idle, Cathy Moriarty and featuring the voice of Malachi Pearson.

Mission: Impossible (1996) E4 5:00pm-7:10pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
Secret agents suspect there is a traitor in their organisation when their latest assignment ends in disaster. The sole survivor is accused of being the mole, forcing him to go on the run to clear his name. However, in the process, he discovers a former Russian spy is selling information about the world’s leading undercover operatives. Action thriller based on the 1960s TV series, starring Tom Cruise, Jon Voight and Ving Rhames.

Kindergarten Cop (1990) ITV2 5:45pm-8:00pm
A tough detective is forced to pose as a preschool teacher in a bid to capture a drug dealer whose son is one of the pupils. However, his biggest challenge turns out to be controlling a class full of five-year-olds. Comedy, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Penelope Ann Miller, Linda Hunt, Pamela Reed and Richard Tyson.

X-Men (2000) Film4 6:55pm-9:00pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
Super-powered outsiders Rogue and Wolverine find themselves at a school for mutants which is run by a benevolent psychic professor. While there, they agree to join others with similar gifts to take on a superhuman mutant terrorist faction intent on establishing dominance over mankind. Sci-fi comic-book adventure, starring Hugh Jackman, Patrick Stewart, Ian McKellen, Anna Paquin and Halle Berry.

Superhero Merchandise

First Blood (1982) ITV 10:55pm-12:40am (1 hour 45 minutes)
Vietnam veteran John Rambo is wrongfully arrested in a backwoods town and tested to the limits of his endurance by a brutal deputy. Rambo escapes from his cell and heads out to the woods, and with the forces of the law in hot pursuit he finally has the chance to fight them on his own terms. Action thriller, starring Sylvester Stallone, Brian Dennehy, Richard Crenna and David Caruso.

Jackie Brown (1997) ITV4 11:00pm-2:05am
An air hostess is arrested for smuggling drugs and money into the US for a local arms dealer. Realising her life may be in danger she leaves jail with a plan to stay one step ahead by playing the criminal and the police off against each other. Quentin Tarantino’s crime drama, based on the novel Rum Punch by Elmore Leonard, starring Pam Grier, Robert Forster, Robert De Niro, Samuel L Jackson, Bridget Fonda, Michael Keaton and Michael Bowen.

SUNDAY 5th MARCH

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The Fifth Element (1997) Channel 5 11:50am-2:10pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
In the 23rd century, the world faces destruction from a seemingly unstoppable force of pure evil. Meanwhile, a New York cab driver encounters a mysterious woman destined to save the Earth from its fate, and has to protect her from a scheming arms dealer and a horde of alien mercenaries. Luc Besson’s sci-fi adventure, starring Bruce Willis, Milla Jovovich and Gary Oldman.

Hook (1991) Sony Channel 12:15pm-3:30pm (3 hours 15 minutes)
Peter Pan, who has finally grown up and is now a married lawyer with a family of his own, is whisked away by Tinkerbell to Neverland, where he must learn to fly again if he is to save his children from the clutches of Captain Hook. Steven Spielberg’s fantasy adventure, with Robin Williams, Dustin Hoffman, Julia Roberts, Bob Hoskins and Maggie Smith.

Spies Like Us (1985) Channel 5 2:10pm-4:10pm (2 hours)
Two incompetent US State Department officials are unwittingly used as decoys on a deadly mission to thwart Soviet activity in Pakistan. Unfortunately, their involvement in such a delicate operation brings the world to the brink of nuclear war. Comedy, starring Chevy Chase, Dan Aykroyd, Steve Forrest, Bruce Davison and Donna Dixon.

Last Action Hero (1993) Sony Channel 6:20pm-9:00pm (2 hours 40 minutes)
A boy watching an action movie is transported into the film by a magic ticket and meets its hero figure, who refuses to believe he is a fictional character. Matters take a turn for the worse when the screen villain gets hold of the ticket and crosses over into the real world – where bad guys can win. Comedy adventure, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Austin O’Brien, Charles Dance, F Murray Abraham and Anthony Quinn.

The Fly (1986) Sony Channel 9:00pm-11:00pm (2 hours)
A scientist invents a teleportation machine, but as he prepares to test the apparatus on himself he is unaware that a housefly is inside the system with him. The experiment causes his body to splice genetically with the insect, leading to a terrifying and grotesque transformation. David Cronenberg’s remake of the 1950s horror, starring Jeff Goldblum, Geena Davis and John Getz.

Point Break (1991) Spike 9:00pm-11:20pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
An FBI agent infiltrates a Californian surfing gang suspected of carrying out a series of armed robberies wearing masks modelled on former US presidents. However, his loyalties are tested to the limits when he is befriended by the gang’s leader. Kathryn Bigelow’s thriller, starring Keanu Reeves, Patrick Swayze, Gary Busey and Lori Petty.

Face/Off (1997) AMC 11:05pm-2:00am (2 hours 55 minutes)
FBI agent Sean Archer captures terrorist Castor Troy, the man who killed his son. While Troy is in a coma, Archer has the crook’s face surgically grafted onto his own so he can go undercover and locate a bomb planted somewhere in Los Angeles. But then Troy regains consciousness – and in turn takes on Archer’s identity. John Woo’s action thriller, starring Nicolas Cage, John Travolta, Joan Allen, Gina Gershon and Dominique Swain.

Whatever you’re up to this weekend, stay dry, stay warm and stay awesome!

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Great balls of fire! Another weekend, another retro movie rundown.

With great gusts and great gales, the wild weather beats and howls at the windows. Hearing the thrashing of the branches and the hollow scrapes of the bins, we’ll tuck ourselves in for another night amongst the safety of the sofa and warm glow of the box. Peeping out the window only to observe the chaos and fury of the outside world, before heading back to view the retro movie wonders that will once again be beaming their way into our little world.

Have a happy retro weekend!

SATURDAY 25th FEBRUARY

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Muppets from Space
(1999) Sony Channel 9:00am-10:50am (1 hour 50 minutes)
Gonzo hits the road with pal Rizzo in tow and goes in search of his roots – only to make the amazing discovery that his parents belonged to a race of aliens. He then has to choose whether to board a UFO and return to his family, or stay with the friends he knows and loves. Family comedy, with F Murray Abraham, David Arquette, Ray Liotta, Andie MacDowell and Rob Schneider alongside the puppets.

The Muppets Merchandise

Free Willy 2: The Adventure Home (1995) ITV 12:00pm-1:50pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
The friendly whale is reunited with Jesse, the boy who saved him from captivity. Jesse and his younger half-brother Elvis take time out from a family holiday to help save Willy and his pod from the danger posed by oil spilling from a crippled tanker. Family adventure, starring Jason James Richter, Michael Madsen, August Schellenberg and Francis Capra.

Harry and the Hendersons (1987) 5STAR 2:55pm-5:05pm
A hapless family’s camping holiday in the mountains is brought to a sudden end when they accidentally hit the legendary Bigfoot with their car. They decide to adopt the endearing creature, but have more trouble than expected trying to keep him concealed and to avoid arousing their neighbours’ suspicions. Comedy, starring John Lithgow, Melinda Dillon, David Suchet, Don Ameche and Kevin Peter Hall.

Cutthroat Island (1995) 12:55pm-3:15pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
A tough female pirate enlists the help of an educated slave in finding the three parts of a map leading to buried treasure. However, one of the pieces is in the hands of her cruel uncle, and she also has to find the loot before her crew mutinies or the British Navy catches up with her. Swashbuckling adventure, starring Geena Davis, Matthew Modine, Frank Langella and Maury Chaykin.

Dirty Dancing (1987) 5STAR 5:05pm-7:10pm
A dance instructor at a 1960s resort hotel fears his career will be jeopardised when his regular partner is forced to pull out of an important show in which they are due to perform. Luckily, a naive teenager is happy to step in, and is treated to a whirlwind holiday education in life, love and expressing herself. Romantic drama, starring Patrick Swayze, Jennifer Grey and Jerry Orbach.

American Pie (1999) ITV2 9:00pm-11:00pm
Four teenage boys make a solemn pact to lose their virginity before the high-school prom, and though their antics cause them huge embarrassment and public humiliation, the friends also learn about love and affection in their relations with the opposite sex. Coming-of-age comedy, starring Jason Biggs, Shannon Elizabeth, Chris Klein, Alyson Hannigan, Mena Suvari, Seann William Scott and Eugene Levy.

Red Heat (1988) ITV4 11:00pm-1:05am
A Russian detective travels to America to oversee the extradition of a Georgian drug baron responsible for supplying cocaine in Moscow. He is teamed up with a hostile Chicago cop, but when their prisoner kills an officer and escapes, they put aside their mutual mistrust to bring him to justice. Action thriller, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, James Belushi, Peter Boyle, Laurence Fishburne and Ed O’Ross.

SUNDAY 26th FEBRUARY

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Matilda
(1996) Sony Movie Channel 11:30am-1:40pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
A gifted youngster is packed off by her selfish parents to the prison-like Crunchem Hall School. Once there, she befriends a sweet-natured teacher who convinces her that not all grown-ups are bad – and urges her to use her special powers to turn the tables on the nasty headmistress. Fantasy comedy, adapted from the children’s book by Roald Dahl, with Mara Wilson, Pam Ferris, Embeth Davidtz, Rhea Perlman and Danny DeVito, who also directed.

Roald Dahl Clothing

Dragnet (1987) Dave 2:50pm-5:00pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
A by-the-book Los Angeles cop is paired with a laidback new partner to investigate the nefarious activities of a TV evangelist and a pornographic-magazine baron suspected of operating a criminal cult. Comedy spoof of the 1950s TV series, starring Dan Aykroyd, Tom Hanks, Christopher Plummer and the original show’s star Harry Morgan.

Jumanji (1995) Sony Movie Channel 3:55pm-6:05pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
A man who has been trapped inside a mysterious jungle board game for 26 years is eventually freed when two children start to play it. Unfortunately, he arrives with a rampaging horde of animals on his heels, leaving only one solution – to finish the game he started all those years ago. Fantasy adventure, starring Robin Williams, Kirsten Dunst and Bonnie Hunt.

101 Dalmatians (1996) Channel 4 4:30pm-6:30pm (2 hours)
Wicked fashion designer Cruella De Vil steals a huge litter of newborn Dalmatian puppies to turn into a magnificent coat – but the lucky pups have many four-legged friends who are determined the evil woman and her cronies will get their just deserts. Disney’s live-action remake of the animated comedy adventure, starring Glenn Close, Jeff Daniels, Joely Richardson, Hugh Laurie and Mark Williams.

Disney Merchandise

The Fifth Element (1997) Channel 5 6:00pm-8:15pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
In the 23rd century, the world faces destruction from a seemingly unstoppable force of pure evil. Meanwhile, a New York cab driver encounters a mysterious woman destined to save the Earth from its fate, and has to protect her from a scheming arms dealer and a horde of alien mercenaries. Luc Besson’s sci-fi adventure, starring Bruce Willis, Milla Jovovich and Gary Oldman.

Kindergarten Cop (1990) ITV2 6:45pm-9:00pm
A tough detective is forced to pose as a preschool teacher in a bid to capture a drug dealer whose son is one of the pupils. However, his biggest challenge turns out to be controlling a class full of five-year-olds. Comedy, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Penelope Ann Miller, Linda Hunt, Pamela Reed and Richard Tyson.

Braveheart (1995) Sony Movie Channel 9:00pm-12:45am (3 hours 45 minutes)
Account of the life of medieval Scottish hero William Wallace. After the slaughter of his father and brother, young Wallace is taken in by his uncle, who teaches him how to use not only his brawn but his brain – which he employs to great effect years later when he resolves to drive the English out of Scotland. Oscar-winning historical epic, directed by and starring Mel Gibson. With Patrick McGoohan, Sophie Marceau and Catherine McCormack.

Total Recall (1990) ITV4 10:00pm-12:15am
A construction worker pays to have fake memories of a dream holiday implanted into his brain, but discovers his mind has already been tampered with – apparently to erase his true identity as a secret agent from a colony on Mars. He journeys to the planet in search of the truth, but is drawn into a conflict between the tyrannical ruler and a rebel faction. Paul Verhoeven’s sci-fi thriller, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Rachel Ticotin and Michael Ironside.

Clear and Present Danger (1994) Channel 4 11:00pm-1:30am (2 hours 30 minutes)
A CIA analyst gets caught up in the Colombian drug trade while trying to track down terrorists responsible for the murder of a close friend of the US president – but his investigations point to illegal activity and corruption at the very top of government. Action thriller, based on Tom Clancy’s novel, with Harrison Ford reprising his role from Patriot Games alongside Willem Dafoe, Anne Archer and James Earl Jones.

The Terminator (1984) Channel 5 11:15pm-1:15am (2 hours)
A cyborg assassin is sent on a murderous mission back in time to the 20th century, where he wreaks havoc while searching for his intended victim – a woman whose unborn son is destined to lead the human race in a war against machines. However, a soldier has also been sent from the future to protect her. James Cameron’s sci-fi thriller, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Linda Hamilton and Michael Biehn.

From Dusk Till Dawn (1996) ITV4 12:15am-2:15am
A crook and his unhinged brother take a preacher’s family hostage and cross the border into Mexico. They head to a rough strip club to make a planned rendezvous with a third party – but they soon have to live on their wits when they realise that the establishment’s staff are vampires. Horror, starring George Clooney, Harvey Keitel, Quentin Tarantino, Juliette Lewis and Salma Hayek.

Whatever you’re up to this weekend, remember it’s better to buy more before you run and that sometimes even the smallest changes can make the biggest difference.

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