Gene Wilder

Grow bags and watering cans! Another retro movie weekend is here and boy is it a beauty!

Ripping open the top of our little bag of brown, earthy growing gold…. we’ll pick out the finest seeds in the pack to plunge down into the soft wet soil. Watering just the perfect amount and giving them all the sun our current weather can afford, we’ll wait patiently for untold growing glory to begin. Within just a few weeks, we can see signs of the impending deliciousness which sends our excitement rising with every new shoot that appears. Will we have created vegetable magic? Or will we have nothing more than a few small lumps of starchy matter… only time will tell.

Have a happy retro weekend!

SATURDAY 12th August

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Dr Dolittle 2
(2001) Film4 2:40pm-4:20pm (1 hour 40 minutes)
The vet with a talent for talking to animals comes to the aid of forest creatures that need his help protecting their homes from land developers. He also has to deal with the love life of a circus bear that has fallen for a wild female. Comedy sequel, starring Eddie Murphy and Kevin Pollak, with the voices of Steve Zahn, Lisa Kudrow and Isaac Hayes.

Uncle Buck (1989) ITV 3:10pm-5:00pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
An unreliable but good-natured slob is called upon to look after his trouble-making nephew and nieces while their parents are away – and what starts as a disaster soon changes for the better as the unlikely babysitter gets to grips with the finer points of being a responsible adult. Family comedy, starring John Candy, Macaulay Culkin, Jean Kelly, Gaby Hoffman, Amy Madigan and Laurie Metcalf.

Liar Liar (1997) ITV2 4:15pm-5:55pm
A lawyer, whose underhand ploys to win cases leave him little time to see his son, discovers he is incapable of lying after the boy’s birthday wish makes his dad tell only the truth. However, this causes a host of problems as the attorney tries to muddle his way through a high-profile divorce settlement. Comedy, with Jim Carrey, Maura Tierney, Justin Cooper, Jennifer Tilly and Cary Elwes.

Look Who’s Talking (1989) 5STAR 5:25pm-7:20pm
Pregnant Mollie is dumped by her boyfriend, and sets out after the baby’s birth to find a surrogate father for her infant son Mikey, who comments on proceedings through a wisecracking inner monologue. Mikey is confident the cab driver who helped deliver him is the perfect man for the job – but his mother is less than convinced. Comedy, with John Travolta, Kirstie Alley and the voice of Bruce Willis.

Fun Fact: Amy Heckerling was inspired to write the film after her husband and writer Neal Israel started playfully talking in a different voice to pretend what their new baby would say.

The American President (1995) Sony Movie Channel 9:00pm-11:25pm (1 hour 25 minutes)
The US president embarks on a relationship with an environmental lobbyist – but his delighted opponents jump at the chance to drag the pair through the gutter press, putting their romance and his career in jeopardy. Rob Reiner’s political comedy, starring Michael Douglas, Annette Bening, Martin Sheen, Richard Dreyfuss and Michael J Fox.

Austin Powers: The Spy Who S*****d Me (1999) Dave 10:00pm-12:00am (2 hours)
The sex-mad spy is sent back to swinging London at the height of the 1960s in pursuit of the dastardly Dr Evil, who has stolen the secret agent’s `mojo’. Teaming up with a female American agent, Austin must stop his arch-rival from causing havoc with a doomsday weapon on the moon. Comedy sequel, starring Mike Myers in multiple roles alongside Heather Graham, Rob Lowe, Robert Wagner, Michael York, Seth Green and Verne Troyer.

Tomorrow Never Dies (1997) ITV 10:45pm-1:00am (2 hours 15 minutes)
James Bond joins forces with a Chinese agent to foil a media mogul’s scheme to start a war between their countries. Using an undetectable stealth ship, the press baron plans an attack on both nations’ navies, knowing they will blame each other – giving him exclusive global media coverage of the resulting conflict. Spy adventure, starring Pierce Brosnan, Jonathan Pryce, Teri Hatcher and Michelle Yeoh.

James Bond TShirts

Lock Up (1989) ITV4 11:00pm-1:15am
A convict is transferred to a maximum security prison, where he falls foul of a sadistic warden with a grudge against him – and who abuses his position of power to make the inmate’s life a misery and destroy his good relationship with the guards. Thriller, starring Sylvester Stallone, Donald Sutherland, Darlanne Fluegel and Tom Sizemore.

SUNDAY 13th August

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Thunderbirds Are Go! (1966) Film4 11:00am-1:00pm (2 hours)
International Rescue is called in to save the first manned space mission to Mars from sinister hijacker The Hood, and ensure a second attempt goes to plan. Puppet adventure based on Gerry Anderson’s TV series, featuring the voices of Shane Rimmer, Ray Barrett, Alexander Davion, Peter Dyneley, Sylvia Anderson and Cliff Richard, voicing a puppet version of himself.

Picture Perfect (1997) Film4 1:00pm-3:00pm (2 hours)
An ambitious executive hires a man to pose as her fiance to give her a stable image at work and attract a colleague who is only tempted by unavailable women. However, her fantasy life soon spirals out of control, leaving her unable to tell the difference between fact and fiction. Romantic comedy, with Jennifer Aniston, Jay Mohr, Kevin Bacon, Olympia Dukakis and Illeana Douglas.

Fun Fact: Turns out Matthew Broderick, Jon Stewart, John Corbett, and William Baldwin all screentested for the role of Nick.

Volcano (1997) Channel 4 2:30pm-4:35pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
A river of molten lava spews from an erupting volcano onto the streets of Los Angeles, prompting the head of a crisis agency to team up with an intrepid scientist in a frantic and dangerous bid to save the city’s residents. Disaster thriller, starring Tommy Lee Jones, Anne Heche, Gaby Hoffmann, Keith David and Don Cheadle.

See No Evil, Hear No Evil (1989) Sony Movie Channel 4:35pm-6:50pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
A blind man and his deaf friend go on the run to clear themselves of a trumped-up murder charge. However, all kinds of oddball characters are on their trail, determined to get hold of a top-secret microchip that the duo do not realise they have. Comedy, starring Richard Pryor, Gene Wilder, Kevin Spacey, Joan Severance, Alan North and Anthony Zerbe.

The Fifth Element (1997) 5STAR 7:25pm-10:00pm
In the 23rd century, the world faces destruction from a seemingly unstoppable force of pure evil. Meanwhile, a New York cab driver encounters a mysterious woman destined to save the Earth from its fate, and has to protect her from a scheming arms dealer and a horde of alien mercenaries. Luc Besson’s sci-fi adventure, starring Bruce Willis, Milla Jovovich and Gary Oldman.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 (2010) ITV 7:30pm-10:15pm (2 hours 45 minutes)
The dark lord Voldemort rises to ultimate power over the magical world, so the teenage wizard and his friends set out on a mission to find the magical horcruxes – artefacts containing parts of the evil wizard’s soul that hold the key to destroying him. The first half of the two-part conclusion to the fantasy saga, starring Daniel Radcliffe, Ralph Fiennes, Emma Watson and Rupert Grint.

Harry Potter Deathly Hallows Merchandise

Whatever you’re up to this weekend, be prepared and remember to stop, look around and really take note of the situation, you might see more than you knew was there.

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Bluebells and sunny spells! Another retro movie weekend is here which means…. time for some retro movie goodness!

Setting sail into the vast infinity of the deep blue sea, we find ourselves at the simple beginnings of what could quite be the journey of a lifetime. With ration sacks bulging and water receptacles sealed and tight, we slowly begin to drift away from the certainty of the land as we aim our craft into the unknown to take on all that may lay before us. Will we find old and forgotten lands? Will we just end up going in a circle and end up where we began? Let’s find out!

Have a happy retro weekend!

SATURDAY 13th May

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IQ
(1994) Sony Channel 12:00pm-2:00pm (2 hours)
A woman is determined to find a husband as brainy as her famous uncle – who happens to be Albert Einstein. However, the famous scientist is convinced she would be better off with a humble car mechanic. Romantic comedy, starring Meg Ryan, Walter Matthau, Tim Robbins and Stephen Fry.

The Man in the Iron Mask (1998) ITV 1:30pm-4:00pm (2 hours 30 minutes)
The Three Musketeers set out to depose the villainous King of France and reinstate his long-imprisoned twin brother. However, they face an unexpected threat in the form of old friend D’Artagnan, who has remained loyal to the evil monarch. Swashbuckling adventure, starring Leonardo DiCaprio in a dual role, alongside John Malkovich, Jeremy Irons, Gerard Depardieu, Gabriel Byrne, Anne Parillaud and Hugh Laurie.

The Return of the Musketeers (1989) Sony Movie Channel 4:00pm-6:10pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
D’Artagnan reunites his former companions to save the queen of France from the scheming Cardinal Mazarin, and embark on a mission to England to prevent the beheading of Charles I. Meanwhile, the daughter of a former vanquished enemy is seeking revenge on the four heroes. Swashbuckling adventure sequel, with Oliver Reed, Michael York, Frank Finlay, Richard Chamberlain, Kim Cattrall and Roy Kinnear, who died during filming.

The Three Musketeers (1973) Film4 4:40pm-6:50pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
A naive country boy arrives in Paris, keen to seek adventure and prove himself a swordsman. He falls in with a trio of roguish soldiers, and together they set out to save the queen from the schemes of a treacherous cardinal. Swashbuckling adventure, starring Oliver Reed, Michael York, Richard Chamberlain, Frank Finlay, Charlton Heston and Faye Dunaway.

Mr Bean’s Holiday (2007) ITV2 6:35pm-8:20pm
The bumbling fool wins first prize in the church raffle – a trip to France and a video camera. His travels cause chaos as he disrupts a film shoot in Cannes, to the fury of its megalomaniac director, and is then accused of kidnapping a youngster. Comedy, starring Rowan Atkinson, Willem Dafoe, Emma de Caunes and Max Baldry.

Mr Bean TShirts

Training Day (2001) Dave 9:00pm-11:20pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
A cop embarks on his first day in narcotics, partnering a seasoned officer whose willingness to flout the rules forces him to question everything he has learnt. As they resort to extreme measures to crack a case, the rookie is left battling his conscience in a dangerous situation. Thriller, starring Denzel Washington, Ethan Hawke, Scott Glenn and Tom Berenger.

Conan the Destroyer (1984) ITV4 9:00pm-11:10pm
The mighty sword-wielding warrior returns and is hired by a duplicitous queen to retrieve a mystical artefact from an evil sorcerer. Unfortunately, he fails to see that the malevolent monarch has a sinister plan in mind, and intends to kill him once his task is complete. Fantasy adventure sequel, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Grace Jones, Wilt Chamberlain and Sarah Douglas.

The Mask (1994) ITV 9:50pm-12:00am
A timid bank clerk stumbles on an ancient mask, which endows whoever wears it with untold superhuman powers, unbridled self-confidence and an irresistible charm for the ladies. Unfortunately, he earns the enmity of a local gangster for daring to flirt with his girlfriend – and when the crook gets wind of the artefact’s existence, he covets the power for himself. Comic-book comedy, with Jim Carrey, Cameron Diaz, Peter Riegert and Peter Greene.

Fallen (1998) BBC1 11:45pm-1:45am (2 hours)
A detective investigates a series of grisly murders that mimic the handiwork of an executed serial killer. The case takes a stranger twist when he realises a bloodthirsty disembodied demon is responsible – and that it can leap from one unsuspecting host to another. Supernatural thriller, starring Denzel Washington, John Goodman, Donald Sutherland and Embeth Davidtz.

SUNDAY 14th May

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Fright Night
(1985) Film4 1:10am-3:25am (2 hours 15 minutes)
A teenager becomes convinced his new next door neighbour is a vampire responsible for a series of recent disappearances. Finding nobody is willing to believe his unlikely story, he seeks the aid of a washed-up movie star famous for playing a vampire hunter in destroying the monster. Comedy horror, starring Chris Sarandon, Roddy McDowall, William Ragsdale, Amanda Bearse and Stephen Geoffreys.

Dr Dolittle (1998) Channel 4 1:30pm-3:10pm (1 hour 40 minutes)
A doctor is stunned to discover he can talk to animals, and it is not long before his home and surgery are taken over by an assortment of ailing creatures in need of help. However, when the medic’s odd behaviour attracts his colleagues’ attention, he is forced to rely on his new-found furry friends to save him from the asylum. Comedy, starring Eddie Murphy, Ossie Davis and Oliver Platt..

See No Evil, Hear No Evil (1989) Sony Movie Channel 4:10pm-6:20pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
A blind man and his deaf friend go on the run to clear themselves of a trumped-up murder charge. However, all kinds of oddball characters are on their trail, determined to get hold of a top-secret microchip that the duo do not realise they have. Comedy, starring Richard Pryor, Gene Wilder, Kevin Spacey, Joan Severance, Alan North and Anthony Zerbe.

Live and Let Die (1973) ITV 4:20pm-6:35pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
James Bond’s investigation into the murder of three British agents leads him to a connection between the dictator of a Caribbean island and a notorious Harlem drug kingpin – along with a plot to flood America with limitless supplies of free heroin. Spy adventure, with Roger Moore in his first appearance as 007, alongside Yaphet Kotto and Jane Seymour.

James Bond TShirts

Star Trek (2009) Film4 6:35pm-9:00pm (2 hours 25 minutes) *Not retro but not to be missed*
The trainee crew members of the starship Enterprise embark on their maiden flight, which pits them against a Romulan commander from the future who is planning a horrific revenge on those he blames for a tragedy in his own time. Sci-fi adventure based on the original TV series, starring Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Eric Bana, Zoe Saldana and Leonard Nimoy.

Star Trek Clothing

In the Line of Fire (1993) Sony Movie Channel 9:00pm-11:45pm (2 hours 45 minutes)
An ageing secret service agent, tormented by his failure to save the life of John F Kennedy in 1963, is drawn into a battle of wits with a sinister CIA-trained assassin out to kill the current president. As the day of reckoning draws closer, the agent’s nerves are tested to the limit – and nothing seems to be going his way. Wolfgang Petersen’s thriller, starring Clint Eastwood, John Malkovich, Rene Russo and Dylan McDermott.

Whatever you’re up to this weekend, always dress the part and remember to prepare for the worst, but hope for the best.

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In the words of Noddy Holder from Slade….it’s CHRIIIIIIISTMAAAAAAAAS! Well… almost.

With the shopping done (at last!), the family all organised and the tree nicely glistening in the corner, it seems Christmas is here again for another year. What joy! With nothing to do but eat, drink and be merry (what washing up?), we’ll spread our Christmas cheer for all to see as we welcome one and all to tuck into our festive feast. With a clinking of glass, a scraping or knife and the snap of a cracker, another year will float past into the night as we ready ourselves for another year ahead. Merry Christmas!

Have a happy retro weekend!

Christmas Eve

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Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
(1971) ITV3 9:50am-11:55am
An eccentric confectionery king announces that five children will be given a tour of his wondrous factory. The winners turn out to be a kind-hearted boy from a penniless family and four obnoxious brats, who face a terrible fate when they misbehave. Musical fantasy, based on Roald Dahl’s classic book Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, starring Gene Wilder, Jack Albertson, Peter Ostrum and Roy Kinnear.

Roald Dahl Clothing

Miracle on 34th Street (1994) Film4 11:00am-1:15pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
A woman raises her six-year-old daughter to believe that Santa Claus does not exist, but they both have a change of heart after meeting a department store Father Christmas who claims to be the man himself. When the kindly fellow is accused of being a charlatan, his new friends engage a lawyer to prove his true identity. Remake of the 1947 family drama, with Richard Attenborough, Elizabeth Perkins, Mara Wilson and Dylan McDermott.

Despicable Me (2010) ITV 11:20am-1:20pm (2 hours)
A criminal mastermind hopes to seal his reputation as the greatest villain of them all by stealing the moon. First he needs to get his hands on a shrinking ray owned by a rival evil genius, and adopts three orphan girls to help him – but finds that fatherhood brings out his long-buried caring side. Animated comedy, with the voices of Steve Carell, Jason Segel, Russell Brand and Julie Andrews.

Minion Merchandise

A Christmas Carol (2009) BBC1 11:30am-1:00pm (1 hour 30 minutes)
A foul-tempered Victorian miser who hates the festive season is visited on Christmas Eve by a series of ghosts. The spirits intend to make him mend his wicked ways by showing him visions of the past, the present and what the future will hold for him if he does not change for the better. Animated fantasy based on Charles Dickens’ novel, featuring motion-captured performances by Jim Carrey and Gary Oldman.

Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever (2014) 5STAR 1:00pm-2:50pm
A bad-tempered cat in a pet shop grows more and more cynical as customers refuse to buy her. Over the course of a busy Christmas shopping day, she befriends a cheerful 12-year-old girl and reluctantly rescues a dog whom she hates from kidnappers. Comedy, starring Megan Charpentier and Daniel Roebuck, with the voice of Aubrey Plaza.

Grumpy Cat Merchandise

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (2001) ITV 1:30pm-4:20pm (2 hours 50 minutes)
An orphaned boy endures a miserable childhood, until he discovers he has magical powers and enrols at a special school for young wizards. However, his suspicions are aroused by a sinister teacher who seems to be up to no good. Fantasy adventure, adapted from the first of JK Rowling’s books, starring Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, Emma Watson, Robbie Coltrane, Alan Rickman and Richard Harris.

Harry Potter Merchandise

Scrooged (1988) Channel 4 2:45pm-4:40pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
A heartless TV executive is cruel to his employees and just sees the festive season as an opportunity to make money. However, on Christmas Eve, three ghosts arrive in the night and challenge him to change his cynical ways by showing him his past, present and future. Comedy based on Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol, starring Bill Murray, Karen Allen, John Forsythe, David Johansen and Carol Kane.

One Hundred and One Dalmatians (1961) ITV 4:20pm-6:00pm (1 hour 40 minutes)
A fashion-mad woman longs to make a coat out of dalmatian skin, and resorts to kidnapping her friend’s litter of puppies, along with several other dogs. However, the captive pups’ devoted parents come to the rescue, aided by an assortment of other animals. Disney animated adventure based on Dodie Smith’s novel, with the voices of Betty Lou Gerson and Rod Taylor.

Disney Merchandise

The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992) Channel 4 5:50pm-7:30pm (1 hour 40 minutes)
An embittered Victorian miser hates the festive season and people in general, but on Christmas Eve, the ghosts of his former business partners, the Marley brothers, visit him in the night. They warn him three spirits are coming to make him change his ways by showing him visions of the past, the present and what the future may hold. Comedy, with Michael Caine and Steven Mackintosh alongside the puppet characters.

The Muppets Merchandise

Christmas Day!

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Santa Claus: The Movie
(1985) 9:15am-11:30am
An impulsive elf walks out on Father Christmas during the hectic preparations for the festive season, and heads for New York determined to make a name for himself. However, he falls into the clutches of an evil toy manufacturer, who has a devilish money-making plan up his sleeve. Family fantasy adventure, starring Dudley Moore, John Lithgow, David Huddleston, Burgess Meredith and Judy Cornwell.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002) ITV 11:55am-3:00pm
The young wizard and his friends return for their second term at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry to discover a strange serpentine power is petrifying the other students. Meanwhile, Harry is haunted by a sinister voice in his head urging him to uncover the dark force that is stalking the corridors of the school. Fantasy adventure sequel, starring Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, Emma Watson and Kenneth Branagh.

Harry Potter Gifts

Scrooge (1970) Channel 5 11:55am-2:10pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
Hard-hearted Victorian miser Ebenezer Scrooge refuses to join in with the spirit of the festive season – until a succession of spectral visitors turn up to teach him the error of his ways. Musical adaptation of Charles Dickens’ classic A Christmas Carol, starring Albert Finney, Alec Guinness, Kenneth More, Edith Evans and Paddy Stone.

The Wizard of Oz (1939) Channel 5 2:10pm-4:15pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
Youngster Dorothy Gale is whisked over the rainbow by a tornado into the magical land of Oz, where she inadvertently kills a wicked witch – incurring the wrath of another. Setting out to find the wizard who can show her a way home, she is joined on her journey by a scarecrow, a tin man and a cowardly lion, who all hope their own wishes will be granted. Musical fantasy, with Judy Garland, Ray Bolger, Jack Haley, Bert Lahr and Frank Morgan.

The Lion King (1994) ITV 3:10pm-4:55pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
A lion prince blames himself for his father’s death and flees into the wilderness, leaving his wicked uncle to take over. As the cub grows to adulthood, he receives a vision of the dead king, who inspires him to seek revenge and reclaim his rightful throne. Disney animated musical, featuring the voices of Matthew Broderick, Jeremy Irons, Rowan Atkinson, Whoopi Goldberg and James Earl Jones.

Lion King Merchandise

Home Alone (1990) Channel 4 6:00pm-8:00pm (2 hours)
A boy has to fend for himself when he is accidentally left behind after his family jets off to Paris for Christmas. The youngster initially enjoys his freedom, but is soon forced to resort to ingenious booby traps to defend the family home from two dim-witted burglars. Comedy, starring Macaulay Culkin, Joe Pesci, Daniel Stern, John Heard, Catherine O’Hara and John Candy.

Home Alone Merchandise

Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls (1995) 6:10pm-8:00pm
The eccentric pet detective is coaxed out of self-imposed exile in a Buddhist monastery to visit Africa and help search for a sacred white bat. However, his unique investigative talents are tested to the limits as he faces a race against time to find the missing creature and prevent a tribal war. Comedy sequel, starring Jim Carrey, Simon Callow and Bob Gunton.

Mr Bean’s Holiday (2007) ITV2 7:15pm-9:00pm
The bumbling fool wins first prize in the church raffle – a trip to France and a video camera. His travels cause chaos as he disrupts a film shoot in Cannes, to the fury of its megalomaniac director, and is then accused of kidnapping a youngster. Comedy, starring Rowan Atkinson, Willem Dafoe, Emma de Caunes and Max Baldry.

Love Actually (2003) ITV 11:00pm-1:30am (2 hours 30 minutes)
Ten interlinked stories of people searching for and finding love. While the newly elected, bachelor British prime minister is smitten by a junior staff member at 10 Downing Street, a heartbroken writer heads for France to get over a failed relationship, and a faded rock star aims to reinvent himself in time for Christmas. Richard Curtis’s romantic comedy, with Hugh Grant, Martine McCutcheon, Emma Thompson, Alan Rickman, Colin Firth, Bill Nighy and Liam Neeson.

Whatever you’re up this this Christmas weekend, keep it festive, keep it jolly and don’t forget to check the microwave.

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Soap and water! It’s only the weekend….again??

Like a keen car enthusiast takes care of their pride and joy, we’re taking care of this weekend’s retro movies. With our trusty buckets, mitts and hose, we’ll wash away all the weeks grime and woe as we polish up the paint, buff out the shine before standing back to admire our handy work like a classic story trapped in celluloid wonder. We’ll fire up the cylinders and drive swiftly through the back road channels, gazing at the movie masterpieces as we pass before locking ourselves safely away and enjoying the small hours of the night with just the light flicker from the screen.

Have a happy retro weekend!

SATURDAY 16th MAY

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Jerry Maguire (1996) Sky Movies Drama & Romance HD 10:15am-12:40pm (2 hours 25 minutes)
An idealistic sports agent produces a mission statement at work promising to treat clients fairly. Unfortunately, it costs him his job. Forced to set up an agency on his own, the only people prepared to stand by him are a lovelorn staff accountant and a footballer. Cameron Crowe’s romantic comedy drama, with Tom Cruise, Renee Zellweger, Kelly Preston, Jonathan Lipnicki, and Cuba Gooding Jr, who won an Oscar for his performance.

Kindergarten Cop (1990) ITV2 2:20pm-4:30pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
A tough detective is forced to pose as a preschool teacher in a bid to capture a drug dealer whose son is one of the pupils. However, his biggest challenge turns out to be controlling a class full of five-year-olds. Comedy, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Penelope Ann Miller, Linda Hunt, Pamela Reed and Richard Tyson.

Flash Gordon (1980) Film4 2:50pm-5:00pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
American football quarterback Flash Gordon and journalist Dale Arden find themselves aboard a rocket ship designed by scientist Dr Zarkov, who intends to travel across space to locate the source of recent natural disasters. The three arrive on the planet Mongo, where they soon learn that the attacks are the responsibility of evil emperor Ming the Merciless, who is planning to destroy the Earth. Sci-fi comic-strip adventure, with Sam J Jones, Max von Sydow, Brian Blessed, Melody Anderson, Topol, Timothy Dalton, Ornella Muti, Peter Wyngarde and Mariangela Melato.

WarGames (1983) 5* 4:45pm-7:00pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
A teenager hacks into a top-secret military supercomputer, which challenges him to what he thinks is a game. However, the machine has complete control of the US nuclear arsenal, and the youngster’s actions are unwittingly pushing the world to the brink of war. Thriller, starring Matthew Broderick, Ally Sheedy, Dabney Coleman and John Wood.

King Kong (2005) ITV2 5:40pm-9:20pm (3 hours 40 minutes)
A maverick film-maker and his cast and crew board a ship bound for a mysterious island – but when they arrive, a giant gorilla carries off their leading lady. As the crew makes its way through the teeming jungle to find her, the director concocts a dangerous scheme to capture the great ape and take it back to New York. Peter Jackson’s remake of the fantasy adventure, starring Naomi Watts, Jack Black, Andy Serkis and Adrien Brody.

Spider-Man 3 (2007) Channel 5 6:45pm-9:20pm (2 hours 35 minutes)
A sinister alien parasite brings out the web-slinging hero’s darker side, filling him with thoughts of revenge on his uncle’s murderer, the shape-shifting Sandman. Meanwhile, he also has to contend with the challenge of his best friend following in his father’s villainous footsteps – and a jealous rival developing superpowers of his own. Superhero sequel, with Tobey Maguire, Kirsten Dunst and James Franco.

Thunderball (1965) ITV4 8:00pm-10:45pm (2 hours 45 minutes)
James Bond travels to the Bahamas on the trail of two nuclear warheads stolen from a British aircraft. The lethal weapons have fallen into the hands of international crime syndicate Spectre, which plans to fire them at the US coast unless an exorbitant ransom is paid. Spy adventure, starring Sean Connery, Claudine Auger, Adolfo Celi and Lois Maxwell.

Fun Fact: Bond’s jetpack was actually flown by engineer Bill Suiter. He was one of only two people in the world qualified to fly it.

The Mask of Zorro (1998) Watch 9:00pm-11:50pm (2 hours 50 minutes)
The sword-wielding saviour of Spanish California returns after 20 years in prison, tutoring a thief to take over his heroic role and tackle corrupt government officials, who are using slave labour to mine gold illegally. Both mentor and pupil have personal scores to settle with their enemies, led by a ruthless governor and a psychotic military officer. Swashbuckling adventure, with Anthony Hopkins, Antonio Banderas and Catherine Zeta-Jones.

On Deadly Ground (1994) ITV4 10:45pm-12:50am (2 hours 5 minutes)
A tough firefighter sets out to stop the destruction of native tribes and the natural environment by an unscrupulous oil company planning to drill in Alaska. Ecological thriller, directed by and starring Steven Seagal, with Michael Caine, Joan Chen, John C McGinley, R Lee Ermey and Billy Bob Thornton.

SUNDAY 17th MAY

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The Money Pit (1986) Channel 5 2:00pm-3:45pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
Yuppie couple Walter and Anna buy a ramshackle old house and set about renovating it, only to see their dream home gradually turn into a nightmare. Anna also has to contend with her ex-husband, who is determined to talk her into giving their relationship another try. Comedy, starring Tom Hanks, Shelley Long, Alexander Godunov and Joe Mantegna.

Clockwise (1986) ITV3 3:40pm-5:35pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
A headmaster obsessed with punctuality catches the wrong train en route to a convention where he is due to make an important speech, a simple mistake that turns the entire journey into a frantic race against the clock. Comedy, starring John Cleese, Alison Steadman, Stephen Moore, Penelope Wilton and Joan Hickson.

The Hunt for Red October (1990) Film4 3:40pm-6:30pm (2 hours 50 minutes)
A Soviet submarine commander creates an international crisis by piloting his experimental nuclear vessel, which is invisible to sonar, toward the American coast. The US and Russian navies think he is planning to attack and set out to destroy the submarine, but a CIA analyst suspects he intends to defect to the West. Cold War thriller, based on Tom Clancy’s novel, starring Sean Connery, Alec Baldwin and James Earl Jones.

See No Evil, Hear No Evil (1989) Channel 5 3:45pm-5:40pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
A blind man and his deaf friend go on the run to clear themselves of a trumped-up murder charge. However, all kinds of oddball characters are on their trail, determined to get hold of a top-secret microchip that the duo do not realise they have. Comedy, starring Richard Pryor, Gene Wilder, Kevin Spacey, Joan Severance, Alan North and Anthony Zerbe.

Three Men and a Baby (1987) E4 5:00pm-7:00pm (2 hours)
The lives of three flat-sharing bachelors are turned upside down when they discover a baby left on their doorstep. Unfortunately, while trying to get to grips with the necessary parenting skills, they find themselves menaced by criminals searching for missing drugs. Comedy, directed by Leonard Nimoy, starring Tom Selleck, Ted Danson, Steve Guttenberg and Nancy Travis.

The Great Escape (1963) Channel 5 +1 6:40pm-9:50pm (3 hours 10 minutes)
The most rebellious Allied prisoners of war are sent to a supposedly escape-proof maximum-security detention camp during the Second World War. They plan an ingenious mass breakout by digging a tunnel, but even when free of the camp, making it across occupied Europe proves a dangerous journey. Drama, starring Steve McQueen, James Coburn, Donald Pleasence, James Garner, Charles Bronson and Richard Attenborough.

Fun Fact: Hilts (Steve McQueen) strings a wire across the road to obtain a motorcycle. McQueen himself played the German motorcyclist who hits the wire.

Fun Fact 2: During the climatic motorcycle chase, John Sturges allowed Steve McQueen to ride (in disguise) as one of the pursuing German soldiers, so that in the final sequence, through the magic of editing, he’s actually chasing himself.

Braveheart (1995) Film4 9:00pm-12:25am (3 hours 25 minutes)
Account of the life of medieval Scottish hero William Wallace. After the slaughter of his father and brother, young Wallace is taken in by his uncle, who teaches him how to use not only his brawn but his brain – which he employs to great effect years later when he resolves to drive the English out of Scotland. Oscar-winning historical epic, directed by and starring Mel Gibson. With Patrick McGoohan, Sophie Marceau and Catherine McCormack.

Whatever you’re up to this weekend, don’t forget to check your blind spots and that locking the door isn’t just for your benefit. Sometimes.

xoxo

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Great Barrier Reef! It’s the weekend so soon?! Must be time for another Retro Movie Rundown then huh!

Like an eager and oh-so clever Octopus working it’s way around the coral, we’re using our cunning and many talents to hunt down some of the coolest and most retro films ever. We’ll silently maneuver our way around the brightly coloured other worldly looking plants and rock before targeting in one our unsuspecting prey, launching quick as a flash and grabbing into our favourite films with all eight arms ready to feed our ever-growing hunger for 80s and 90s awesomeness.

Have a happy retro weekend!

SATURDAY 11th April

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The NeverEnding Story II: The Next Chapter
(1991) E4 1:00pm-2:45pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
Young hero Bastian is once again transported into the magical world of Fantasia, where he must put a stop to the schemes of a wicked sorceress who now holds sway in the land. With the aid of a magical amulet, he is able to wield phenomenal power, but the witch sets a trap that threatens a calamitous future. Fantasy adventure sequel, with Jonathan Brandis and Kenny Morrison.

The Rugrats Movie (1999) Film4 3:15pm-4:50pm (1 hour 35 minutes)
Tommy tries to return his new brother to the baby shop, helped by Angelica, Chuckie, Phil and Lil – but the friends get lost in dense woodlands en route, turning their expedition into a scary and exciting journey of discovery. Animated comedy based on the TV series, with the voices of Elizabeth Daily, Christine Cavanaugh, Kath Soucie, Whoopi Goldberg and Busta Rhymes.

The Muppets Take Manhattan (1984) GOLD 4:05pm-6:00pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
Kermit, Miss Piggy, Fozzie Bear and company try to take Broadway by storm with their college show, setting the stage for a host of misadventures as they yearn for stardom in the Big Apple and set out to raise the money to finance their production. Comedy, performed by Jim Henson and Frank Oz, with appearances by Liza Minnelli, Art Carney, Dabney Coleman, Gregory Hines, Joan Rivers, Brooke Shields, Linda Lavin and Elliott Gould.

E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial (1982) ITV2 5:10pm-7:30pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
A lonely boy befriends an alien who has been left stranded on Earth. The two develop a psychic connection as the boy helps the extraterrestrial to contact his own people and call for rescue. However, living on Earth starts to have a devastating effect on the visitor’s health, and a government operative is determined to capture him for study. Steven Spielberg’s sci-fi fantasy, starring Henry Thomas, Drew Barrymore, Dee Wallace and Peter Coyote.

E.T T-Shirts

Independence Day (1996) Channel 4 6:40pm-9:20pm (2 hours 40 minutes)
A fleet of huge flying saucers launches a devastating and unprovoked attack on Earth. As survivors try to flee the seemingly unstoppable alien invaders, the courageous US president, an ace pilot and a computer genius come up with a plan to take the fight to the enemy and save the human race. Roland Emmerich’s sci-fi adventure, starring Will Smith, Bill Pullman, Jeff Goldblum, Mary McDonnell, Randy Quaid, Robert Loggia and Harry Connick Jr.

Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure (1989) ITV2 7:30pm-9:20pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
Two dim-witted teenagers with dreams of rock stardom seem doomed to fail a school history project, unaware the future of the human race depends on their success. A time traveller is given the job of making sure they pass the test by sending them on a series of adventures in the past. Comedy, starring Keanu Reeves, Alex Winter and George Carlin.

Enemy of the State (1998) BBC3 9:05pm-11:10pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
A chance encounter with an old friend derails a successful lawyer’s fast-track career, plunging him headlong into a deadly game of cat and mouse with relentless government agents capable of anticipating his every move. He quickly realises the only way to save his own life is to expose the truths his pursuers seem so intent on covering up, and seeks out a former intelligence agent to take them on at their own game. Thriller, starring Will Smith, Gene Hackman, Jon Voight and Lisa Bonet.

Fun Fact: The mark left on the mailbox to signal Brill is exactly how ex-CIA official and traitor Aldrich Ames signaled the Soviets when he made a drop.

Backdraft (1991) ITV London 10:20pm-12:50am (2 hours 30 minutes)
The two sons of a fireman who died in the line of duty follow him into the profession. However, a feud develops between them because the elder brother is convinced his sibling is not up to the job – until a mission to uncover the identity of a serial arsonist gives him the chance to prove his worth. Action drama, starring Kurt Russell, William Baldwin, Robert De Niro, Jennifer Jason Leigh and Donald Sutherland.

SUNDAY 12th April

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Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
(1971) Channel 5 4:40pm-6:40pm (2 hours)
An eccentric confectionery king announces that five children will be given a tour of his wondrous factory. The winners turn out to be a kind-hearted boy from a penniless family and four obnoxious brats, who face a terrible fate when they misbehave. Musical fantasy, based on Roald Dahl’s classic book Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, starring Gene Wilder, Jack Albertson, Peter Ostrum and Roy Kinnear.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory T-Shirts

Inspector Gadget (1999) Film4 5:20pm-6:55pm (1 hour 35 minutes)
A clumsy security guard is critically injured during a run-in with a thief, so his cybernetics-expert employer transforms him into the ultimate crime-fighting machine – a bionic officer with an array of gadgets and weaponry cunningly concealed inside his body. Disney comedy adventure based on the 1980s cartoon series, starring Matthew Broderick, Rupert Everett and Joely Fisher.

Big (1988) E4 6:00pm-8:05pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
A boy ridiculed for his size makes a wish on a fairground machine to become bigger – only to wake up as a 30-year-old man. Driven from his home by his terrified mother, the bewildered youngster trapped in a grown-up body makes his way to New York, where he rises high in the ranks of a toy manufacturing company and applies his youthful enthusiasm to the complexities of adult life. Comedy, starring Tom Hanks, Elizabeth Perkins and Robert Loggia.

Fun Fact: To give star Tom Hanks an idea of how a 12 year-old would behave, director Penny Marshall filmed each “grown-up” scene with David Moscow (Young Josh) playing Tom Hanks’s part, who then copied David Moscow’s behavior.

Spider-Man (2002) Channel 5 6:45pm-9:00pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
A clumsy teenager develops superhuman powers after a genetically engineered spider bites him. At first his fantastic skills delight him, but his elation is severely tempered by a family tragedy, prompting him to dedicate his talents to combating evil. However, he faces a baptism of fire in the form of crazed villain the Green Goblin. Comic-book superhero adventure, with Tobey Maguire, Kirsten Dunst, Willem Dafoe, James Franco and Rosemary Harris.

Spider-Man Merchandise

Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981) BBC3 8:10pm-10:00pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
Intrepid archaeologist Indiana Jones goes in search of the legendary Ark of the Covenant, a biblical artefact of devastating power. His quest leads him to Egypt, where the Nazis are plotting to use the Ark to further Hitler’s plans for world domination – aided by Jones’s deceitful French rival. Steven Spielberg’s action adventure, with Harrison Ford, Karen Allen, Paul Freeman and John Rhys-Davies.

Mars Attacks! (1996) ITV4 9:00pm-11:10pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
The inhabitants of Earth leap into action to repel an impending invasion by a seemingly invincible Martian army, which possesses superior weaponry, a thirst for destruction and a wicked sense of humour. Tim Burton’s sci-fi comedy, starring Jack Nicholson, Glenn Close, Pierce Brosnan, Annette Bening, Natalie Portman, Danny DeVito and Tom Jones.

Copycat (1995) Film4 11:05pm-1:30am (2 hours 25 minutes)
A gifted psychologist who is an authority on serial killers is left traumatised by an attempt on her life and becomes agoraphobic. Unable to leave her apartment, she nevertheless aids the police in the pursuit of a publicity-seeking mass murderer re-enacting famous killings. Thriller, with Sigourney Weaver, Holly Hunter, Harry Connick Jr, Dermot Mulroney, William McNamara and Will Patton.

Whatever you’re up to this weekend,

xoxo

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Cinnamon bagels! Is it the weekend?

So on a blistering hot sunny afternoon tucked away in the rear of a bustling garden party as youngsters run a muck with water pistols and elders fall foul of drunken shenanigans let us be your ever so manly expert at everything Barbeque Chef as we light our coals with retro movie magic, we’ll cook until tastefully charcoaled mouthfuls of cinematic classics before we fall into a deep meat coma of celluloid wonder.

Have a happy retro weekend!

SATURDAY 12th JULY

Beethoven (1991) ITV2 2:40pm-4:25pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
An all-American family adopts a huge St Bernard, but the father is dismayed when it turns into a one-dog disaster zone. He insists the  mutt must go to a new home, but when it is kidnapped by a crooked vet, dad has a change of heart and races to the rescue. Comedy, starring  Charles Grodin, Bonnie Hunt, Oliver Platt and David Duchovny.

Ghostbusters (1984) 5* 6:50pm-9:00pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
Three eccentric scientists put their hi-tech gadgetry and knowledge of the paranormal to money-making use by setting up in business as  freelance ghost catchers. A musician calls them in to investigate when she sees strange creatures in her kitchen, only to end up  possessed. As the spook-hunting team members deal with an attempt to shut their operation down, they discover an evil demonic entity is  being summoned into existence and it falls to them to stop this creature from destroying the world. Supernatural comedy adventure,  starring Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, Harold Ramis, Sigourney Weaver, Ernie Hudson and Rick Moranis.

Ghostbusters T-Shirts

Die Hard 2 (1990) Film4 9:00pm-11:20pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
Tough cop John McClane arrives at an airport to pick up his wife, but finds himself plunged into a bloody life-or-death struggle. He must  battle terrorists who have seized control of the terminal as part of a campaign to secure the release of a convicted drug baron. Action  thriller sequel, starring Bruce Willis, Bonnie Bedelia, William Sadler, Franco Nero and William Atherton.

Coming to America (1988) E4 9:00pm-11:20pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
A bored African prince defies his father’s plans for an arranged marriage and escapes to the USA to find a bride on his own terms. Comedy,  starring Eddie Murphy and Arsenio Hall in several roles, with James Earl Jones, Allison Dean, Eriq La Salle and Madge Sinclair.

SUNDAY 13th JULY

See No Evil, Hear No Evil (1989) Channel 5 12:55pm-2:45pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
A blind man and his deaf friend go on the run to clear themselves of a trumped-up murder charge. However, all kinds of oddball characters  are on their trail, determined to get hold of a top-secret microchip that the duo do not know they have. Comedy, starring Richard Pryor,  Gene Wilder, Kevin Spacey, Joan Severance, Alan North and Anthony Zerbe.

Stand By Me (1986) Channel 5 2:45pm-4:20pm (1 hour 35 minutes)
Four 12-year-old best friends embark on a life-changing adventure in the Oregon wilderness in search of a missing teenager’s body, unaware  of the trials and triumphs that await them. Rob Reiner’s 1950s-set coming-of-age drama, based on a novella by Stephen King, starring River  Phoenix, Wil Wheaton, Jerry O’Connell, Corey Feldman, Kiefer Sutherland and Richard Dreyfuss.

Jurassic Park III (2001) ITV2 6:00pm-7:45pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
Palaeontologist Dr Alan Grant is lured to a dinosaur-infested island by a divorced couple who offer to fund his research, unaware their  real motive is to find their missing son – and that the creatures on the island are far more intelligent than anyone suspected. Action  adventure sequel, starring Sam Neill, William H Macy, Tea Leoni and Alessandro Nivola.

Jurassic Park T-Shirts

Jurassic Park T-Shirt Jurassic Park T-Shirt

The Running Man (1987) Channel 4 10:45pm-12:40am (1 hour 55 minutes)    A helicopter pilot is framed for the murder of starving civilians – and ends up being forced to take part in a brutal TV game show in  which a succession of gadget-wielding killers hunt him on the streets of Los Angeles. Sci-fi action adventure, starring Arnold  Schwarzenegger, Yaphet Kotto, Maria Conchita Alonso and Richard Dawson.

Whatever you get up to this weekend remember to always take one down and pass it around and always enjoy yourselves.

xoxo

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