Jurassic park

- This Weekend - 15% OFF in house brand TruffleShuffle Exclusives
RETRO LOVERS REJOICE! Whether it’s a little mid-month treat (everyone deserves a treat, right) or you’re embarking on some early Christmas gift buying… Enjoy 15% off ALL designs from our inhouse brand TruffleShuffle Exclusives. But be quick, this discount only lasts until midnight Sunday!

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#TRUFFLESHUFFLE DISCOUNT Ts & Cs:
£10 minimum spend to qualify for discount. Code valid on in-house brand TruffleShuffle Exclusive brand product only. Code(s) must be entered at basket to qualify. Code(s) valid until 23.59 GMT, 23/10/16. Cannot be used in conjunction with any other offers. Code is valid for telephone and mobile orders too.

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- This Weekend - 15% OFF in house brand TruffleShuffle Exclusives
RETRO LOVERS REJOICE! Whether it’s a little mid-month treat (everyone deserves a treat, right) or you’re embarking on some early Christmas gift buying… Enjoy 15% off ALL designs from our inhouse brand TruffleShuffle Exclusives. But be quick, this discount only lasts until midnight Sunday!

Use code: 15EXCL16

TREAT YOURSELF >
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£16.99 (with code)

BUY >
Women’s Care Bears Rolled
Sleeve Boyfriend T-Shirt

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Men’s Classic He-Man
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#TRUFFLESHUFFLE DISCOUNT Ts & Cs:
£10 minimum spend to qualify for discount. Code valid on in-house brand TruffleShuffle Exclusive brand product only. Code(s) must be entered at basket to qualify. Code(s) valid until 23.59 GMT, 23/10/16. Cannot be used in conjunction with any other offers. Code is valid for telephone and mobile orders too.

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Great balls of fire! Another weekend, another amazing chance to catch some top retro films!

Trekking our way through the jungle like a khaki wearing explorer, we find ourselves totally and completely surrounded with classic movie wilderness. Each turn will lead to previously unseen territory where we could learn more around the worth around us, find new lands and discover something completely new. Like this weekend’s top picks for retro goodness, there are no wrong turns, just new adventures.

Have a happy retro weekend!

SATURDAY 6th FEBRUARY

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Mr Bean’s Holiday
(2007) ITV2 2:10pm-4:00pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
The bumbling fool wins first prize in the church raffle – a trip to France and a video camera. His travels cause chaos as he disrupts a film shoot in Cannes, to the fury of its megalomaniac director, and is then accused of kidnapping a youngster. Comedy, starring Rowan Atkinson, Willem Dafoe, Emma de Caunes and Max Baldry.

Chocolat (2000) Film4 2:40pm-5:00pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
A woman and her daughter move to a sleepy French village in 1959 and brazenly open a chocolate shop directly opposite the Catholic parish church during Lent. At first the locals are enraged and appalled, but her confections soon raise spirits in the community, especially among the wives. Drama adapted from Joanne Harris’s novel, with Juliette Binoche, Johnny Depp, Alfred Molina and Judi Dench.

Beethoven (1992) ITV2 4:00pm-5:50pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
An all-American family adopts a huge St Bernard, but the father is dismayed when it turns into a one-dog disaster zone. He insists the mutt must go to a new home, but when it is kidnapped by a crooked vet, dad has a change of heart and races to the rescue. Comedy, starring Charles Grodin, Bonnie Hunt, Oliver Platt and David Duchovny.

Willow (1988) 5* 4:50pm-7:25pm (2 hours 35 minutes)
A farmer with dreams of becoming a wizard finds an abandoned baby, who is destined to bring about the downfall of an evil queen. The wicked tyrant’s minions have been sent to kill the child before she can fulfil the prophecy, and it falls to the would-be sorcerer to protect her, with the aid of a rogue warrior. Fantasy adventure, starring Warwick Davis and Val Kilmer.

Shallow Hal (2001) Film4 6:45pm-9:00pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
Superficial Hal is only interested in dating physically perfect women, but his outlook is changed when a self-help guru hypnotises him into seeing inner beauty – and he ends up falling for a spirited overweight woman. However, when the hypnosis wears off he struggles to remember that looks are not everything. Farrelly Brothers comedy, starring Gwyneth Paltrow, Jack Black, Jason Alexander and Joe Viterelli.

The Mummy Returns (2001) ITV2 6:50pm-9:20pm (2 hours 30 minutes)
Married explorers Rick and Evelyn battle the newly resurrected mummy Imhotep and his ruthless partner, who have captured their son. The undead creature is heading for a confrontation with a legendary ancient warrior – with power over a magical army to be won. Fantasy adventure sequel, starring Brendan Fraser, Rachel Weisz, John Hannah, Arnold Vosloo, Oded Fehr and Patricia Velasquez, with a brief appearance by Dwayne Johnson.

The Fifth Element (1997) 5* 7:25pm-10:00pm (2 hours 35 minutes)
In the 23rd century, the world faces destruction from a seemingly unstoppable force of pure evil. Meanwhile, a New York cab driver encounters a mysterious woman destined to save the Earth from its fate, and has to protect her from a scheming arms dealer and a horde of alien mercenaries. Luc Besson’s sci-fi adventure, starring Bruce Willis, Milla Jovovich and Gary Oldman.

Escape from New York (1981) ITV4 9:00pm-11:05pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
Former special forces soldier Snake Plissken is sentenced to life on Manhattan Island, an anarchic penal colony for the most dangerous criminals. When Air Force One is hijacked and crashes there, Snake is coerced into rescuing the US president from prisoners holding him hostage. John Carpenter’s sci-fi action adventure, with Kurt Russell, Donald Pleasence, Lee Van Cleef, Adrienne Barbeau and Isaac Hayes.

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001) AMC 9:00pm-11:10pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
The foul-mouthed New Jersey layabout and his quiet sidekick discover Hollywood executives are making a film based on them. Fearing for their reputation, they head to Tinseltown to stop it being made, only to fall foul of a gang of female jewel thieves. Comedy featuring the characters from Clerks, directed by and starring Kevin Smith. With Jason Mewes, Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, Will Ferrell and Shannon Elizabeth.

Jurassic Park III (2001) ITV London 10:40pm-12:15am (1 hour 35 minutes)
Palaeontologist Dr Alan Grant is lured to a dinosaur-infested island by a divorced couple who offer to fund his research, unaware their real motive is to find their missing son – and that the creatures on the island are far more intelligent than anyone suspected. Action adventure sequel, starring Sam Neill, William H Macy, Tea Leoni and Alessandro Nivola.

Jurassic Park Clothing

SUNDAY 7th FEBRUARY

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The Princess Bride
(1987) 5* 2:00pm-4:05pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
A cynical youngster becomes entranced by his grandfather’s magical tales, which revolve around a stable-boy’s heroic quest to rescue his lost love from the clutches of an evil prince, with the aid of a vengeance-seeking Spanish swashbuckler and his hulking sidekick. Rob Reiner’s comic fantasy adventure, with Cary Elwes, Robin Wright, Chris Sarandon, Mandy Patinkin, Peter Falk and Fred Savage.

School of Rock (2003) E4 2:30pm-4:45pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
A slobbish guitarist dreams of stardom, but his hopes are dashed when the other members of his band kick him out. Struggling to make ends meet, he takes a job as a supply teacher at an exclusive private school, and sets about moulding his pupils into rock gods. Comedy from director Richard Linklater, starring Jack Black, Joan Cusack, Mike White and Sarah Silverman.

Smokey and the Bandit II (1980) Dave 2:55pm-5:00pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
The maverick haulier must overcome a crisis of confidence when he and his friends are hired to transport a pregnant elephant to Texas, a mammoth task that proves far from easy, especially with their old enemy in hot pursuit. Road comedy, with Burt Reynolds, Jackie Gleason, Jerry Reed, Dom DeLuise and Sally Field.

Fun Fact: The scene where Carrie (Frog) announces her ending up the relationship to Bandit was written by Sally Field, who was about to break up with Burt Reynolds at the time. Reynolds wanted Sally to express her feelings about the breakup on film because he wanted to know how she really felt about him.

Three Men and a Little Lady (1990) Channel 5 3:40pm-5:35pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
Bachelor Jack and his two best buddies have brought up his baby Mary since she was left in their care by her mother, Sylvia. Now that Mary is five years old, Sylvia believes she needs a more conventional upbringing and decides to accept a marriage proposal from an English aristocrat, leaving the trio of dads rushing to stop the wedding. Comedy sequel, with Tom Selleck, Ted Danson and Steve Guttenberg.

Despicable Me (2010) ITV2 5:10pm-7:00pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
A criminal mastermind hopes to seal his reputation as the greatest villain of them all by stealing the moon. First he needs to get his hands on a shrinking ray owned by a rival evil genius, and adopts three orphan girls to help him – but finds that fatherhood brings out his long-buried caring side. Animated comedy, with the voices of Steve Carell, Jason Segel, Russell Brand and Julie Andrews.

Minions Merchandise

X-Men (2000) Channel 4 5:35pm-7:30pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
Super-powered outsiders Rogue and Wolverine enlist at a school for mutants which is run by a benevolent psychic professor. While there, they agree to join others with similar gifts to take on a superhuman mutant terrorist faction intent on establishing dominance over mankind. Sci-fi comic-book adventure, starring Hugh Jackman, Patrick Stewart, Ian McKellen, Anna Paquin and Halle Berry.

Superhero Merchandise

Little Nicky (2000) Channel 5 5:40pm-7:15pm (1 hour 35 minutes)
The Devil decides to put off retirement for a little longer, but his two oldest sons are left fuming – and decide to get revenge by creating Hell on Earth. The job of saving the world falls to their good-natured younger brother, who travels to New York to put things right. Comedy, starring Adam Sandler, Patricia Arquette, Harvey Keitel, Rhys Ifans, Reese Witherspoon and Rodney Dangerfield.

Airplane! (1980) Film4 7:15pm-9:00pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
The passengers on board an ill-fated airliner become increasingly jittery when the flight crew flounder during a food-poisoning crisis. As ground control personnel struggle heroically to ensure the plane lands safely, a traumatised war veteran must face his fear to take the controls. Spoof disaster movie, starring Robert Hays, Leslie Nielsen, Robert Stack and Lloyd Bridges.

Zoolander (2001) Channel 5 7:15pm-9:00pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
Dim male model Derek Zoolander is stunned to find his career going downhill thanks to the arrival of an equally vacuous rival – but fails to realise he is merely a pawn in a dangerous game of international espionage and world domination. Comedy, starring Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Will Ferrell, Milla Jovovich, Christine Taylor and David Duchovny.

Nighthawks (1981) ITV4 9:00pm-11:05pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
Two tough cops are assigned to track down a ruthless terrorist on the streets of New York before he carries out his threat to blow up the UN building – and from randomly picking off innocent citizens as the pressure builds. Action adventure, starring Sylvester Stallone, Billy Dee Williams, Rutger Hauer, Lindsay Wagner, Nigel Davenport and Persis Khambatta.

Patriot Games (1992) Film4 9:00pm-11:15pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
Former CIA agent Jack Ryan foils an assassination attempt by an IRA splinter group, killing one of the terrorists in the process. However, he becomes caught in a lethal game of cat-and-mouse with the dead man’s revenge-seeking brother. Thriller based on Tom Clancy’s novel, starring Harrison Ford, Sean Bean, Samuel L Jackson, Richard Harris and James Earl Jones, reprising his role from earlier Clancy adaptation The Hunt for Red October.

Whatever you’re up to this weekend, keep it cool and keep it classy.

xoxo

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Blow us down! It’s another weekend? So soon? Well….okay then!

Fighting our way down another windy avenue, we find ourselves being pushed and pulled around from one side to another like trying to pick which top retro films from our list we should choose from. Will it be comedy, sci-fi or perhaps a thriller??

Have a happy retro weekend!

SATURDAY 30th JANUARY

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The ‘Burbs
(1989) ITV4 10:45am-12:45pm (2 hours)
The arrival of secretive neighbours sparks an unhealthy curiosity in a group of friends, leading them to go to bizarre lengths to discover the truth about the newcomers. However, their investigations take an even weirder twist when they begin to suspect their unseen fellow suburbanites are part of a cannibalistic cult. Joe Dante’s black comedy, starring Tom Hanks, Bruce Dern, Carrie Fisher, Corey Feldman and Henry Gibson.

Planet of the Apes (2001) 5* 5:20pm-7:40pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
An astronaut crash-lands on a strange planet and is captured and enslaved by the ruling race of highly intelligent apes. Luckily, he is helped by a sympathetic chimpanzee – but then discovers a shocking secret. Remake of the 1960s sci-fi adventure, directed by Tim Burton and starring Mark Wahlberg, Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Roth, and featuring a cameo appearance from the original film’s star Charlton Heston.

Vertical Limit (2000) Sony Channel 6:40pm-9:00pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
A wildlife photographer is forced to master his fears and the elements as he leads an expedition to climb K2, the world’s second highest mountain, on a desperate mission to rescue his estranged sister and her fellow mountaineers, who have fallen into a crevasse. Action adventure, starring Chris O’Donnell, Bill Paxton, Scott Glenn and Robin Tunney.

The Mummy (1999) ITV2 6:50pm-9:15pm (2 hours 25 minutes)
A soldier of fortune joins an academic and her conniving brother on an expedition to an ancient Egyptian lost city. The explorers accidentally cause the spirit of a vengeful priest with awe-inspiring supernatural powers to rise from his tomb, leading to a desperate battle for survival. Fantasy action adventure, starring Brendan Fraser, Rachel Weisz, John Hannah, Arnold Vosloo and Oded Fehr.

Fun Fact: While filming, John Hannah sprained his wrist and had to wear a brace on it, which which you can actually see during his final scenes.

Wing Commander (1999) Syfy 7:00pm-9:00pm (2 hours)
A youthful space pilot resolves to put his troubled past behind him when he is assigned to an elite squadron aiming to protect the human race from feline alien foes. He faces an uphill struggle to prove his daring is matched by his talent. Sci-fi adventure based on the computer game, starring Freddie Prinze Jr, Matthew Lillard, Saffron Burrows and Tcheky Karyo.

Die Hard with a Vengeance (1995) BBC3 9:10pm-11:10pm (2 hours)
New York cop John McClane returns to duty following an explosion at a department store in the city. The perpetrator contacts the police and tells them that unless McClane and an unfortunate bystander who was in the wrong place at the wrong time carry out a series of instructions to the letter, more bombs will be detonated. Action thriller sequel, starring Bruce Willis, Samuel L Jackson and Jeremy Irons.

The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997) ITV London 10:30pm-12:45am (2 hours 15 minutes)
Scientist Dr Ian Malcolm reluctantly joins a research team on the island where his employer first designed genetically engineered dinosaurs. Meanwhile, a big-game hunter takes the chance to bag the biggest prize of all – a Tyrannosaurus rex. Steven Spielberg’s dinosaur adventure sequel, starring Jeff Goldblum, Julianne Moore, Pete Postlethwaite and Richard Attenborough.

Jurassic Park Merchandise

SUNDAY 31st JANUARY

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Sister Act
(1992) E4 2:35pm-4:35pm (2 hours)
Nightclub singer Deloris Van Cartier agrees to testify against her gangster boyfriend after witnessing a murder. Placed in protective custody by the authorities, she is less than pleased to discover she is expected to pose as chaste nun Sister Mary Clarence in a convent. Comedy, starring Whoopi Goldberg, Harvey Keitel, Maggie Smith, Bill Nunn and Kathy Najimy.

Big Business (1988) Film4 2:50pm-4:45pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
The first-born babies in two sets of identical twins are mixed up at birth by a short-sighted nurse, leading to their being raised in very different social circles. In later life, one pair, brought up in a poor mining town, visits New York to challenge a powerful conglomerate – only to find their respective siblings are in charge of the company. Comedy, starring Bette Midler and Lily Tomlin in dual roles alongside Fred Ward and Edward Herrmann.

The Mummy Returns (2001) ITV2 3:45pm-6:15pm (2 hours 30 minutes)
Married explorers Rick and Evelyn battle the newly resurrected mummy Imhotep and his ruthless partner, who have captured their son. The undead creature is heading for a confrontation with a legendary ancient warrior – with power over a magical army to be won. Fantasy adventure sequel, starring Brendan Fraser, Rachel Weisz, John Hannah, Arnold Vosloo, Oded Fehr and Patricia Velasquez, with a brief appearance by Dwayne Johnson.

Diamonds Are Forever (1971) ITV London 3:40pm-6:00pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
James Bond investigates a diamond-smuggling operation, and discovers that behind the scheme is his insidious arch-enemy Blofeld, who is planning to construct a devastating orbital doomsday weapon powered by the precious stones, which will force world powers to disarm and give him global domination. Spy adventure, starring Sean Connery, Jill St John, Charles Gray, Bernard Lee and Lois Maxwell.

Fun Fact: Because of Sean Connery’s high fee, the film’s special effects budget was significantly scaled back. Connery was reportedly paid $1.25 million (US) to return as James Bond, a figure unheard of in those days.

Mr Bean’s Holiday (2007) ITV2 6:15pm-8:00pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
The bumbling fool wins first prize in the church raffle – a trip to France and a video camera. His travels cause chaos as he disrupts a film shoot in Cannes, to the fury of its megalomaniac director, and is then accused of kidnapping a youngster. Comedy, starring Rowan Atkinson, Willem Dafoe, Emma de Caunes and Max Baldry.

Mr Bean Clothing

A Knight’s Tale (2001) Film4 6:25pm-9:00pm (2 hours 35 minutes)
A poverty-stricken squire spies an opportunity to make his dreams come true when his employer dies. He takes his place as a knight, launching himself on the road to riches by competing in jousting tournaments, but his ruse is jeopardised by a dastardly nobleman. Comedy adventure, starring Heath Ledger, Paul Bettany, Mark Addy, Shannyn Sossamon and Rufus Sewell.

Meet the Parents (2000) BBC3 9:00pm-10:45pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
A male nurse delays proposing to his girlfriend until he has won the approval of her strict father, a former CIA agent who does not suffer fools gladly, and vows to be on his best behaviour during a visit to her family home. However, his efforts to impress soon collapse into a catalogue of disasters. Comedy, starring Robert De Niro, Ben Stiller, Teri Polo, Blythe Danner and Owen Wilson.

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (2012) ITV2 8:00pm-11:15pm (3 hours 15 minutes)
Unassuming hobbit Bilbo Baggins is pulled out of his comfortable life when Gandalf the wizard volunteers him for a dangerous quest. He joins a party of dwarves who are on a mission to reclaim their lost homeland, which has been taken over by a dragon. The first part of Peter Jackson’s fantasy adventure trilogy based on JRR Tolkien’s novel, starring Martin Freeman, Ian McKellen and Richard Armitage.

Jackie Brown (1997) ITV4 11:00pm-2:10am (3 hours 10 minutes)
An air hostess is arrested for smuggling drugs and money into the US for a local arms dealer. Realising her life may be in danger she leaves jail with a plan to stay one step ahead by playing the criminal and the police off against each other. Quentin Tarantino’s crime drama, based on the novel Rum Punch by Elmore Leonard, starring Pam Grier, Robert Forster, Robert De Niro, Samuel L Jackson, Bridget Fonda, Michael Keaton and Michael Bowen.

Whatever you’re up to this weekend, always keep a pen handy and remember that sometimes your time is the best gift you can give someone.
xoxo

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Stop the press! Another weekend is upon us which can only mean one thing! Time for another classic TruffleShuffle retro movie rundown!

With our telescope and binoculars all cleaned up, focused and at the ready, we find ourselves scanning the skies once again in search of some of the biggest and loudest jumbo jets in the sky! Like finding the perfect film for a night in, we’ll sit down comfortably and let the excitement build as we follow the mighty aircraft across the sky and let our minds wonder as to where it might be going like all good stories should.

Have a happy retro weekend!

SATURDAY 23rd JANUARY

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Small Soldiers
(1998) ITV2 2:05pm-4:20pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
A hi-tech computer chip has a bizarre effect on a squad of toy soldiers, causing mayhem for their owner as the miniature marauders engage in a series of scaled-down skirmishes. Children’s adventure mixing live action and computer animation, starring Kirsten Dunst, Denis Leary and Gregory Smith, with the voices of Tommy Lee Jones, Frank Langella, Sarah Michelle Gellar and Christina Ricci.

The Sting (1973) ITV4 2:20pm-5:00pm (2 hours 40 minutes)
Two conmen decide to swindle a mobster out of a fortune in revenge for the murder of a mutual friend. Enlisting the help of a host of crooks, they quickly conjure up a brilliant scheme to make him pay for his crime. Oscar-winning Depression-era comedy drama, starring Robert Redford, Paul Newman, Robert Shaw, Charles Durning and Eileen Brennan.

The War of the Worlds (1953) Film4 3:15pm-5:00pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
A meteor strike in southern California turns out to contain a deadly alien war machine that wipes out anything in its path. This machine is the vanguard of a mass invasion of aliens from Mars, who are intent on wiping out the human race and claiming Earth for themselves. Sci-fi drama, updating HG Wells’ novel to a 20th-century setting, starring Gene Barry, Ann Robinson and Les Tremayne.

Fun Fact: The sound effects of the Martian war machines’ heat ray were created from three electric guitars played backward.

Jurassic Park III (2001) ITV2 6:25pm-8:15pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
Palaeontologist Dr Alan Grant is lured to a dinosaur-infested island by a divorced couple who offer to fund his research, unaware their real motive is to find their missing son – and that the creatures on the island are far more intelligent than anyone suspected. Action adventure sequel, starring Sam Neill, William H Macy, Tea Leoni and Alessandro Nivola.

Jurassic Park Merchandise

Napoleon Dynamite (2004) Film4 7:05pm-8:55pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
A socially inept high-school student and his lonely unemployed brother find their eccentric home life thrown into upheaval when their meddling uncle comes to stay. The teenage oddball tries to make the best of his changing circumstances, while putting all his skills to the task of helping his new best friend win the class presidency. Comedy, starring Jon Heder, Efren Ramirez and Haylie Duff.

SUNDAY 24th JANUARY

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The ‘Burbs (1989) ITV4 12:20pm-2:25pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
The arrival of secretive neighbours sparks an unhealthy curiosity in a group of friends, leading them to go to bizarre lengths to discover the truth about the newcomers. However, their investigations take an even weirder twist when they begin to suspect their unseen fellow suburbanites are part of a cannibalistic cult. Joe Dante’s black comedy, starring Tom Hanks, Bruce Dern, Carrie Fisher, Corey Feldman and Henry Gibson.

Smokey and the Bandit (1977) ITV4 2:25pm-4:15pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
A truck driver accepts a challenge to deliver a consignment of beer to a party. He claims he can make the 900-mile round trip in just 28 hours, but a pompous sheriff is determined to stop him in his tracks, not least because his prospective daughter-in-law has deserted his son and hitched a ride with the unlikely hero. Comedy, starring Burt Reynolds, Jackie Gleason, Sally Field and Jerry Reed.

Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992) E4 2:30pm-5:00pm (2 hours 30 minutes)
Hapless youngster Kevin somehow manages to catch the wrong plane and finds himself heading for New York, while his family jets off to Florida. Having got his hands on his father’s credit card, he is enjoying the good life staying in a luxury hotel – until he bumps into two familiar burglars with an axe to grind. Comedy sequel, starring Macaulay Culkin, Joe Pesci, Daniel Stern, Brenda Fricker and Tim Curry.

On Her Majesty’s Secret Service (1969) ITV London 3:15pm-6:00pm (2 hours 45 minutes)
James Bond is sent on a mission to track down master criminal and arch-enemy Blofeld, who is intent on destroying world peace by means of a lethal virus unless he receives an international amnesty for his crimes. Spy adventure, starring George Lazenby in his only outing as 007, alongside Telly Savalas, Diana Rigg and Gabrielle Ferzetti.

Fun Fact: As Bond passes a janitor in Draco’s headquarters, the man can be heard whistling the Goldfinger (1964) theme.

The Mummy (1999) ITV2 4:00pm-6:20pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
A soldier of fortune joins an academic and her conniving brother on an expedition to an ancient Egyptian lost city. The explorers accidentally cause the spirit of a vengeful priest with awe-inspiring supernatural powers to rise from his tomb, leading to a desperate battle for survival. Fantasy action adventure, starring Brendan Fraser, Rachel Weisz, John Hannah, Arnold Vosloo and Oded Fehr.

Labyrinth (1986) Channel 5 5:05pm-7:05pm (2 hours)
A teenager wishes her baby brother would be taken away, only to have her request granted by a band of goblins and their sinister king. She regrets her decision and sets out to rescue him, but to reach the castle where he is being held, she must find her way through a magical maze full of strange creatures. Jim Henson’s fantasy adventure, starring Jennifer Connelly and David Bowie.

Labyrinth Merchandise

Die Hard with a Vengeance (1995) BBC3 9:00pm-11:00pm (2 hours)
New York cop John McClane returns to duty following an explosion at a department store in the city. The perpetrator contacts the police and tells them that unless McClane and an unfortunate bystander who was in the wrong place at the wrong time carry out a series of instructions to the letter, more bombs will be detonated. Action thriller sequel, starring Bruce Willis, Samuel L Jackson and Jeremy Irons.

Whatever you’re up to this weekend, always keep a charger handy and remember to put the right disc in the right case.

xoxo

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Great wall of China! Another weekend? Sure why not!

Like an eagerly anticipating nominee for a big award, we find ourselves once again faced with a huge amount of opportunity before us like a long list of top retro films. A single decision will determine a great expanse of our lives (usually 90-120 minutes) and could just quite possibly take us to far and distant lands with some of the most colourful characters ever to hit the screen. We’ll sit patently with a belly full of butterflies before the big title is revealed and the fate of our evenings will be defined.

Have a happy retro weekend!

SATURDAY 16TH JANUARY

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Flash Gordon (1980) Channel 4 10:00am-12:10pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
American football quarterback Flash Gordon and journalist Dale Arden find themselves aboard a rocket ship designed by scientist Dr Zarkov, who intends to travel across space to locate the source of recent natural disasters. The three arrive on the planet Mongo, where they soon learn that the attacks are the responsibility of evil emperor Ming the Merciless, who is planning to destroy the Earth. Sci-fi comic-strip adventure, with Sam J Jones, Max von Sydow, Brian Blessed, Melody Anderson, Topol, Timothy Dalton, Ornella Muti, Peter Wyngarde and Mariangela Melato.

Flash Gordon Merchandise

The Three Musketeers (1993) Film4 1:00pm-3:05pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
The king of France’s elite personal guard is disbanded, but three of them refuse to lay down their swords. Aided by an impetuous young man keen to join their ranks, the trio set out to foil an evil cardinal’s plot to seize the throne for himself by capturing the cleric’s wily female spy. Swashbuckling comedy adventure, with Kiefer Sutherland, Charlie Sheen, Oliver Platt, Chris O’Donnell, Tim Curry and Rebecca De Mornay.

Bean (1997) ITV2 4:00pm-5:45pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
The hapless fool is employed as a security guard for a British art gallery and is sent to Los Angeles to bring back a famous painting. Unfortunately, he finds himself mistaken for a renowned art professor and invited to make an important presentation. Mel Smith’s British comedy, starring Rowan Atkinson, Burt Reynolds, Peter MacNicol, John Mills, Peter Capaldi and June Brown.

The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997) ITV2 5:45pm-8:15pm (2 hours 30 minutes)
Scientist Dr Ian Malcolm reluctantly joins a research team on the island where his employer first designed genetically engineered dinosaurs. Meanwhile, a big-game hunter takes the chance to bag the biggest prize of all – a Tyrannosaurus rex. Steven Spielberg’s dinosaur adventure sequel, starring Jeff Goldblum, Julianne Moore, Pete Postlethwaite and Richard Attenborough.

Jurassic Park TShirt

Assassins (1995) ITV4 9:00pm-11:40pm (2 hours 40 minutes)
Hitman Robert Rath is planning to quit his lethal profession, especially when he is stalked by a ruthless younger assassin who has no qualms about killing innocent bystanders. But as Rath takes on his last assignment, he decides to protect his intended target after his rival comes gunning for her. Thriller, starring Sylvester Stallone, Antonio Banderas and Julianne Moore.

Drive (2011) BBC3 9:30pm-11:05pm (1 hour 35 minutes) – Not retro but can’t be ignored!
A stuntman who moonlights as a getaway driver tries to protect the wife and child of an imprisoned criminal. When the convict is released, the driver tries to convince him to give up his life of crime for his family’s sake, but when they work together on a robbery, they end up drawn into a conflict with the Mafia. Crime drama, with Ryan Gosling, Carey Mulligan and Bryan Cranston.

Kevin and Perry Go Large (2000) Comedy Central 10:15pm-12:00am (1 hour 45 minutes)
The teenage duo are thrilled when their parents agree to let them go to Ibiza, and promptly embark on an increasingly desperate quest to find stardom as club DJs and lose their virginity on the sun-kissed shores – but seem certain to fail. Comedy, starring Harry Enfield, Kathy Burke, Rhys Ifans, James Fleet and Paul Whitehouse.

Lethal Weapon 4 (1998) ITV London 10:35pm-12:50am (2 hours 15 minutes)
Mismatched LAPD detectives Riggs and Murtaugh stumble across a ship transporting Chinese immigrants into the US. As they try to get to the bottom of the organisation behind the smuggling, they find themselves up against a master criminal who is an expert in martial arts and heads a Chinese triad responsible for people-trafficking and forgery. Action adventure sequel, starring Mel Gibson, Danny Glover, Rene Russo, Joe Pesci, Jet Li and Chris Rock.

The Running Man (1987) Channel 4 11:40pm-1:30am (1 hour 50 minutes)
A helicopter pilot is framed for the murder of starving civilians – and ends up being forced to take part in a brutal TV game show in which a succession of gadget-wielding killers hunt him on the streets of Los Angeles. Sci-fi action adventure, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Yaphet Kotto, Maria Conchita Alonso and Richard Dawson.

SUNDAY 17TH JANUARY

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Clueless (1995) Film4 1:00pm-2:50pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
A rich high-school student uses all her charm and financial clout to boost an awkward new pupil’s image, but soon finds she has created a monster – while her own popularity suffers in the process. Comedy inspired by Jane Austen’s Emma, starring Alicia Silverstone, Stacey Dash, Brittany Murphy and Paul Rudd.

Clueless Clothing

Blue Streak (1999) Channel 5 1:55pm-3:40pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
A convicted jewel thief is released from prison, and sets about recovering his hidden loot – only to discover a police station has since been built where he left it. Undeterred, he poses as a maverick cop and worms his way into the detective division – little realising his problems have only just begun. Comedy, starring Martin Lawrence, Luke Wilson and Peter Greene.

Napoleon Dynamite (2004) Film4 2:50pm-4:40pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
A socially inept high-school student and his lonely unemployed brother find their eccentric home life thrown into upheaval when their meddling uncle comes to stay. The teenage oddball tries to make the best of his changing circumstances, while putting all his skills to the task of helping his new best friend win the class presidency. Comedy, starring Jon Heder, Efren Ramirez and Haylie Duff.

Home Alone (1990) E4 3:05pm-5:10pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
A boy has to fend for himself when he is accidentally left behind after his family jets off to Paris for Christmas. The youngster initially enjoys his freedom, but is soon forced to resort to ingenious booby traps to defend the family home from two dim-witted burglars. Comedy, starring Macaulay Culkin, Joe Pesci, Daniel Stern, John Heard, Catherine O’Hara and John Candy.

Home Alone TShirts

You Only Live Twice (1967) ITV London 3:20pm-5:35pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
James Bond is sent on a mission to uncover the truth behind the disappearances of Soviet and American space capsules before the mutually suspicious superpowers go to war. The trail leads to Japan, where Bond finally comes face to face with his arch-enemy Blofeld. Spy thriller, starring Sean Connery, Donald Pleasence, Akiko Wakabayashi and Bernard Lee.

That Thing You Do! (1996) Sony Channel 4:30pm-6:45pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
A small-town beat combo become a national overnight sensation with their debut record – but their sudden success looks to be a one-off, leaving them struggling to find a way of repeating the formula. Comedy drama set in the 1960s, written and directed by Tom Hanks, who also appears as the band’s manager. With Tom Everett Scott, Liv Tyler and Johnathon Schaech.

Jurassic Park III (2001) ITV2 5:05pm-6:55pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
Palaeontologist Dr Alan Grant is lured to a dinosaur-infested island by a divorced couple who offer to fund his research, unaware their real motive is to find their missing son – and that the creatures on the island are far more intelligent than anyone suspected. Action adventure sequel, starring Sam Neill, William H Macy, Tea Leoni and Alessandro Nivola.

Smokey and the Bandit (1977) ITV4 6:05pm-8:00pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
A truck driver accepts a challenge to deliver a consignment of beer to a party. He claims he can make the 900-mile round trip in just 28 hours, but a pompous sheriff is determined to stop him in his tracks, not least because his prospective daughter-in-law has deserted his son and hitched a ride with the unlikely hero. Comedy, starring Burt Reynolds, Jackie Gleason, Sally Field and Jerry Reed.

Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls (1995) Channel 5 7:10pm-8:55pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
The eccentric pet detective is coaxed out of self-imposed exile in a Buddhist monastery to visit Africa and help search for a sacred white bat. However, his unique investigative talents are tested to the limits as he faces a race against time to find the missing creature and prevent a tribal war. Comedy sequel, starring Jim Carrey, Simon Callow and Bob Gunton.

The Client (1994) ITV4 9:00pm-11:30pm (2 hours 30 minutes)
A Mafia lawyer tells a boy where a politician’s body is buried shortly before committing suicide, prompting a team of district attorneys to press the young witness for information. However, the streetwise kid refuses to give evidence unless his own and his family’s safety is guaranteed, and hires a lawyer to ensure his demands are met. Courtroom thriller based on the novel by John Grisham, with Susan Sarandon, Tommy Lee Jones and Brad Renfro.

Whatever you’re up to this weekend, remember that too much rice is always better than not enough and to measure twice and cut once.
xoxo

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