Matt Damon

Great Gatsby! Another retro movie filled weekend is here folks. Time for adventure, mystery and of course a full helping of action. Let’s go!

Climbing the steep, cold and grainy steps up towards the top board, we find our excitement and nerves increasing evermore with each step. Reaching the heights of the wide, long and solid top board, we slowly make our way to the edge before peeping over to see the blue depths that lurk below. Taking a deep breath, we’ll leap into the air seemly weightless for a moment, before gravity kicks in and launches us into the cold blue depths.

SATURDAY 18th MARCH

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Hook
(1991) Sony Movie Channel 10:50am-2:00pm (3 hours 10 minutes)
Peter Pan, who has finally grown up and is now a married lawyer with a family of his own, is whisked away by Tinkerbell to Neverland, where he must learn to fly again if he is to save his children from the clutches of Captain Hook. Steven Spielberg’s fantasy adventure, with Robin Williams, Dustin Hoffman, Julia Roberts, Bob Hoskins and Maggie Smith.

The Addams Family (1991) Film4 1:00pm-3:05pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
Creepy couple Morticia and Gomez find their unconventional life threatened by a man claiming to be a long-lost relative. When they welcome him with open arms, they fall prey to a plot that could cost them their ancestral home and the family fortune. Black comedy based on the 1960s TV series, starring Anjelica Huston, Raul Julia, Christopher Lloyd, Christina Ricci, Jimmy Workman and Carel Struycken.

First Knight (1995) Sony Movie Channel 2:00pm-4:50pm (2 hours 50 minutes)
A wandering swordsman is knighted for his fighting prowess at the court of King Arthur and his wife, Lady Guinevere. However, the new knight and the queen develop a dangerous and secret attraction for each other, while a neighbouring warlord threatens the downfall of the kingdom. Adventure, starring Richard Gere, Sean Connery, Julia Ormond and Ben Cross.

Fun Fact: Mel Gibson was attached to this project at one stage, but chose to direct and star in Braveheart (1995) instead.

Mr Bean’s Holiday (2007) ITV2 6:15pm-8:00pm
The bumbling fool wins first prize in the church raffle – a trip to France and a video camera. His travels cause chaos as he disrupts a film shoot in Cannes, to the fury of its megalomaniac director, and is then accused of kidnapping a youngster. Comedy, starring Rowan Atkinson, Willem Dafoe, Emma de Caunes and Max Baldry.

Mr Bean Clothing

Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991) ITV4 9:00pm–11:45pm
A reprogrammed killing machine is sent back in time to the 20th century to protect John Connor, a teenage boy whose destiny is to save the human race. After breaking John’s mother out of a mental institution, the pair set out to avert a future nuclear war – pursued by an advanced prototype terminator with shape-changing powers. Sci-fi action adventure sequel, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Linda Hamilton, Edward Furlong and Robert Patrick.

Rambo III (1988) ITV 11:35pm-1:25am (1 hour 50 minutes)
Vietnam veteran John Rambo turns down a request from his old colonel to join a mission in Soviet-occupied Afghanistan. However, when the officer is captured, Rambo sets off to save him, joining the Mujahedeen rebels in fighting against the Russian invaders. Action adventure sequel, starring Sylvester Stallone, Richard Crenna, Kurtwood Smith, Marc de Jonge and Sasson Gabai.

Scary Movie 2 (2001) Film4 11:05pm-12:40am (1 hour 35 minutes)
Teenage survivors of an encounter with a ghost-faced killer end up in college and try to forget the trauma of earlier events – but fate takes a hand when an eccentric college professor bribes them to stay in a haunted house in return for A-grades. Spoof horror sequel, starring Marlon and Shawn Wayans, Anna Faris and Tim Curry.

SUNDAY 19th MARCH

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Vice Versa
(1988) Film4 1:00pm-2:55pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
A department store executive returns from a trip to Thailand in possession of a mysterious artefact that causes him to change places with his 11-year-old son. While the horrified father struggles to cope with a world of teachers and school bullies, the youngster is revelling in the perks of being a grown-up. Fantasy comedy, starring Judge Reinhold, Fred Savage, Swoosie Kurtz and Corinne Bohrer.

Fun Fact: This is actually the seventh film or television adaptation of F. Anstey’s “Vice Versa (1882)

Batteries Not Included (1987) Channel 5 1:05pm-3:05pm (2 hours)
A family of tiny alien spacecraft intervenes to help the residents of a run-down Manhattan brownstone tenement stop greedy developers from demolishing their homes. However, the miniature flying saucers have the odds stacked against them as they bravely do all they can to save the day. Sci-fi fantasy, starring Jessica Tandy, Hume Cronyn, Frank McRae and Elizabeth Pena.

Despicable Me (2010) ITV2 3:55pm-5:00pm
A criminal mastermind hopes to seal his reputation as the greatest villain of them all by stealing the moon. First he needs to get his hands on a shrinking ray owned by a rival evil genius, and adopts three orphan girls to help him – but finds that fatherhood brings out his long-buried caring side. Animated comedy, with the voices of Steve Carell, Jason Segel, Russell Brand and Julie Andrews.

Minion Merchandise

Addams Family Values (1993) E4 7:00pm-9:00pm (2 hours)
Spooky couple Gomez and Morticia hire a nanny to look after their new baby son – and stop him suffering an early death at the hands of his jealous elder siblings. Romance soon blossoms between the new childminder and Uncle Fester, but he does not realise she is planning to kill him once she has got hold of the family fortune. Comedy sequel, starring Anjelica Huston, Raul Julia, Christopher Lloyd, Christina Ricci and Joan Cusack.

Fun Fact: Oddly, Carol Kane, who plays Grandmama, is almost a year younger than Anjelica Huston, who plays her daughter, Morticia Addams.

RoboCop 3 (1993) ITV4 9:05pm-11:15pm
A giant Japanese corporation’s plan to turn Detroit into an anaesthetised metropolis prompts the gun-toting cyborg hero to help a band of rebels fight against the forces of tyranny. Sci-fi thriller sequel, starring Robert Burke, Nancy Allen, Rip Torn, John Castle and Jill Hennessy.

Die Hard 2 (1990) E4 10:00pm-12:25am (2 hours 25 minutes)
Tough cop John McClane arrives at an airport to pick up his wife, but finds himself plunged into a bloody life-or-death struggle. He must battle terrorists who have seized control of the terminal as part of a campaign to secure the release of a convicted drug baron. Action thriller sequel, starring Bruce Willis, Bonnie Bedelia, William Sadler, Franco Nero and William Atherton.

Good Will Hunting (1997) ITV3 11:05pm-1:35am
A troubled maths genius refuses to use his gift, preferring to work as a janitor and lead a normal life with his friends. Eventually, a university professor persuades him to see a psychologist, who befriends him and proves the only person able to help him come to terms with his talent and past traumas. Drama, written by and starring Matt Damon and Ben Affleck, who won Oscars for their screenplay. With Robin Williams, Minnie Driver and Stellan Skarsgard.

Firefox (1982) ITV4 11:15pm-2:00am
A former US Air Force pilot comes out of retirement for a top-secret mission – to go undercover behind the Iron Curtain and steal a hi-tech Soviet fighter plane that is invisible to radar and equipped with a thought-controlled weapons system. Cold War action adventure, directed by and starring Clint Eastwood. With Freddie Jones, David Huffman and Warren Clarke.

Whatever you’re up to this weekend, always show your working and don’t forget to clean out the fridge.

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Mop our brow and pour us a drink! It’s only another sunny retro movie weekend!

Like an over excited weekender heading to the nearest beach , we find ourselves faced with another few days of adventure, comedy and perhaps a bit or romance as we set up base in the sand for another retro movie extravaganza! With sandy sandwiches and our trusty bucket and spade, we’ll wind away the sunny afternoon with the gentle breeze and sound of the crashing waves. With more layers of sun cream on than there are layers on a gob stopper, we’ll soak up some Sun before dashing the the ice cream van to grab more treats than we know we probably should. Good times.

Have a happy retro weekend!

SATURDAY 28th May

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Murder on the Orient Express (1974) ITV 1:15pm-3:50pm (2 hours 35 minutes)
An American businessman travelling on the Orient Express from Istanbul to Paris tries to hire Hercule Poirot to discover the source of the death threats that have been made against him. The sleuth refuses, but wakes up the following morning to learn the man has been stabbed to death while the train was held up by heavy snow – and there is no shortage of suspects among the passengers. Agatha Christie mystery,

Short Circuit 2 (1988) Sony Channel 2:30pm-4:45pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
Manic mechanoid Johnny Five meets an old friend in New York City and embarks on a fact-finding tour – but ends up entangled in a series of escapades culminating in a bank robbery. Sci-fi comedy sequel, starring Fisher Stevens, Michael McKean, Cynthia Gibb and Jack Weston, with the voice of Tim Blaney.

Mannequin (1987) 5STAR 3:10pm-5:00pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
A struggling artist gets a job as a window dresser for a department store, only to discover one of his dummies is a reincarnated Egyptian princess who comes to life at night. As he falls for the living doll, she inspires him to transform the shop’s display and make it the most spectacular in town. Fantasy comedy, starring Andrew McCarthy and Kim Cattrall.

Fun Fact: Director Michael Gottlieb got the idea for this film when he was walking by a store window and was startled to “see” a mannequin move by itself. He realized it was just an optical illusion caused by a combination of lights and shadows, but began to wonder what would happen if a mannequin actually DID come to life.

Uncle Buck (1989) ITV2 3:20pm-4:20pm (1 hour) 2 parts
An unreliable but good-natured slob is called upon to look after his trouble-making nephew and nieces while their parents are away – and what starts as a disaster soon changes for the better as the unlikely babysitter gets to grips with the finer points of being a responsible adult. Family comedy, starring John Candy, Macaulay Culkin, Jean Kelly, Gaby Hoffman, Amy Madigan and Laurie Metcalf.

Sister Act (1992) Film4 4:50pm-6:50pm (2 hours)
Nightclub singer Deloris Van Cartier agrees to testify against her gangster boyfriend after witnessing a murder. Placed in protective custody by the authorities, she is less than pleased to discover she is expected to pose as chaste nun Sister Mary Clarence in a convent. Comedy, starring Whoopi Goldberg, Harvey Keitel, Maggie Smith, Bill Nunn and Kathy Najimy.

The Animal (2001) Comedy Central 6:05pm-7:40pm (1 hour 35 minutes)
A man dreams of becoming a police officer, but thinks his chance is lost after a car accident leaves him critically injured. That is, until a deranged scientist offers to rebuild him with the body parts and organs of various animals, making his physique better than ever before. All seems well, until some beastly traits begin to emerge. Comedy, with Rob Schneider, Edward Asner and Colleen Haskell.

Hulk (2003) ITV 7:15pm-8:25pm (1 hour 10 minutes)
Scientist Dr Bruce Banner turns into the rampaging green Hulk after exposure to a huge dose of gamma radiation, prompting the military to embark on a no-holds-barred mission to destroy the monster. Meanwhile, Banner’s unstable father resurfaces, holding the secret to his transformation. Comic-strip adventure from director Ang Lee, starring Eric Bana, Jennifer Connelly, Sam Elliott and Nick Nolte.

Hulk Merchandise

The Prestige (2006) BBC2 11:00pm-1:00am (2 hours)
Victorian stage illusionists Robert Angier and Alfred Borden engage in a bitter personal and professional rivalry. The pair resort to increasingly brutal measures to sabotage each other’s acts, while Angier becomes obsessed with the secret behind Borden’s greatest illusion. Christopher Nolan’s mystery thriller, starring Hugh Jackman, Christian Bale, Michael Caine, Piper Perabo and Scarlett Johansson, with David Bowie as real-life scientific pioneer Nikola Tesla.

End of Days (1999) Channel 4 11:10pm-1:30am (2 hours 20 minutes)
A world-weary former police officer encounters the Devil himself on New Year’s Eve 1999, and is spurred into action to stop the Prince of Darkness exploiting an innocent woman to bring about Armageddon. Supernatural thriller, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Gabriel Byrne, Robin Tunney, Rod Steiger, Kevin Pollak, CCH Pounder and Miriam Margolyes.

SUNDAY 29th May

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Beethoven (1992) ITV2 1:50pm-2:50pm (1 hour) 2 parts
An all-American family adopts a huge St Bernard, but the father is dismayed when it turns into a one-dog disaster zone. He insists the mutt must go to a new home, but when it is kidnapped by a crooked vet, dad has a change of heart and races to the rescue. Comedy, starring Charles Grodin, Bonnie Hunt, Oliver Platt and David Duchovny.

Doc Hollywood (1991) ITV3 4:30pm-5:40pm (1 hour 10 minutes)
An arrogant doctor on his way to California causes an accident in a rural South Carolina town and is sentenced to community service at the local hospital. Initially desperate to leave, he gradually comes to appreciate a slower pace of life. Comedy, starring Michael J Fox, Julie Warner, Woody Harrelson, Bridget Fonda and George Hamilton.

Fun Fact: At one point Hank Gordon says, “I don’t trust a man who doesn’t eat meat.” In real life, Woody Harrelson is a vegan.

Despicable Me (2010) ITV2 5:20pm-6:20pm (1 hour) 2 parts
A criminal mastermind hopes to seal his reputation as the greatest villain of them all by stealing the moon. First he needs to get his hands on a shrinking ray owned by a rival evil genius, and adopts three orphan girls to help him – but finds that fatherhood brings out his long-buried caring side. Animated comedy, with the voices of Steve Carell, Jason Segel, Russell Brand and Julie Andrews.

Despicable Me Merchandise

Big (1988) Film4 4:50pm-6:55pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
A boy ridiculed for his size makes a wish on a fairground machine to become bigger – only to wake up as a 30-year-old man. Driven from his home by his terrified mother, the bewildered youngster trapped in a grown-up body makes his way to New York, where he rises high in the ranks of a toy manufacturing company and applies his youthful enthusiasm to the complexities of adult life. Comedy, starring Tom Hanks, Elizabeth Perkins and Robert Loggia.

Field of Dreams (1989) Film4 6:55pm-9:00pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
A farmer hears a mysterious voice inspiring him to mark out a baseball diamond in a cornfield – which, to his surprise, is visited by the ghost of the star player of the 1919 Chicago White Sox team, whose career was cut short by scandal. It later dawns on him the pitch has a greater purpose – to give people who have sacrificed important parts of their lives a second chance. Fantasy, starring Kevin Costner, Ray Liotta, Burt Lancaster and James Earl Jones.

Police Academy (1984) ITV4 9:00pm-10:00pm (1 hour) 2 parts
An American police college lowers its entrance requirements in the hope of attracting new recruits, and in response, assorted dubious candidates turn up for enrolment. A short-tempered instructor is determined to weed out the bad apples, but a riot provides the clueless cops with a chance to prove their worth. Comedy, starring Steve Guttenberg, Kim Cattrall, Bubba Smith and GW Bailey.

Good Will Hunting (1997) ITV3 10:05pm-11:10pm (1 hour 5 minutes) 2 parts
A troubled maths genius refuses to use his gift, preferring to work as a janitor and lead a normal life with his friends. Eventually, a university professor persuades him to see a psychologist, who befriends him and proves the only person able to help him come to terms with his talent and past traumas. Drama, written by and starring Matt Damon and Ben Affleck, who won Oscars for their screenplay. With Robin Williams, Minnie Driver and Stellan Skarsgard.

Whatever you’re up to this long retro weekend, make sure you have an outside towel and an inside towel and don’t forget to bring enough socks. Matching optional.
xoxo

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Alphabetti Spaghetti! Looks like the Weekend to me!

Once Upon a cloudy sky. Amongst a thick hazy Forrest, sat hunched over on a hollowed out log, gazing wearily over a steaming boggy marsh. Let us be your be-shaggled woodland Troll as we dribble, droll and blow snot bubbles in anticipation of something slimy and squidgy or boney and crunchy to eat. We’ll be poised and ready to pounce onto some cinematic greatness, we’ll prepare our nasty nosh with herbs and sprinkles of movie magic before we devoir the whole thing in one single gulp and belch out some celluloid wonder.

Have a happy retro weekend!

SATURDAY 11th JANUARY

Stargate (1994) 5*  5:10pm-7:30pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
An Egyptologist and a soldier head an expedition through a mysterious portal to an alien planet. The world they find resembles ancient Egypt and is under the rule of a tyrant who has convinced the downtrodden inhabitants that he is a god – until the humans incite the enslaved populace to fight back. Sci-fi adventure, starring Kurt Russell, James Spader and Jaye Davidson

The Fifth Element (1997) 5*  7:30pm-10:00pm (2 hours 30 minutes)
In the 23rd century, the world faces destruction from a seemingly unstoppable force of pure evil. Meanwhile, a New York cab driver encounters a mysterious woman destined to save the Earth from its fate, and has to protect her from a scheming arms dealer and a horde of alien mercenaries. Luc Besson’s sci-fi adventure, starring Bruce Willis, Milla Jovovich and Gary Oldman

Saving Private Ryan (1998) More4  10:00pm-1:25am (3 hours 25 minutes)
In the aftermath of the Normandy landings, a group of American soldiers scours the battlefields of France in search of a missing infantryman, who has been given compassionate leave to return home because his brothers have been killed in the conflict. Steven Spielberg’s Oscar-winning Second World War drama, starring Tom Hanks, Tom Sizemore, Edward Burns, Matt Damon, Barry Pepper and Vin Diesel

Dogma (1999) Film4  9:00pm-11:25pm (2 hours 25 minutes)
Two fallen angels banished to Earth discover a theological loophole could get them back into Heaven – except their plan will cause the world’s destruction. It falls to a lapsed Catholic woman to stop them, with the aid of two so-called prophets, a muse-turned-stripper and a forgotten 13th apostle. Kevin Smith’s comedy fantasy, starring Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, Linda Fiorentino, Salma Hayek, Jason Lee and Alan Rickman

SUNDAY 12th JANUARY

Space Jam (1996) Channel 5  3:30pm-5:10pm (1 hour 40 minutes)
Aliens arrive on Earth to abduct the Looney Tunes gang as a new attraction at their failing intergalactic theme park. To keep their freedom, Bugs Bunny and friends challenge the invaders to a high-stakes basketball game, calling on Michael Jordan to save the day and send the extraterrestrials back where they came from. Live action and animated comedy, starring Bill Murray and Danny DeVito, with the voices of Billy West and Bill Farmer

Honey, I Blew Up the Kid (1992) Film4  3:25pm-5:10pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
A scientist perfects a device for making objects grow when they come into contact with electricity. Unfortunately, his two-year-old son is accidentally turned into a giant and goes on the rampage through the streets of Las Vegas. Disney comedy sequel, starring Rick Moranis, Marcia Strassman, Robert Oliveri and Lloyd Bridges

Coming to America (1988) Film4  9:00pm-11:15pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
A bored African prince defies his father’s plans for an arranged marriage and escapes to the USA to find a bride on his own terms. Comedy, starring Eddie Murphy and Arsenio Hall in several roles, with James Earl Jones, Allison Dean, Eriq La Salle and Madge Sinclair

Sixteen Candles (1985) Film4  11:15pm-1:10am (1 hour 55 minutes)
A teenager’s parents forget her birthday, so she tries to get over her disappointment by searching for the man of her dreams, unaware she’s looking in the wrong place. Comedy drama, starring Molly Ringwald, Justin Henry and Anthony Michael Hall

Whatever you get your filthy mitts on this weekend, remember never stare a Gorilla in the eye and always enjoy yourselves.

xoxo

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