Rowan Atkinson

Hot bowls and spiky sticks! Another retro movie weekend is here and ready to rock this weekend.

Picking only the finest selection of cheeses we can muster, we will begin to chop, grate and mix all these subtle flavours together to create something bigger than the sum of it’s parts. We will begin to slowly heat, melt and mix our concoction, adding a touch of this, a splash of that and a hint of something else. Slowly stirring into the most delicious and winter warming fondue we have ever seen, we will marvel at our creation before mopping up the entire pot with a mix of tasty treats on sticks.

SATURDAY 11th November

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Getting Even with Dad (1994) 5STAR 11:30am-1:40pm
Spoilt child Timmy goes to live with his outwardly respectable father, but realises he is a small-time thief planning his latest robbery. Timmy sets out to reform his dad, and in the meantime manages to fix him up with an attractive undercover cop – leading to much confusion. Family comedy, starring Macaulay Culkin, Ted Danson, Glenne Headly and Hector Elizondo.

Fun Fact: Saul Rubinek was really hit in the nose with a bat during the scene where he falls down the stairs at the stadium. Since Rubinek was caught off guard, his reaction gave the scene a more realistic look.

Matilda (1996) Sony Movie Channel 11:45am-1:50pm
A gifted youngster is packed off by her selfish parents to the prison-like Crunchem Hall School. Once there, she befriends a sweet-natured teacher who convinces her that not all grown-ups are bad – and urges her to use her special powers to turn the tables on the nasty headmistress. Fantasy comedy, adapted from the children’s book by Roald Dahl, with Mara Wilson, Pam Ferris, Embeth Davidtz, Rhea Perlman and Danny DeVito, who also directed.

Roald Dahl Merchandise

Short Circuit 2 (1988) Film4 1:00pm-3:10pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
Manic mechanoid Johnny Five meets an old friend in New York City and embarks on a fact-finding tour – but ends up entangled in a series of escapades culminating in a bank robbery. Sci-fi comedy sequel, starring Fisher Stevens, Michael McKean, Cynthia Gibb and Jack Weston, with the voice of Tim Blaney.

Labyrinth (1986) 5STAR 1:40pm-3:40pm
A teenager wishes her baby brother would be taken away, only to have her request granted by a band of goblins and their sinister king. She regrets her decision and sets out to rescue him, but to reach the castle where he is being held, she must find her way through a magical maze full of strange creatures. Jim Henson’s fantasy adventure, starring Jennifer Connelly and David Bowie.

Labyrinth Merchandise

Bean (1997) ITV2 3:40pm-5:20pm
The hapless fool is employed as a security guard for a British art gallery and is sent to Los Angeles to bring back a famous painting. Unfortunately, he finds himself mistaken for a renowned art professor and invited to make an important presentation. Mel Smith’s British comedy, starring Rowan Atkinson, Burt Reynolds, Peter MacNicol, John Mills, Peter Capaldi and June Brown.

Smokey and the Bandit II (1980) Sony Movie Channel 4:20pm-6:35pm
The maverick haulier must overcome a crisis of confidence when he and his friends are hired to transport a pregnant elephant to Texas, a mammoth task that proves far from easy, especially with their old enemy in hot pursuit. Road comedy, with Burt Reynolds, Jackie Gleason, Jerry Reed, Dom DeLuise and Sally Field.

SUNDAY 12th November

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Look Who’s Talking Now (1993) Sony Movie Channel 1:05pm-3:00pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
A family takes in two pet dogs, a scruffy mongrel with discipline problems and a prim and proper pedigree poodle, whose personality clashes create all sorts of mayhem for the household. Comedy sequel, starring John Travolta and Kirstie Alley, plus the voices of Diane Keaton and Danny DeVito as the canine duo.

Men in Black (1997) Channel 4 4:45pm-6:30pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
A streetwise cop is enlisted by a top-secret government force dedicated to policing alien visitors to Earth, teaming up with a veteran agent just as a body-swapping extraterrestrial giant insect begins a reign of terror throughout New York City. Sci-fi comedy, starring Will Smith, Tommy Lee Jones, Linda Fiorentino, Rip Torn and Vincent D’Onofrio.

Big Daddy (1999) Sony Movie Channel 7:00pm-9:00pm (2 hours)
An immature 32-year-old is heartbroken when his girlfriend walks out on him. In a plan to win her back, he volunteers to look after his flatmate’s five-year-old son, thus demonstrating he is finally ready to grow up. However, his ideas of childcare prove unconventional and chaos quickly ensues. Comedy, with Adam Sandler, Joey Lauren Adams, Jon Stewart, Josh Mostel, Leslie Mann, Rob Schneider and Kristy Swanson, alongside Steve Buscemi in a cameo role.

Quantum of Solace (2008) ITV2 8:00pm-10:15pm
James Bond sets out on a personal mission of vengeance as he pursues the secret criminal organisation Quantum. His search leads him to the head of an ecological corporation, who is plotting to orchestrate a coup in a Latin American country to get his hands on a precious natural resource. Spy thriller sequel, starring Daniel Craig, Olga Kurylenko, Judi Dench, Gemma Arterton and Mathieu Amalric.

Whatever you’re up to this weekend, keep it cheesy.

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Sugar and spice and all things nice! Another retro movie filled weekend is here and ready to woosh us off to far and distant lands. Hold onto your hats!

Packing up our trusty bag, we find ourselves zipping up and tucking away all the essentials of the day in preparation for the adventures ahead. Ticking off each item as we go, we’ll soon be packed up and ready to rock as we begin our journey to the top of our local hiking spot. With our eyes eager to catch all the beauty spots and scenes that await us, we’ll stride closer and closer to the peak as we briefly stop to catch our breath and take in the crisp air and natural wonder.

SATURDAY 21st October

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Smokey and the Bandit (1977) Sony Movie Channel 3:40pm-5:50pm
A truck driver accepts a challenge to deliver a consignment of beer to a party. He claims he can make the 900-mile round trip in just 28 hours, but a pompous sheriff is determined to stop him in his tracks, not least because his prospective daughter-in-law has deserted his son and hitched a ride with the unlikely hero. Comedy, starring Burt Reynolds, Jackie Gleason, Sally Field and Jerry Reed.

Liar Liar (1997) ITV2 5:05pm-6:10pm
A lawyer, whose underhand ploys to win cases leave him little time to see his son, discovers he is incapable of lying after the boy’s birthday wish makes his dad tell only the truth. However, this causes a host of problems as the attorney tries to muddle his way through a high-profile divorce settlement. Comedy, with Jim Carrey, Maura Tierney, Justin Cooper, Jennifer Tilly and Cary Elwes.

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001) ITV2 6:45pm-10:20pm
An unassuming hobbit is plunged into a battle against the forces of darkness when his uncle bequeaths him a magical ring of immense power. He joins a fellowship of heroes to embark on a perilous quest to destroy the ring before it falls into the hands of its creator – a dark lord who needs it to regain his power and conquer the world. The first part of Peter Jackson’s epic fantasy trilogy based on JRR Tolkien’s novel, starring Elijah Wood, Ian McKellen, Viggo Mortensen, Sean Astin, Christopher Lee, Liv Tyler and Orlando Bloom.

Lord of the Rings Merchandise

Die Hard (1988) E4 9:00pm-11:40pm (2 hours 40 minutes)
New York cop John McClane visits Los Angeles to see his family over the Christmas holiday. Stopping off at his wife’s place of work, he realises armed men have taken over the building and are holding the corporation’s staff to ransom – and only he has the ability to fight back. Action thriller, starring Bruce Willis, Alan Rickman and Bonnie Bedelia.

Lethal Weapon 4 (1998) Dave 9:00pm-11:30pm (2 hours 30 minutes)
Mismatched LAPD detectives Riggs and Murtaugh stumble across a ship transporting Chinese immigrants into the US. As they try to get to the bottom of the organisation behind the smuggling, they find themselves up against a master criminal who is an expert in martial arts and heads a triad responsible for people-trafficking and forgery. Action adventure sequel, starring Mel Gibson, Danny Glover, Rene Russo, Joe Pesci, Jet Li and Chris Rock.

SUNDAY 22nd October

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The Railway Children (1970) ITV3 12:45pm-3:00pm
Three Edwardian children are forced to leave their comfortable middle-class London home and move to the wilds of Yorkshire after their father is wrongfully imprisoned for treason. Family drama adapted from E Nesbit’s story, starring Jenny Agutter, Sally Thomsett, Gary Warren, Dinah Sheridan, Bernard Cribbins, William Mervyn and Iain Cuthbertson.

Fun Fact: Sally Thomsett was 20 when she was cast as 11-year-old Phyllis. Her contract forbade her to reveal her true age during the making of the film and she was not allowed to be seen smoking, drinking, going out with her boyfriend or driving the sports cars that were her passion. Even the film crew did not know her true age.

Mr Bean’s Holiday (2007) ITV 2:55pm-4:35pm (1 hour 40 minutes)
The bumbling fool wins first prize in the church raffle – a trip to France and a video camera. His travels cause chaos as he disrupts a film shoot in Cannes, to the fury of its megalomaniac director, and is then accused of kidnapping a youngster. Comedy, starring Rowan Atkinson, Willem Dafoe, Emma de Caunes and Max Baldry.

The NeverEnding Story (1984) W 4:10pm-6:00pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
A lonely boy, neglected by his father and bullied at school, finds comfort in a mysterious book about a young hero’s quest to save his world from destruction. However, as he reads the tale, he begins to become part of the story. Fantasy adventure based on Michael Edne’s novel, starring Barret Oliver, Noah Hathaway, Gerald McRaney, Moses Gunn and Patricia Hayes.

Star Trek: Generations (1994) Syfy 4:30pm-7:00pm (2 hours 30 minutes)
USS Enterprise Captain Jean-Luc Picard must stop a deranged genius obsessed with gaining access to a mysterious energy source – regardless of the threat to entire civilisations that lie in his path. Help arrives from an unlikely quarter – his supposedly long dead predecessor Captain James T Kirk. Sci-fi adventure sequel, starring Patrick Stewart, William Shatner, Malcolm McDowell and Whoopi Goldberg.

Star Trek Merchandise

The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002) ITV2 6:25pm-10:00pm
Frodo and Sam continue their quest to destroy the all-powerful ring, bringing them face to face with the magical artefact’s twisted former owner Gollum. Meanwhile, their allies prepare to make a desperate last stand against the vast armies of the corrupted wizard Saruman, who has declared war on a neighbouring kingdom. Part two of Peter Jackson’s fantasy adventure trilogy, starring Elijah Wood, Sean Astin, Viggo Mortensen, Ian McKellen, Billy Boyd, Dominic Monaghan, Andy Serkis and Christopher Lee.

Bridget Jones’s Diary (2001) ITV3 11:10pm-1:10am
A single woman begins a new year with resolutions to find love, quit her bad habits and take a step up the career ladder. Her plans crumble as she tries to deal with her mother’s infidelity, get over a passionate fling with her boss and come to terms with her feelings for an uptight lawyer. Romantic comedy based on Helen Fielding’s novel, starring Renee Zellweger, Hugh Grant and Colin Firth.

Whatever you’re up to this weekend, don’t double dip and always remember to put it back in the fridge after.

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Bluebells and sunny spells! Another retro movie weekend is here which means…. time for some retro movie goodness!

Setting sail into the vast infinity of the deep blue sea, we find ourselves at the simple beginnings of what could quite be the journey of a lifetime. With ration sacks bulging and water receptacles sealed and tight, we slowly begin to drift away from the certainty of the land as we aim our craft into the unknown to take on all that may lay before us. Will we find old and forgotten lands? Will we just end up going in a circle and end up where we began? Let’s find out!

Have a happy retro weekend!

SATURDAY 13th May

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IQ
(1994) Sony Channel 12:00pm-2:00pm (2 hours)
A woman is determined to find a husband as brainy as her famous uncle – who happens to be Albert Einstein. However, the famous scientist is convinced she would be better off with a humble car mechanic. Romantic comedy, starring Meg Ryan, Walter Matthau, Tim Robbins and Stephen Fry.

The Man in the Iron Mask (1998) ITV 1:30pm-4:00pm (2 hours 30 minutes)
The Three Musketeers set out to depose the villainous King of France and reinstate his long-imprisoned twin brother. However, they face an unexpected threat in the form of old friend D’Artagnan, who has remained loyal to the evil monarch. Swashbuckling adventure, starring Leonardo DiCaprio in a dual role, alongside John Malkovich, Jeremy Irons, Gerard Depardieu, Gabriel Byrne, Anne Parillaud and Hugh Laurie.

The Return of the Musketeers (1989) Sony Movie Channel 4:00pm-6:10pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
D’Artagnan reunites his former companions to save the queen of France from the scheming Cardinal Mazarin, and embark on a mission to England to prevent the beheading of Charles I. Meanwhile, the daughter of a former vanquished enemy is seeking revenge on the four heroes. Swashbuckling adventure sequel, with Oliver Reed, Michael York, Frank Finlay, Richard Chamberlain, Kim Cattrall and Roy Kinnear, who died during filming.

The Three Musketeers (1973) Film4 4:40pm-6:50pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
A naive country boy arrives in Paris, keen to seek adventure and prove himself a swordsman. He falls in with a trio of roguish soldiers, and together they set out to save the queen from the schemes of a treacherous cardinal. Swashbuckling adventure, starring Oliver Reed, Michael York, Richard Chamberlain, Frank Finlay, Charlton Heston and Faye Dunaway.

Mr Bean’s Holiday (2007) ITV2 6:35pm-8:20pm
The bumbling fool wins first prize in the church raffle – a trip to France and a video camera. His travels cause chaos as he disrupts a film shoot in Cannes, to the fury of its megalomaniac director, and is then accused of kidnapping a youngster. Comedy, starring Rowan Atkinson, Willem Dafoe, Emma de Caunes and Max Baldry.

Mr Bean TShirts

Training Day (2001) Dave 9:00pm-11:20pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
A cop embarks on his first day in narcotics, partnering a seasoned officer whose willingness to flout the rules forces him to question everything he has learnt. As they resort to extreme measures to crack a case, the rookie is left battling his conscience in a dangerous situation. Thriller, starring Denzel Washington, Ethan Hawke, Scott Glenn and Tom Berenger.

Conan the Destroyer (1984) ITV4 9:00pm-11:10pm
The mighty sword-wielding warrior returns and is hired by a duplicitous queen to retrieve a mystical artefact from an evil sorcerer. Unfortunately, he fails to see that the malevolent monarch has a sinister plan in mind, and intends to kill him once his task is complete. Fantasy adventure sequel, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Grace Jones, Wilt Chamberlain and Sarah Douglas.

The Mask (1994) ITV 9:50pm-12:00am
A timid bank clerk stumbles on an ancient mask, which endows whoever wears it with untold superhuman powers, unbridled self-confidence and an irresistible charm for the ladies. Unfortunately, he earns the enmity of a local gangster for daring to flirt with his girlfriend – and when the crook gets wind of the artefact’s existence, he covets the power for himself. Comic-book comedy, with Jim Carrey, Cameron Diaz, Peter Riegert and Peter Greene.

Fallen (1998) BBC1 11:45pm-1:45am (2 hours)
A detective investigates a series of grisly murders that mimic the handiwork of an executed serial killer. The case takes a stranger twist when he realises a bloodthirsty disembodied demon is responsible – and that it can leap from one unsuspecting host to another. Supernatural thriller, starring Denzel Washington, John Goodman, Donald Sutherland and Embeth Davidtz.

SUNDAY 14th May

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Fright Night
(1985) Film4 1:10am-3:25am (2 hours 15 minutes)
A teenager becomes convinced his new next door neighbour is a vampire responsible for a series of recent disappearances. Finding nobody is willing to believe his unlikely story, he seeks the aid of a washed-up movie star famous for playing a vampire hunter in destroying the monster. Comedy horror, starring Chris Sarandon, Roddy McDowall, William Ragsdale, Amanda Bearse and Stephen Geoffreys.

Dr Dolittle (1998) Channel 4 1:30pm-3:10pm (1 hour 40 minutes)
A doctor is stunned to discover he can talk to animals, and it is not long before his home and surgery are taken over by an assortment of ailing creatures in need of help. However, when the medic’s odd behaviour attracts his colleagues’ attention, he is forced to rely on his new-found furry friends to save him from the asylum. Comedy, starring Eddie Murphy, Ossie Davis and Oliver Platt..

See No Evil, Hear No Evil (1989) Sony Movie Channel 4:10pm-6:20pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
A blind man and his deaf friend go on the run to clear themselves of a trumped-up murder charge. However, all kinds of oddball characters are on their trail, determined to get hold of a top-secret microchip that the duo do not realise they have. Comedy, starring Richard Pryor, Gene Wilder, Kevin Spacey, Joan Severance, Alan North and Anthony Zerbe.

Live and Let Die (1973) ITV 4:20pm-6:35pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
James Bond’s investigation into the murder of three British agents leads him to a connection between the dictator of a Caribbean island and a notorious Harlem drug kingpin – along with a plot to flood America with limitless supplies of free heroin. Spy adventure, with Roger Moore in his first appearance as 007, alongside Yaphet Kotto and Jane Seymour.

James Bond TShirts

Star Trek (2009) Film4 6:35pm-9:00pm (2 hours 25 minutes) *Not retro but not to be missed*
The trainee crew members of the starship Enterprise embark on their maiden flight, which pits them against a Romulan commander from the future who is planning a horrific revenge on those he blames for a tragedy in his own time. Sci-fi adventure based on the original TV series, starring Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Eric Bana, Zoe Saldana and Leonard Nimoy.

Star Trek Clothing

In the Line of Fire (1993) Sony Movie Channel 9:00pm-11:45pm (2 hours 45 minutes)
An ageing secret service agent, tormented by his failure to save the life of John F Kennedy in 1963, is drawn into a battle of wits with a sinister CIA-trained assassin out to kill the current president. As the day of reckoning draws closer, the agent’s nerves are tested to the limit – and nothing seems to be going his way. Wolfgang Petersen’s thriller, starring Clint Eastwood, John Malkovich, Rene Russo and Dylan McDermott.

Whatever you’re up to this weekend, always dress the part and remember to prepare for the worst, but hope for the best.

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Run rabbit, run rabbit, run, run, run!It’s time for another super special Retro Movie Rundown Easter Special!

Hopping and leaping our way around the TV schedule, we’ve sniffed out a whole hear of hidden retro movie eggs for you all to feast on this long weekend. Unwrapping each film like our Easter chocolatey goodness, we’ll take stock of our collection, before selecting only the biggest and best choices and devouring them in true ’tis but once a year style’.

Happy retro movie Easter weekend everyone!

FRIDAY 14th April

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The Phantom
(1996) Channel 4 10:00am-11:55am (1 hour 55 minutes)
A jungle-dwelling masked adventurer leaves his African home for New York in a bid to stop the power-crazed schemes of an evil industrialist. The tycoon is on the hunt for three legendary magical skulls, which can be combined to form the ultimate weapon. Superhero adventure, starring Billy Zane, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Treat Williams and Patrick McGoohan.

The Muppet Movie (1979) Film4 11:00am-12:55pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
Kermit the frog is persuaded by his agent that he has a future in movies. He sets off on a journey across America to realise his dream, gathering a crowd of like-minded friends along the way – but the owner of a French restaurant plans to make him the dish of the day. Comedy, starring Dom DeLuise and Charles Durning alongside the puppet characters, with cameos from Mel Brooks, Orson Welles and Steve Martin.

The Muppets TShirts

Labyrinth (1986) 5STAR 11:05am-1:10pm
A teenager wishes her baby brother would be taken away, only to have her request granted by a band of goblins and their sinister king. She regrets her decision and sets out to rescue him, but to reach the castle where he is being held, she must find her way through a magical maze full of strange creatures. Jim Henson’s fantasy adventure, starring Jennifer Connelly and David Bowie.

Labyrinth Clothing

On the Buses (1971) ITV3 11:25am-1:15pm
Wily bus driver Stan Butler thinks a new company policy that allows women behind the wheel will rob him of his precious overtime money. Enlisting the aid of conductor Jack, he does everything he can to sabotage the plan. Comedy, based on the TV series, starring Reg Varney, Bob Grant, Stephen Lewis, Doris Hare, Peter Madden and Anna Karen.

The Great Muppet Caper (1981) Film4 12:55pm-3:00pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
Reporters Kermit the Frog and Fozzie Bear are sacked for missing out on a massive scoop about the theft of jewellery from famous British fashion designer Lady Holiday. To try to re-establish their reputations, the duo and Gonzo fly to London to see if they can track down the culprit. Comedy, with the voices of Jim Henson and Frank Oz, with cameo appearances by John Cleese, Diana Rigg, Charles Grodin and Peter Ustinov.

The Muppets Merchandise

Jumanji (1995) Sony Channel 2:20pm-4:30pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
A man who has been trapped inside a mysterious jungle board game for 26 years is eventually freed when two children start to play it. Unfortunately, he arrives with a rampaging horde of animals on his heels, leaving only one solution – to finish the game he started all those years ago. Fantasy adventure, starring Robin Williams, Kirsten Dunst and Bonnie Hunt.

You’ve Got Mail (1998) 5STAR 4:05pm-6:30pm
Two rivals in the bookshop business fall in love over the internet, unaware they know and dislike each other in the real world. While things remain frosty in person, the pair’s anonymous online relationship continues to blossom. Romantic comedy, starring Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan, Greg Kinnear, Parker Posey and Dabney Coleman.

Muppet Treasure Island (1996) Film4 4:40pm-6:50pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
A youngster finds a treasure map and joins an expedition searching for a famous buccaneer’s lost treasure on an unexplored island. However, their mission falls foul of a band of pirates hiding out among the crew. Musical comedy based on Robert Louis Stevenson’s novel, starring Tim Curry, Billy Connolly, Jennifer Saunders and Kevin Bishop alongside the puppet characters.

Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994) GOLD 7:35pm-9:10pm (1 hour 35 minutes)
An eccentric but brilliant former cop sets himself up to champion the underdog – as a private eye specialising in locating missing animals. The zany detective is called in to find a kidnapped dolphin – the mascot of an American football team – and uncovers a plot involving high-level police corruption. Comedy, starring Jim Carrey, Courteney Cox, Sean Young, Tone Loc and Noble Willingham.

Lethal Weapon 3 (1992) Dave 9:00pm-11:20pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
Detectives Riggs and Murtaugh team up with a reformed small-time crook and a tough, female internal-affairs investigator to track down a former policeman trafficking impounded weaponry to the bosses of organised crime. Action thriller sequel, starring Mel Gibson, Danny Glover, Joe Pesci and Rene Russo.

Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls (1995) GOLD 9:10pm-11:00pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
The eccentric pet detective is coaxed out of self-imposed exile in a Buddhist monastery to visit Africa and help search for a sacred white bat. However, his unique investigative talents are tested to the limits as he faces a race against time to find the missing creature and prevent a tribal war. Comedy sequel, starring Jim Carrey, Simon Callow and Bob Gunton.

The Deer Hunter (1978) ITV4 11:20pm-1:30am
The lives of three American steelworkers and their families are torn apart in the wake of the Vietnam War. After enduring horrific treatment in a prison camp during the conflict, the three friends return to their homes but struggle to readjust to normal life. Oscar-winning drama, starring Robert De Niro, Christopher Walken, Meryl Streep, John Savage and John Cazale in his last film role.

Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004) BBC1 11:45pm-1:20am (1 hour 35 minutes)
The chauvinistic host of a top-rated American news programme in 1970s San Diego fights for his status and job security when both are threatened by the arrival of an ambitious female reporter, whose determination to become a newsreader leads to a bitter battle of the sexes. Comedy, starring Will Ferrell, Christina Applegate, Fred Willard and Steve Carell.

SATURDAY 15th April

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The Flintstones
(1994) ITV 11:35am-1:20pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
Blue-collar caveman Fred Flintstone is promoted to an executive position at work and unwittingly becomes embroiled in an embezzlement scheme – thanks in no small part to his seductive new assistant. Live-action version of the cartoon comedy, starring John Goodman, Rick Moranis, Rosie O’Donnell, Halle Berry and Elizabeth Taylor.

Matilda (1996) Sony Channel 12:00pm-2:05pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
A gifted youngster is packed off by her selfish parents to the prison-like Crunchem Hall School. Once there, she befriends a sweet-natured teacher who convinces her that not all grown-ups are bad – and urges her to use her special powers to turn the tables on the nasty headmistress. Fantasy comedy, adapted from the children’s book by Roald Dahl, with Mara Wilson, Pam Ferris, Embeth Davidtz, Rhea Perlman and Danny DeVito, who also directed.

Roald Dahl Merchandise

Home Alone (1990) Film4 1:00pm-3:10pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
A boy has to fend for himself when he is accidentally left behind after his family jets off to Paris for Christmas. The youngster initially enjoys his freedom, but is soon forced to resort to ingenious booby traps to defend the family home from two dim-witted burglars. Comedy, starring Macaulay Culkin, Joe Pesci, Daniel Stern, John Heard, Catherine O’Hara and John Candy.

Home Alone Merchandise

The Secret of My Success (1987) ITV 1:20pm-3:30pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
A naive country boy travels to New York to make his fortune, only to end up working in a corporation’s mail room. He chances on a vacant office and hatches a plan to pass himself off as a top-ranking executive, but leading a double life proves harder than expected. Comedy, starring Michael J Fox, Helen Slater, Richard Jordan and Fred Gwynne.

Bean (1997) ITV2 6:45pm-8:30pm
The hapless fool is employed as a security guard for a British art gallery and is sent to Los Angeles to bring back a famous painting. Unfortunately, he finds himself mistaken for a renowned art professor and invited to make an important presentation. Mel Smith’s British comedy, starring Rowan Atkinson, Burt Reynolds, Peter MacNicol, John Mills, Peter Capaldi and June Brown.

Clear and Present Danger (1994) ITV4 9:00pm-11:50pm
A CIA analyst gets caught up in the Colombian drug trade while trying to track down terrorists responsible for the murder of a close friend of the US president – but his investigations point to illegal activity and corruption at the very top of government. Action thriller, based on Tom Clancy’s novel, with Harrison Ford reprising his role from Patriot Games alongside Willem Dafoe, Anne Archer and James Earl Jones.

SUNDAY 16th April

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Thunderball
(1965) ITV 12:00pm-2:35pm (2 hours 35 minutes)
James Bond travels to the Bahamas on the trail of two nuclear warheads stolen from a British aircraft. The lethal weapons have fallen into the hands of international crime syndicate Spectre, which plans to fire them at the US coast unless an exorbitant ransom is paid. Spy adventure, starring Sean Connery, Claudine Auger, Adolfo Celi and Lois Maxwell.

James Bond TShirts

Cool Runnings (1993) BBC1 2:15pm-3:50pm (1 hour 35 minutes)
A sprinter fails to qualify for the Jamaican Olympic squad, but refuses to give up his dream. Learning that a former US bobsleigh coach is living nearby, he seizes the chance to shine in an entirely different sport, and cajoles three of his friends to join him in training for the 1988 Winter Olympics in the far less tropical environment of Canada. Fact-based comedy, with John Candy, Leon, Doug E Doug and Malik Yoba.

Oliver! (1968) Channel 5 5:20pm-8:00pm (2 hours 40 minutes)
Oscar-winning musical version of the stage play based on Charles Dickens’ classic tale about a lonely workhouse orphan who ends up on the cold streets of London, where he falls under the wing of petty crook Fagin and his gang of young backstreet thieves. Featuring the iconic songs Food, Glorious Food, Consider Yourself, As Long as He Needs Me and You’ve Got to Pick a Pocket or Two. Starring Ron Moody, Mark Lester, Oliver Reed, Jack Wild, Harry Secombe, Shani Wallis and Leonard Rossiter.

Mission: Impossible 2 (2000) Film4 6:35pm-9:00pm (2 hours 25 minutes)
Secret agent Ethan Hunt sent to find and destroy the only sample of a deadly man-made virus. However, he faces tough opposition in a former spy-turned-criminal mastermind who has already acquired the cure and now wants the pathogen itself. Director John Woo’s action thriller sequel, starring Tom Cruise, Dougray Scott, Thandie Newton and Anthony Hopkins.

Apocalypse Now (1979) Spike 9:00pm-12:00am (3 hours)
An army captain is sent on a top-secret mission into Cambodia, where his goal is to find and assassinate a renegade colonel who has gone insane and is worshipped by his followers as a god. However, as his patrol boat journeys further upriver, the conflict and disarray surrounding him becomes increasingly disturbing and nightmarish. Francis Ford Coppola’s Vietnam War drama, starring Martin Sheen, Marlon Brando and Robert Duvall.

The Dirty Dozen (1967) ITV4 9:05pm-12:10am
An uncompromising major is placed in charge of a seemingly suicidal mission to destroy a French chateau being used as a base by Nazi officers. Needing tough but expendable soldiers for the task, he recruits 12 hardened criminals from a military prison. Second World War action adventure, starring Lee Marvin, Telly Savalas, Ernest Borgnine, Charles Bronson and Donald Sutherland.

MONDAY 17th April

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Kingpin
(1996) Channel 4 1:00am-3:00am (2 hours)
A former 10-pin bowling champion prodigy turns conman and hits the bottle when an accident leads to the loss of his hand. To revive his flagging fortunes, he goes all out to persuade a gifted Amish man to take up the sport professionally so he can cash in on his prize-winnings. Comedy from the Farrelly brothers, starring Woody Harrelson, Randy Quaid, Vanessa Angel and Bill Murray.

Honey, I Shrunk the Kids (1989) Film4 11:00am-12:50pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
A professor invents a ray with the power to reduce objects in size. Unfortunately, his kids and their meddling friends activate it and are shrunk to microscopic proportions. When they are accidentally thrown out with the rubbish, the children have to contend with all kinds of animals and insects on their journey home across the backyard. Disney comedy, with Rick Moranis, Marcia Strassman and Amy O’Neill.

Patch Adams (1998) Sony Channel 1:15pm-3:45pm (2 hours 30 minutes)
A talented student doctor turns the medical community upside down with his offbeat views about the healing power of laughter. His methods provoke outrage and intense debate among his professors – but his extrovert nature brightens the lives of all kinds of patients. Comedy drama, starring Robin Williams, Monica Potter, Daniel London, Bob Gunton and Philip Seymour Hoffman.

Coming to America (1988) GOLD 9:00pm-11:20pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
A bored African prince defies his father’s plans for an arranged marriage and escapes to the USA to find a bride on his own terms. Comedy, starring Eddie Murphy and Arsenio Hall in several roles, with James Earl Jones, Allison Dean, Eriq La Salle and Madge Sinclair.

Whatever you’re up to this loooong weekend, happy hunting and have a barrel full of fun!

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Great Gatsby! Another retro movie filled weekend is here folks. Time for adventure, mystery and of course a full helping of action. Let’s go!

Climbing the steep, cold and grainy steps up towards the top board, we find our excitement and nerves increasing evermore with each step. Reaching the heights of the wide, long and solid top board, we slowly make our way to the edge before peeping over to see the blue depths that lurk below. Taking a deep breath, we’ll leap into the air seemly weightless for a moment, before gravity kicks in and launches us into the cold blue depths.

SATURDAY 18th MARCH

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Hook
(1991) Sony Movie Channel 10:50am-2:00pm (3 hours 10 minutes)
Peter Pan, who has finally grown up and is now a married lawyer with a family of his own, is whisked away by Tinkerbell to Neverland, where he must learn to fly again if he is to save his children from the clutches of Captain Hook. Steven Spielberg’s fantasy adventure, with Robin Williams, Dustin Hoffman, Julia Roberts, Bob Hoskins and Maggie Smith.

The Addams Family (1991) Film4 1:00pm-3:05pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
Creepy couple Morticia and Gomez find their unconventional life threatened by a man claiming to be a long-lost relative. When they welcome him with open arms, they fall prey to a plot that could cost them their ancestral home and the family fortune. Black comedy based on the 1960s TV series, starring Anjelica Huston, Raul Julia, Christopher Lloyd, Christina Ricci, Jimmy Workman and Carel Struycken.

First Knight (1995) Sony Movie Channel 2:00pm-4:50pm (2 hours 50 minutes)
A wandering swordsman is knighted for his fighting prowess at the court of King Arthur and his wife, Lady Guinevere. However, the new knight and the queen develop a dangerous and secret attraction for each other, while a neighbouring warlord threatens the downfall of the kingdom. Adventure, starring Richard Gere, Sean Connery, Julia Ormond and Ben Cross.

Fun Fact: Mel Gibson was attached to this project at one stage, but chose to direct and star in Braveheart (1995) instead.

Mr Bean’s Holiday (2007) ITV2 6:15pm-8:00pm
The bumbling fool wins first prize in the church raffle – a trip to France and a video camera. His travels cause chaos as he disrupts a film shoot in Cannes, to the fury of its megalomaniac director, and is then accused of kidnapping a youngster. Comedy, starring Rowan Atkinson, Willem Dafoe, Emma de Caunes and Max Baldry.

Mr Bean Clothing

Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991) ITV4 9:00pm–11:45pm
A reprogrammed killing machine is sent back in time to the 20th century to protect John Connor, a teenage boy whose destiny is to save the human race. After breaking John’s mother out of a mental institution, the pair set out to avert a future nuclear war – pursued by an advanced prototype terminator with shape-changing powers. Sci-fi action adventure sequel, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Linda Hamilton, Edward Furlong and Robert Patrick.

Rambo III (1988) ITV 11:35pm-1:25am (1 hour 50 minutes)
Vietnam veteran John Rambo turns down a request from his old colonel to join a mission in Soviet-occupied Afghanistan. However, when the officer is captured, Rambo sets off to save him, joining the Mujahedeen rebels in fighting against the Russian invaders. Action adventure sequel, starring Sylvester Stallone, Richard Crenna, Kurtwood Smith, Marc de Jonge and Sasson Gabai.

Scary Movie 2 (2001) Film4 11:05pm-12:40am (1 hour 35 minutes)
Teenage survivors of an encounter with a ghost-faced killer end up in college and try to forget the trauma of earlier events – but fate takes a hand when an eccentric college professor bribes them to stay in a haunted house in return for A-grades. Spoof horror sequel, starring Marlon and Shawn Wayans, Anna Faris and Tim Curry.

SUNDAY 19th MARCH

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Vice Versa
(1988) Film4 1:00pm-2:55pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
A department store executive returns from a trip to Thailand in possession of a mysterious artefact that causes him to change places with his 11-year-old son. While the horrified father struggles to cope with a world of teachers and school bullies, the youngster is revelling in the perks of being a grown-up. Fantasy comedy, starring Judge Reinhold, Fred Savage, Swoosie Kurtz and Corinne Bohrer.

Fun Fact: This is actually the seventh film or television adaptation of F. Anstey’s “Vice Versa (1882)

Batteries Not Included (1987) Channel 5 1:05pm-3:05pm (2 hours)
A family of tiny alien spacecraft intervenes to help the residents of a run-down Manhattan brownstone tenement stop greedy developers from demolishing their homes. However, the miniature flying saucers have the odds stacked against them as they bravely do all they can to save the day. Sci-fi fantasy, starring Jessica Tandy, Hume Cronyn, Frank McRae and Elizabeth Pena.

Despicable Me (2010) ITV2 3:55pm-5:00pm
A criminal mastermind hopes to seal his reputation as the greatest villain of them all by stealing the moon. First he needs to get his hands on a shrinking ray owned by a rival evil genius, and adopts three orphan girls to help him – but finds that fatherhood brings out his long-buried caring side. Animated comedy, with the voices of Steve Carell, Jason Segel, Russell Brand and Julie Andrews.

Minion Merchandise

Addams Family Values (1993) E4 7:00pm-9:00pm (2 hours)
Spooky couple Gomez and Morticia hire a nanny to look after their new baby son – and stop him suffering an early death at the hands of his jealous elder siblings. Romance soon blossoms between the new childminder and Uncle Fester, but he does not realise she is planning to kill him once she has got hold of the family fortune. Comedy sequel, starring Anjelica Huston, Raul Julia, Christopher Lloyd, Christina Ricci and Joan Cusack.

Fun Fact: Oddly, Carol Kane, who plays Grandmama, is almost a year younger than Anjelica Huston, who plays her daughter, Morticia Addams.

RoboCop 3 (1993) ITV4 9:05pm-11:15pm
A giant Japanese corporation’s plan to turn Detroit into an anaesthetised metropolis prompts the gun-toting cyborg hero to help a band of rebels fight against the forces of tyranny. Sci-fi thriller sequel, starring Robert Burke, Nancy Allen, Rip Torn, John Castle and Jill Hennessy.

Die Hard 2 (1990) E4 10:00pm-12:25am (2 hours 25 minutes)
Tough cop John McClane arrives at an airport to pick up his wife, but finds himself plunged into a bloody life-or-death struggle. He must battle terrorists who have seized control of the terminal as part of a campaign to secure the release of a convicted drug baron. Action thriller sequel, starring Bruce Willis, Bonnie Bedelia, William Sadler, Franco Nero and William Atherton.

Good Will Hunting (1997) ITV3 11:05pm-1:35am
A troubled maths genius refuses to use his gift, preferring to work as a janitor and lead a normal life with his friends. Eventually, a university professor persuades him to see a psychologist, who befriends him and proves the only person able to help him come to terms with his talent and past traumas. Drama, written by and starring Matt Damon and Ben Affleck, who won Oscars for their screenplay. With Robin Williams, Minnie Driver and Stellan Skarsgard.

Firefox (1982) ITV4 11:15pm-2:00am
A former US Air Force pilot comes out of retirement for a top-secret mission – to go undercover behind the Iron Curtain and steal a hi-tech Soviet fighter plane that is invisible to radar and equipped with a thought-controlled weapons system. Cold War action adventure, directed by and starring Clint Eastwood. With Freddie Jones, David Huffman and Warren Clarke.

Whatever you’re up to this weekend, always show your working and don’t forget to clean out the fridge.

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Man overboard! It’s only gone and been the weekend again!

Searching high and low for any available materials like a stranded island dweller, we find ourselves thinking up and creating one of the most seaworthy rafts our eyes have ever seen. Complete with mast, sails, figurehead and all strapped down to take on even the toughest of seas, we’ll set sail this weekend into the weird and wonderful world of some of the most iconic retro movies ever to be seen and will drop anchor at only the finest showings as we sit back to enjoy some of the best celluloid wonder from the 80s, 90s and 00s.

Have a happy retro weekend.

SATURDAY 4th JUNE

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Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
(1968) Channel 5 3:25pm-6:10pm (2 hours 45 minutes)
Eccentric inventor Caractacus Potts rescues an old car from the scrapheap, only to discover it has magical, gravity-defying powers. Meanwhile, Baron Bomburst, the blundering ruler of Vulgaria, will do anything to get his greedy hands on it. Children’s musical adventure, based on the book by Ian Fleming, starring Dick Van Dyke, Lionel Jeffries, Sally Ann Howes, Gert Frobe, Benny Hill and James Robertson Justice.

Despicable Me (2010) ITV2 5:05pm-7:00pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
A criminal mastermind hopes to seal his reputation as the greatest villain of them all by stealing the moon. First he needs to get his hands on a shrinking ray owned by a rival evil genius, and adopts three orphan girls to help him – but finds that fatherhood brings out his long-buried caring side. Animated comedy, with the voices of Steve Carell, Jason Segel, Russell Brand and Julie Andrews.

Minions T-Shirts

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009) ITV London 7:00pm-10:00pm (3 hours)
The young wizard is given the task of uncovering the secrets of Lord Voldemort’s past as the evil sorcerer’s henchmen cause havoc in both the magical and Muggle worlds. With the help of headmaster Dumbledore, Harry ventures into the memories of those who knew the Dark Lord during his early years, hoping to gain an insight into the secret behind his apparent immortality. However, Voldemort’s influence extends closer to home than expected, as Harry’s rival Malfoy is chosen to carry out a sinister mission. Fantasy adventure sequel, starring Daniel Radcliffe, Michael Gambon, Emma Watson, Rupert Grint, Tom Felton and Alan Rickman.

Harry Potter T-Shirts

Diamonds Are Forever (1971) ITV4 8:00pm-10:30pm (2 hours 30 minutes)
James Bond investigates a diamond-smuggling operation, and discovers that behind the scheme is his insidious arch-enemy Blofeld, who is planning to construct a devastating orbital doomsday weapon powered by the precious stones, which will force world powers to disarm and give him global domination. Spy adventure, starring Sean Connery, Jill St John, Charles Gray, Bernard Lee and Lois Maxwell.

Patriot Games (1992) Film4 9:00pm-11:15pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
Former CIA agent Jack Ryan foils an assassination attempt by an IRA splinter group, killing one of the terrorists in the process. However, he becomes caught in a lethal game of cat-and-mouse with the dead man’s revenge-seeking brother. Thriller based on Tom Clancy’s novel, starring Harrison Ford, Sean Bean, Samuel L Jackson, Richard Harris and James Earl Jones, reprising his role from earlier Clancy adaptation The Hunt for Red October.

Fun Fact: The CIA scenes were filmed at the actual CIA headquarters; this was the first time the CIA had ever done such a thing.

Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991) Channel 4 11:10pm-1:45am (2 hours 35 minutes)
A reprogrammed killing machine is sent back in time to the 20th century to protect John Connor, a teenage boy whose destiny is to save the human race. After breaking John’s mother out of a mental institution, the pair set out to avert a future nuclear war – pursued by an advanced prototype terminator with shape-changing powers. Sci-fi action adventure sequel, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Linda Hamilton, Edward Furlong and Robert Patrick.

Terminator T-Shirts

SUNDAY 5th JUNE

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The Parent Trap
(1998) Film4 1:00pm-3:40pm (2 hours 40 minutes)
Identical twin sisters who are unaware of each other’s existence meet by accident. They decide to join forces in a bid to reunite their estranged parents, and switch places to get the warring couple to kiss and make up. Remake of the 1961 Disney comedy, starring Dennis Quaid, Natasha Richardson, Elaine Hendrix and Lindsay Lohan in a dual role.

Mr Bean’s Holiday (2007) ITV2 2:30pm-4:15pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
The bumbling fool wins first prize in the church raffle – a trip to France and a video camera. His travels cause chaos as he disrupts a film shoot in Cannes, to the fury of its megalomaniac director, and is then accused of kidnapping a youngster. Comedy, starring Rowan Atkinson, Willem Dafoe, Emma de Caunes and Max Baldry.

Mr Bean T-Shirts

Entrapment (1999) Channel 5 2:50pm-5:05pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
An elusive professional art thief suspected of stealing a priceless painting is pursued by an insurance agent. However, instead of bringing the criminal to book, she teams up with him to plot the robbery of a lifetime – although neither is sure the other can be trusted. Crime thriller, starring Sean Connery, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Ving Rhames, Will Patton and Maury Chaykin.

The Railway Children (1970) ITV3 4:35pm-6:50pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
Three Edwardian children are forced to leave their comfortable middle-class London home and move to the wilds of Yorkshire after their father is wrongfully imprisoned for treason. Family drama adapted from E Nesbit’s story, starring Jenny Agutter, Sally Thomsett, Gary Warren, Dinah Sheridan, Bernard Cribbins, William Mervyn and Iain Cuthbertson.

The Net (1995) E4 5:30pm-7:45pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
A shy computer analyst discovers evidence of a criminal conspiracy, so the villains decide to retaliate. Erasing her personal details from the national database, they replace them with a false police record, hurling her into a desperate race against time to prove her real identity before corrupt officials silence her for good. Thriller, starring Sandra Bullock, Jeremy Northam and Dennis Miller.

Clear and Present Danger (1994) Film4 6:15pm-9:00pm (2 hours 45 minutes)
A CIA analyst gets caught up in the Colombian drug trade while trying to track down terrorists responsible for the murder of a close friend of the US president – but his investigations point to illegal activity and corruption at the very top of government. Action thriller, based on Tom Clancy’s novel, with Harrison Ford reprising his role from Patriot Games alongside Willem Dafoe, Anne Archer and James Earl Jones.

Fun Fact: The scene in which the convoy of Suburbans is attacked by the drug cartel is now actually used as a training video in US government agencies. The footage was also used in an episode of JAG (1995).

Jurassic Park (1993) ITV2 6:30pm-9:00pm (2 hours 30 minutes)
Scientists are given a sneak preview of a safari park inhabited by genetically engineered dinosaurs created by an eccentric tycoon. However, it all goes wrong when a greedy employee sabotages the security systems, allowing the prehistoric beasts to roam free and hunt the visitors. Steven Spielberg’s action adventure, starring Sam Neill, Laura Dern, Jeff Goldblum, Richard Attenborough and Samuel L Jackson.

Jurassic Park T-Shirts

The American President (1995) ITV3 10:30pm-12:50am (2 hours 20 minutes)
The US president embarks on a relationship with an environmental lobbyist – but his delighted opponents jump at the chance to drag the pair through the gutter press, putting their romance and his career in jeopardy. Rob Reiner’s political comedy, starring Michael Douglas, Annette Bening, Martin Sheen, Richard Dreyfuss and Michael J Fox.

Whatever you’re up to this weekend, give it your all and remember that it’s not always about winning, if you just take part you’re more of a winner than if you never tried.

xoxo

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