Russell Crowe

Click, clunk, BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! Another retro movie weekend is here and ready to rock our lives with its movie goodness.

Dragging out, plumbing in and hooking up our trusty pressure washer, we find ourselves faced with the dirty decking from hell. Covered with many years of weather and BBQ good times, the once light and solid decking has now become darkened with age and pretty sorry for itself in places. Firing up the water machine from the future, we quickly begin to splash some lift back into it. With each pass of super high pressure water, we will reveal the hidden beauty.

SATURDAY 7th October

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Sleepless in Seattle (1993) Sony Movie Channel 9:10am-11:30am
A widowed father is coping badly with his wife’s death, but his son is convinced that what he really needs is some new romance in his life. He arranges for his dad to go on a radio phone-in show, and his touching story moves a reporter to respond, even though she is already engaged. She returns to her fiance, but the boy, certain she is the woman for his father, plots to bring them together. Romantic comedy, with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan.

Godzilla (1998) Sony Movie Channel 11:30am-2:20pm
A giant mutant lizard spawned from an atomic test rampages through the streets of New York, defying the combined might of the US Army and Navy as it searches for a quiet place to hatch its eggs. A bookish radiation expert and a shady French secret agent join forces to defeat the creature. Hollywood remake of the Japanese monster adventure, starring Matthew Broderick, Jean Reno, Maria Pitillo and Hank Azaria.

Oliver! (1968) 5STAR 11:55am-2:55pm
Oscar-winning musical version of the stage play based on Charles Dickens’ classic tale about a lonely workhouse orphan who ends up on the cold streets of London, where he falls under the wing of petty crook Fagin and his gang of young backstreet thieves. Featuring the iconic songs Food, Glorious Food, Consider Yourself, As Long as He Needs Me and You’ve Got to Pick a Pocket or Two. Starring Ron Moody, Mark Lester, Oliver Reed, Jack Wild, Harry Secombe, Shani Wallis and Leonard Rossiter.

Crocodile Dundee (1986) Film4 4:55pm-6:50pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
A New York reporter searches the Australian Outback for a maverick hunter with a legendary reputation, and invites the adventurer back to America. But the die-hard Aussie needs to draw on all his survival skills to adjust to life in the urban jungle. Comedy adventure, written by and starring Paul Hogan, with Linda Kozlowski, John Meillon and Mark Blum.

Crocodile Dundee II (1988) Film4 6:50pm-9:00pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
The rugged Australian adventurer sets out to save his reporter girlfriend from New York drug dealers. Having rescued her from their clutches, he realises they will soon be coming after him – so he decides to even the odds by luring them to the Outback for a final showdown. Comedy adventure sequel, starring Paul Hogan, Linda Kozlowski, John Meillon and Charles S Dutton.

Big Daddy (1999) Sony Movie Channel 7:00pm-9:00pm (2 hours)
An immature 32-year-old is heartbroken when his girlfriend walks out on him. In a plan to win her back, he volunteers to look after his flatmate’s five-year-old son, thus demonstrating he is finally ready to grow up. However, his ideas of childcare prove unconventional and chaos quickly ensues. Comedy, with Adam Sandler, Joey Lauren Adams, Jon Stewart, Josh Mostel, Leslie Mann, Rob Schneider and Kristy Swanson, alongside Steve Buscemi in a cameo role.

Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994) 7:45pm-9:30pm
An eccentric but brilliant former cop sets himself up to champion the underdog – as a private eye specialising in locating missing animals. The zany detective is called in to find a kidnapped dolphin – the mascot of an American football team – and uncovers a plot involving high-level police corruption. Comedy, starring Jim Carrey, Courteney Cox, Sean Young, Tone Loc and Noble Willingham.

The Bone Collector (1999) Sony Movie Channel 10:00pm-11:40pm (1 hour 40 minutes)
A quadriplegic ex-cop is saved from the brink of suicide by a rookie female officer needing his expertise to form a psychological profile of a serial killer. The murderer is posing as a cab driver and terrorising Manhattan, and has a gruesome habit of taking trophies from his victims’ bodies. Thriller, starring Denzel Washington, Angelina Jolie, Michael Rooker, Mike McGlone, Luis Guzman and Queen Latifah.

SUNDAY 8th October

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Innerspace (1987) Channel 5 12:30pm-2:50pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
A Navy test pilot is shrunk in a ground-breaking scientific experiment, but instead of being injected into a laboratory rabbit, the tiny specimen accidentally winds up inside a hypochondriac supermarket worker. As he tries to find a way out, criminals come after the unlikely duo in search of the secret of the miniaturising technology. Sci-fi comedy, starring Dennis Quaid, Martin Short, Meg Ryan, Kevin McCarthy, Fiona Lewis and Vernon Wells.

Hercules (1983) Film4 1:00pm-3:05pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
The mighty ancient Greek hero, created by the gods to be the strongest man in the world, sets out to rescue a princess from an evil wizard. However, the sorcerer has created deadly mechanical monsters to prevent his plans being thwarted. Fantasy adventure, starring Lou Ferrigno, Sybil Danning and Brad Harris.

Mannequin (1987) Channel 5 2:50pm-4:35pm
A struggling artist gets a job as a window dresser for a department store, only to discover one of his dummies is a reincarnated Egyptian princess who comes to life at night. As he falls for the living doll, she inspires him to transform the shop’s display and make it the most spectacular in town. Fantasy comedy, starring Andrew McCarthy and Kim Cattrall. Edited for language and sexual references.

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969) Spike 6:50pm-9:00pm
Two notorious outlaws’ routine of bank and train robberies is cut short when a seemingly unstoppable posse is formed to catch them. The pair plan to flee America and start a new life in Bolivia, with the Sundance Kid’s schoolmistress lover in tow – but staying ahead of the law is not so easy. Western, starring Paul Newman, Robert Redford and Katharine Ross.

Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997) E4 9:55pm-12:20am (2 hours 25 minutes)
Feisty heroine Annie and her new boyfriend Alex take a cruise in the Bahamas, but the trip becomes a nightmare when they discover a vengeful computer genius – a former employee laid off because of his terminal illness – is also on board. He has secretly programmed the ship to crash into an oil tanker while he steals a cache of diamonds from the cargo. Action thriller sequel, with Sandra Bullock, Jason Patric and Willem Dafoe.

Gladiator (2000) Film4 9:00pm-12:00am (3 hours)
Roman general Maximus Decimus Meridius is a casualty of a power struggle between the corrupt Emperor Commodus and the senate. Ordered to be put to death along with his family, he escapes his would-be killers but is sold into slavery as a gladiator – but uses his fame in the arena to fight against the tyrant. Oscar-winning period epic, with Russell Crowe, Joaquin Phoenix, Derek Jacobi and Oliver Reed.

Whatever you’re up to this weekend, there is no such things as ‘too much cheese’ and always keep both gloves together. It’s handy…

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Great paw prints and tail wags! Another retro movie weekend is here and ready to spread its movie goodness all over the lands!

Picking up the lead from the designated hook, the excitement starts to build. Pulling on each boot, we’re met with a cold and wet nose, excited whimpers and the sound of paws scampering around on the hard floor. Clipping the lead onto our super excited little ball of fur’s lead, we’ll open the door and begin our adventure into the wilderness.

SATURDAY 9th September

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The Secret Garden (1993) ITV3 10:10am-12:15pm
An orphan is sent to live with her uncle in his forbidding Yorkshire mansion, where she meets her bedridden cousin – a boy she knew nothing about. She also stumbles across a marvellous but neglected garden, and sets about nursing them both back to health, with the help of a lad from a nearby village. Children’s drama, based on Frances Hodgson Burnett’s book, with Kate Maberly, Heydon Prowse, Andrew Knott, Maggie Smith and John Lynch.

Napoleon Dynamite (2004) Film4 1:00pm-2:50pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
A socially inept high-school student and his lonely unemployed brother find their eccentric home life thrown into upheaval when their meddling uncle comes to stay. The teenage oddball tries to make the best of his changing circumstances, while putting all his skills to the task of helping his new best friend win the class presidency. Comedy, starring Jon Heder, Efren Ramirez and Haylie Duff.

Napoleon Dynamite TShirts

Harry and the Hendersons (1987) 5STAR 2:55pm-5:05pm
A hapless family’s camping holiday in the mountains is brought to a sudden end when they accidentally hit the legendary Bigfoot with their car. They decide to adopt the endearing creature, but have more trouble than expected trying to keep him concealed and to avoid arousing their neighbours’ suspicions. Comedy, starring John Lithgow, Melinda Dillon, David Suchet, Don Ameche and Kevin Peter Hall.

Seven Years in Tibet (1997) Film4 6:20pm-9:00pm (2 hours 40 minutes)
An arrogant Austrian mountaineer tries to become the first to conquer a peak in India that has claimed the lives of 11 previous climbers. However, the outbreak of the Second World War leaves him languishing in a PoW camp. He escapes and ends up in the holy city of Lhasa, where he befriends the 14-year-old Dalai Lama and learns the meaning of inner peace. Fact-based drama, starring Brad Pitt, David Thewlis and BD Wong.

The Incredible Hulk (2008) ITV2 6:50pm-9:00pm
A bungled experiment causes a scientist to turn into a monster whenever he gets angry. He travels the world seeking a cure for his condition, while a ruthless general is determined to capture him and use the creature as a weapon. However, one of the soldiers under the officer’s command undergoes a terrifying transformation of his own. Comic-book adventure, starring Edward Norton, Liv Tyler, Tim Roth and William Hurt.

Superhero Gifts

American Pie 2 (2001) ITV2 9:00pm-11:10pm
The teenagers reunite after their first year at college to spend the summer at a lake house. Jim is concerned by his lack of sexual experience, and goes in search of an old flame, Oz struggles to keep a long-term relationship going, and Finch tries to master the art of tantric sex. Comedy sequel, starring Jason Biggs, Chris Klein, Seann William Scott, Alyson Hannigan and Eugene Levy.

South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut (1999) Dave 9:00pm-10:40pm (1 hour 40 minutes)
The crusading grown-ups of the Colorado town lead America into war against Canada in a bid to eradicate bad language from TV. The four young heroes set out to bring peace to the world, but have to battle a fearsome alliance between Satan and Saddam Hussein. Animated musical comedy, with the voices of Trey Parker and Matt Stone, as well as George Clooney, Eric Idle and Isaac Hayes.

Double Jeopardy (1999) ITV4 11:15pm-1:30am
A man fakes his own death and frames his wife for murder, but after six years in prison she is released. Since the woman has already served her time, she has nothing to lose by really killing him – but her mission of vengeance is complicated by a zealous parole officer determined to stop her. Thriller, starring Ashley Judd, Tommy Lee Jones, Bruce Greenwood and Annabeth Gish.

What Women Want (2000) BBC2 10:45pm-12:45am (2 hours)
A freak accident gives a womanising executive the ability to hear the thoughts of the opposite sex. Embittered after losing out on promotion to a female colleague, he uses his new-found talent to exact revenge – but the insight it provides ultimately brings out an unexpected sensitive side. Romantic comedy, starring Mel Gibson, Helen Hunt, Marisa Tomei, Alan Alda and Bette Midler.

SUNDAY 10th September

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Hook (1991) Sony Movie Channel 12:30pm-3:35pm
Peter Pan, who has finally grown up and is now a married lawyer with a family of his own, is whisked away by Tinkerbell to Neverland, where he must learn to fly again if he is to save his children from the clutches of Captain Hook. Steven Spielberg’s fantasy adventure, with Robin Williams, Dustin Hoffman, Julia Roberts, Bob Hoskins and Maggie Smith.

You’ve Got Mail (1998) ITV 1:00pm-3:15pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
Two rivals in the bookshop business fall in love over the internet, unaware they know and dislike each other in the real world. While things remain frosty in person, the pair’s anonymous online relationship continues to blossom. Romantic comedy, starring Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan, Greg Kinnear, Parker Posey and Dabney Coleman.

The Pink Panther (1963) ITV4 5:00pm-7:30pm
The world’s most inept police detective, Inspector Clouseau, heads off to Switzerland in search of a suave jewel thief who has purloined a priceless diamond from a princess – but the bumbling officer’s every ruse to foil the crime ends in chaos, not least when he is framed for the robbery himself. Blake Edwards’ comedy, starring Peter Sellers, David Niven, Capucine, Robert Wagner and Claudia Cardinale.

Gladiator (2000) Film4 9:00pm-12:00am (3 hours)
Roman general Maximus Decimus Meridius is a casualty of a power struggle between the corrupt Emperor Commodus and the senate. Ordered to be put to death along with his family, he escapes his would-be killers but is sold into slavery as a gladiator – but uses his fame in the arena to fight against the tyrant. Oscar-winning period epic, with Russell Crowe, Joaquin Phoenix, Derek Jacobi and Oliver Reed, in his last film role.

Godzilla (1998) Sony Movie Channel 11:50pm-1:40am (1 hour 50 minutes)
A giant mutant lizard spawned from an atomic test rampages through the streets of New York, defying the combined might of the US Army and Navy as it searches for a quiet place to hatch its eggs. A bookish radiation expert and a shady French secret agent join forces to defeat the creature. Hollywood remake of the Japanese monster adventure, starring Matthew Broderick, Jean Reno, Maria Pitillo and Hank Azaria.

Whatever you’re up to this weekend, keep dry, keep calm and keep being awesome!

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Cheese and pineapple! Another retro movie weekend has sneaked up upon us and here here to shake things up!

With our bags looking fit to burst, we find ourselves once again taking on the challenge that is…. the pick n mix. With a set price, our only limitations are our own imagination on ways to cram more sweet and colourful goodness into our receptacle of choice. Another sprinkle of these, the odd one of them… we’ll push, pinch and cram our way to glory before, somehow securing the lid which sole purpose will be to remain in situ for the time it takes to pay for our gains and leave. Will we make it?

SATURDAY 11th MARCH

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Casper (1995) Film4 11:00am-1:00pm (2 hours)
A paranormal expert moves into a haunted house where his daughter befriends the amiable ghost of a young boy – but things start to go awry when three smelly spooks and two dastardly crooks try to chase the new residents away. Family comedy, starring Christina Ricci, Bill Pullman, Eric Idle, Cathy Moriarty and featuring the voice of Malachi Pearson.

The Great Outdoors (1988) ITV4 4:00pm-5:45pm
Easy-going family man Chet Ripley takes his wife and two sons to a lakeside cabin in the wilderness to enjoy a peaceful holiday. However, his plans to relax are ruined by the unwelcome and unannounced arrival of his obnoxious brother-in-law – as well as unexpected intrusions by the local wildlife. Comedy, starring John Candy, Dan Aykroyd and Annette Bening.

A Knight’s Tale (2001) 5Star 4:40pm-7:20pm
A poverty-stricken squire spies an opportunity to make his dreams come true when his employer dies. He takes his place as a knight, launching himself on the road to riches by competing in jousting tournaments, but his ruse is jeopardised by a dastardly nobleman. Comedy adventure, starring Heath Ledger, Paul Bettany, Mark Addy, Shannyn Sossamon and Rufus Sewell.

LA Confidential (1997) BBC2 10:45pm-12:55am (2 hours 10 minutes)
Three cops – an ambitious rookie, a hard-boiled veteran and a smooth character more interested in celebrity than justice – investigate a corpse-strewn bloodbath in a diner. However, the ensuing search for the perpetrators reveals a trail of crime and corruption in the police force. Thriller set in 1950s Hollywood, with Russell Crowe, Guy Pearce, Kevin Spacey, James Cromwell, Danny DeVito and an Oscar-winning Kim Basinger.

Rambo: First Blood Part II (1985) ITV 11:00pm-12:50am (1 hour 50 minutes)
Incarcerated Special Forces veteran John Rambo is offered the chance for freedom by former commander Colonel Trautman if he takes up the offer to return to the jungles of Vietnam on a life-or-death mission to rescue American PoWs. During the course of the operation, he develops strong feelings for his guide, a female freedom fighter – but tragedy strikes, leaving him more determined than ever to exact a bloody and explosive revenge. Action adventure sequel, starring Sylvester Stallone, Richard Crenna, Julia Nickson-Soul, Steven Berkoff, George Kee Cheung, Andy Wood and Martin Kove.

Fun Fact: The only film in the Rambo series to be nominated for an Oscar.

SUNDAY 12th MARCH

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King Kong (1976) Film4 2:45pm-5:25pm (2 hours 40 minutes)
Oil prospectors travel to a recently discovered and remote Pacific island, where they encounter a gigantic gorilla. The men manage to capture the huge ape and bring it back to America – but the confused creature is terrified by events and escapes, wreaking havoc in New York. Remake of the classic 1933 fantasy adventure, with Jeff Bridges, Jessica Lange and Charles Grodin.

Fun Fact: When producer Dino De Laurentiis walked into the studio to see the giant King Kong hand for the first time, the arm extended in his direction…. then the middle finger slowly uncurled and extended itself at him. It then broke and remained frozen, finger up, for a week.

Mr Bean’s Holiday (2007) ITV2 7:15pm-9:00pm
The bumbling fool wins first prize in the church raffle – a trip to France and a video camera. His travels cause chaos as he disrupts a film shoot in Cannes, to the fury of its megalomaniac director, and is then accused of kidnapping a youngster. Comedy, starring Rowan Atkinson, Willem Dafoe, Emma de Caunes and Max Baldry.

Sleepy Hollow (1999) E4 10:00pm-12:05am (2 hours 5 minutes)
A sceptical 18th-century detective is sent to a small hamlet supposedly terrorised by a demonic headless horseman who decapitates his victims. The investigator refuses to believe in the supernatural, convinced a human killer is behind the murders – but the legend proves to be all too true. Tim Burton’s gothic horror, starring Johnny Depp, Christina Ricci, Miranda Richardson and Christopher Walken.

Lock Up (1989) ITV4 11:15pm-1:30am
A convict is transferred to a maximum security prison, where he falls foul of a sadistic warden with a grudge against him – and who abuses his position of power to make the inmate’s life a misery and destroy his good relationship with the guards. Thriller, starring Sylvester Stallone, Donald Sutherland, Darlanne Fluegel and Tom Sizemore.

Fun Fact: Chuck Wepner, the real-life inspiration for Rocky (1976), was an inmate at the prison where the film was shot. Sylvester Stallone greeted Wepner and told the other inmates that Wepner was “the real Rocky”.

Whatever you’re up to this weekend, remember that you’ll never be as young and potentially as capable as you are right now. Embrace it!

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