Steven Seagal

Great white Shark! Another retro movie weekend has appeared and we’re here to take it on like a monster from the depths!

Like one of the biggest, oldest and battle-scared Sharks roaming the deep blue, we find ourselves yet again on the hunt for the best and most rewarding retro movies. Sensing even the smallest of action, movement and drama, we’ll begin to home in on our next VHS victim (showing our age) as we brace to take them on in style with a leap and a splash. Bellies full of retro awesomeness, we will return to the depths until next time.

Have a happy retro weekend!

SATURDAY 17th June

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Spies Like Us (1985) 5STAR 8:00am-9:50am
Two incompetent US State Department officials are unwittingly used as decoys on a deadly mission to thwart Soviet activity in Pakistan. Unfortunately, their involvement in such a delicate operation brings the world to the brink of nuclear war. Comedy, starring Chevy Chase, Dan Aykroyd, Steve Forrest, Bruce Davison and Donna Dixon.

Vice Versa (1988) Film4 11:00am-1:00pm (2 hours)
A department store executive returns from a trip to Thailand in possession of a mysterious artefact that causes him to change places with his 11-year-old son. While the horrified father struggles to cope with a world of teachers and school bullies, the youngster is revelling in the perks of being a grown-up. Fantasy comedy, starring Judge Reinhold, Fred Savage, Swoosie Kurtz and Corinne Bohrer.

Fun Fact: The movie was made and released around 106 years after it source novel “Vice Versa: A Lesson to Fathers” by F. Anstey had been first published in 1882.

Gandhi (1982) 11:30am-3:20pm (3 hours 50 minutes)
Richard Attenborough’s Oscar-winning biopic of Mohandas K Gandhi, who rose from unlikely beginnings as a small-time lawyer to become the inspirational leader of India’s struggle for independence and a worldwide ambassador for peace thanks to his philosophy of non-violent protest. Starring Ben Kingsley, John Gielgud, Edward Fox, Candice Bergen, Martin Sheen, Richard Griffiths, Saeed Jaffrey, Om Puri and Geraldine James, with Daniel Day-Lewis in an early role.

Three Men and a Baby (1987) 1:30pm-3:30pm (2 hours)
The lives of three flat-sharing bachelors are turned upside down when they discover a baby left on their doorstep. Unfortunately, while trying to get to grips with the necessary parenting skills, they find themselves menaced by criminals searching for missing drugs. Comedy, directed by Leonard Nimoy, starring Tom Selleck, Ted Danson, Steve Guttenberg and Nancy Travis.

Iron Man 2 (2010) Channel 4 8:00pm-10:25pm (2 hours 25 minutes)
Tycoon-turned-superhero Tony Stark confronts a fearsome new foe in a Russian scientist using his own deadly hi-tech weapons to seek revenge. He also faces a struggle to keep his secrets out of the hands of both the government and an amoral rival, and discovers the armour he developed to fight evil is slowly killing him. Action adventure sequel, with Robert Downey Jr, Mickey Rourke and Don Cheadle.

Superhero Merchandise

Jaws: The Revenge (1987) ITV4 8:10pm-10:00pm
Ellen Brody, the widow of heroic police chief Martin Brody, travels to the Bahamas after her youngest son is killed by a great white shark. But as she is reunited with her surviving son, the predatory fish sets off in pursuit to wipe out the entire family. Thriller sequel, starring Michael Caine, Lorraine Gary, Lance Guest and Mario Van Peebles.

Jaws TShirts

Commando (1985) Film4 9:00pm-10:50pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
The daughter of retired special forces officer John Matrix is kidnapped by an old comrade-in-arms, now in league with a deposed former dictator. The tyrant plans to use the girl to force Matrix into assassinating the head of the country he once ruled, but is unprepared for the lengths to which the veteran soldier will go to rescue his child. Action adventure, with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Rae Dawn Chong.

Reservoir Dogs (1992) ITV4 10:00pm-12:05am
Criminals are employed by a crime boss to carry out a diamond robbery that goes disastrously wrong. In the bloody aftermath of the heist, they try to establish what happened and how the police were aware of their plans all along – leading to the hardening suspicion that one of them betrayed the gang. Quentin Tarantino’s thriller, starring Harvey Keitel, Tim Roth, Michael Madsen, Chris Penn and Steve Buscemi.

Reservoir Dogs Art Print

Shanghai Knights (2003) 10:40pm-12:30am (1 hour 50 minutes)
Chinese sheriff Chon Wang and reformed bandit Roy O’Bannon head for Victorian London on the trail of a murderer. Their investigation leads them to a nefarious Englishman plotting to kill the royal family – but fortunately Chon’s talented sister comes to their aid. Martial arts comedy sequel, with Jackie Chan, Owen Wilson, Aidan Gillen and Fann Wong.

Conan the Barbarian (1982) Film4 10:50pm-1:25am (2 hours 35 minutes)
A child who grows up in slavery becomes a formidable warrior and a cunning thief. Taken prisoner by a victorious king, he is sent out to destroy the leader of the barbaric cult that destroyed his village and slaughtered his family. Fantasy adventure, based on the stories by author Robert E Howard, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Max von Sydow, James Earl Jones and Sandahl Bergman.

Fun Fact: Arnold Schwarzenegger is not wearing a wig. That is his own natural hair. In 1979, Schwarzenegger began growing his hair long for the film.

SUNDAY 18th June

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The Mask of Zorro (1998) Sony Movie Channel 1:15pm-4:10pm (2 hours 55 minutes)
The sword-wielding saviour of Spanish California returns after 20 years in prison, tutoring a thief to take over his heroic role and tackle corrupt government officials, who are using slave labour to mine gold illegally. Both mentor and pupil have personal scores to settle with their enemies, led by a ruthless governor and a psychotic military officer. Swashbuckling adventure, with Anthony Hopkins, Antonio Banderas and Catherine Zeta-Jones.

Footloose (1984) Channel 5 1:30pm-3:35pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
A rebellious, hip-swinging student from the city moves to a small religious community, where he instantly clashes with an old-school fire-and-brimstone preacher – who has banned dancing and rock ‘n’ roll because he considers them immoral. Drama, starring Kevin Bacon, Lori Singer, John Lithgow, Chris Penn, Dianne Wiest and Sarah Jessica Parker.

Street Fighter (1994) Sony Movie Channel 6:50pm-9:00pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
A military officer goes in search of a power-mad general who is holding several hostages in a secret location. He soon finds he is not the only one on the maniac’s trail, and joins forced with a mismatched band of martial artists to save the captives. Action adventure based on the video game, starring Jean-Claude Van Damme, Raul Julia, Kylie Minogue and Ming-Na Wen.

Street Fighter TShirts

Hard to Kill (1990) ITV4 9:20pm-11:25pm
A gang of drug dealers attacks the home of a Los Angeles cop, leaving him in a coma and his wife dead. Seven years later, he regains consciousness and gets ready to exact a grisly payback on the murderers. As he embarks on his deadly mission of vengeance, he learns his son also survived the attack, but was told he is dead. Thriller, with Steven Seagal, Kelly LeBrock, Bill Sadler and Frederick Coffin.

Out for Justice (1991) ITV4 11:25pm-1:15am
A tough Brooklyn cop learns that his partner and best friend has been murdered in front of his family by a vicious drug dealer, the pair’s lifelong enemy and the scourge of the neighbourhood. The detective heads into the underworld on a one-man vengeance mission, but finds the killer’s criminal bosses are also hunting for him. Action thriller, with Steven Seagal, William Forsythe and Jerry Orbach.

Whatever you’re up to this weekend, don’t forget your sunglasses…. both leaving and coming home!

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Apples and pairs! Another retro movie weekend has kicked in the front door and is ready to rock our world!

Getting stuck into all kinds of smoothie shenanigans, we find ourselves pealing, chopping, slicing, zesting and squeezing a whole heap of bright and delicious fruity goodness as we begin to concoct possible the worlds greatest ever smoothie. Balancing flavours, colours and textures like an absolute pro, we’ll hit the magic button to blitz all our efforts up like a deadly tornado. Will we have created something never seen before? And will that be for a very good reason? Only the taste test will reveal!

SATURDAY 8th April

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Fly Away Home (1996) Sony Movie Channel 9:10am-11:25am (2 hours 15 minutes)
A 13-year-old girl finds an abandoned nest of goose eggs and raises the chicks when they hatch. As winter approaches, the birds need to fly south, so she and her inventor father construct a light aircraft to lead the way. Family adventure, starring Jeff Daniels, Anna Paquin, Dana Delany and Terry Kinney.

Clueless (1995) E4 10:00am-12:00pm (2 hours)
A rich high-school student uses all her charm and financial clout to boost an awkward new pupil’s image, but soon finds she has created a monster – while her own popularity suffers in the process. Comedy inspired by Jane Austen’s Emma, starring Alicia Silverstone, Stacey Dash, Brittany Murphy and Paul Rudd.

Clueless Clothing

Labyrinth (1986) 5STAR 12:20pm-2:25pm
A teenager wishes her baby brother would be taken away, only to have her request granted by a band of goblins and their sinister king. She regrets her decision and sets out to rescue him, but to reach the castle where he is being held, she must find her way through a magical maze full of strange creatures. Jim Henson’s fantasy adventure, starring Jennifer Connelly and David Bowie.

Labyrinth Merchandise

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986) Film4 1:00pm-3:05pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
A cocky teenager plays truant from school and spends the day dragging his girlfriend and a reluctant friend into all manner of crazy adventures in the big city – while the school’s dean of students vows to stop at nothing to prove the youngster is faking illness. Comedy, starring Matthew Broderick, Mia Sara, Alan Ruck, Jennifer Grey, Jeffrey Jones and Charlie Sheen.

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off Clothing

You’ve Got Mail (1998) 5STAR 3:30pm-4:50pm (1 hour 20 minutes)
Two rivals in the bookshop business fall in love over the internet, unaware they know and dislike each other in the real world. While things remain frosty in person, the pair’s anonymous online relationship continues to blossom. Romantic comedy, starring Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan, Greg Kinnear, Parker Posey and Dabney Coleman.

Lethal Weapon 3 (1992) Dave 9:00pm-11:20pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
Detectives Riggs and Murtaugh team up with a reformed small-time crook and a tough, female internal-affairs investigator to track down a former policeman trafficking impounded weaponry to the bosses of organised crime. Action thriller sequel, starring Mel Gibson, Danny Glover, Joe Pesci and Rene Russo.

Rambo: First Blood Part II (1985) ITV4 10:00pm-12:05am (2 hours)
Incarcerated Special Forces veteran John Rambo is offered the chance for freedom by former commander Colonel Trautman if he takes up the offer to return to the jungles of Vietnam on a life-or-death mission to rescue American PoWs. During the course of the operation, he develops strong feelings for his guide, a female freedom fighter – but tragedy strikes, leaving him more determined than ever to exact a bloody and explosive revenge. Action adventure sequel, starring Sylvester Stallone, Richard Crenna, Julia Nickson-Soul, Steven Berkoff, George Kee Cheung, Andy Wood and Martin Kove.

Rambo TShirts

An American Werewolf in London (1981) Film4 11:15pm-1:15am (2 hours)
A tourist is attacked while walking on the Yorkshire Moors and undergoes a terrifying metamorphosis, becoming a ravening werewolf whenever the moon is full. John Landis’s horror comedy, starring David Naughton, Griffin Dunne and Jenny Agutter, with appearances by Brian Glover and Rik Mayall as unwelcoming locals in an isolated pub. Featuring special effects by Rick Baker.

SUNDAY 9th April

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Cutthroat Island
(1995) Film4 1:00pm-3:25pm (2 hours 25 minutes)
A tough female pirate enlists the help of an educated slave in finding the three parts of a map leading to buried treasure. However, one of the pieces is in the hands of her cruel uncle, and she also has to find the loot before her crew mutinies or the British Navy catches up with her. Swashbuckling adventure, starring Geena Davis, Matthew Modine, Frank Langella and Maury Chaykin.

Goldfinger (1964) 1:45pm-3:55pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
James Bond is assigned to investigate a notorious German gold smuggler and discovers his quarry has ambitions much greater than first suspected. Pursuing the criminal mastermind around the world, Bond uncovers the villain’s audacious scheme to destroy the global economy with a daring attack on Fort Knox. Spy adventure, starring Sean Connery, Gert Frobe and Honor Blackman.

James Bond TShirts

Liar Liar (1997) ITV2 3:50pm-5:35pm
A lawyer, whose underhand ploys to win cases leave him little time to see his son, discovers he is incapable of lying after the boy’s birthday wish makes his dad tell only the truth. However, this causes a host of problems as the attorney tries to muddle his way through a high-profile divorce settlement. Comedy, with Jim Carrey, Maura Tierney, Justin Cooper, Jennifer Tilly and Cary Elwes.

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001) ITV2 5:35pm-9:00pm
An unassuming hobbit is plunged into a battle against the forces of darkness when his uncle bequeaths him a magical ring of immense power. He joins a fellowship of heroes to embark on a perilous quest to destroy the ring before it falls into the hands of its creator – a dark lord who needs it to regain his power and conquer the world. The first part of Peter Jackson’s epic fantasy trilogy based on JRR Tolkien’s novel, starring Elijah Wood, Ian McKellen, Viggo Mortensen, Sean Astin, Christopher Lee, Liv Tyler and Orlando Bloom.

Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997) Film4 6:35pm-9:00pm (2 hours 25 minutes)
Feisty heroine Annie and her new boyfriend Alex take a cruise in the Bahamas, but the trip becomes a nightmare when they discover a vengeful computer genius – a former employee laid off because of his terminal illness – is also on board. He has secretly programmed the ship to crash into an oil tanker while he steals a cache of diamonds from the cargo. Action thriller sequel, with Sandra Bullock, Jason Patric and Willem Dafoe.

The Deer Hunter (1978) ITV4 9:00pm-12:45am
The lives of three American steelworkers and their families are torn apart in the wake of the Vietnam War. After enduring horrific treatment in a prison camp during the conflict, the three friends return to their homes but struggle to readjust to normal life. Oscar-winning drama, starring Robert De Niro, Christopher Walken, Meryl Streep, John Savage and John Cazale.

Under Siege (1992) Spike 9:00pm-11:00pm (2 hours)
Terrorists infiltrate a US battleship in a carefully orchestrated move to steal its arsenal of nuclear weapons, unaware the ship’s resourceful cook – a veteran US Navy Seal – and a scantily clad stripper are about to foil their plans. Action adventure, starring Steven Seagal, Erika Eleniak, Gary Busey and Tommy Lee Jones.

Whatever you’re up to this weekend, get out and explore!

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Skinny Pete and Badger too!  It has to be the Weekend!

So, deep beneath the oceans swell amongst the blue and yellow angel fish who swim merrily among the coral and seaweed, where lies the wreckage of the old Hispaniola. Deep inside lurks a devilishly curious octopus who’s made its self at home. Intriguingly let us be your bikini-shell clad mermaid as we search for shiny pearls of movie greatness, look under pebbles for retro cinematic awesomeness and  chase orange and white clown fish for celluloid wonder.

Have a happy retro weekend! :-)

SATURDAY 27th APRIL

Uncle Buck (1989)ITV London 3:35pm-5:30pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
An unreliable but good-natured slob is called upon to look after his trouble-making nephew and nieces while their parents are away – and what starts as a disaster soon changes for the better as the unlikely babysitter gets to grips with the finer points of being a responsible adult. Family comedy, starring John Candy, Macaulay Culkin, Jean Kelly, Gaby Hoffman, Amy Madigan and Laurie Metcalf.

American Pie (1999)Sky Movies Comedy 6:15pm-8:00pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
Four teenage boys make a solemn pact to lose their virginity before the high-school prom, and though their antics cause them huge embarrassment and public humiliation, the friends also learn about love and affection in their relations with the opposite sex. Coming-of-age comedy, starring Jason Biggs, Shannon Elizabeth, Chris Klein, Alyson Hannigan, Mena Suvari, Seann William Scott and Eugene Levy.

Under Siege (1992)5USA 9:00pm-11:10pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
Terrorists infiltrate a US battleship in a carefully orchestrated move to steal its arsenal of nuclear weapons, unaware the ship’s resourceful cook – a veteran US Navy Seal – and a scantily clad stripper are about to foil their plans. Action adventure, starring Steven Seagal, Erika Eleniak, Gary Busey and Tommy Lee Jones.

Commando (1985)ITV London 10:35pm-12:20am (1 hour 45 minutes)
The daughter of retired special forces officer John Matrix is kidnapped by an old comrade-in-arms, now in league with a deposed former dictator. The tyrant plans to use the girl to force Matrix into assassinating the head of the country he once ruled, but is unprepared for the lengths to which the veteran soldier will go to rescue his child. Action adventure, with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Rae Dawn Chong.

SUNDAY 28th APRIL

The Cannonball Run (1981)5USA 2:00pm-4:00pm (2 hours)
A rogue car racer and his manic sidekick compete in an illegal race across America. The crafty duo plan to use an ambulance to keep one step ahead of the police, but face stiff competition from other eccentric speed enthusiasts, all of whom have plenty of dirty tricks up their sleeves. Comedy, starring Burt Reynolds, Roger Moore and Dom DeLuise.

Legend (1985)Film4 7:10pm-9:00pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
A peasant boy, who has a special bond with animals and fairies, shows his sweetheart the last surviving unicorns. Unfortunately, a monstrous demon and his goblin henchmen despise the mythical creatures and trick the girl into harming one of them, forcing Jack to act quickly to save her immortal soul. Ridley Scott’s fantasy adventure, starring Tom Cruise, Mia Sara, Tim Curry and David Bennent.

Big (1988)Sky Movies Family 9:45pm-11:40pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
A boy ridiculed for his size makes a wish on a fairground machine to become bigger – only to wake up as a 30-year-old man. Driven from his home by his terrified mother, the bewildered youngster trapped in a grown-up body makes his way to New York, where he rises high in the ranks of a toy manufacturing company and applies his childlike brain and emotions to the complexities of adult life. Comedy, starring Tom Hanks, Elizabeth Perkins and Robert Loggia.

Coming to America (1988)Film4 9:00pm-11:20pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
A bored African prince defies his father’s plans for an arranged marriage and escapes to the USA to find a bride on his own terms. Comedy, starring Eddie Murphy and Arsenio Hall in several roles, with James Earl Jones, Allison Dean, Eriq La Salle and Madge Sinclair.

Haaawoooga! Its bonus movie clip time. This week features something every kid in school wanted after watching this movie.

Unfortunately jumping up and down on your older sisters mini synthesiser does not work – it only gets you a black eye! Sorry Sis ;-)

Whatever you get up to this weekend, try not step on the cracks and always enjoy yourselves.

Cheerio.

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