The Fifth Element

Crashing waves and soaky wet seaweed! Another retro movie rundown is here to guide you though another weekend!

Slowly bobbing up and down in a vast, cold lake, we find ourselves moments from being pulled along by the magical ropes and bars which are the only thing attaching us to the safety of the boat. Steadying our position with the board stuck firmly to our feet, the rope will begin to tighten in our grip as the boat starts to roar away from us. Feeling the force (not that one!) pull through the arms and legs, mysteriously we will begin to rise our of the depths and with one twist and turn, we will face side on and begin to ride the surface of the water like something from a superhero movie.

Have a happy retro weekend!

SATURDAY 6th May

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The Rugrats Movie (1998) Film4 11:00am-1:00pm
Animation featuring the popular TV cartoon family. Chaos breaks out when Tommy’s kid brother Dil Pickles is born and the toddlers decide that he makes so much noise that they must return him to the hospital for fixing. Then, of course, they manage to get lost on the way.

Superman (1978) ITV4 1:10pm-4:05pm
Oscar-winning fantasy based on the classic comic strip, portraying the early years of the Man of Steel. After his birth on the planet Krypton, Superman (Christopher Reeve) grows up on Earth. He becomes a journalist, but must juggle his job with his secret identity as a powerful superhero and his battles with arch-nemesis Lex Luthor (Gene Hackman). Luthor plans to lay waste to the west coast of America and Superman is the only one who can stop him.

Superman Gifts & Clothing

The Net (1995) E4 2:15pm-4:30pm
Hi-tech thriller about a reclusive computer genius whose life is endangered after she stumbles across some secret material online. When she tries to go back to the documents, access is denied, but her shadowy enemies realise she has copied the restricted information on to disk and set about silencing her permanently.

Short Circuit (1986) Film4 2:40pm-4:40pm
Lighthearted comedy in which an $11 million military robot becomes energised by a freak power overload. When ‘Number Five’ is discovered to be missing, the government immediately launches an all-out search with instructions to destroy the missing contraption. But, having discovered the world around him, the robot decides that he does not want to return to the weapons company from which he escaped.

The Fifth Element (1997) 5STAR 6:25pm-9:00pm
Gripping 23rd-century sci-fi adventure in which a jaded New York cab driver finds himself in the middle of a battle between good and evil when a beautiful young woman falls into his life from another dimension. She is the `fifth element’ – a being who represents all that is good in the universe – and he must protect her from the evil Zorg and his henchmen.

Mrs Doubtfire (1993) Film4 6:35pm-9:00pm
Comedy about a divorced voice-over actor who will try anything to get his family back – even disguising himself as their new housekeeper Mrs Doubtfire. Daniel Hillard is devastated when his ex-wife Miranda is awarded custody of the children, allowing him to see them only on Saturdays. Miranda takes him on as a housekeeper, thinking he is an eccentric Scottish matron, and everyone is happy – until Miranda’s new beau Stu appears.

Aliens (1986) Film4 9:00pm-12:05am
Classic sci-fi thriller sequel directed by James Cameron and starring Sigourney Weaver and Bill Paxton. The tense, Oscar-winning sequel to ‘Alien’ takes Ripley and a team of marines back to the planet where she first encountered the deadly creature which destroyed her crew. Rescued after 57 years adrift in space in suspended animation, Ripley is horrified to learn that the planet has since been colonised and sets out to confirm her worst fears as to why all contact with the planet has been lost.

Demolition Man (1993) Dave 9:00pm-11:15pm
Futuristic adventure about a cryogenically frozen cop who is thawed out when a psychopathic criminal escapes. Violence has been outlawed in the politically correct regime of the 21st century, and the only weapons in existence are consigned to a museum. When the escaped psychopath heads straight for the museum, the authorities decide that only John Spartan – an undesirable but effectively violent cop – can stop the criminal.

SUNDAY 7th May

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Flatliners (1990) BBC1 12:10am-2:00am
Spine-tingling drama about a group of medical students who explore what it is like to die by using drugs to stop their heart and brain activity temporarily. They vie to see who can stay under the longest, but the experiment has serious repercussions.

Ghostbusters II (1989) Channel 4 2:30pm-4:40pm
Fantasy comedy sequel starring Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, Sigourney Weaver, Harold Ramis and Rick Moranis. The phantom-fighters return to the streets of New York when they come to the aid of a woman who fears that her baby is the target of ghostly forces. Four years after Dr Peter Venkman broke up with Dana Barrett, she appeals for help to save her son when an arch-demon trapped in an oil painting wants to take over his body. The old team reunites and traces the source of the trouble to a sinister underground river of slime.

Ghostbusters TShirts & Gifts

Diamonds Are Forever (1971) ITV 4:05pm – 6:35pm
Action thriller in which James Bond, equipped with an armoury of hi-tech gadgets, infiltrates a Las Vegas diamond-smuggling ring in a bid to foil a plot to target Washington with a laser in space. But as 007 prepares to tackle the evil Blofeld, the mastermind who threatens to destabilise the world, his attention is drawn to the beautiful Tiffany Case.

James Bond TShirts

The Terminal (2004) BBC Two 5:55pm-8:00pm
Tom Hanks and Catherine Zeta-Jones star in this touching drama based on real events. Viktor Navorski is visiting New York when there is a coup in his eastern European home country. By the time he arrives in America, Navorski is stranded with a passport from nowhere and finds that he is forced to live in the terminal building until peace returns. Flight attendant Amelia is the one redeeming aspect of the situation, but can he win her heart?

Last Action Hero (1993) Sony Movie Channel 6:20pm-9:00pm
Fantasy meets reality in this big-budget action adventure. Eleven-year-old Danny is given a magic ticket by a strange cinema projectionist and is transported into the film he is watching. Thanks to his advance knowledge of the plot, he is able to help his silver-screen hero out of an awkward situation and becomes his partner. But there is trouble in store for the unlikely duo when a villain tries to seize the magic ticket.

Godzilla (1998) Sony Movie Channel 9:00pm-11:50pm
Roland Emmerich’s version of the cult Japanese monster movies. On a research trip to Chernobyl, a young scientist discovers a startling link between genetic mutation and radioactivity. Elsewhere, a huge fishing trawler is attacked by an unseen creature from beneath the waves. The scientist soon realises that the creature is heading towards New York City with a lot more than sightseeing in mind. From the makers of ‘Independence Day’.

Captain America: The First Avenger (2011) Channel 4 8:00pm-10:25pm
Chris Evans, Tommy Lee Jones and Stanley Tucci star in Joe Johnston’s Marvel Comics superhero action adventure, set during the Second World War. Young Steve Rogers is desperate to fight the Nazis, but is continually rejected for military service after failing the tests. His luck changes, however, when he is recruited for a secret programme run by the scientist Erskine. Rogers emerges with superhuman strength, a trademark costume, an indestructible shield and redoubled resolve to fight the good fight. When Erskine is assassinated by a secret Nazi splinter group, led by Red Skull, it is time to put his newly acquired abilities to the test.

Captain America TShirts

Whatever you’re up to this weekend, don’t forget to save your progress and underestimate the benefits of a hot drink shared with friends.

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Crunchy crisps and dip! Another retro movie weekend is upon us. Let’s go!

With a bump and a flick, we’re plugging back in after many years one of our oldest friends, our first game console. Feeling some of the excitement we first experience upon first ever playing on our shiny new system back in the day, we’ll dust off the bold and clunky hardware which still feels so familiar in our hands before loading up our game of choice. With each load screen, we find our childhood memories loading into our minds as we dive in, as if nothing had changed around us.

SATURDAY 4th MARCH

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Dragnet (1987) Dave 2:00pm-4:00pm (2 hours)
A by-the-book Los Angeles cop is paired with a laidback new partner to investigate the nefarious activities of a TV evangelist and a pornographic-magazine baron suspected of operating a criminal cult. Comedy spoof of the 1950s TV series, starring Dan Aykroyd, Tom Hanks, Christopher Plummer and the original show’s star Harry Morgan.

Casper (1995) Film4 4:55pm-6:55pm (2 hours)
A paranormal expert moves into a haunted house where his daughter befriends the amiable ghost of a young boy – but things start to go awry when three smelly spooks and two dastardly crooks try to chase the new residents away. Family comedy, starring Christina Ricci, Bill Pullman, Eric Idle, Cathy Moriarty and featuring the voice of Malachi Pearson.

Mission: Impossible (1996) E4 5:00pm-7:10pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
Secret agents suspect there is a traitor in their organisation when their latest assignment ends in disaster. The sole survivor is accused of being the mole, forcing him to go on the run to clear his name. However, in the process, he discovers a former Russian spy is selling information about the world’s leading undercover operatives. Action thriller based on the 1960s TV series, starring Tom Cruise, Jon Voight and Ving Rhames.

Kindergarten Cop (1990) ITV2 5:45pm-8:00pm
A tough detective is forced to pose as a preschool teacher in a bid to capture a drug dealer whose son is one of the pupils. However, his biggest challenge turns out to be controlling a class full of five-year-olds. Comedy, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Penelope Ann Miller, Linda Hunt, Pamela Reed and Richard Tyson.

X-Men (2000) Film4 6:55pm-9:00pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
Super-powered outsiders Rogue and Wolverine find themselves at a school for mutants which is run by a benevolent psychic professor. While there, they agree to join others with similar gifts to take on a superhuman mutant terrorist faction intent on establishing dominance over mankind. Sci-fi comic-book adventure, starring Hugh Jackman, Patrick Stewart, Ian McKellen, Anna Paquin and Halle Berry.

Superhero Merchandise

First Blood (1982) ITV 10:55pm-12:40am (1 hour 45 minutes)
Vietnam veteran John Rambo is wrongfully arrested in a backwoods town and tested to the limits of his endurance by a brutal deputy. Rambo escapes from his cell and heads out to the woods, and with the forces of the law in hot pursuit he finally has the chance to fight them on his own terms. Action thriller, starring Sylvester Stallone, Brian Dennehy, Richard Crenna and David Caruso.

Jackie Brown (1997) ITV4 11:00pm-2:05am
An air hostess is arrested for smuggling drugs and money into the US for a local arms dealer. Realising her life may be in danger she leaves jail with a plan to stay one step ahead by playing the criminal and the police off against each other. Quentin Tarantino’s crime drama, based on the novel Rum Punch by Elmore Leonard, starring Pam Grier, Robert Forster, Robert De Niro, Samuel L Jackson, Bridget Fonda, Michael Keaton and Michael Bowen.

SUNDAY 5th MARCH

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The Fifth Element (1997) Channel 5 11:50am-2:10pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
In the 23rd century, the world faces destruction from a seemingly unstoppable force of pure evil. Meanwhile, a New York cab driver encounters a mysterious woman destined to save the Earth from its fate, and has to protect her from a scheming arms dealer and a horde of alien mercenaries. Luc Besson’s sci-fi adventure, starring Bruce Willis, Milla Jovovich and Gary Oldman.

Hook (1991) Sony Channel 12:15pm-3:30pm (3 hours 15 minutes)
Peter Pan, who has finally grown up and is now a married lawyer with a family of his own, is whisked away by Tinkerbell to Neverland, where he must learn to fly again if he is to save his children from the clutches of Captain Hook. Steven Spielberg’s fantasy adventure, with Robin Williams, Dustin Hoffman, Julia Roberts, Bob Hoskins and Maggie Smith.

Spies Like Us (1985) Channel 5 2:10pm-4:10pm (2 hours)
Two incompetent US State Department officials are unwittingly used as decoys on a deadly mission to thwart Soviet activity in Pakistan. Unfortunately, their involvement in such a delicate operation brings the world to the brink of nuclear war. Comedy, starring Chevy Chase, Dan Aykroyd, Steve Forrest, Bruce Davison and Donna Dixon.

Last Action Hero (1993) Sony Channel 6:20pm-9:00pm (2 hours 40 minutes)
A boy watching an action movie is transported into the film by a magic ticket and meets its hero figure, who refuses to believe he is a fictional character. Matters take a turn for the worse when the screen villain gets hold of the ticket and crosses over into the real world – where bad guys can win. Comedy adventure, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Austin O’Brien, Charles Dance, F Murray Abraham and Anthony Quinn.

The Fly (1986) Sony Channel 9:00pm-11:00pm (2 hours)
A scientist invents a teleportation machine, but as he prepares to test the apparatus on himself he is unaware that a housefly is inside the system with him. The experiment causes his body to splice genetically with the insect, leading to a terrifying and grotesque transformation. David Cronenberg’s remake of the 1950s horror, starring Jeff Goldblum, Geena Davis and John Getz.

Point Break (1991) Spike 9:00pm-11:20pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
An FBI agent infiltrates a Californian surfing gang suspected of carrying out a series of armed robberies wearing masks modelled on former US presidents. However, his loyalties are tested to the limits when he is befriended by the gang’s leader. Kathryn Bigelow’s thriller, starring Keanu Reeves, Patrick Swayze, Gary Busey and Lori Petty.

Face/Off (1997) AMC 11:05pm-2:00am (2 hours 55 minutes)
FBI agent Sean Archer captures terrorist Castor Troy, the man who killed his son. While Troy is in a coma, Archer has the crook’s face surgically grafted onto his own so he can go undercover and locate a bomb planted somewhere in Los Angeles. But then Troy regains consciousness – and in turn takes on Archer’s identity. John Woo’s action thriller, starring Nicolas Cage, John Travolta, Joan Allen, Gina Gershon and Dominique Swain.

Whatever you’re up to this weekend, stay dry, stay warm and stay awesome!

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Alphabetti Spaghetti! Looks like the Weekend to me!

Once Upon a cloudy sky. Amongst a thick hazy Forrest, sat hunched over on a hollowed out log, gazing wearily over a steaming boggy marsh. Let us be your be-shaggled woodland Troll as we dribble, droll and blow snot bubbles in anticipation of something slimy and squidgy or boney and crunchy to eat. We’ll be poised and ready to pounce onto some cinematic greatness, we’ll prepare our nasty nosh with herbs and sprinkles of movie magic before we devoir the whole thing in one single gulp and belch out some celluloid wonder.

Have a happy retro weekend!

SATURDAY 11th JANUARY

Stargate (1994) 5*  5:10pm-7:30pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
An Egyptologist and a soldier head an expedition through a mysterious portal to an alien planet. The world they find resembles ancient Egypt and is under the rule of a tyrant who has convinced the downtrodden inhabitants that he is a god – until the humans incite the enslaved populace to fight back. Sci-fi adventure, starring Kurt Russell, James Spader and Jaye Davidson

The Fifth Element (1997) 5*  7:30pm-10:00pm (2 hours 30 minutes)
In the 23rd century, the world faces destruction from a seemingly unstoppable force of pure evil. Meanwhile, a New York cab driver encounters a mysterious woman destined to save the Earth from its fate, and has to protect her from a scheming arms dealer and a horde of alien mercenaries. Luc Besson’s sci-fi adventure, starring Bruce Willis, Milla Jovovich and Gary Oldman

Saving Private Ryan (1998) More4  10:00pm-1:25am (3 hours 25 minutes)
In the aftermath of the Normandy landings, a group of American soldiers scours the battlefields of France in search of a missing infantryman, who has been given compassionate leave to return home because his brothers have been killed in the conflict. Steven Spielberg’s Oscar-winning Second World War drama, starring Tom Hanks, Tom Sizemore, Edward Burns, Matt Damon, Barry Pepper and Vin Diesel

Dogma (1999) Film4  9:00pm-11:25pm (2 hours 25 minutes)
Two fallen angels banished to Earth discover a theological loophole could get them back into Heaven – except their plan will cause the world’s destruction. It falls to a lapsed Catholic woman to stop them, with the aid of two so-called prophets, a muse-turned-stripper and a forgotten 13th apostle. Kevin Smith’s comedy fantasy, starring Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, Linda Fiorentino, Salma Hayek, Jason Lee and Alan Rickman

SUNDAY 12th JANUARY

Space Jam (1996) Channel 5  3:30pm-5:10pm (1 hour 40 minutes)
Aliens arrive on Earth to abduct the Looney Tunes gang as a new attraction at their failing intergalactic theme park. To keep their freedom, Bugs Bunny and friends challenge the invaders to a high-stakes basketball game, calling on Michael Jordan to save the day and send the extraterrestrials back where they came from. Live action and animated comedy, starring Bill Murray and Danny DeVito, with the voices of Billy West and Bill Farmer

Honey, I Blew Up the Kid (1992) Film4  3:25pm-5:10pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
A scientist perfects a device for making objects grow when they come into contact with electricity. Unfortunately, his two-year-old son is accidentally turned into a giant and goes on the rampage through the streets of Las Vegas. Disney comedy sequel, starring Rick Moranis, Marcia Strassman, Robert Oliveri and Lloyd Bridges

Coming to America (1988) Film4  9:00pm-11:15pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
A bored African prince defies his father’s plans for an arranged marriage and escapes to the USA to find a bride on his own terms. Comedy, starring Eddie Murphy and Arsenio Hall in several roles, with James Earl Jones, Allison Dean, Eriq La Salle and Madge Sinclair

Sixteen Candles (1985) Film4  11:15pm-1:10am (1 hour 55 minutes)
A teenager’s parents forget her birthday, so she tries to get over her disappointment by searching for the man of her dreams, unaware she’s looking in the wrong place. Comedy drama, starring Molly Ringwald, Justin Henry and Anthony Michael Hall

Whatever you get your filthy mitts on this weekend, remember never stare a Gorilla in the eye and always enjoy yourselves.

xoxo

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Eye of Thundera! The weekend is here so deep inside a massive concrete fortified correctional facility, locked behind iron bars clad in an orange jump suit let us be your shifty but cunning prisoner as we try to dig through a wall of retro movie greatness armed with only a rusty spoon of cinematic awesomeness as we strive forward to the freedom that is celluloid wonder.

Have a happy retro weekend!

SATURDAY 17th August

The Addams Family (1991) Film4 1:00pm-2:55pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
Creepy couple Morticia and Gomez find their unconventional life threatened by a man claiming to be a long-lost relative. When they welcome him with open arms, they fall prey to a plot that could cost them their ancestral home and the family fortune. Black comedy based on the 1960s TV series, starring Anjelica Huston, Raul Julia, Christopher Lloyd, Christina Ricci, Jimmy Workman and Carel Struycken

Smokey and the Bandit II (1980) ITV London 1:45pm-3:35pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
The maverick haulier must overcome a crisis of confidence when he and his friends are hired to transport a pregnant elephant to Texas, a mammoth task that proves far from easy, especially with their old enemy in hot pursuit. Road comedy, with Burt Reynolds, Jackie Gleason, Jerry Reed, Dom DeLuise and Sally Field

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (2007) ITV London 7:00pm-9:40pm (2 hours 40 minutes)
The young wizard struggles to convince his fellow sorcerers that the evil Lord Voldemort has returned to life. When Hogwarts headmaster Dumbledore is ousted in favour of a sadistic replacement, Harry realises he must take matters into his own hands, uniting his fellow pupils to form a secret army and training them for the inevitable confrontation to come. Fantasy adventure sequel, starring Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Rupert Grint, Gary Oldman, Michael Gambon and Alan Rickman

Harry Potter Varsity Jacket

Ladies Grey Harry Potter Gryffindor Team Quidditch Varsity Jacket

Ladies Heather Red Harry Potter Hogwarts Crest T-Shirt from TruffleShuffle

Ladies Heather Red Harry Potter Hogwarts Crest T-Shirt from TruffleShuffle

Airplane! (1980) Film4 7:15pm-9:00pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
The passengers on board an ill-fated airliner become increasingly jittery when the members of the flight crew flounder during a food-poisoning crisis. As ground control personnel struggle heroically to ensure the plane lands safely, a traumatised war veteran must face his fear to take the controls. Spoof disaster movie, starring Robert Hays, Leslie Nielsen, Robert Stack and Lloyd Bridges

Airplane Don't Call Me Shirley Mug

Airplane Don't Call Me Shirley Mug

SUNDAY 18th August

The Karate Kid Part III (1989) Watch 11:30am-1:50pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
The teenage martial arts expert becomes obsessed with defending his championship title, but wise mentor Mr Miyagi is not prepared to help him fight for such a shallow goal. Seeking someone else to help guide his career, he falls under the influence of a crooked trainer – who is secretly plotting his downfall with the help of an old adversary. Adventure sequel, starring Ralph Macchio and Pat Morita

Men's Karate Kid Cobra Kai Fist Logo T-Shirt

Men's Karate Kid Cobra Kai Fist Logo T-Shirt

The Mighty Ducks (1992) ITV2 3:15pm-5:25pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
A self-centred yuppie lawyer is horrified when a judge finds him guilty of drink-driving and orders him to coach a hopeless inner-city junior ice-hockey team as part of his community service. However, he comes to appreciate his new role and things finally start to look up for the team. Comedy, starring Emilio Estevez, Joss Ackland, Lane Smith and Joshua Jackson.

The Fifth Element (1997) 5* 5:30pm-8:00pm (2 hours 30 minutes)
In the 23rd century, the world faces destruction from a seemingly unstoppable force of pure evil. Meanwhile, a New York cab driver encounters a mysterious woman destined to save the Earth from its fate, and has to protect her from a scheming arms dealer and a horde of alien mercenaries. Luc Besson’s sci-fi adventure, starring Bruce Willis, Milla Jovovich and Gary Oldman

The Shawshank Redemption (1994) ITV2 9:00pm-11:50pm (2 hours 50 minutes)
A banker is wrongly jailed for his wife’s murder and over the course of a life sentence he forms a close friendship with a fellow inmate. He also earns a position of trust as book-keeper to the corrupt prison governor – giving him the time and opportunity to conceive a unique escape plan. Frank Darabont’s drama, starring Tim Robbins, Morgan Freeman, Bob Gunton, William Sadler, Clancy Brown and Gil Bellows.

Wham Bam! It’s bonus movie clip time again this week to get your movie appetite rumbling a little Airplane!

Whatever you get up to this weekend remember to cook both sides evenly then marinade and always enjoy yourselves.

xoxo

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