Celebrate Comic Book Day With Our Top Superhero Fails!

Calling all Supermen, Calling all Wonder Women, Calling all Spider-Men, its National Comic Book day. It’s time for all of us Nerds and Geeks to Unite and march to our nearest comic book store and buy all the comics, all the graphic novels and all the super merch you can carry, to celebrate our united love of all things comic book related. To celebrate this day I’m not going to shout about Superman, I’m not going to blab on about Batman or waffle on about Wonder Woman. I’m going to give you a little insight about the underdog heros, The ones who (thankfully) never made it and fell into comic obscurity.

Check out some of our top not so super, Superheroes……

The Legion of the Superpets


In the late 1950s and the early 1960s DC just kind of got weird. They kept introducing all these super intelligent animals with the same superpowers as Superman who all wore red capes. The first was Krypto the Superdog who was sent to earth by Superman’s father Jor-El in a test rocket before he sent Superman to make sure it worked alright. Superman and Krypto were reunited on earth when Superman was a teenager and they fought crime together.
Next was Beppo the Supermonkey. Beppo had pretty much the same story. Jor-El also sent a monkey to make sure the rocket would work. Everybody knows that comics need a chimp, so Beppo provided comic relief by wearing a Superman costume.
The next was Streaky the Supercat. Now Streaky wasn’t sent from Krypton in a rocket but was infected by something called X-Kryptonite which gave earth animals superpowers. Finally came Comet the Superhorse. Comet was an alien horse that was really a centaur who had a curse put on him by some scorned goddess (or something like that) and turned human once a year when a comet passed through Earth’s atmosphere and would romance Supergirl in human form, but the rest of the year was nothing but her pet horse (holy Catherine the Great Batman!). Anyways, these animals eventually joined forces to become the Legion of the Superpets. I swear to god. Ok you hit your head against the desk now, that bits over.

Dogwelder

Dogwelder was a character from Garth Ennis’ “Preacher” series. He was part of a superhero team known as Section Eight which was a band of these crazy guys that fought crime in rather weird and inane ways. Dogwelder is my favourite of the bunch though. He’s this madman in a silver welder’s outfit that basically just goes around welding stray dogs to villains’ faces……that’s it. That’s how he fought crime….no joke. Welding dogs…. to people. Mind you it would be a bitch of a thing to have happen to you. You try to rob a bank and you end up with a Lhasa Apso welded to your face, yapping for eternity. *shudder*

Captain Marvel

Captain Marvel, noooo not the alien Kree warrior who died of cancer. Nor the red-clad do-gooder who uses the magic word Shazam! To transform himself. This guy was a robot… with amnesia… who could make his arms fall off. Well I’ll just bet Al Qaeda is shivering in its boots hoping that this dude doesn’t come after them. Mercifully canceled after five issues, but not before he fought a dude who could shoot lighting out of his nose.

Squirrel Girl


Squirrel Girl. This lunkheaded creation has actually garnered somewhat of a fan following in recent years for being so dang ridiculous. Doreen Green has the mutant power to communicate with squirrels, and this buck-toothed champion of justice has defeated Dr.Doom, Thanos and Terrax the Tamer all by her lonesome. This is because comic books are stupid. She definitely wins our scariest eyes award that for sure!

Extraño

….I’m just going to let Wikipedia handle this one for me. “Extraño (Spanish for “strange” or “odd”) is a fictional gay Hispanic magician published by DC Comics.”. To make matters worse, he was later attacked by an AIDS vampire named the “Hemo-Goblin” and given the HIV. Way to play into the magician stereotype guys.

Admittedly I kind of like the thought of some of these guys especially Dogwelder but maybe that’s just me geeking over Ennis. If you want to start grabbing some Marvel and DC goodies, check our our huge rangeo of Superhero T-Shirts and Comic book gifts today.

Otherwise have a great comic book day and in the words of Stan Lee “Excelsior”!