Salty Sea Boat Captain! The weekend is on the horizon already!
So like a birthday party rammed with kids dressed as princesses and pirates in a room adorned with multi coloured balloons and streamers, let us be your slightly over eager, little bit pushy and stressed mother as we bring to you a massive slice of retro movie greatness and pass you the well wrapped parcel of cinematic awesomeness and over excitedly open the presents of celluloid wonder.
Have a happy retro weekend.
SATURDAY 11th JULY
Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls (1995) 5* 5:30pm-7:10pm (1 hour 40 minutes)
The eccentric pet detective is coaxed out of self-imposed exile in a Buddhist monastery to visit Africa and help search for a sacred white bat. However, his unique investigative talents are tested to the limits as he faces a race against time to find the missing creature and prevent a tribal war. Comedy sequel, starring Jim Carrey, Simon Callow and Bob Gunton.
Clear and Present Danger (1994) Film4 6:05pm-9:00pm (2 hours 55 minutes)
A CIA analyst gets caught up in the Colombian drug trade while trying to track down terrorists responsible for the murder of a close friend of the US president – but his investigations point to illegal activity and corruption at the very top of government. Action thriller, based on Tom Clancy’s novel, with Harrison Ford reprising his role from Patriot Games alongside Willem Dafoe, Anne Archer and James Earl Jones.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 (2010) ITV London 7:00pm-9:45pm (2 hours 45 minutes)
The dark lord Voldemort rises to ultimate power over the magical world, so the teenage wizard and his friends set out on a mission to find the magical horcruxes – artefacts containing parts of the evil wizard’s soul that hold the key to destroying him. The first half of the two-part conclusion to the fantasy saga, starring Daniel Radcliffe, Ralph Fiennes, Emma Watson and Rupert Grint.
Never Say Never Again (1983) ITV4 8:00pm-10:45pm (2 hours 45 minutes)
James Bond investigates the hijacking of two American nuclear warheads and tracks the stolen missiles to the Bahamas, where a sinister millionaire working for criminal organisation Spectre is planning to hold the world to ransom. Action adventure, starring Sean Connery, Klaus Maria Brandauer, Kim Basinger, Max von Sydow and Barbara Carrera.
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997) Movie Mix 9:00pm-10:55pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
A velvet-clad, sex-crazed secret agent from the 1960s agrees to be put into a state of suspended animation after his arch-enemy escapes justice. Thirty years later he is defrosted to do battle with the power-mad villain again, but the mission proves nearly as daunting for him as getting to grips with 1990s social values. Spoof spy adventure, with Mike Myers, Elizabeth Hurley, Mimi Rogers, Michael York and Robert Wagner.
Rambo: First Blood Part II (1985) ITV4 10:45pm-12:50am (2 hours 5 minutes)
Incarcerated Special Forces veteran John Rambo is offered the chance for freedom by former commander Colonel Trautman if he takes up the offer to return to the jungles of Vietnam on a life-or-death mission to rescue American PoWs. During the course of the operation, he develops strong feelings for his guide, a female freedom fighter – but tragedy strikes, leaving him more determined than ever to exact a bloody and explosive revenge. Action adventure sequel, starring Sylvester Stallone, Richard Crenna, Julia Nickson-Soul, Steven Berkoff, George Kee Cheung, Andy Wood and Martin Kove.
SUNDAY 12th JULY
The Dark Crystal (1982) Film4 1:00pm-2:50pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
A survivor of a near-extinct race is given a dangerous quest as his world approaches an astronomical event that will decide its future. He must find a way to restore a broken piece to a magical crystal, which has become a source of dark power for the cruel creatures who wiped out his people. Jim Henson’s puppet fantasy, with the voices of Stephen Garlick and Billie Whitelaw.
The Flintstones (1994) ITV2 2:35pm-4:20pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
Blue-collar caveman Fred Flintstone is promoted to an executive position at work and unwittingly becomes embroiled in an embezzlement scheme – thanks in no small part to his seductive new assistant. Live-action version of the cartoon comedy, starring John Goodman, Rick Moranis, Rosie O’Donnell, Halle Berry and Elizabeth Taylor.
Overboard (1987) ITV London 2:35pm-4:45pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
A wealthy heiress suffers amnesia after falling overboard from her yacht. A rough-hewn carpenter and father of four steps in and claims to be her husband – but only to avenge himself for her previous ill-treatment of him, which she has no recollection of. Comedy, starring Goldie Hawn, Kurt Russell, Roddy McDowall and Edward Herrmann.
Fantastic Mr Fox (2009) Film4 2:50pm-4:35pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
A rebellious fox decides it is time to grow up and change his chicken-stealing ways for the sake of his wife and children. However, the presence of three wicked farmers near his woodland home proves a challenge he cannot resist. Stop-motion animated adventure based on the novel by Roald Dahl, with the voices of George Clooney, Meryl Streep, Jason Schwartzman and Bill Murray.
James and the Giant Peach (1996) 5* 4:00pm-5:30pm (1 hour 30 minutes)
An unhappy orphan living with his cruel aunts discovers a gigantic peach growing in the garden. Venturing inside, he meets six friendly insects and together they embark on a magical journey. Animated and live-action fantasy, based on Roald Dahl’s novel, starring Paul Terry, Joanna Lumley and Miriam Margolyes and featuring the voices of Susan Sarandon and Richard Dreyfuss.
The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997) ITV2 6:30pm-9:00pm (2 hours 30 minutes)
Scientist Dr Ian Malcolm reluctantly joins a research team on the island where his employer first designed genetically engineered dinosaurs. Meanwhile, a big-game hunter takes the chance to bag the biggest prize of all – a Tyrannosaurus rex. Steven Spielberg’s dinosaur adventure sequel, starring Jeff Goldblum, Julianne Moore, Pete Postlethwaite and Richard Attenborough.
Unforgiven (1992) ITV4 9:00pm-11:40pm (2 hours 40 minutes)
Two notorious gunslingers come out of retirement to help a young assassin collect the $1,000 bounty on the heads of a pair of cowboys who attacked and mutilated a prostitute in the backwoods town of Big Whiskey. The local sheriff, however, has no intention of letting the pair impinge on his own authority. Oscar-winning Western, directed by and starring Clint Eastwood, with Gene Hackman, Morgan Freeman, Jaimz Woolvett and Richard Harris.
Death Becomes Her (1992) ITV3 10:10pm-12:20am (2 hours 10 minutes)
Two romantic rivals are both granted the secret of eternal youth by a mysterious mystic. However, as they battle to get their claws into a plastic surgeon, they discover their now-immortal bodies are capable of taking whatever damage they can dish out. Black comedy fantasy, starring Goldie Hawn, Meryl Streep, Bruce Willis and Isabella Rossellini.
Whatever you’re up to this weekend, keep it fun, keep it safe and keep it cool!