Jingle all the way! Tis the season and tis certainly time for another installment of our Retro Movie Rundown!
Like a frantic parent with just a few hours left to finish wrapping up alllll the big and small gifts ready for the big day, we find ourselves faced with a battle involving paper, tape and patience. We’ll get ever more creative with ways to wrap even the most obscure shapes and sizes just so we can hold the suspense for the recipient for just a little longer. We’ll start with a pile of items and materials and end up with a complete collection of suspense and joy.
Have a happy retro weekend!
SATURDAY 19th DECEMBER
Stargate (1994) 5* 11:40am-2:05pm (2 hours 25 minutes)
An Egyptologist and a soldier head an expedition through a mysterious portal to an alien planet. The world they find resembles ancient Egypt and is under the rule of a tyrant who has convinced the downtrodden inhabitants that he is a god – until the humans incite the enslaved populace to fight back. Sci-fi adventure, starring Kurt Russell, James Spader and Jaye Davidson.
Star Trek: Insurrection (1998) Syfy 1:00pm-3:10pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
Captain Picard and the Enterprise crew uncover a conspiracy by their own superiors and a sinister alien race to take over a peaceful world and exploit its power to prolong life. However, the crew is forced to defy Federation orders and turns renegade to protect the planet’s inhabitants. Sci-fi adventure sequel, starring Patrick Stewart, F Murray Abraham, Jonathan Frakes, Brent Spiner and Michael Dorn.
Dad’s Army (1971) BBC2 London 5:00pm-6:35pm (1 hour 35 minutes)
The ragtag soldiers of the Walmington-on-Sea Home Guard are given the chance to prove their mettle by apprehending three German aviators who have parachuted into the country in the vanguard of a suspected Nazi invasion. British comedy based on the TV series, starring Arthur Lowe, John Le Mesurier, Clive Dunn, Bill Pertwee, Ian Lavender and Arnold Ridley.
Ghostbusters II (1989) Comedy Central 5:00pm-7:05pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
The eccentric spectre-hunters reunite to save New York from a massive river of slime generated by the citizens’ negativity and nasty thoughts. Meanwhile, the spirit of a 16th-century tyrant tries to return to the land of the living by possessing the body of a toddler. Sequel to the supernatural comedy, starring Bill Murray, Sigourney Weaver, Dan Aykroyd, Harold Ramis, Rick Moranis and Ernie Hudson.
Wayne’s World (1992) GOLD 5:15pm-7:00pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
Two heavy-metal fans broadcast an amateur TV programme from their basement. A slimy network executive offers them the chance to turn professional, but as they enjoy the perks of wealth and fame, they find their show being ruined by corporate interference. Comedy, starring Mike Myers, Dana Carvey, Rob Lowe, Tia Carrere and Lara Flynn Boyle, with a cameo by Alice Cooper.
The Fugitive (1993) Dave 6:30pm-9:00pm (2 hours 30 minutes)
A doctor is convicted of his wife’s murder and forced to go on the run to prove his innocence – but his efforts to find the mysterious one-armed man he believes is the real killer are hampered by a tenacious US marshal. Thriller, starring Harrison Ford, an Oscar-winning Tommy Lee Jones, Sela Ward, Julianne Moore and Joe Pantoliano.
Tim Burton’s The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993) ITV2 7:25pm-9:00pm (1 hour 35 minutes)
Jack Skellington, the Pumpkin King of Halloween Town, tires of being scary and decides to take over the friendly world of Christmas. After kidnapping Santa, he prepares to take his place and do Christmas in his own ghoulish way. Stop-motion animated fantasy, with the voices of Chris Sarandon, Catherine O’Hara and Paul Reubens, and a musical score by Danny Elfman.
Jackie Chan’s First Strike (1996) ITV4 8:30pm-10:15pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
A Hong Kong cop delves into the murky world of international arms theft to track down a missing nuclear warhead – but the bad guys try to get him out of the way by framing him for murder. Martial arts adventure, starring Jackie Chan, Jackson Lou, Annie Wu, Bill Tung and Jouri Petrov. In Mandarin, Cantonese, English, Russian and Ukrainian.
The Inbetweeners Movie (2011) E4 9:00pm-11:00pm (2 hours)
Awkward teenagers Simon, Will, Jay and Neil plan a holiday to the Greek island of Crete after they finish their exams, hoping to experience drink, sex and debauchery beyond their wildest dreams. However, things do not quite work out as planned. Comedy based on the TV series, with Joe Thomas, Simon Bird, James Buckley and Blake Harrison.
Notting Hill (1999) ITV London 11:05pm-1:20am (2 hours 15 minutes)
A recently divorced bookshop owner finds love with a glamorous Hollywood film star, but ends up the focus of unwanted media interest – which makes maintaining a relationship a tricky proposition. Romantic comedy written by Richard Curtis, starring Hugh Grant, Julia Roberts, Rhys Ifans, Emma Chambers, James Dreyfus and Gina McKee.
Rambo III (1988) ITV4 10:15pm-12:20am (2 hours 5 minutes)
Vietnam veteran John Rambo turns down a request from his old colonel to join a mission in Soviet-occupied Afghanistan. However, when the officer is captured, Rambo sets off to save him, joining the Mujahedeen rebels in fighting against the Russian invaders. Action adventure sequel, starring Sylvester Stallone, Richard Crenna, Kurtwood Smith, Marc de Jonge and Sasson Gabai.
Fun Fact: John Rambo’s horse also appeared in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989) as Indiana Jones’ horse.
SUNDAY 20th DECEMBER
Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001) Syfy 11:00am-1:20pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
The gun-toting treasure seeker is thrown into a furious battle with a mysterious secret society as she races against time to locate the missing pieces of a legendary artefact that grants the owner the ability to control time. Action adventure based on the video games, starring Angelina Jolie, Daniel Craig, Leslie Phillips, Iain Glen, Chris Barrie and Jon Voight.
WarGames (1983) 5* 1:45pm-4:00pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
A teenager hacks into a top-secret military supercomputer, which challenges him to what he thinks is a game. However, the machine has complete control of the US nuclear arsenal, and the youngster’s actions are unwittingly pushing the world to the brink of war. Thriller, starring Matthew Broderick, Ally Sheedy, Dabney Coleman and John Wood.
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971) ITV3 1:50pm-3:55pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
An eccentric confectionery king announces that five children will be given a tour of his wondrous factory. The winners turn out to be a kind-hearted boy from a penniless family and four obnoxious brats, who face a terrible fate when they misbehave. Musical fantasy, based on Roald Dahl’s classic book Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, starring Gene Wilder, Jack Albertson, Peter Ostrum and Roy Kinnear.
Toy Story 3 (2010) BBC1 London 3:05pm-4:45pm (1 hour 40 minutes)
Woody, Buzz and the other toys accidently end up in a daycare centre when their owner grows up. At first this seems like the perfect new home for them, but when they realise the dangers lurking under the surface, they begin to formulate an escape plan. Pixar animated adventure sequel, with the voices of Tom Hanks, Tim Allen, Joan Cusack, Michael Keaton and Ned Beatty.
The Addams Family (1991) Channel 4 3:15pm-5:10pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
Creepy couple Morticia and Gomez find their unconventional life threatened by a man claiming to be a long-lost relative. When they welcome him with open arms, they fall prey to a plot that could cost them their ancestral home and the family fortune. Black comedy based on the 1960s TV series, starring Anjelica Huston, Raul Julia, Christopher Lloyd, Christina Ricci, Jimmy Workman and Carel Struycken.
Pinocchio (1940) Channel 5 5:05pm-6:50pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
A lonely old toy-maker’s dream of having a son comes true when a kindly fairy brings one of his puppets to life. The wooden boy wants to become a real human but has to prove his worth, a task easier said than done when so many temptations cross his path. Disney animated adventure, featuring the voices of Dick Jones, Christian Rub and Cliff Edwards.
Home Alone (1990) Channel 4 6:00pm-8:00pm (2 hours)
A boy has to fend for himself when he is accidentally left behind after his family jets off to Paris for Christmas. The youngster initially enjoys his freedom, but is soon forced to resort to ingenious booby traps to defend the family home from two dim-witted burglars. Comedy, starring Macaulay Culkin, Joe Pesci, Daniel Stern, John Heard, Catherine O’Hara and John Candy.
War of the Worlds (2005) Channel 5 9:00pm-11:20pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
A divorced father’s rare weekend with his two estranged children descends into horror when alien war machines rise from beneath Earth and begin to systematically destroy every human being in their path – leaving the man with the dangerous task of getting his kids to safety. Steven Spielberg’s sci-fi thriller, based on HG Wells’ novel, with Tom Cruise, Dakota Fanning, Justin Chatwin, Miranda Otto and Tim Robbins.
Whatever you’re up to, always remember to leave room for dessert and don’t forget to measure twice and cut once.