Steam in my snorkel! It’s only another weekend and time for another classic Retro Movie Rundown. Oh how we spoil you!
Like a keen and adventurous swimmer, we find ourselves suiting up for another dip into the cold and unforgiving Atlantic ocean. We’ll paddle out before scouting out the coastline for what mysterious creatures and plant life may lurk in the depths. Will there be crabs? Will there be fish? Only time, patience and some very cold hands will tell.
Have a happy retro weekend!
SATURDAY 16th April
Clueless (1995) Film4 1:00pm-3:00pm (2 hours)
A rich high-school student uses all her charm and financial clout to boost an awkward new pupil’s image, but soon finds she has created a monster – while her own popularity suffers in the process. Comedy inspired by Jane Austen’s Emma, starring Alicia Silverstone, Stacey Dash, Brittany Murphy and Paul Rudd.
Superman (1978) ITV 1:30pm-4:25pm (2 hours 55 minutes)
A fledgling superhero crash-lands on Earth after evacuation from his home planet and is taken in by an elderly couple who raise him as their own. But with adolescence comes a greater understanding of his superhuman powers, leading to his rebirth as a crusader for justice and defender of the American way of life. Comic-strip adventure, with Christopher Reeve, Gene Hackman, Margot Kidder and Marlon Brando.
Small Soldiers (1998) ITV2 3:30pm-4:35pm (1 hour 5 minutes)
3:30pm-4:35pm (1 hoA hi-tech computer chip has a bizarre effect on a squad of toy soldiers, causing mayhem for their owner as the miniature marauders engage in a series of scaled-down skirmishes. Children’s adventure mixing live action and computer animation, starring Kirsten Dunst, Denis Leary and Gregory Smith, with the voices of Tommy Lee Jones, Frank Langella, Sarah Michelle Gellar and Christina Ricci.
Goldfinger (1964) ITV4 4:00pm-5:05pm (1 hour 5 minutes)
James Bond is assigned to investigate a notorious German gold smuggler and discovers his quarry has ambitions much greater than first suspected. Pursuing the criminal mastermind around the world, Bond uncovers the villain’s audacious scheme to destroy the global economy with a daring attack on Fort Knox. Spy adventure, starring Sean Connery, Gert Frobe and Honor Blackman.
Fun Fact: The movie was the fastest grossing picture in film history when it was released and was entered into the Guiness Book of World Records.
Labyrinth (1986) 5STAR 4:00pm-6:00pm (2 hours)
A teenager wishes her baby brother would be taken away, only to have her request granted by a band of goblins and their sinister king. She regrets her decision and sets out to rescue him, but to reach the castle where he is being held, she must find her way through a magical maze full of strange creatures. Jim Henson’s fantasy adventure, starring Jennifer Connelly and David Bowie.
Dirty Dancing (1987) 5STAR 6:00pm-8:05pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
A dance instructor at a 1960s resort hotel fears his career will be jeopardised when his regular partner is forced to pull out of an important show in which they are due to perform. Luckily, a naive teenager is happy to step in, and is treated to a whirlwind holiday education in life, love and expressing herself. Romantic drama, starring Patrick Swayze, Jennifer Grey and Jerry Orbach.
Mr Bean’s Holiday (2007) ITV2 7:30pm-8:30pm (1 hour)
The bumbling fool wins first prize in the church raffle – a trip to France and a video camera. His travels cause chaos as he disrupts a film shoot in Cannes, to the fury of its megalomaniac director, and is then accused of kidnapping a youngster. Comedy, starring Rowan Atkinson, Willem Dafoe, Emma de Caunes and Max Baldry.
Die Hard 2 (1990) Channel 4 9:15pm-11:40pm (2 hours 25 minutes)
Tough cop John McClane arrives at an airport to pick up his wife, but finds himself plunged into a bloody life-or-death struggle. He must battle terrorists who have seized control of the terminal as part of a campaign to secure the release of a convicted drug baron. Action thriller sequel, starring Bruce Willis, Bonnie Bedelia, William Sadler, Franco Nero and William Atherton.
2 Fast 2 Furious (2003) ITV 10:20pm-12:15am (1 hour 55 minutes)
A disgraced former cop is arrested by the FBI for illegal street racing, but his one-time colleagues offer him freedom in exchange for going on an undercover mission. Teaming up with an old racing friend and a customs official, he has to infiltrate and bring down a drug-trafficking operation. Thriller sequel, with Paul Walker reprising his role from The Fast and the Furious alongside Tyrese Gibson, Eva Mendes and Cole Hauser.
Kevin and Perry Go Large (2000) Comedy Central 10:00pm-11:40pm (1 hour 40 minutes)
The teenage duo are thrilled when their parents agree to let them go to Ibiza, and promptly embark on an increasingly desperate quest to find stardom as club DJs and lose their virginity on the sun-kissed shores – but seem certain to fail. Comedy, starring Harry Enfield, Kathy Burke, Rhys Ifans, James Fleet and Paul Whitehouse.
SUNDAY 17th April
Escape from the Planet of the Apes (1971) Film4 11:00am-1:00pm (2 hours)
Intelligent chimpanzees Cornelius and Zira escape the destruction of their planet by travelling back in time to 1970s America. Although initially treated as celebrities, the government comes to regard the pair as a threat to the human race when it transpires that Zira is pregnant. Sci-fi adventure sequel, starring Roddy McDowall, Kim Hunter, Sal Mineo and Ricardo Montalban.
Brewster’s Millions (1985) Film4 1:00pm-3:05pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
A baseball player is stunned to learn he has come into a massive inheritance. Unfortunately, there is one condition – he must somehow find a way to spend $30million in just one month, or he will lose the lot. Meanwhile, two scheming lawyers, who stand to get the money if he fails, are determined to sabotage his efforts. Comedy, starring Richard Pryor, John Candy, Lonette McKee and Jerry Orbach.
Black Beauty (1994) ITV3 1:10pm-2:10pm (1 hour)
A stallion recalls the events of his life and a succession of good and bad owners. His carefree youth on a country estate is brought to an end by a stable fire, and he ends up enduring a hard life pulling a hackney cab in Victorian London. Family drama based on Anna Sewell’s novel, starring Sean Bean, David Thewlis, Jim Carter and Eleanor Bron, with Alan Cumming providing the voice of the horse.
The Princess Bride (1987) Channel 5 1:15pm-3:15pm (2 hours)
A cynical youngster becomes entranced by his grandfather’s magical tales, which revolve around a stable-boy’s heroic quest to rescue his lost love from the clutches of an evil prince, with the aid of a vengeance-seeking Spanish swashbuckler and his hulking sidekick. Rob Reiner’s comic fantasy adventure, with Cary Elwes, Robin Wright, Chris Sarandon, Mandy Patinkin, Peter Falk and Fred Savage.
Bend It Like Beckham (2002) Channel 5 3:15pm-5:30pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
An English schoolgirl tries to hide her passion for football from her strict Indian parents, knowing they disapprove of her tomboyish love of the game. However, when a semi-professional player sees her in action, she is offered a place on a team, forcing her to come up with a complex plan to keep her sporting career under wraps. Comedy, with Parminder Nagra, Keira Knightley, Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Juliet Stevenson and Shaznay Lewis.
Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (1989) 5STAR 4:50pm-7:00pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
The Starship Enterprise races to the rescue of intergalactic ambassadors held hostage on a distant planet. The crisis proves to be the handiwork of a renegade Vulcan mystic who kidnaps Captain Kirk and his crew, ordering them to fly to an unexplored world where he hopes to fulfil his insane ambition – to meet God. Sci-fi adventure, written, directed by and starring William Shatner, with Leonard Nimoy, DeForest Kelley and David Warner.
Hercules (1997) Channel 5 5:30pm-7:10pm (1 hour 40 minutes)
The son of Zeus, king of the Greek gods, is sent to Earth to be raised as a human. When he learns of his immortal heritage, he discovers he can only reclaim his position among the gods by becoming a true hero, so he embarks on a series of adventures and battles fearsome monsters to prove his worth. Disney animated adventure, with the voices of Tate Donovan, Danny DeVito, James Woods and Rip Torn.
Legend (1985) Film4 7:10pm-9:00pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
A peasant boy, who has a special bond with animals and fairies, shows his sweetheart the last surviving unicorns. Unfortunately, a monstrous demon and his goblin henchmen despise the mythical creatures and trick the girl into harming one of them, forcing Jack to act quickly to save her immortal soul. Ridley Scott’s fantasy adventure, starring Tom Cruise, Mia Sara, Tim Curry and David Bennent.
Fun Fact: This film is widely rumoured to have been a source of inspiration for Shigeru Miyamoto’s classic game series The Legend of Zelda.
Clear and Present Danger (1994) More4 9:00pm-11:50pm (2 hours 50 minutes)
A CIA analyst gets caught up in the Colombian drug trade while trying to track down terrorists responsible for the murder of a close friend of the US president – but his investigations point to illegal activity and corruption at the very top of government. Action thriller, based on Tom Clancy’s novel, with Harrison Ford reprising his role from Patriot Games alongside Willem Dafoe, Anne Archer and James Earl Jones.
Ransom (1996) ITV4 10:10pm-11:25pm (1 hour 15 minutes)
An airline tycoon is wary of involving the police when his nine-year-old son is abducted, but co-operates with their plan to make a ransom drop. However, when the trade-off goes badly wrong, he decides to take matters into his own hands by placing a $2million bounty on the kidnappers’ heads, to the consternation of the cops and his anxious wife. Thriller remake, starring Mel Gibson, Rene Russo, Gary Sinise, Delroy Lindo and Liev Schreiber.
Mars Attacks! (1996) Channel 5 11:05pm-1:05am (2 hours)
The inhabitants of Earth leap into action to repel an impending invasion by a seemingly invincible Martian army, which possesses superior weaponry, a thirst for destruction and a wicked sense of humour. Tim Burton’s sci-fi comedy, starring Jack Nicholson, Glenn Close, Pierce Brosnan, Annette Bening, Natalie Portman, Danny DeVito and Tom Jones.
Whatever you’re up to this weekend, keep warm, keep dry and keep having fun!