Sweet pumpkin pie! Can it be? But how the….? So soon? Yep…. another retro movie rundown is HERE!
Like a herd of stampeding buffalo, we find ourselves once again steaming head-first at full speed into another weekend of movie greatness. In a blind panic, we’ll steam through everything in our paths as we battle and fight our way to the front of the group. Leaving nothing but duct and destruction behind us, we’ll stop for only the very best retro movies that are before us as we pause to enjoy their celluloid wonder.
Have a happy retro weekend!
SATURDAY 30th July
Captain Ron (1992) Film4 11:00am-1:00pm (2 hours)
An American businessman learns that his recently deceased uncle has left him a yacht moored in the Caribbean, and ill-advisedly puts his trust in a wayward one-eyed mariner to help him and his family sail the vessel back to Miami. Comedy adventure, starring Kurt Russell, Martin Short, Mary Kay Place and Benjamin Salisbury.
Sister Act (1992) Film4 1:00pm-3:05pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
Nightclub singer Deloris Van Cartier agrees to testify against her gangster boyfriend after witnessing a murder. Placed in protective custody by the authorities, she is less than pleased to discover she is expected to pose as chaste nun Sister Mary Clarence in a convent. Comedy, starring Whoopi Goldberg, Harvey Keitel, Maggie Smith, Bill Nunn and Kathy Najimy.
Batteries Not Included (1987) ITV2 1:30pm-3:35pm
A family of tiny alien spacecraft intervenes to help the residents of a run-down Manhattan brownstone tenement stop greedy developers from demolishing their homes. However, the miniature flying saucers have the odds stacked against them as they bravely do all they can to save the day. Sci-fi fantasy, starring Jessica Tandy, Hume Cronyn, Frank McRae and Elizabeth Pena.
Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure (1989) ITV2 3:35pm-5:25pm
Two dim-witted teenagers with dreams of rock stardom seem doomed to fail a school history project, unaware the future of the human race depends on their success. A time traveller is given the job of making sure they pass the test by sending them on a series of adventures in the past. Comedy, starring Keanu Reeves, Alex Winter and George Carlin.
Napoleon Dynamite (2004) Film4 5:05pm-6:55pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
A socially inept high-school student and his lonely unemployed brother find their eccentric home life thrown into upheaval when their meddling uncle comes to stay. The teenage oddball tries to make the best of his changing circumstances, while putting all his skills to the task of helping his new best friend win the class presidency. Comedy, starring Jon Heder, Efren Ramirez and Haylie Duff.
Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls (1995) 5STAR 8:10pm-10:00pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
The eccentric pet detective is coaxed out of self-imposed exile in a Buddhist monastery to visit Africa and help search for a sacred white bat. However, his unique investigative talents are tested to the limits as he faces a race against time to find the missing creature and prevent a tribal war. Comedy sequel, starring Jim Carrey, Simon Callow and Bob Gunton.
Iron Man 2 (2010) Channel 4 9:00pm-11:30pm (2 hours 30 minutes)
Tycoon-turned-superhero Tony Stark confronts a fearsome new foe in a Russian scientist using his own deadly hi-tech weapons to seek revenge. He also faces a struggle to keep his secrets out of the hands of both the government and an amoral rival, and discovers the armour he developed to fight evil is slowly killing him. Action adventure sequel, with Robert Downey Jr, Mickey Rourke and Don Cheadle.
Predator (1987) Film4 9:00pm-11:10pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
An elite military team takes on a top-secret mission in the jungles of Central America, but the soldiers realise they have been deceived by their CIA employers. A greater danger presents itself when they are stalked by a lethal alien big-game hunter with the power to become invisible, that has come to Earth to stalk human prey. Sci-fi thriller, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Carl Weathers and Bill Duke.
The Dark Knight (2008) ITV2 10:05pm-12:00am (1 hour 55 minutes)
In the sequel to Batman Begins, the masked hero finds a new ally in his war on organised crime in Gotham’s crusading new district attorney, Harvey Dent. However, both men are pushed to their limits by the rise of the Joker, a criminal mastermind spreading chaos and destruction throughout the city for his own amusement. Comic-book thriller, starring Christian Bale, Aaron Eckhart and an Oscar-winning Heath Ledger.
Reign of Fire (2001) BBC1 11:50pm-1:25am (1 hour 35 minutes)
In the aftermath of decades of apocalyptic attacks by dragons, small pockets of survivors try to stave off the scaly fire-breathers. However, the meagre remains of the world’s heavy artillery are not enough to stop them, so a small group of people joins forces with a zealous dragon slayer in a final bid to save the world from destruction. Fantasy adventure, with Christian Bale and Matthew McConaughey.
SUNDAY 31st July
A Goofy Movie (1995) Channel 4 12:30pm-2:00pm (1 hour 30 minutes)
The Disney cartoon dog takes his son on an old-fashioned fishing trip in an attempt to bond with the lad. However, young Max has boasted to his pals that he is going to a pop concert in Los Angeles, and has a few ideas on how to trick his dopey dad. Animated comedy, featuring the voices of Bill Farmer, Jason Marsden and Wallace Shawn.
The Parent Trap (1998) Channel 5 3:20pm-6:00pm (2 hours 40 minutes)
Identical twin sisters who are unaware of each other’s existence meet by accident. They decide to join forces in a bid to reunite their estranged parents, and switch places to get the warring couple to kiss and make up. Remake of the 1961 Disney comedy, starring Dennis Quaid, Natasha Richardson, Elaine Hendrix and Lindsay Lohan in a dual role.
Bruce Almighty (2003) Channel 5 6:00pm-8:00pm (2 hours)
God tires of a down-on-his-luck reporter’s constant complaining, so passes on his powers to give him a taste of ultimate responsibility. The newsman falls in love with his extraordinary abilities – but a never-ending stream of incoming prayers and his ambitious attempt to please everyone soon prove there is more to the job than meets the eye. Comedy, starring Jim Carrey, Jennifer Aniston and Morgan Freeman.
Jingle All the Way (1996) Film4 7:15pm-9:00pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
A workaholic father tries to make up for his perpetual absence from home by promising to buy his son a hugely popular action figure for Christmas – little realising every other father in town has the same idea. Comedy, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sinbad, Jake Lloyd, Rita Wilson, Robert Conrad and Phil Hartman.
Tremors (1989) ITV4 10:00pm-12:05am
A dull American town in the middle of the desert is suddenly attacked by huge man-eating subterranean creatures. Luckily, two dimwitted but brave handymen step into the breach to lead a ragtag bunch of locals and a mismatched pair of survivalists in the battle against the gruesome worm-like monsters. Comedy horror, with Kevin Bacon, Fred Ward, Finn Carter, Michael Gross, Reba McEntire and Bobby Jacoby.
Whatever you’re up to this weekend, always check under the bed for monsters and don’t forget to turn the light off in the fridge before closing the door.