Great white Shark! Another retro movie weekend has appeared and we’re here to take it on like a monster from the depths!
Like one of the biggest, oldest and battle-scared Sharks roaming the deep blue, we find ourselves yet again on the hunt for the best and most rewarding retro movies. Sensing even the smallest of action, movement and drama, we’ll begin to home in on our next VHS victim (showing our age) as we brace to take them on in style with a leap and a splash. Bellies full of retro awesomeness, we will return to the depths until next time.
Have a happy retro weekend!
SATURDAY 17th June
Spies Like Us (1985) 5STAR 8:00am-9:50am
Two incompetent US State Department officials are unwittingly used as decoys on a deadly mission to thwart Soviet activity in Pakistan. Unfortunately, their involvement in such a delicate operation brings the world to the brink of nuclear war. Comedy, starring Chevy Chase, Dan Aykroyd, Steve Forrest, Bruce Davison and Donna Dixon.
Vice Versa (1988) Film4 11:00am-1:00pm (2 hours)
A department store executive returns from a trip to Thailand in possession of a mysterious artefact that causes him to change places with his 11-year-old son. While the horrified father struggles to cope with a world of teachers and school bullies, the youngster is revelling in the perks of being a grown-up. Fantasy comedy, starring Judge Reinhold, Fred Savage, Swoosie Kurtz and Corinne Bohrer.
Fun Fact: The movie was made and released around 106 years after it source novel “Vice Versa: A Lesson to Fathers” by F. Anstey had been first published in 1882.
Gandhi (1982) 11:30am-3:20pm (3 hours 50 minutes)
Richard Attenborough’s Oscar-winning biopic of Mohandas K Gandhi, who rose from unlikely beginnings as a small-time lawyer to become the inspirational leader of India’s struggle for independence and a worldwide ambassador for peace thanks to his philosophy of non-violent protest. Starring Ben Kingsley, John Gielgud, Edward Fox, Candice Bergen, Martin Sheen, Richard Griffiths, Saeed Jaffrey, Om Puri and Geraldine James, with Daniel Day-Lewis in an early role.
Three Men and a Baby (1987) 1:30pm-3:30pm (2 hours)
The lives of three flat-sharing bachelors are turned upside down when they discover a baby left on their doorstep. Unfortunately, while trying to get to grips with the necessary parenting skills, they find themselves menaced by criminals searching for missing drugs. Comedy, directed by Leonard Nimoy, starring Tom Selleck, Ted Danson, Steve Guttenberg and Nancy Travis.
Iron Man 2 (2010) Channel 4 8:00pm-10:25pm (2 hours 25 minutes)
Tycoon-turned-superhero Tony Stark confronts a fearsome new foe in a Russian scientist using his own deadly hi-tech weapons to seek revenge. He also faces a struggle to keep his secrets out of the hands of both the government and an amoral rival, and discovers the armour he developed to fight evil is slowly killing him. Action adventure sequel, with Robert Downey Jr, Mickey Rourke and Don Cheadle.
Jaws: The Revenge (1987) ITV4 8:10pm-10:00pm
Ellen Brody, the widow of heroic police chief Martin Brody, travels to the Bahamas after her youngest son is killed by a great white shark. But as she is reunited with her surviving son, the predatory fish sets off in pursuit to wipe out the entire family. Thriller sequel, starring Michael Caine, Lorraine Gary, Lance Guest and Mario Van Peebles.
Commando (1985) Film4 9:00pm-10:50pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
The daughter of retired special forces officer John Matrix is kidnapped by an old comrade-in-arms, now in league with a deposed former dictator. The tyrant plans to use the girl to force Matrix into assassinating the head of the country he once ruled, but is unprepared for the lengths to which the veteran soldier will go to rescue his child. Action adventure, with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Rae Dawn Chong.
Reservoir Dogs (1992) ITV4 10:00pm-12:05am
Criminals are employed by a crime boss to carry out a diamond robbery that goes disastrously wrong. In the bloody aftermath of the heist, they try to establish what happened and how the police were aware of their plans all along – leading to the hardening suspicion that one of them betrayed the gang. Quentin Tarantino’s thriller, starring Harvey Keitel, Tim Roth, Michael Madsen, Chris Penn and Steve Buscemi.
Shanghai Knights (2003) 10:40pm-12:30am (1 hour 50 minutes)
Chinese sheriff Chon Wang and reformed bandit Roy O’Bannon head for Victorian London on the trail of a murderer. Their investigation leads them to a nefarious Englishman plotting to kill the royal family – but fortunately Chon’s talented sister comes to their aid. Martial arts comedy sequel, with Jackie Chan, Owen Wilson, Aidan Gillen and Fann Wong.
Conan the Barbarian (1982) Film4 10:50pm-1:25am (2 hours 35 minutes)
A child who grows up in slavery becomes a formidable warrior and a cunning thief. Taken prisoner by a victorious king, he is sent out to destroy the leader of the barbaric cult that destroyed his village and slaughtered his family. Fantasy adventure, based on the stories by author Robert E Howard, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Max von Sydow, James Earl Jones and Sandahl Bergman.
Fun Fact: Arnold Schwarzenegger is not wearing a wig. That is his own natural hair. In 1979, Schwarzenegger began growing his hair long for the film.
SUNDAY 18th June
The Mask of Zorro (1998) Sony Movie Channel 1:15pm-4:10pm (2 hours 55 minutes)
The sword-wielding saviour of Spanish California returns after 20 years in prison, tutoring a thief to take over his heroic role and tackle corrupt government officials, who are using slave labour to mine gold illegally. Both mentor and pupil have personal scores to settle with their enemies, led by a ruthless governor and a psychotic military officer. Swashbuckling adventure, with Anthony Hopkins, Antonio Banderas and Catherine Zeta-Jones.
Footloose (1984) Channel 5 1:30pm-3:35pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
A rebellious, hip-swinging student from the city moves to a small religious community, where he instantly clashes with an old-school fire-and-brimstone preacher – who has banned dancing and rock ‘n’ roll because he considers them immoral. Drama, starring Kevin Bacon, Lori Singer, John Lithgow, Chris Penn, Dianne Wiest and Sarah Jessica Parker.
Street Fighter (1994) Sony Movie Channel 6:50pm-9:00pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
A military officer goes in search of a power-mad general who is holding several hostages in a secret location. He soon finds he is not the only one on the maniac’s trail, and joins forced with a mismatched band of martial artists to save the captives. Action adventure based on the video game, starring Jean-Claude Van Damme, Raul Julia, Kylie Minogue and Ming-Na Wen.
Hard to Kill (1990) ITV4 9:20pm-11:25pm
A gang of drug dealers attacks the home of a Los Angeles cop, leaving him in a coma and his wife dead. Seven years later, he regains consciousness and gets ready to exact a grisly payback on the murderers. As he embarks on his deadly mission of vengeance, he learns his son also survived the attack, but was told he is dead. Thriller, with Steven Seagal, Kelly LeBrock, Bill Sadler and Frederick Coffin.
Out for Justice (1991) ITV4 11:25pm-1:15am
A tough Brooklyn cop learns that his partner and best friend has been murdered in front of his family by a vicious drug dealer, the pair’s lifelong enemy and the scourge of the neighbourhood. The detective heads into the underworld on a one-man vengeance mission, but finds the killer’s criminal bosses are also hunting for him. Action thriller, with Steven Seagal, William Forsythe and Jerry Orbach.
Whatever you’re up to this weekend, don’t forget your sunglasses…. both leaving and coming home!