The Weekly Retro Movie Rundown 109

Hulkamania! It must be the weekend!

So on a dewy wet morning amongst the weeds on the patio of an older couples cottage, let us be your slimy velocity challenged invertebrate as we sluggishly drag ourselves across paving slabs of retro movie magic. We’ll slowly devour your prize petunias with cinematic gusto before we succumb to the ever looming threat of the giant welly that is celluloid wonder.

Have a happy retro weekend!

SATURDAY 26th JULY

The Love Bug (1968) Film4 4:55pm-7:10pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
Herbie, an irrepressible Beetle car with a mind of its own, takes a shine to a struggling racing driver and helps him to win a string of victories on the track. However, his success attracts the attention of an unscrupulous rival competitor, who will go to any lengths to win the most important race of all. Disney comedy, starring Dean Jones, Michele Lee, Buddy Hackett and David Tomlinson.

Twister (1996) ITV London 4:30pm-6:35pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
A storm-chaser and her estranged husband are brought together in a joint project to monitor the path of an oncoming tornado – but the pair face a race against the clock as a rival government-backed group with hi-tech resources tries to beat them to it. Action thriller, starring Helen Hunt, Bill Paxton, Cary Elwes, Jami Gertz and Philip Seymour Hoffman.

Sleepy Hollow (1999) Film4 9:00pm-11:05pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
A sceptical 18th-century detective is sent to a small hamlet supposedly terrorised by a demonic headless horseman who decapitates his victims. The investigator refuses to believe in the supernatural, convinced a human killer is behind the murders – but the legend proves to be all but too true. Tim Burton’s gothic horror, starring Johnny Depp, Christina Ricci, Miranda Richardson and Christopher Walken.

Dude, Where’s My Car? (2000) Comedy Central 10:00pm-11:40pm (1 hour 40 minutes)
Two friends wake up with the realisation they have absolutely no memory of the events of the night before. They set about retracing their steps – only to stumble across a host of crazy characters, a flock of marauding ostriches and a fanatical alien-worshipping cult. Teen comedy, with Seann William Scott, Ashton Kutcher, Jennifer Garner and Kristy Swanson.

SUNDAY 27th JULY

The Incredible Hulk (2008) ITV2 3:55pm-6:05pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
A bungled experiment causes a scientist to turn into a monster whenever he gets angry. He travels the world seeking a cure for his condition, while a ruthless general is determined to capture him and use the creature as a weapon. However, one of the soldiers under the officer’s command undergoes a terrifying transformation of his own. Comic-book adventure, starring Edward Norton, Liv Tyler, Tim Roth and William Hurt.

Hulk T-Shirts

Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994) 5* 4:10pm-6:00pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
An eccentric but brilliant former cop sets himself up to champion the underdog – as a private eye specialising in locating missing animals. The zany detective is called in to find a kidnapped dolphin – the mascot of an American football team – and uncovers a plot involving high-level police corruption. Comedy, starring Jim Carrey, Courteney Cox, Sean Young, Tone Loc and Noble Willingham.

X-Men (2000) E4 8:00pm-10:05pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
Super-powered outsiders Rogue and Wolverine enlist at a school for mutants which is run by a benevolent psychic professor. While there, they agree to join others with similar gifts to take on a superhuman mutant terrorist faction intent on establishing dominance over mankind. Sci-fi comic-book adventure, starring Hugh Jackman, Patrick Stewart, Ian McKellen, Anna Paquin and Halle Berry.

X-Men T-Shirts

Rambo (2008) Channel 5 10:00pm-11:40pm (1 hour 40 minutes)
The bandana-wearing one-man army has turned his back on violence to live a quiet life in Thailand. But before long he takes up arms once again to rescue a party of missionaries who have been taken captive en route to Burma by a sadistic military officer. Action sequel, directed by and starring Sylvester Stallone. With Julie Benz and Graham McTavish.

Rambo T-Shirts

Whatever you get up to this weekend remember a one man Jacuzzi is not romantic and always enjoy yourselves.

xoxo

The Weekly Retro Movie Rundown 108

Eddie Munster! It is the weekend!
So a brightly decorated corner of a of family living room, on top a three legged table, inside a neon lit gold fish bowl. Let us be your over active often forgetful pet goldfish while we merrily swim about in circles of retro movie mayhem. We’ll hide in our underwater castle of cinematic greatness, before we end up on our back forever destined to be flushed away into the great abyss of celluloid wonder.

Have a happy retro weekend!

SATURDAY 19th JULY

Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure (1989) ITV London 3:15pm-5:00pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
Two dim-witted teenagers with dreams of rock stardom seem doomed to fail a school history project, unaware the future of the human race  depends on their success. A time traveler is given the job of making sure they pass the test by sending them on a series of adventures in  the past. Comedy, starring Keanu Reeves, Alex Winter and George Carlin.

The Goonies (1985) 5* 6:40pm-9:00pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
Seven youngsters discover an old map and set out on the adventure of a lifetime to save their homes from a land developer by finding a  legendary pirate’s hidden treasure. However, they first have to navigate a series of booby-trapped underground caverns and outwit a family  of crooks also after the loot. Children’s adventure, starring Sean Astin, Corey Feldman, Josh Brolin and Martha Plimpton.

American Pie (1999) ITV2 9:00pm-10:55pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
Four teenage boys make a solemn pact to lose their virginity before the high-school prom, and though their antics cause them huge  embarrassment and public humiliation, the friends also learn about love and affection in their relations with the opposite sex. Coming- of-age comedy, starring Jason Biggs, Shannon Elizabeth, Chris Klein, Alyson Hannigan, Mena Suvari, Seann William Scott and Eugene Levy.

Total Recall (1990) ITV4 10:20pm-12:35am (2 hours 15 minutes)
A construction worker pays to have fake memories of a dream holiday implanted into his brain, but discovers his mind has already been  tampered with – apparently to erase his true identity as a secret agent from a colony on Mars. He journeys to the planet in search of the  truth, but is drawn into a conflict between the tyrannical ruler and a rebel faction. Paul Verhoeven’s sci-fi thriller, starring Arnold  Schwarzenegger, Rachel Ticotin and Michael Ironside.

SUNDAY 20th JULY

Lost in Space (1998) Channel 5 2:40pm-5:10pm (2 hours 30 minutes)
A pioneering scientist takes his family out into space to colonise another planet. However, a saboteur has infiltrated their craft, and  his meddling leaves them stranded in unknown territory on the other side of the galaxy. Sci-fi adventure based on the 1960s TV show,  starring William Hurt, Matt LeBlanc, Gary Oldman, Mimi Rogers and Heather Graham.

Mr Bean’s Holiday (2007) ITV2 4:30pm-6:15pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
The bumbling fool wins first prize in the church raffle – a trip to France and a video camera. His travels cause chaos as he disrupts a  film shoot in Cannes, to the fury of its megalomaniac director, and is then accused of kidnapping a youngster. Comedy, starring Rowan Atkinson, Willem Dafoe, Emma de Caunes and Max Baldry.

Jaws 3 (1983) ITV4 9:00pm-11:00pm (2 hours )
A shark is captured by divers and put on display in a Florida marine centre, where it ultimately dies. However, examination of the body  reveals the seemingly fully-grown shark was actually a baby – and its enormous, ferocious mother soon comes looking for it. Thriller  sequel, originally released in cinemas in 3D, starring Dennis Quaid, Simon MacCorkindale, Louis Gossett Jr and Bess Armstrong.

Judge Dredd (1995) Sky Movies Sci-fi & Horror 9:00pm-10:50pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
A law enforcer in a post-apocalyptic city is framed for a series of crimes committed by a fugitive who shares his DNA. He escapes while  being taken to prison and returns to hunt down the culprit and clear his own name. Sci-fi adventure based on the 2000AD comic-strip,  starring Sylvester Stallone, Armand Assante, Max von Sydow, Diane Lane and Rob Schneider.

Whatever you get up to this weekend remember never look a goat in the eye and always enjoy yourselves.

The Weekly Retro Movie Rundown 107

Cinnamon bagels! Is it the weekend?

So on a blistering hot sunny afternoon tucked away in the rear of a bustling garden party as youngsters run a muck with water pistols and elders fall foul of drunken shenanigans let us be your ever so manly expert at everything Barbeque Chef as we light our coals with retro movie magic, we’ll cook until tastefully charcoaled mouthfuls of cinematic classics before we fall into a deep meat coma of celluloid wonder.

Have a happy retro weekend!

SATURDAY 12th JULY

Beethoven (1991) ITV2 2:40pm-4:25pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
An all-American family adopts a huge St Bernard, but the father is dismayed when it turns into a one-dog disaster zone. He insists the  mutt must go to a new home, but when it is kidnapped by a crooked vet, dad has a change of heart and races to the rescue. Comedy, starring  Charles Grodin, Bonnie Hunt, Oliver Platt and David Duchovny.

Ghostbusters (1984) 5* 6:50pm-9:00pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
Three eccentric scientists put their hi-tech gadgetry and knowledge of the paranormal to money-making use by setting up in business as  freelance ghost catchers. A musician calls them in to investigate when she sees strange creatures in her kitchen, only to end up  possessed. As the spook-hunting team members deal with an attempt to shut their operation down, they discover an evil demonic entity is  being summoned into existence and it falls to them to stop this creature from destroying the world. Supernatural comedy adventure,  starring Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, Harold Ramis, Sigourney Weaver, Ernie Hudson and Rick Moranis.

Ghostbusters T-Shirts

Die Hard 2 (1990) Film4 9:00pm-11:20pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
Tough cop John McClane arrives at an airport to pick up his wife, but finds himself plunged into a bloody life-or-death struggle. He must  battle terrorists who have seized control of the terminal as part of a campaign to secure the release of a convicted drug baron. Action  thriller sequel, starring Bruce Willis, Bonnie Bedelia, William Sadler, Franco Nero and William Atherton.

Coming to America (1988) E4 9:00pm-11:20pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
A bored African prince defies his father’s plans for an arranged marriage and escapes to the USA to find a bride on his own terms. Comedy,  starring Eddie Murphy and Arsenio Hall in several roles, with James Earl Jones, Allison Dean, Eriq La Salle and Madge Sinclair.

SUNDAY 13th JULY

See No Evil, Hear No Evil (1989) Channel 5 12:55pm-2:45pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
A blind man and his deaf friend go on the run to clear themselves of a trumped-up murder charge. However, all kinds of oddball characters  are on their trail, determined to get hold of a top-secret microchip that the duo do not know they have. Comedy, starring Richard Pryor,  Gene Wilder, Kevin Spacey, Joan Severance, Alan North and Anthony Zerbe.

Stand By Me (1986) Channel 5 2:45pm-4:20pm (1 hour 35 minutes)
Four 12-year-old best friends embark on a life-changing adventure in the Oregon wilderness in search of a missing teenager’s body, unaware  of the trials and triumphs that await them. Rob Reiner’s 1950s-set coming-of-age drama, based on a novella by Stephen King, starring River  Phoenix, Wil Wheaton, Jerry O’Connell, Corey Feldman, Kiefer Sutherland and Richard Dreyfuss.

Jurassic Park III (2001) ITV2 6:00pm-7:45pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
Palaeontologist Dr Alan Grant is lured to a dinosaur-infested island by a divorced couple who offer to fund his research, unaware their  real motive is to find their missing son – and that the creatures on the island are far more intelligent than anyone suspected. Action  adventure sequel, starring Sam Neill, William H Macy, Tea Leoni and Alessandro Nivola.

Jurassic Park T-Shirts

Jurassic Park T-Shirt Jurassic Park T-Shirt

The Running Man (1987) Channel 4 10:45pm-12:40am (1 hour 55 minutes)    A helicopter pilot is framed for the murder of starving civilians – and ends up being forced to take part in a brutal TV game show in  which a succession of gadget-wielding killers hunt him on the streets of Los Angeles. Sci-fi action adventure, starring Arnold  Schwarzenegger, Yaphet Kotto, Maria Conchita Alonso and Richard Dawson.

Whatever you get up to this weekend remember to always take one down and pass it around and always enjoy yourselves.

xoxo

The Weekly Retro Movie Rundown 106

Readers Digest! The weekend has landed!

In a packed out newsagents, smelling of sugary sweets and the the local rags piled on the floor ready for the paper boy. We stand leaning up at the towering shelf of bright and colourful glossy magazines, flicking through the shiny and sharp pages searching high and low as we hunt in desperation for retro movie goodness and as much celluloid wonder as we can get our eager hands on.

Have a happy retro weekend!

SATURDAY 5th JULY

Little Shop of Horrors (1986) Sky Movies Comedy 3:25pm-5:10pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
A weedy flower-shop assistant grows a bizarre plant, which he discovers needs to feed on human blood to survive. It grows to a vast size  and begins to talk, demanding he commit murder on its behalf. Comedy musical based on the Broadway show, starring Rick Moranis, Ellen  Greene, Steve Martin and Bill Murray, with the voice of The Four Tops’ Levi Stubbs.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009) Channel 4 7:10pm-10:00pm (2 hours 50 minutes)
The war between the shape-shifting robots erupts once again, as the first of the evil Decepticons leads an attack on Earth to locate an  ancient planet-destroying machine. Hapless teenager Sam Witwicky is once again caught in the middle as he holds the key to discovering the  location of the device. Sci-fi adventure sequel, starring Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox.

Transformers T-Shirts

The Matrix (1999) ITV2 10:15pm-1:00am (2 hours 45 minutes)
A computer hacker discovers the world around him is nothing more than a virtual-reality fantasy created by malevolent living machines.  Entering the devastated real world, he joins freedom fighters risking their lives to bring the truth out into the open and liberate the  human race. Sci-fi action thriller from the Wachowski brothers, starring Keanu Reeves, Laurence Fishburne, Carrie-Anne Moss and Hugo  Weaving.

Fletch (1985) ITV London 10:45pm-12:40am (1 hour 55 minutes)
A wisecracking reporter and master of disguise is approached by a businessman who claims to be terminally ill and is looking to pay  someone to kill him. The journalist discovers the supposedly dying man is in perfect health, and his strange request is part of a complex  scam. Comedy mystery based on Gregory Mcdonald’s novel, with Chevy Chase and Tim Matheson.

SUNDAY 6th JULY

Space Jam (1996) Channel 5 2:15pm-3:55pm (1 hour 40 minutes)
Aliens arrive on Earth to abduct the Looney Tunes gang as a new attraction at their failing intergalactic theme park. To keep their  freedom, Bugs Bunny and friends challenge the invaders to a high-stakes basketball game, calling on Michael Jordan to save the day and  send the extraterrestrials back where they came from. Live action and animated comedy, starring Bill Murray and Danny DeVito, with the  voices of Billy West and Bill Farmer.

A Knight’s Tale (2001) Channel 4 5:00pm-7:35pm (2 hours 35 minutes)
A poverty-stricken squire spies an opportunity to make his dreams come true when his employer dies. He takes his place as a knight,  launching himself on the road to riches by competing in jousting tournaments, but his ruse is jeopardised by a dastardly nobleman. Comedy  adventure, starring Heath Ledger, Paul Bettany, Mark Addy, Shannyn Sossamon and Rufus Sewell.

Despicable Me (2010) ITV London 7:00pm-9:00pm (2 hours )
A criminal mastermind hopes to seal his reputation as the greatest villain of them all by stealing the moon. First he needs to get his  hands on a shrinking ray owned by a rival evil genius, and adopts three orphan girls to help him – but finds that fatherhood brings out  his long-buried caring side. Animated comedy, with the voices of Steve Carell, Jason Segel, Russell Brand and Julie Andrews.

Tron: Legacy (2010) BBC3 9:00pm-11:00pm (2 hours )
Ground-breaking computer genius Kevin Flynn disappears without trace. Years later, his son Sam goes looking for him, and is transported  into a computer-generated world where he is forced to compete in deadly gladiatorial combat by an evil duplicate of his father plotting to  wage war on the real world. Sci-fi adventure, with Jeff Bridges and Garrett Hedlund.

Whatever you’re up to, make sure you always head home when the streetlights flick on, and remember to wipe your feet.

xoxo

The Weekly Retro Movie Rundown 105

Herman’s Hermits! It must be the weekend!

So under a rung of gently flickering fluorescent lights, inside a heaving family packed restaurant, at the back of a cue for an all you can eat buffet. Let us be your medically obese, adolescent male, adorned in button up stripy shirt and stretchy sweatpants as we prepare to load our plate with a heap of steaming retro movie magic. We’ll pile on gallons of cinematic awesomeness before we wedge ourselves ever so uncomfortably into our seat and devour the celluloid wonder….Burp!!

Have a happy retro weekend!

SATURDAY 28th JUNE

The ‘Burbs (1989) ITV4 12:25pm-2:25pm (2 hours)
The arrival of secretive neighbours sparks an unhealthy curiosity in a group of friends, leading them to go to bizarre lengths to discover  the truth about the newcomers. However, their investigations take an even weirder twist when they begin to suspect their unseen fellow suburbanites are part of a cannibalistic cult. Joe Dante’s black comedy, starring Tom Hanks, Bruce Dern, Carrie Fisher, Corey Feldman and  Henry Gibson.

Fun Fact: Early in the movie, when Cory Danziger is eating breakfast, a box of Gremlins cereal can be seen on the kitchen counter in the background. Director Joe Dante also directed Gremlins (1984) and Corey Feldman was in Gremlins (1984).

Independence Day (1996) Film4 1:00pm-3:45pm (2 hours 45 minutes)
A fleet of huge flying saucers launches a devastating and unprovoked attack on Earth. As survivors try to flee the seemingly unstoppable alien invaders, the courageous US president, an ace pilot and a computer genius come up with a plan to take the fight to the enemy and  save the human race. Roland Emmerich’s sci-fi adventure, starring Will Smith, Bill Pullman, Jeff Goldblum, Mary McDonnell, Randy Quaid,  Robert Loggia and Harry Connick Jr.

Transformers (2007) Channel 4 7:15pm-10:00pm (2 hours 45 minutes)
Teenager Sam Witwicky is treated to his first car by his dad, but it turns out to be an alien scout with a life of its own. Before long, the vehicle embroils Sam in a long-running intergalactic war between two factions of giant shape-changing robots, which have come to Earth to find a mystical cube that grants infinite power to its possessor. Michael Bay’s sci-fi action adventure, inspired by the toy franchise, with Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, Josh Duhamel, Jon Voight and John Turturro.

Transformers T-Shirt

Terminal Velocity (1994) Channel 4 12:35am-2:15am (1 hour 40 minutes)
A skydiving instructor tries to clear himself of responsibility for the death of a woman whose parachute failed to open. However, he later learns she is a Russian spy who faked her own demise, and now needs his help to foil an international criminal conspiracy out to steal a fortune in bullion. Action thriller, starring Charlie Sheen, Nastassja Kinski and James Gandolfini

SUNDAY 29th JUNE

Stargate (1994) 5* 2:40pm-5:00pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
An Egyptologist and a soldier head an expedition through a mysterious portal to an alien planet. The world they find resembles ancient Egypt and is under the rule of a tyrant who has convinced the downtrodden inhabitants that he is a god – until the humans incite the  enslaved populace to fight back. Sci-fi adventure, starring Kurt Russell, James Spader and Jaye Davidson.

Addams Family Values (1993) E4 8:00pm-9:50pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
Spooky couple Gomez and Morticia hire a nanny to look after their new baby son – and stop him suffering an early death at the hands of his  jealous elder siblings. Romance soon blossoms between the new childminder and Uncle Fester, but he does not realise she is planning to kill him once she has got hold of the family fortune. Comedy sequel, starring Anjelica Huston, Raul Julia, Christopher Lloyd, Christina Ricci and Joan Cusack.

Mars Attacks! (1996) ITV4 9:00pm-11:10pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
The inhabitants of Earth leap into action to repel an impending invasion by a seemingly invincible Martian army, which possesses superior  weaponry, a thirst for destruction and a wicked sense of humour. Tim Burton’s sci-fi comedy, starring Jack Nicholson, Glenn Close, Pierce Brosnan, Annette Bening, Natalie Portman, Danny DeVito and Tom Jones.

And Now for Something Completely Different (1971) BBC1 London 12:05am-1:30am (1 hour 25 minutes)
The Monty Python members appear in their first movie, comprising re-enacted sketches from the first two series of the surreal comedy show. Highlights include the dead parrot sketch, the Lumberjack Song and the Upper-class Twit of the Year Race. Starring the usual team of John Cleese, Michael Palin, Graham Chapman, Eric Idle, Terry Jones and Terry Gilliam, with regular female sidekick Carol Cleveland.

Ministry Of Silly Walks Monty Python T-Shirt Monty Python T-Shirt

Whatever you get up to this Weekend remember to do your stretches and always enjoy yourselves.

xoxo