Happy happy joy joy, it’s only the weekend!
So just like a big joyous family sat at a table after a hefty meal, our stomachs nearly full to popping but with just enough room to squeeze in desert…as always. Let us be your trifle-preparing mother as we dish up layers of spongy retro movie magic, chunks of wobbly cinematic masterpieces, all topped off with creamy scoops of celluloid wonder and never forgetting the hundreds and thousands of course.
Have a happy retro weekend!
SATURDAY 6th July
King Ralph (1991) ITV2 11:15am-1:15pm (2 hours )
A slobbish Las Vegas lounge singer succeeds the British throne when a freak accident wipes out the entire royal family. A loyal aristocrat desperately tries to stop the loud-mouthed American unwittingly bringing the monarchy into disrepute, while a scheming lord plots to make his reign a short one. Comedy, starring John Goodman, Peter O’Toole, John Hurt and Richard Griffiths.
Grease (1978) Film4 1:00pm-3:10pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
Rebellious American teenager Danny falls for innocent Australian girl Sandy during the summer holidays, but when he later finds out she is a new student at his school, he risks losing her love by trying to act cool in front of his friends. Romantic musical set in the 1950s, starring John Travolta, Olivia Newton-John, Stockard Channing, Jeff Conaway, Didi Conn and Barry Pearl
Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994) 5* 5:55pm-7:35pm (1 hour 40 minutes)
An eccentric but brilliant former cop sets himself up to champion the underdog – as a private eye specialising in locating missing animals. The zany detective is called in to find a kidnapped dolphin – the mascot of an American football team – and uncovers a plot involving high-level police corruption. Comedy, starring Jim Carrey, Courteney Cox, Sean Young, Tone Loc and Noble Willingham
Crocodile Dundee II (1988) Film4 6:55pm-9:00pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
The rugged Australian adventurer sets out to save his reporter girlfriend from New York drug dealers. Having rescued her from their clutches, he realises they will soon be coming after him – so he decides to even the odds by luring them to the Outback for a final showdown. Comedy adventure sequel, starring Paul Hogan, Linda Kozlowski, John Meillon and Charles S Dutton
SUNDAY 7th July
Harry and the Hendersons (1987) Channel 5 3:45pm-6:00pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
A hapless family’s camping holiday in the mountains is brought to a sudden end when they accidentally hit the legendary Bigfoot with their car. They decide to adopt the endearing creature, but have more trouble than expected trying to keep him concealed and to avoid arousing their neighbours’ suspicions. Comedy, starring John Lithgow, Melinda Dillon, David Suchet, Don Ameche and Kevin Peter Hall
Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope (1977) ITV2 5:05pm-7:30pm (2 hours 25 minutes)
Farm boy Luke Skywalker is thrust into an intergalactic battle between good and evil while trying to rescue a spirited princess from the clutches of the evil Darth Vader. En route, he is helped by a cocky space pilot, a veteran warrior, two bickering robots and a hairy 8ft monster. Sci-fi adventure directed by George Lucas, with Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher, Alec Guinness and Peter Cushing.
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (1968) Channel 5 6:00pm-8:55pm (2 hours 55 minutes)
Eccentric inventor Caractacus Potts rescues an old car from the scrapheap, only to discover it has magical, gravity-defying powers. Meanwhile, Baron Bomburst, the blundering ruler of Vulgaria, will do anything to get his greedy hands on it. Children’s musical adventure, based on the book by Ian Fleming, starring Dick Van Dyke, Lionel Jeffries, Sally Ann Howes, Gert Frobe, Benny Hill and James Robertson Justice.
The Golden Child (1986) E4 8:00pm-10:00pm (2 hours )
A private eye is recruited by a group of Buddhist mystics and sent on a mission to rescue an abducted boy whose supernatural powers will enable him to bring about world peace. However, the kidnapper is actually a demon in human form, determined to ensure the youngster does not fulfil his destiny. Fantasy adventure, starring Eddie Murphy, Charles Dance and Charlotte Lewis
Wham bam! Bonus movie clip time folks. This week the single scariest person of your child hood, Enjoy…. or be afraid, he still scares the bajeebas out of me.
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Whatever you get up to this weekend seriously don’t take sweets off of strangers and enjoy yourselves.