The Weekly Retro Movie Rundown Christmas Special!

Jingle all the way! The Christmas special retro movie rundown is here and BOY is it a (nut) cracker!

With the sprouts bubbling away and the oven slowly warming the house with it’s delicious festive smells, we find ourselves in a mix of chaos, delight and nostalgia of Christmases past. With the dust starting to settle on another year, we find ourselves perched on the nearest sofa as we let the warm glow of the TV soothe us into the night with it’s festive joy.

Merry Christmas one and all!

SATURDAY 23rd December

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The Rugrats Movie
(1999) Channel 4 7:30am-9:00am (1 hour 30 minutes)
Tommy tries to return his new brother to the baby shop, helped by Angelica, Chuckie, Phil and Lil – but the friends become lost in dense woodlands en route, turning their expedition into a scary and exciting journey of discovery. Animated comedy based on the TV series, with the voices of Elizabeth Daily, Christine Cavanaugh, Kath Soucie, Whoopi Goldberg and Busta Rhymes.

The Rugrats Merchandise

The Muppets (2011) BBC2 9:30am-11:10am (1 hour 40 minutes)
Three fans of the famous puppet variety show discover a powerful businessman is going to knock down the Muppet theatre and drill for oil on the site. They track down frontman Kermit the frog and persuade him to reunite his co-stars, so they can put on one last performance to save the venue. Comedy, starring Jason Segel, Amy Adams and Chris Cooper, with songs by Bret McKenzie (Flight of the Conchords).

The Muppets Merchandise

A Christmas Story (1983) Channel 5 11:05am-12:55pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
A boy growing up in 1940s suburban Indiana longs to receive his ideal present of an air rifle on Christmas morning, even though his parents, his teacher and even Santa Claus himself are horrified at the prospect. Family comedy, starring Peter Billingsley, Melinda Dillon, Darren McGavin and Ian Petrella.

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971) ITV3 1:05pm-3:10pm
An eccentric confectionery king announces that five children will be given a tour of his wondrous factory. The winners turn out to be a kind-hearted boy from a penniless family and four obnoxious brats, who face a terrible fate when they misbehave. Musical fantasy, based on Roald Dahl’s classic book Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, starring Gene Wilder, Jack Albertson, Peter Ostrum and Roy Kinnear.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory Merchandise

Cool Runnings (1993) BBC1 1:15pm-2:50pm (1 hour 35 minutes)
A sprinter fails to qualify for the Jamaican Olympic squad, but refuses to give up his dream. Learning that a former US bobsleigh coach is living nearby, he seizes the chance to shine in an entirely different sport, and cajoles three of his friends to join him in training for the 1988 Winter Olympics in the far less tropical environment of Canada. Fact-based comedy, with John Candy, Leon, Doug E Doug and Malik Yoba.

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (2001) ITV 1:35pm-4:30pm (2 hours 55 minutes)
An orphaned boy endures a miserable childhood, until he discovers he has magical powers and enrols at a special school for young wizards. However, his suspicions are aroused by a sinister teacher who seems to be up to no good. Fantasy adventure, adapted from the first of JK Rowling’s books, starring Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, Emma Watson, Robbie Coltrane, Alan Rickman and Richard Harris.

Harry Potter Merchandise

Scrooge (1970) Channel 5 2:40pm-5:00pm
Hard-hearted Victorian miser Ebenezer Scrooge refuses to join in with the spirit of the festive season – until a succession of spectral visitors turn up to teach him the error of his ways. Musical adaptation of Charles Dickens’ classic A Christmas Carol, starring Albert Finney, Alec Guinness, Kenneth More, Edith Evans and Paddy Stone.

Liar Liar (1997) ITV2 5:30pm-7:10pm
A lawyer, whose underhand ploys to win cases leave him little time to see his son, discovers he is incapable of lying after the boy’s birthday wish makes his dad tell only the truth. However, this causes a host of problems as the attorney tries to muddle his way through a high-profile divorce settlement. Comedy, with Jim Carrey, Maura Tierney, Justin Cooper, Jennifer Tilly and Cary Elwes.

Crocodile Dundee (1986) Channel 4 6:10pm-8:00pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
A New York reporter searches the Australian Outback for a maverick hunter with a legendary reputation, and invites the adventurer back to America. But the die-hard Aussie needs to draw on all his survival skills to adjust to life in the urban jungle. Comedy adventure, written by and starring Paul Hogan, with Linda Kozlowski, John Meillon and Mark Blum.

The Fugitive (1993) ITV4 9:00pm-11:40pm
A doctor is convicted of his wife’s murder and forced to go on the run to prove his innocence – but his efforts to find the mysterious one-armed man he believes is the real killer are hampered by a tenacious US marshal. Thriller, starring Harrison Ford, an Oscar-winning Tommy Lee Jones, Sela Ward, Julianne Moore and Joe Pantoliano.

Rambo: First Blood Part II (1985) ITV4 11:40pm-1:35am
Incarcerated Special Forces veteran John Rambo is offered the chance for freedom by former commander Colonel Trautman if he takes up the offer to return to the jungles of Vietnam on a life-or-death mission to rescue American PoWs. During the course of the operation, he develops strong feelings for his guide, a female freedom fighter – but tragedy strikes, leaving him more determined than ever to exact a bloody and explosive revenge. Action adventure sequel, starring Sylvester Stallone, Richard Crenna, Julia Nickson-Soul, Steven Berkoff, George Kee Cheung, Andy Wood and Martin Kove.

Christmas Eve

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Jack Frost
(1998) ITV 9:55am-11:50am (1 hour 55 minutes)
A rock musician who realises he is spending too much time away from his family is killed in a car accident while travelling home for the festive season. The following year his spirit takes on the form of a snowman, made by his son, allowing them to spend one last Christmas together. Fantasy drama, starring Michael Keaton, Kelly Preston, Joseph Cross and Mark Addy.

The Santa Clause (1994) BBC1 10:30am-12:00pm (1 hour 30 minutes)
A grumpy divorced father faces a dilemma one Christmas Eve after accidentally startling Santa and causing him to fall to his death. The guilty man’s only option is to put on the red suit, jump into the sleigh and finish the round himself, much to his son’s delight. Fantasy comedy, starring Tim Allen, Judge Reinhold, Wendy Crewson, Eric Lloyd and David Krumholtz.

Fun Fact: For one week in November 1994, Tim Allen had the #1 movie at the box office (this movie), the #1 rated television show (Home Improvement (1991)), and the #1 New York Times best-selling book (“Don’t Stand Too Close to a Naked Man”).

Matilda (1996) Sony Movie Channel 11:00am-1:00pm (2 hours)
A gifted youngster is packed off by her selfish parents to the prison-like Crunchem Hall School. Once there, she befriends a sweet-natured teacher who convinces her that not all grown-ups are bad – and urges her to use her special powers to turn the tables on the nasty headmistress. Fantasy comedy, adapted from the children’s book by Roald Dahl, with Mara Wilson, Pam Ferris, Embeth Davidtz, Rhea Perlman and Danny DeVito, who also directed.

Matilda Merchandise

Casper (1995) Film4 11:00am-1:05pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
A paranormal expert moves into a haunted house where his daughter befriends the amiable ghost of a young boy – but things start to go awry when three smelly spooks and two dastardly crooks try to chase the new residents away. Family comedy, starring Christina Ricci, Bill Pullman, Eric Idle, Cathy Moriarty and featuring the voice of Malachi Pearson.

Bugsy Malone (1976) ITV3 11:35am-1:35pm
Alan Parker’s slapstick musical comedy, featuring a cast composed entirely of children and following a war between rival gangsters in 1920s New York – fought with custard pies and cream-firing Tommy guns. When a slick mobster acquires devastating new weapons, his arch rival enlists the aid of a small-time chancer to steal them. Starring Scott Baio, Florrie Dugger and John Cassisi, with Jodie Foster in an early appearance.

Jumanji (1995) Sony Movie Channel 1:00pm-3:10pm
A man who has been trapped inside a mysterious jungle board game for 26 years is eventually freed when two children start to play it. Unfortunately, he arrives with a rampaging horde of animals on his heels, leaving only one solution – to finish the game he started all those years ago. Fantasy adventure, starring Robin Williams, Kirsten Dunst and Bonnie Hunt.

Jingle All the Way (1996) Film3 3:00pm-4:45pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
A workaholic father tries to make up for his perpetual absence from home by promising to buy his son a hugely popular action figure for Christmas – little realising every other father in town has the same idea. Comedy, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sinbad, Jake Lloyd, Rita Wilson, Robert Conrad and Phil Hartman.

Hook (1991) Sony Movie Channel 3:20pm-6:15pm
Peter Pan, who has finally grown up and is now a married lawyer with a family of his own, is whisked away by Tinkerbell to Neverland, where he must learn to fly again if he is to save his children from the clutches of Captain Hook. Steven Spielberg’s fantasy adventure, with Robin Williams, Dustin Hoffman, Julia Roberts, Bob Hoskins and Maggie Smith.

The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992) Channel 4 6:30pm-8:00pm (1 hour 30 minutes)
An embittered Victorian miser hates the festive season and people in general, but on Christmas Eve, the ghosts of his former business partners, the Marley brothers, visit him in the night. They warn him three spirits are coming to make him change his ways by showing him visions of the past, the present and what the future may hold. Comedy, with Michael Caine and Steven Mackintosh alongside the puppet characters.

Rambo III (1988) ITV4 9:00pm-11:10pm
Vietnam veteran John Rambo turns down a request from his old colonel to join a mission in Soviet-occupied Afghanistan. However, when the officer is captured, Rambo sets off to save him, joining the Mujahedeen rebels in fighting against the Russian invaders. Action adventure sequel, starring Sylvester Stallone, Richard Crenna, Kurtwood Smith, Marc de Jonge and Sasson Gabai.

Predator (1987) Film4 10:55pm-1:05am (2 hours 10 minutes)
An elite military team takes on a top-secret mission in the jungles of Central America, but the soldiers realise they have been deceived by their CIA employers. A greater danger presents itself when they are stalked by a lethal alien big-game hunter with the power to become invisible, that has come to Earth to stalk human prey. Sci-fi thriller, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Carl Weathers and Bill Duke.

Christmas Day

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National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation
(1989) ITV 9:25am-11:10am (1 hour 45 minutes)
An American householder is dismayed when his plans for a traditional festive family holiday are thrown into complete disarray by a succession of annoying neighbours and long-lost relatives, who turn up on his doorstep offering their own brand of Christmas cheer. Comedy, starring Chevy Chase, Beverly D’Angelo, Randy Quaid, Diane Ladd, Juliette Lewis, Miriam Flynn, Johnny Galecki and William Hickey.

Fun Fact: After failing to get the Christmas lights to work one last time, Clark Griswold takes his frustration out on the plastic decorations in the front yard. Chevy Chase actually broke his pinky finger while punching Santa Claus. He resorts to kicking and clubbing the decorations after that. The film kept rolling, and the take was used.

Mr Bean’s Holiday (2007) ITV 11:10am-12:50pm (1 hour 40 minutes)
The bumbling fool wins first prize in the church raffle – a trip to France and a video camera. His travels cause chaos as he disrupts a film shoot in Cannes, to the fury of its megalomaniac director, and is then accused of kidnapping a youngster. Comedy, starring Rowan Atkinson, Willem Dafoe, Emma de Caunes and Max Baldry.

Santa Claus: The Movie (1985) ITV 12:50pm-3:00pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
An impulsive elf walks out on Father Christmas during the hectic preparations for the festive season, and heads for New York determined to make a name for himself. However, he falls into the clutches of an evil toy manufacturer, who has a devilish money-making plan up his sleeve. Family fantasy adventure, starring Dudley Moore, John Lithgow, David Huddleston, Burgess Meredith and Judy Cornwell.

Scrooged (1988) Channel 4 2:35pm-4:30pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
A heartless TV executive is cruel to his employees and sees the festive season as nothing more than an opportunity to make money. However, on Christmas Eve, three ghosts arrive in the night and challenge him to change his cynical ways by showing him his past, present and future. Comedy based on Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol, starring Bill Murray, Karen Allen, John Forsythe, David Johansen and Carol Kane.

Smokey and the Bandit II (1980) Sony Movie Channel 4:00pm-6:15pm
The maverick haulier must overcome a crisis of confidence when he and his friends are hired to transport a pregnant elephant to Texas, a mammoth task that proves far from easy, especially with their old enemy in hot pursuit. Road comedy, with Burt Reynolds, Jackie Gleason, Jerry Reed, Dom DeLuise and Sally Field.

Dumbo (1941) Channel 4 4:30pm-5:50pm (1 hour 20 minutes)
Disney animated adventure following the fortunes of a plucky young elephant with oversized ears. Mocked by his fellow circus performers, Dumbo finally finds a friend in an enterprising mouse, who helps the poor animal overcome his inhibitions and find fame and fortune as the world’s only flying elephant. With the voices of Sterling Holloway and Edward Brophy, and an Oscar-winning score by Frank Churchill and Oliver Wallace.

Disney Merchandise

Home Alone (1990) Channel 4 5:50pm-7:40pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
A boy has to fend for himself when he is accidentally left behind after his family jets off to Paris for Christmas. The youngster initially enjoys his freedom, but is soon forced to resort to ingenious booby traps to defend the family home from two dim-witted burglars. Comedy, starring Macaulay Culkin, Joe Pesci, Daniel Stern, John Heard, Catherine O’Hara and John Candy.

Miracle on 34th Street (1947) More 4 6:00pm-8:00pm (2 hours)
When a popular New York department store Santa Claus is placed in an asylum for claiming to be the genuine article, a crusading city lawyer takes on the case, determined to prove the man’s sanity. Christmas drama, starring Edmund Gwenn, Maureen O’Hara, Natalie Wood, John Payne, Gene Lockhart, Porter Hall and William Frawley.

There’s Something About Mary (1998) 5STAR 9:00pm-11:25pm
A lovelorn man hires a sleazy private eye to track down his high-school sweetheart in the hope of rekindling their brief relationship. By unfortunate coincidence, the detective also falls for her, and then it emerges there are even more men out there competing for her affections. Comedy from the Farrelly brothers, starring Cameron Diaz, Ben Stiller, Matt Dillon and Lee Evans.

Boxing Day

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Short Circuit
(1986) Channel 4 8:25am-10:25am (2 hours)
A military robot is struck by lightning and develops a mind of its own. The machine embarks on a series of comic misadventures, but the company that made him wants him back. He realises his only hope is to convince the scientist who invented him that he really is alive. Sci-fi comedy adventure, starring Steve Guttenberg, Ally Sheedy and Fisher Stevens.

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986) ITV 9:25am-11:25am (2 hours)
A teenager plays truant from school and spends the day dragging his girlfriend and a reluctant friend into all manner of crazy adventures in the big city – while the school’s dean of students vows to stop at nothing to prove the youngster is faking illness. Comedy, starring Matthew Broderick, Mia Sara, Alan Ruck, Jennifer Grey, Jeffrey Jones and Charlie Sheen.

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

A Hard Day’s Night (1964) BBC2 11:55am-1:20pm (1 hour 25 minutes)
The Beatles, harassed by their manager and Paul’s grandfather, embark on a train journey to London for a TV show, but find themselves dogged by all manner of problems, including the inevitable overexcited fans. Musical comedy, starring the Fab Four alongside Wilfrid Brambell, Victor Spinetti and Anna Quayle. Songs include Can’t Buy Me Love, Don’t Bother Me and the title track.

The Beatles Merchandise

A Bug’s Life (1998) ITV2 2:35pm-4:40pm
Well-meaning ant Flik lands his colony in trouble when he accidentally disposes of an offering meant for a swarm of greedy grasshoppers – who promptly promise a horrible revenge. Faced with the imminent destruction of the anthill, he sets out to save the situation by enlisting the help of a few would-be heroes – an out-of-work troupe of bugs from a low-rent flea circus. Pixar animation, with the voices of Dave Foley, Kevin Spacey and Julia Louis-Dreyfus.

Fun Fact: This is the first Pixar film to have outtakes.

E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial (1982) ITV 3:30pm-5:50pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
A lonely boy befriends an alien who has been left stranded on Earth. The two develop a psychic connection as the boy helps the extraterrestrial to contact his own people and call for rescue. However, living on Earth starts to have a devastating effect on the visitor’s health, and a government operative is determined to capture him for study. Steven Spielberg’s sci-fi fantasy, starring Henry Thomas, Drew Barrymore, Dee Wallace and Peter Coyote.

E.T Merchandise

The Little Mermaid (1989) Channel 4 4:20pm-6:00pm (1 hour 40 minutes)
Underwater princess Ariel becomes bored with her aquatic existence and spends her time spying on humans, much to the annoyance of her father. Longing to live on land, she strikes a deal with a banished sea witch in order to become human and meet a prince – but there is a price to be paid. Disney’s animated adventure, with the voices of Jodi Benson, Christopher Daniel Barnes and Rene Auberjonois.

Disney Merchandise

Back to the Future (1985) Channel 4 6:00pm-8:00pm (2 hours)
Teenager Marty McFly travels back to the 1950s in a time machine built by his eccentric inventor friend. The return journey proves tricky enough, but he also accidentally alters the sequence of events that led to his parents falling in love – and has to persuade his future dad to win his mother’s heart, or he will never be born. Sci-fi comedy adventure, starring Michael J Fox, Christopher Lloyd, Lea Thompson and Crispin Glover.

Back to the Future Merchandise

Uncle Buck (1989) ITV2 7:00pm-9:00pm
An unreliable but good-natured slob is called upon to look after his trouble-making nephew and nieces while their parents are away – and what starts as a disaster soon changes for the better as the unlikely babysitter gets to grips with the finer points of being a responsible adult. Family comedy, starring John Candy, Macaulay Culkin, Jean Kelly, Gaby Hoffman, Amy Madigan and Laurie Metcalf.

Lethal Weapon 3 (1992) ITV4 9:00pm-11:20pm
Detectives Riggs and Murtaugh team up with a reformed small-time crook and a tough, female internal-affairs investigator to track down a former policeman trafficking impounded weaponry to the bosses of organised crime. Action thriller sequel, starring Mel Gibson, Danny Glover, Joe Pesci and Rene Russo.

Dirty Dancing (1987) Channel 5 10:00pm-12:00am (2 hours)
A dance instructor at a 1960s resort hotel fears his career will be jeopardised when his regular partner is forced to pull out of an important show in which they are due to perform. Luckily, a naive teenager is happy to step in, and is treated to a whirlwind holiday education in life, love and expressing herself. Romantic drama, starring Patrick Swayze, Jennifer Grey and Jerry Orbach.

Dirty Dancing Merchandise

Four Weddings and a Funeral (1994) Channel 4 11:10pm-1:20am (2 hours 10 minutes)
A London man’s misfortunes in love look set to change when he meets an American beauty. However, the prospect of a transatlantic relationship succeeding seems slim, so the pair go their separate ways – only for him to realise he is unable to get her out of his mind. Richard Curtis’s comedy, with Hugh Grant, Andie MacDowell, John Hannah, Charlotte Coleman, Kristin Scott Thomas, Simon Callow and James Fleet.

Whatever you’re up to this Christmas, from all the TruffleShuffle team we hope you have a fantastic time and get to enjoy every moment.

The Weekly Retro Movie Rundown!

Deck the halls and pour some drinks! With a healthy sized mince pie and a snifter of mulled wine, we find ourselves all of a sudden… in Christmas! With festive lights bringing our local streets to life and the smell of freshly baked goods with cinnamon lingering in the air, we quickly begin to wrap presents and write cards as we get festive season ready!

SATURDAY 16th December

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Volcano
(1997) Film4 2:45pm-4:50pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
A river of molten lava spews from an erupting volcano onto the streets of Los Angeles, prompting the head of a crisis agency to team up with an intrepid scientist in a frantic and dangerous bid to save the city’s residents. Disaster thriller, starring Tommy Lee Jones, Anne Heche, Gaby Hoffmann, Keith David and Don Cheadle.

The Return of the Musketeers (1989) Film4 4:50pm-6:55pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
D’Artagnan reunites his former companions to save the queen of France from the scheming Cardinal Mazarin, and embark on a mission to England to prevent the beheading of Charles I. Meanwhile, the daughter of a former vanquished enemy is seeking revenge on the four heroes. Swashbuckling adventure sequel, with Oliver Reed, Michael York, Frank Finlay, Richard Chamberlain, Kim Cattrall and Roy Kinnear, who died during filming.

Liar Liar (1997) ITV2 6:10pm-7:55pm
A lawyer, whose underhand ploys to win cases leave him little time to see his son, discovers he is incapable of lying after the boy’s birthday wish makes his dad tell only the truth. However, this causes a host of problems as the attorney tries to muddle his way through a high-profile divorce settlement. Comedy, with Jim Carrey, Maura Tierney, Justin Cooper, Jennifer Tilly and Cary Elwes.

Men in Black (1997) Film4 9:00pm-10:55pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
A streetwise cop is enlisted by a top-secret government force dedicated to policing alien visitors to Earth, teaming up with a veteran agent just as a body-swapping extraterrestrial giant insect begins a reign of terror throughout New York City. Sci-fi comedy, starring Will Smith, Tommy Lee Jones, Linda Fiorentino, Rip Torn and Vincent D’Onofrio.

Rush Hour (1998) Dave 9:00pm-11:00pm (2 hours)
A Hong Kong detective is sent to Los Angeles to investigate a kidnapping, but the local authorities worry that his presence in America might spark an international incident, and assign a loud-mouthed and troublesome cop to keep an eye on him. However, the new partnership proves an explosive combination. Comedy adventure, starring Jackie Chan, Chris Tucker, Ken Leung, Tom Wilkinson and Chris Penn.

Dirty Dancing (1987) 5STAR 9:00pm-11:05pm
A dance instructor at a 1960s resort hotel fears his career will be jeopardised when his regular partner is forced to pull out of an important show in which they are due to perform. Luckily, a naive teenager is happy to step in, and is treated to a whirlwind holiday education in life, love and expressing herself. Romantic drama, starring Patrick Swayze, Jennifer Grey and Jerry Orbach.

Dirty Dancing Merchandise

Navy Seals (1990) ITV4 9:00pm-11:20pm
The US Navy’s elite commando force embarks on a dangerous covert mission to rescue hostages from an Arab terrorist in Beirut. However, the assignment proves far more serious than expected when they realise their enemies have acquired powerful stolen missiles. Action adventure, starring Charlie Sheen, Michael Biehn, Joanne Whalley, Bill Paxton and Rick Rossovich.

The Bone Collector (1999) Sony Movie Channel 11:00pm-1:35am
A quadriplegic ex-cop is saved from the brink of suicide by a rookie female officer needing his expertise to form a psychological profile of a serial killer. The murderer is posing as a cab driver and terrorising Manhattan, and has a gruesome habit of taking trophies from his victims’ bodies. Thriller, starring Denzel Washington, Angelina Jolie, Michael Rooker, Mike McGlone, Luis Guzman and Queen Latifah.

SUNDAY 17th December

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Jack Frost (1998) ITV2 2:00pm-4:05pm
A rock musician who realises he is spending too much time away from his family is killed in a car accident while travelling home for the festive season. The following year his spirit takes on the form of a snowman, made by his son, allowing them to spend one last Christmas together. Fantasy drama, starring Michael Keaton, Kelly Preston, Joseph Cross and Mark Addy.

Toy Story 2 (1999) BBC1 2:50pm-4:20pm (1 hour 30 minutes)
Cowboy doll Woody is stolen by an unscrupulous toy collector, who knows he is worth a fortune as a collectible, prompting fearless Space Ranger Buzz Lightyear to lead a daring across-town mission to rescue him. However, Woody is tempted to spend his life languishing in the safety of a museum rather than face the prospect of his owner growing up. Animated sequel, featuring the voices of Tom Hanks, Tim Allen, Joan Cusack and Kelsey Grammer.

Toy Story Merchandise

Jingle All the Way (1996) Channel 4 3:05pm-4:50pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
A workaholic father tries to make up for his perpetual absence from home by promising to buy his son a hugely popular action figure for Christmas – little realising every other father in town has the same idea. Comedy, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sinbad, Jake Lloyd, Rita Wilson, Robert Conrad and Phil Hartman.

Miracle on 34th Street (1994) Channel 4 5:50pm-8:00pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
A woman raises her six-year-old daughter to believe that Santa Claus does not exist, but they both have a change of heart after meeting a department store Father Christmas who claims to be the man himself. When the kindly fellow is accused of being a charlatan, his new friends engage a lawyer to prove his true identity. Remake of the 1947 family drama, with Richard Attenborough, Elizabeth Perkins, Mara Wilson and Dylan McDermott.

The Shadow (1994) Sony Movie Channel 6:35pm-9:00pm
A masked hero uses his mysterious mental powers to fight evil and faces his deadliest enemy in the shape of a descendant of warlord Genghis Khan, whose formidable psychic abilities are a match for his adversary’s and who is bent on annihilating New York with a nuclear device. Superhero adventure set in the 1930s, starring Alec Baldwin, John Lone, Penelope Ann Miller, Peter Boyle, Ian McKellen and Tim Curry.

Scrooge (1970) Channel 5 6:45pm-9:00pm
Hard-hearted Victorian miser Ebenezer Scrooge refuses to join in with the spirit of the festive season – until a succession of spectral visitors turn up to teach him the error of his ways. Musical adaptation of Charles Dickens’ classic A Christmas Carol, starring Albert Finney, Alec Guinness, Kenneth More, Edith Evans and Paddy Stone.

Species II (1998) ITV4 9:00pm-10:55pm
An astronaut returns from a mission transformed into a deadly alien and determined to propagate his species. To combat the threat, scientists resurrect a female creature of the same race – but they have no way of knowing where her loyalties will lie. Sci-fi thriller sequel, starring Natasha Henstridge, Michael Madsen, Marg Helgenberger and Mykelti Williamson.

Die Hard (1988) Channel 4 10:00pm-12:35am (2 hours 35 minutes)
New York cop John McClane visits Los Angeles to see his family over the Christmas holiday. Stopping off at his wife’s place of work, he realises armed men have taken over the building and are holding the corporation’s staff to ransom – and only he has the ability to fight back. Action thriller, starring Bruce Willis, Alan Rickman and Bonnie Bedelia.

Sleepy Hollow (1999) Channel 5 11:10pm-12:55am (1 hour 45 minutes)
A sceptical 18th-century detective is sent to a small hamlet supposedly terrorised by a demonic headless horseman who decapitates his victims. The investigator refuses to believe in the supernatural, convinced a human killer is behind the murders – but the legend proves to be all too true. Tim Burton’s gothic horror, starring Johnny Depp, Christina Ricci, Miranda Richardson and Christopher Walken.

Whatever you’re up to this weekend, remember to take a break and grab a cuppa. You won’t regret it.

The Weekly Retro Movie Rundown!

Sweet Valley High! Another retro movie weekend has landed and is here to whisk us off to far and foreign lands!

With a clip and a clonk, we’re re-living our childhoods once again as we connect power cables and controllers to our favourite dusty old game console. Firmly slotting in the well-used cartridge which is packed with data and memories, we’ll hit the power switch and begin to jump, run and slide our way around the old familiar lands we once conquered man moons before.

SATURDAY 14th October

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Lara Croft: Tomb Raider
(2001) Syfy 2:20pm-4:30pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
The gun-toting treasure seeker is thrown into a furious battle with a mysterious secret society as she races against time to locate the missing pieces of a legendary artefact that grants the owner the ability to control time. Action adventure based on the video games, starring Angelina Jolie, Daniel Craig, Leslie Phillips, Iain Glen, Chris Barrie and Jon Voight.

Titanic (1997) Film4 2:30pm-6:15pm (3 hours 45 minutes)
A party of explorers studying the sunken remains of the famous liner meets an elderly woman who was a passenger on the ill-fated maiden voyage. She recounts how she boarded the ship while on the brink of being forced into marriage by her family, and was stopped from killing herself by a penniless artist. She fell in love with her saviour, but the disaster on the horizon meant their time together was doomed to be short. James Cameron’s Oscar-winning romantic drama, starring Kate Winslet, Leonardo DiCaprio, Billy Zane, Kathy Bates and Bill Paxton.

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969) Spike 2:45pm-5:00pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
Two notorious outlaws’ routine of bank and train robberies is cut short when a seemingly unstoppable posse is formed to catch them. The pair plan to flee America and start a new life in Bolivia, with the Sundance Kid’s schoolmistress lover in tow – but staying ahead of the law is not so easy. Western, starring Paul Newman, Robert Redford and Katharine Ross.

Dirty Dancing (1987) 5STAR 3:55pm-6:00pm
A dance instructor at a 1960s resort hotel fears his career will be jeopardised when his regular partner is forced to pull out of an important show in which they are due to perform. Luckily, a naive teenager is happy to step in, and is treated to a whirlwind holiday education in life, love and expressing herself. Romantic drama, starring Patrick Swayze, Jennifer Grey and Jerry Orbach.

Dirty Dancing Merchandise

Liar Liar (1997) ITV2 5:45pm-7:30pm
A lawyer, whose underhand ploys to win cases leave him little time to see his son, discovers he is incapable of lying after the boy’s birthday wish makes his dad tell only the truth. However, this causes a host of problems as the attorney tries to muddle his way through a high-profile divorce settlement. Comedy, with Jim Carrey, Maura Tierney, Justin Cooper, Jennifer Tilly and Cary Elwes.

Pale Rider (1985) ITV4 9:00pm-11:20pm
An unscrupulous landowner threatens to throw gold-miners off their land and take the riches for himself. As the law turns a blind eye to their troubles, the miners desperately need a saviour – who happens to arrive in the form of a mysterious preacher with formidable gunfighting skills. Western, directed by and starring Clint Eastwood, alongside Michael Moriarty, Carrie Snodgress and Richard Dysart.

SUNDAY 15th October

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The Dark Crystal
(1982) Film4 11:00am-1:00pm (2 hours)
A survivor of a near-extinct race is given a dangerous quest as his world approaches an astronomical event that will decide its future. He must find a way to restore a broken piece to a magical crystal, which has become a source of dark power for the cruel creatures who wiped out his people. Jim Henson’s puppet fantasy, with the voices of Stephen Garlick and Billie Whitelaw.

The Dark Crystal Board Game

The Mask of Zorro (1998) Sony Movie Channel 12:00pm-2:00pm (2 hours)
The sword-wielding saviour of Spanish California returns after 20 years in prison, tutoring a thief to take over his heroic role and tackle corrupt government officials, who are using slave labour to mine gold illegally. Both mentor and pupil have personal scores to settle with their enemies, led by a ruthless governor and a psychotic military officer. Swashbuckling adventure, with Anthony Hopkins, Antonio Banderas and Catherine Zeta-Jones.

Napoleon Dynamite (2004) Film4 1:00pm-2:50pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
A socially inept high-school student and his lonely unemployed brother find their eccentric home life thrown into upheaval when their meddling uncle comes to stay. The teenage oddball tries to make the best of his changing circumstances, while putting all his skills to the task of helping his new best friend win the class presidency. Comedy, starring Jon Heder, Efren Ramirez and Haylie Duff.

Napoleon Dynamite TShirts

The ‘Burbs (1989) Channel 5 1:45pm-3:35pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
The arrival of secretive neighbours sparks an unhealthy curiosity in a group of friends, leading them to go to bizarre lengths to discover the truth about the newcomers. However, their investigations take an even weirder twist when they begin to suspect their unseen fellow suburbanites are part of a cannibalistic cult. Joe Dante’s black comedy, starring Tom Hanks, Bruce Dern, Carrie Fisher, Corey Feldman and Henry Gibson.

Smokey and the Bandit (1977) Sony Movie Channel 2:00pm-4:10pm
A truck driver accepts a challenge to deliver a consignment of beer to a party. He claims he can make the 900-mile round trip in just 28 hours, but a pompous sheriff is determined to stop him in his tracks, not least because his prospective daughter-in-law has deserted his son and hitched a ride with the unlikely hero. Comedy, starring Burt Reynolds, Jackie Gleason, Sally Field and Jerry Reed.

Fun Fact: This was such a hit that it became the second highest grossing movie released in 1977, next to Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope (1977).

Antz (1998) Channel 4 2:30pm-4:10pm (1 hour 40 minutes)
A neurotic worker ant passes himself off as a soldier to impress a princess. However, he provokes a jealously ambitious general with an accidental act of heroism – so he and his beloved decide to flee the brutal colony and go in search of the promised land of Insectopia. Animated comedy, with the voices of Woody Allen, Sharon Stone, Gene Hackman and Sylvester Stallone.

National Lampoon’s Loaded Weapon 1 (1993) Channel 5 3:35pm-5:15pm
A maverick cop and his by-the-book partner investigate the murder of a fellow detective, uncovering a sinister conspiracy to get the people of America hooked on cocaine-flavoured cookies. Spoof of the Lethal Weapon movies, starring Emilio Estevez, Samuel L Jackson, Jon Lovitz, Tim Curry and William Shatner.

Ghostbusters II (1989) Film4 4:40pm-6:45pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
The eccentric spectre-hunters reunite to save New York from a massive river of slime generated by the citizens’ negativity and nasty thoughts. Meanwhile, the spirit of a 16th-century tyrant tries to return to the land of the living by possessing the body of a toddler. Sequel to the supernatural comedy, starring Bill Murray, Sigourney Weaver, Dan Aykroyd, Harold Ramis, Rick Moranis and Ernie Hudson.

Ghostbusters Merchandise

Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls (1995) Channel 5 7:20pm-8:55pm (1 hour 35 minutes)
The eccentric pet detective is coaxed out of self-imposed exile in a Buddhist monastery to visit Africa and help search for a sacred white bat. However, his unique investigative talents are tested to the limits as he faces a race against time to find the missing creature and prevent a tribal war. Comedy sequel, starring Jim Carrey, Simon Callow and Bob Gunton.

Conan the Destroyer (1984) ITV4 9:00pm-11:05pm
The mighty sword-wielding warrior returns and is hired by a duplicitous queen to retrieve a mystical artefact from an evil sorcerer. Unfortunately, he fails to see that the malevolent monarch has a sinister plan in mind, and intends to kill him once his task is complete. Fantasy adventure sequel, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Grace Jones, Wilt Chamberlain and Sarah Douglas.

Highlander (1986) Spike 11:05pm-1:25am
A 16th-century Scottish clansman discovers he is one of a race of immortal warriors who can only be killed by beheading, and who are destined to fight to the death until just one survives. Centuries later in modern-day New York, he prepares for a final showdown with his deadliest enemy. Fantasy action adventure, starring Christopher Lambert, Sean Connery, Clancy Brown and Roxanne Hart.

Whatever you’re up to this weekend, always do your best and you’ll never be disappointed.

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The Weekly Retro Movie Rundown!

Great balls of fire! It’s time for another instalment of our weekly retro movie rundown and this one has got us pretty excited!

Preheating the oven to a toasty 180, we will begin our journey to soft, warm baking glory with some simple scales and ingredients. Turning some basic looking matter into something which will fill our home with a smell from our childhood and will produce one of the most simple pleasures we can create. Weighing, measuring, mixing and kneading our way to a perfect dough, we will slide our creation into the fiery food box. Awaiting for mystic food science to happen, will our bread be as soft, fluffy and scrumptious as we imagined? Only one way to find out!

Have a happy retro weekend!

SATURDAY 5th August

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Look Who’s Talking Too (1990) Sony Movie Channel 9:00am-10:40am
Wisecracking toddler Mikey is joined by mischievous baby sister Julie and sibling rivalry inevitably erupts – while their parents have problems of their own to deal with, in the shape of the kids’ good-for-nothing uncle. Comedy sequel, starring John Travolta and Kirstie Alley, with the voices of Bruce Willis and Rosanne Barr.

The Princess Bride (1987) 5STAR 11:50am-1:50pm
A cynical youngster becomes entranced by his grandfather’s magical tales, which revolve around a stable-boy’s heroic quest to rescue his lost love from the clutches of an evil prince, with the aid of a vengeance-seeking Spanish swashbuckler and his hulking sidekick. Rob Reiner’s comic fantasy adventure, with Cary Elwes, Robin Wright, Chris Sarandon, Mandy Patinkin, Peter Falk and Fred Savage.

Willow (1988) 5STAR 2:50pm-5:15pm
A farmer with dreams of becoming a wizard finds an abandoned baby, who is destined to bring about the downfall of an evil queen. The wicked tyrant’s minions have been sent to kill the child before she can fulfil the prophecy, and it falls to the would-be sorcerer to protect her, with the aid of a rogue warrior. Fantasy adventure, starring Warwick Davis and Val Kilmer.

Hook (1991) Sony Movie Channel 3:05pm-6:10pm
Peter Pan, who has finally grown up and is now a married lawyer with a family of his own, is whisked away by Tinkerbell to Neverland, where he must learn to fly again if he is to save his children from the clutches of Captain Hook. Steven Spielberg’s fantasy adventure, with Robin Williams, Dustin Hoffman, Julia Roberts, Bob Hoskins and Maggie Smith.

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969) Spike 4:45pm-7:00pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
Two notorious outlaws’ routine of bank and train robberies is cut short when a seemingly unstoppable posse is formed to catch them. The pair plan to flee America and start a new life in Bolivia, with the Sundance Kid’s schoolmistress lover in tow – but staying ahead of the law is not so easy. Western, starring Paul Newman, Robert Redford and Katharine Ross.

Last Action Hero (1993) Sony Movie Channel 6:20pm-9:00pm
A boy watching an action movie is transported into the film by a magic ticket and meets its hero figure, who refuses to believe he is a fictional character. Matters take a turn for the worse when the screen villain gets hold of the ticket and crosses over into the real world – where bad guys can win. Comedy adventure, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Austin O’Brien, Charles Dance, F Murray Abraham and Anthony Quinn.

Ghostbusters II (1989) Film4 6:55pm-9:00pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
The eccentric spectre-hunters reunite to save New York from a massive river of slime generated by the citizens’ negativity and nasty thoughts. Meanwhile, the spirit of a 16th-century tyrant tries to return to the land of the living by possessing the body of a toddler. Sequel to the supernatural comedy, starring Bill Murray, Sigourney Weaver, Dan Aykroyd, Harold Ramis, Rick Moranis and Ernie Hudson.

Ghostbusters Gifts

Liar Liar (1997) ITV2 7:15pm-9:00pm
A lawyer, whose underhand ploys to win cases leave him little time to see his son, discovers he is incapable of lying after the boy’s birthday wish makes his dad tell only the truth. However, this causes a host of problems as the attorney tries to muddle his way through a high-profile divorce settlement. Comedy, with Jim Carrey, Maura Tierney, Justin Cooper, Jennifer Tilly and Cary Elwes.

Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991) ITV4 9:00pm-11:45pm
A reprogrammed killing machine is sent back in time to the 20th century to protect John Connor, a teenage boy whose destiny is to save the human race. After breaking John’s mother out of a mental institution, the pair set out to avert a future nuclear war – pursued by an advanced prototype terminator with shape-changing powers. Sci-fi action adventure sequel, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Linda Hamilton, Edward Furlong and Robert Patrick.

GoldenEye (1995) ITV 10:50pm-1:20am (2 hours 30 minutes)
James Bond heads for Russia to investigate the connection between the theft of an experimental helicopter and an orbital satellite weapon with the power to devastate entire cities. He discovers both have fallen into the hands of a mysterious criminal mastermind with a grudge against Britain and a connection with 007’s past. Spy adventure, with Pierce Brosnan, Sean Bean, Izabella Scorupco and Famke Janssen.

James Bond Merchandise

I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997) BBC1 11:55pm-1:30am (1 hour 35 minutes)
Four teenagers accidentally run over a stranger and hide the body rather than inform the authorities, only to find themselves stalked the following year by a shadowy figure who takes great delight in disposing of them in a variety of gruesome ways. Horror, starring Jennifer Love Hewitt, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Ryan Phillippe, Freddie Prinze Jr and Anne Heche.

SUNDAY 6th August

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Short Circuit (1986) Film4 1:00pm-3:00pm (2 hours)
A military robot is struck by lightning and develops a mind of its own. The machine embarks on a series of comic misadventures, but the company that made him want him back. He realises his only hope is to convince the scientist who invented him that he really is alive. Sci-fi comedy adventure, starring Steve Guttenberg, Ally Sheedy and Fisher Stevens.

The Borrowers (1997) Film4 3:00pm-4:40pm (1 hour 40 minutes)
A family of four-inch-high people living beneath the floorboards of an ordinary human home help the owner’s son fight back when a dastardly lawyer plans to demolish the house and make way for a luxury apartment block. Children’s fantasy, starring John Goodman, Jim Broadbent, Celia Imrie, Flora Newbigin and Tom Felton.

A Bug’s Life (1998) ITV2 5:10pm-7:15pm
Well-meaning ant Flik lands his colony in trouble when he accidentally disposes of an offering meant for a swarm of greedy grasshoppers – who promptly promise a horrible revenge. Faced with the imminent destruction of the anthill, he sets out to save the situation by enlisting the help of a few would-be heroes – an out-of-work troupe of bugs from a low-rent flea circus. Pixar animation, with the voices of Dave Foley, Kevin Spacey and Julia Louis-Dreyfus.

Dirty Dancing (1987) Channel 5 5:10pm-7:00pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
A dance instructor at a 1960s resort hotel fears his career will be jeopardised when his regular partner is forced to pull out of an important show in which they are due to perform. Luckily, a naive teenager is happy to step in, and is treated to a whirlwind holiday education in life, love and expressing herself. Romantic drama, starring Patrick Swayze, Jennifer Grey and Jerry Orbach.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009) ITV 7:30pm-10:25pm (2 hours 55 minutes)
The young wizard is given the task of uncovering the secrets of Lord Voldemort’s past as the evil sorcerer’s henchmen cause havoc in both the magical and Muggle worlds. With the help of headmaster Dumbledore, Harry ventures into the memories of those who knew the Dark Lord during his early years, hoping to gain an insight into the secret behind his apparent immortality. However, Voldemort’s influence extends much closer to home than expected, as Harry’s rival Malfoy is chosen to carry out a sinister mission. Fantasy adventure sequel, starring Daniel Radcliffe, Michael Gambon, Emma Watson, Rupert Grint, Tom Felton and Alan Rickman.

Harry Potter Merchandise

Cliffhanger (1993) ITV4 9:00pm-11:10pm
A retired mountain rescue expert is drawn into a battle of wits with a psychopathic criminal searching for a $100million fortune lost in the Rockies – and puts his life on the line as he negotiates the treacherous mountains in a bid to stay one step ahead of the crook. Action thriller, starring Sylvester Stallone, John Lithgow, Janine Turner and Michael Rooker.

Point Break (1991) Channel 5 11:05pm-1:15am (2 hours 10 minutes)
An FBI agent infiltrates a Californian surfing gang suspected of carrying out a series of armed robberies wearing masks modelled on former US presidents. However, his loyalties are tested to the limits when he is befriended by the gang’s leader. Kathryn Bigelow’s thriller, starring Keanu Reeves, Patrick Swayze, Gary Busey and Lori Petty.

Mars Attacks! (1996) ITV4 11:10pm-1:20am
The inhabitants of Earth leap into action to repel an impending invasion by a seemingly invincible Martian army, which possesses superior weaponry, a thirst for destruction and a wicked sense of humour. Tim Burton’s sci-fi comedy, starring Jack Nicholson, Glenn Close, Pierce Brosnan, Annette Bening, Natalie Portman, Danny DeVito and Tom Jones.

Whatever you’re up to this weekend, stay smart and remember that we’re all trying to get somewhere, making your journey easier if often done by making someone else’s too.

The Weekly Retro Movie Rundown!

Cor blimey governor! Another retro movie weekend so soon? We’d better hop to it!

Shouting it out loud and proud like an old timey Victorian street trader, we’ll dig out, wash off and proudly display our fresh batch of retro movie goodies. Roll up, roll up… classic movies for all! Shouting louder than our market competition, we’ll put only the best ones at the front and make sure they shine bright to any passers by.

Have a happy retro weekend!

SATURDAY 29th July

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Death Becomes Her (1992) ITV3 9:30am-11:30am
Two romantic rivals are both granted the secret of eternal youth by a mysterious mystic. However, as they battle to get their claws into a plastic surgeon, they discover their now-immortal bodies are capable of taking whatever damage they can dish out. Black comedy fantasy, starring Goldie Hawn, Meryl Streep, Bruce Willis and Isabella Rossellini.

Getting Even with Dad (1994) 5STAR 11:05am-1:15pm
Spoilt child Timmy goes to live with his outwardly respectable father, but realises he is a small-time thief planning his latest robbery. Timmy sets out to reform his dad, and in the meantime manages to fix him up with an attractive undercover cop – leading to much confusion. Family comedy, starring Macaulay Culkin, Ted Danson, Glenne Headly and Hector Elizondo.

The Rainmaker (1997) Sony Movie Channel 6:15pm-9:00pm
An idealistic newly qualified lawyer teams up with a disreputable researcher to champion the cause of a leukaemia sufferer whose mother is suing an insurance company for refusing to pay his medical costs. As the case progresses, the young legal eagle finds he has much to learn about the dark side of the judicial process. Francis Ford Coppola’s courtroom drama adapted from the novel by John Grisham, starring Matt Damon, Danny DeVito, Jon Voight, Claire Danes and Mickey Rourke.

Fun Fact: The scene where Danny DeVito wakes up Matt Damon on the bench was filmed hurriedly, surprising Damon, who had actually fallen asleep after a scene.

Midnight Run (1988) Sony Movie Channel 9:00pm-11:40pm
When accountant Jonathan Mardukas skips bail after having been arrested for embezzlement, bounty hunter Jack Walsh is hired to catch the fraudster and return him from New York to Los Angeles. Unfortunately, his task is hindered by the ingenuity of Mardukas and the attentions of pursuing FBI agents and Mafia hitmen. Comedy thriller, starring Robert De Niro, Charles Grodin, Yaphet Kotto, Dennis Farina, John Ashton and Joe Pantoliano.

The Green Mile (1999) Film4 9:00pm-12:40am (3 hours 40 minutes)
A convicted child-killer of towering height and massive build is condemned to death row, but astonishes the guards with his good nature and miraculous healing powers. They believe the gentle giant is incapable of crime, and emotions run high as they realise there is no hope of overturning his death sentence. Supernatural drama, based on a novel by Stephen King, starring Tom Hanks, Michael Clarke Duncan, David Morse and Harry Dean Stanton.

South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut (1999) Dave 10:00pm-11:35pm (1 hour 35 minutes)
The crusading grown-ups of the Colorado town lead America into war against Canada in a bid to eradicate bad language from TV. The four young heroes set out to bring peace to the world, but have to battle a fearsome alliance between Satan and Saddam Hussein. Animated musical comedy, with the voices of Trey Parker and Matt Stone, as well as George Clooney, Eric Idle and Isaac Hayes.

South Park TShirts

Fight Club (1999) 5STAR 11:45pm-2:35am
A disillusioned office worker grows weary of his humdrum existence, but after meeting the mysterious Tyler Durden he finds fulfilment in establishing a club where similarly frustrated men come to vent their anger in bouts of bare-knuckle fighting. Satirical drama, directed by David Fincher, starring Edward Norton, Brad Pitt, Helena Bonham Carter, Meat Loaf and Jared Leto.

SUNDAY 30th July

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Flight of the Navigator (1986) Film4 11:00am-1:00pm (2 hours)
A boy mysteriously disappears in 1978, and is found eight years later, having not aged a day. He escapes being experimented on by government scientists by taking off in a crashed alien spaceship. With the help of the robot pilot, he tries to find out what has happened to him and if he can get back home. Sci-fi adventure, starring Joey Cramer and Veronica Cartwright, with the voice of Paul Reubens.

Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994) Channel 5 12:50pm-2:30pm (1 hour 40 minutes)
An eccentric but brilliant former cop sets himself up to champion the underdog – as a private eye specialising in locating missing animals. The zany detective is called in to find a kidnapped dolphin – the mascot of an American football team – and uncovers a plot involving high-level police corruption. Comedy, starring Jim Carrey, Courteney Cox, Sean Young, Tone Loc and Noble Willingham.

The Waterboy (1998) ITV2 1:30pm-3:20pm
An American football team’s waterboy puts up with constant ridicule from the players. But one day his anger gets the better of him and he demonstrates an unexpected talent for tackling – so the coach gives him a chance to prove his worth on the pitch. However, he has to keep his blossoming sporting career a secret from his overprotective mother. Comedy, with Adam Sandler, Kathy Bates, Henry Winkler and Fairuza Balk.

The Return of the Musketeers (1989) Film4 4:45pm-6:55pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
D’Artagnan reunites his former companions to save the queen of France from the scheming Cardinal Mazarin, and embark on a mission to England to prevent the beheading of Charles I. Meanwhile, the daughter of a former vanquished enemy is seeking revenge on the four heroes. Swashbuckling adventure sequel, with Oliver Reed, Michael York, Frank Finlay, Richard Chamberlain, Kim Cattrall and Roy Kinnear.

Blues Brothers 2000 (1998) Sony Movie Channel 6:20pm-9:00pm
Ex-convict Elwood Blues sets about re-forming his band to raise funds for a children’s hospital. But no sooner has he found a suitable lead singer to replace his late brother Jake, than the band end up being pursued by the police, the Russian mafia and his own embittered stepbrother. Comedy sequel, starring Dan Aykroyd, John Goodman and Joe Morton.

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969) Spike 6:20pm-8:30pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
Two notorious outlaws’ routine of bank and train robberies is cut short when a seemingly unstoppable posse is formed to catch them. The pair plan to flee America and start a new life in Bolivia, with the Sundance Kid’s schoolmistress lover in tow – but staying ahead of the law is not so easy. Western, starring Paul Newman, Robert Redford and Katharine Ross.

Home Alone (1990) Film4 6:55pm-9:00pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
A boy has to fend for himself when he is accidentally left behind after his family jets off to Paris for Christmas. The youngster initially enjoys his freedom, but is soon forced to resort to ingenious booby traps to defend the family home from two dim-witted burglars. Comedy, starring Macaulay Culkin, Joe Pesci, Daniel Stern, John Heard, Catherine O’Hara and John Candy.

Home Alone TShirts

Dirty Dancing (1987) Channel 5 8:00pm-10:05pm
A dance instructor at a 1960s resort hotel fears his career will be jeopardised when his regular partner is forced to pull out of an important show in which they are due to perform. Luckily, a naive teenager is happy to step in, and is treated to a whirlwind holiday education in life, love and expressing herself. Romantic drama, starring Patrick Swayze, Jennifer Grey and Jerry Orbach.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (2007) ITV 8:00pm-10:30pm (2 hours 30 minutes)
The young wizard struggles to convince his fellow sorcerers that the evil Lord Voldemort has returned to life. When Hogwarts headmaster Dumbledore is ousted in favour of a sadistic replacement, Harry realises he must take matters into his own hands, uniting his fellow pupils to form a secret army and training them for the inevitable confrontation to come. Fantasy adventure sequel, starring Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Rupert Grint, Gary Oldman, Michael Gambon and Alan Rickman.

Harry Potter Merchandise

The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad! (1988) ITV4 9:00pm-10:50pm
While investigating the shooting of a colleague, disaster-prone police lieutenant Frank Drebin uncovers a plot to assassinate Queen Elizabeth II during her visit to Los Angeles. However, after he is sacked from the force by the mayor, the cop has to operate beneath the radar to get to the bottom of the conspiracy. Comedy, with Leslie Nielsen, Priscilla Presley and Ricardo Montalban.

The Peacemaker (1997) BBC1 11:20pm-1:15am
A military intelligence officer and a government expert on nuclear weapons team up to find the terrorists who have stolen ten atomic bombs from a train. The duo are initially reluctant to co-operate, but a grudging respect gradually develops after they are forced to work together. Action thriller, starring George Clooney, Nicole Kidman, Marcel lures and Armin Mueller-Stahl.

Whatever you’re up to this weekend, always read the instructions and keep a spare pair handy.