It’s the big one peeps! Our Christmas Retro Movie Rundown has crached it’s way onto your roof and is here to spread some Christmas joy in the form or some of the best retro movies ever made!
Grab yourself a mince pie, a glass of something naughty and settle in to watch some of our top picks hitting the small screen. Merry Christmas peeps!
SATURDAY 22nd December
Santa Claus: The Movie (1985) ITV3 10:55am-1:00pm
An impulsive elf walks out on Father Christmas during the hectic preparations for the festive season, and heads for New York determined to make a name for himself. However, he falls into the clutches of an evil toy manufacturer, who has a devilish money-making plan up his sleeve. Family fantasy adventure, starring Dudley Moore, John Lithgow, David Huddleston, Burgess Meredith and Judy Cornwell.
Flight of the Navigator (1986) Film4 12:45pm-2:30pm
A boy mysteriously disappears in 1978 and is found eight years later, having not aged a day. He escapes being experimented on by government scientists by taking off in a crashed alien spaceship. With the help of the robot pilot, he tries to find out what has happened to him and if he can get back home. Sci-fi adventure, starring Joey Cramer and Veronica Cartwright, with the voice of Paul Reubens.
The Wizard of Oz (1939) ITV3 1:00pm-3:00pm
Youngster Dorothy Gale is whisked over the rainbow by a tornado into the magical land of Oz, where she inadvertently kills a wicked witch – incurring the wrath of another. Setting out to find the wizard who can show her a way home, she is joined on her journey by a scarecrow, a tin man and a cowardly lion, who all hope their own wishes will be granted. Musical fantasy, with Judy Garland, Ray Bolger, Jack Haley, Bert Lahr and Frank Morgan.
101 Dalmatians (1996) 5STAR 2:45pm-4:50pm
Wicked fashion designer Cruella De Vil steals a huge litter of newborn Dalmatian puppies to turn into a magnificent coat – but the lucky pups have many four-legged friends who are determined the evil woman and her cronies will get their just deserts. Disney’s live-action remake of the animated comedy adventure, starring Glenn Close, Jeff Daniels, Joely Richardson, Hugh Laurie and Mark Williams.
Disney Merchandise
Crocodile Dundee (1986) Channel 4 6:10pm-8:00pm
A New York reporter searches the Australian Outback for a maverick hunter with a legendary reputation and invites the adventurer back to America. But the die-hard Aussie needs to draw on all his survival skills to adjust to life in the urban jungle. Comedy adventure, written by and starring Paul Hogan, with Linda Kozlowski, John Meillon and Mark Blum.
Crocodile Dundee TShirts
Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi (1983) ITV 6:30pm-9:00pm
The rebel heroes set out to rescue Han Solo from the clutches of alien gangster Jabba the Hutt before preparing for a decisive attack on the evil Empire. Meanwhile, Luke Skywalker faces a more personal battle in a final confrontation with Darth Vader that leads him to the inner sanctum of the Emperor himself. The conclusion of the original sci-fi trilogy, starring Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher.
Star Wars TShirts
Uncle Buck (1989) ITV2 7:05pm-9:00pm
An unreliable but good-natured slob is called upon to look after his trouble-making nephew and nieces while their parents are away – and what starts as a disaster soon changes for the better as the unlikely babysitter gets to grips with the finer points of being a responsible adult. Family comedy, starring John Candy, Macaulay Culkin, Jean Kelly, Gaby Hoffman, Amy Madigan and Laurie Metcalf.
Rambo III (1988) ITV4 9:00pm-11:05pm
Vietnam veteran John Rambo turns down a request from his old colonel to join a mission in Soviet-occupied Afghanistan. However, when the officer is captured, Rambo sets off to save him, joining the Mujahedeen rebels in fighting against the Russian invaders. Action adventure sequel, starring Sylvester Stallone, Richard Crenna, Kurtwood Smith, Marc de Jonge and Sasson Gabai.
Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991) ITV4 11:05pm-1:55am
A reprogrammed killing machine is sent back in time to the 20th century to protect John Connor, a teenage boy whose destiny is to save the human race. After breaking John’s mother out of a mental institution, the pair set out to avert a future nuclear war – pursued by an advanced prototype terminator with shape-changing powers. Sci-fi action adventure sequel, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Linda Hamilton, Edward Furlong and Robert Patrick.
SUNDAY 23rd December
The Rugrats Movie (1999) Channel 4 6:55am-8:10am
Tommy tries to return his new brother to the baby shop, helped by Angelica, Chuckie, Phil and Lil – but the friends become lost in dense woodlands en route, turning their expedition into a scary and exciting journey of discovery. Animated comedy based on the TV series, with the voices of Elizabeth Daily, Christine Cavanaugh, Kath Soucie, Whoopi Goldberg and Busta Rhymes.
The Rugrats Clothing
Bugsy Malone (1976) ITV3 12:45pm-2:45pm
Alan Parker’s slapstick musical comedy, featuring a cast composed entirely of children and following a war between rival gangsters in 1920s New York – fought with custard pies and cream-firing Tommy guns. When a slick mobster acquires devastating new weapons, his arch-rival enlists the aid of a small-time chancer to steal them. Starring Scott Baio, Florrie Dugger and John Cassisi, with Jodie Foster in an early appearance.
Men in Black (1997) Channel 4 4:30pm-6:20pm
A streetwise cop is enlisted by a top-secret government force dedicated to policing alien visitors to Earth, teaming up with a veteran agent just as a body-swapping extraterrestrial giant insect begins a reign of terror throughout New York City. Sci-fi comedy, starring Will Smith, Tommy Lee Jones, Linda Fiorentino, Rip Torn and Vincent D’Onofrio.
Elf (2003) ITV2 4:55pm-7:00pm
A child is taken in by kind-hearted Santa and raised as an elf – so it comes as a shock when he discovers years later that he is in fact human. Deciding to get back to his roots, he heads off for New York in search of his long-lost family but is ill-prepared for the hustle and bustle of the Big Apple. Fantasy comedy, starring Will Ferrell, James Caan, Zooey Deschanel and Edward Asner.
Elf Movie TShirts
Men in Black II (2002) Channel 4 6:20pm-8:00pm
Agent J investigates the unauthorised landing of a spacecraft and discovers a malevolent alien disguised as a lingerie model is on the verge of destroying humanity. His only hope of stopping her diabolical plot is to restore the memory of his retired partner K – but his former mentor takes more than a little convincing. Sci-fi comedy sequel, directed by Barry Sonnenfeld, starring Will Smith, Tommy Lee Jones, Rosario Dawson, Lara Flynn Boyle, Johnny Knoxville, Rip Torn and Tony Shalhoub.
The Grinch (2000) ITV2 7:00pm-9:00pm
A little girl residing in the Christmas-obsessed town of Whoville becomes fascinated with a grouchy creature living in the mountains. But her efforts to make him part of their celebrations leave him more bitter than ever, and he resolves to ruin the festive season. Fantasy comedy, based on Dr Seuss’s children’s book, with Jim Carrey, Taylor Momsen, Jeffrey Tambor and Molly Shannon. Anthony Hopkins narrates.
The Grinch TShirts
There’s Something About Mary (1998) 5STAR 10:55pm-1:20am
A lovelorn man hires a sleazy private eye to track down his high-school sweetheart in the hope of rekindling their brief relationship. By unfortunate coincidence, the detective also falls for her, and then it emerges there are even more men out there competing for her affections. Comedy from the Farrelly brothers, starring Cameron Diaz, Ben Stiller, Matt Dillon and Lee Evans.
Christmas Eve
A Christmas Carol (1984) Channel 4 11:45am-1:45pm
Miser Ebenezer Scrooge is given a Christmas Eve to remember when a quartet of ghosts – his dead business partner and the spirits of Christmases past, present and future – turn up determined to cure him of his money-grubbing ways. Adaptation of Charles Dickens’ classic, starring George C Scott, Nigel Davenport, Frank Finlay, Angela Pleasence, David Warner, Edward Woodward and Susannah York.
The Grinch (2000) ITV 12:55pm-2:55pm
A little girl residing in the Christmas-obsessed town of Whoville becomes fascinated with a grouchy creature living in the mountains. But her efforts to make him part of their celebrations leave him more bitter than ever, and he resolves to ruin the festive season. Fantasy comedy, based on Dr Seuss’s children’s book, with Jim Carrey, Taylor Momsen, Jeffrey Tambor and Molly Shannon. Anthony Hopkins narrates.
The Grinch Mugs
Beethoven’s 2nd (1993) Sony Movie Channel 2:55pm-4:45pm
The slobbering St Bernard is now grown up and in love with his beautiful sweetheart Missy. Together they bring a litter of puppies into the world – but have to go on the defensive when Missy’s owner, the evil Regina, sets out to steal them for herself. Comedy sequel, starring Charles Grodin, Bonnie Hunt, Chris Penn, Nicholle Tom and Christopher Castle.
Santa Claus: The Movie (1985) ITV 3:25pm-5:30pm
An impulsive elf walks out on Father Christmas during the hectic preparations for the festive season, and heads for New York determined to make a name for himself. However, he falls into the clutches of an evil toy manufacturer, who has a devilish money-making plan up his sleeve. Family fantasy adventure, starring Dudley Moore, John Lithgow, David Huddleston, Burgess Meredith and Judy Cornwell.
Jingle All the Way (1996) Film4 4:55pm-6:50pm
A workaholic father tries to make up for his perpetual absence from home by promising to buy his son a hugely popular action figure for Christmas – little realising every other father in town has the same idea. Comedy, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sinbad, Jake Lloyd, Rita Wilson, Robert Conrad and Phil Hartman.
Mary Poppins (1964) BBC1 5:00pm-7:15pm
A practically perfect Edwardian nanny brings magical fun, laughter and adventure into the humdrum lives of a young brother and sister – much to the alarm of their disciplinarian father. Disney’s musical fantasy based on PL Travers’ novel, starring Julie Andrews, Dick Van Dyke, Glynis Johns, David Tomlinson, Karen Dotrice and Matthew Garber.
Mary Poppins Merchandise
Ghostbusters II (1989) Sony Movie Channel 4:45pm-6:55pm
The eccentric spectre-hunters reunite to save New York from a massive river of slime generated by the citizens’ negativity and nasty thoughts. Meanwhile, the spirit of a 16th-century tyrant tries to return to the land of the living by possessing the body of a toddler. Sequel to the supernatural comedy, starring Bill Murray, Sigourney Weaver, Dan Aykroyd, Harold Ramis, Rick Moranis and Ernie Hudson.
Ghostbusters TShirts
Miracle on 34th Street (1994) Channel 4 6:00pm-8:00pm
A woman raises her six-year-old daughter to believe that Santa Claus does not exist, but they both have a change of heart after meeting a department store Father Christmas who claims to be the man himself. When the kindly fellow is accused of being a charlatan, his new friends engage a lawyer to prove his true identity. A remake of the 1947 family drama, with Richard Attenborough, Elizabeth Perkins, Mara Wilson and Dylan McDermott.
Matilda (1996) Sony Movie Channel 6:55pm-9:00pm
A gifted youngster is packed off by her selfish parents to the prison-like Crunchem Hall School. Once there, she befriends a sweet-natured teacher who convinces her that not all grown-ups are bad – and urges her to use her special powers to turn the tables on the nasty headmistress. Fantasy comedy, adapted from the children’s book by Roald Dahl, with Mara Wilson, Pam Ferris, Embeth Davidtz, Rhea Perlman and Danny DeVito, who also directed.
Matilda Merchandise
Gremlins (1984) ITV 9:30pm-11:35pm
A teenager is given a strange, cute creature as a Christmas present by his eccentric father and warned to keep it away from water, not to feed it after midnight, or expose it to direct light. However, a chance dousing causes the furball to spawn a horde of murderous little monsters, and their devilish antics bring mayhem to a small town. Comedy horror, with Zach Galligan, Phoebe Cates, Hoyt Axton and Polly Holliday.
Gremlins TShirts
Christmas Day
Scrooge (1970) Channel 5 10:45am-1:05pm
Hard-hearted Victorian miser Ebenezer Scrooge refuses to join in with the spirit of the festive season – until a succession of spectral visitors turn up to teach him the error of his ways. A musical adaptation of Charles Dickens’ classic A Christmas Carol, starring Albert Finney, Alec Guinness, Kenneth More, Edith Evans and Paddy Stone.
My Neighbour Totoro (1988) Film4 12:45pm-2:40pm
Two sisters move to a new home in the countryside when their mother is taken ill. They are thrilled to discover the house is next to an enchanted forest and befriending the eldest and wisest of the strange magical creatures dwelling there. Animated fantasy from Spirited Away director Hayao Miyazaki, with the voices of Dakota and Elle Fanning.
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (1968) Channel 5 3:10pm-6:05pm
Eccentric inventor Caractacus Potts rescues an old car from the scrapheap, only to discover it has magical, gravity-defying powers. Meanwhile, Baron Bomburst, the blundering ruler of Vulgaria, will do anything to get his greedy hands on it. Children’s musical adventure, based on the book by Ian Fleming, starring Dick Van Dyke, Lionel Jeffries, Sally Ann Howes, Gert Frobe, Benny Hill and James Robertson Justice.
The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992) Channel 4 4:00pm-5:40pm
An embittered Victorian miser hates the festive season and people in general, but on Christmas Eve, the ghosts of his former business partners, the Marley brothers, visit him in the night. They warn him three spirits are coming to make him change his ways by showing him visions of the past, the present and what the future may hold. Comedy, with Michael Caine and Steven Mackintosh alongside the puppet characters.
Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992) Channel 4 5:40pm-8:00pm
Hapless youngster Kevin somehow manages to catch the wrong plane and finds himself heading for New York, while his family jets off to Florida. Having got his hands on his father’s credit card, he is enjoying the good life staying in a luxury hotel – until he bumps into two familiar burglars with an axe to grind. Comedy sequel, starring Macaulay Culkin, Joe Pesci, Daniel Stern, Brenda Fricker and Tim Curry.
Elf (2003) ITV2 5:40pm-7:45pm
A child is taken in by kind-hearted Santa and raised as an elf – so it comes as a shock when he discovers years later that he is in fact human. Deciding to get back to his roots, he heads off for New York in search of his long-lost family, but is ill-prepared for the hustle and bustle of the Big Apple. Fantasy comedy, starring Will Ferrell, James Caan, Zooey Deschanel and Edward Asner.
Apollo 13 (1995) ITV3 7:35pm-9:15pm
Fact-based drama about the ill-fated 1970 Apollo 13 mission to the moon. Crew leader Jim Lovell is faced with a nightmare when the mission suffers an onboard explosion – leaving the team stranded in space with a dwindling oxygen supply while flight controllers and engineers in Houston try to find a way to bring the crew safely back to Earth. With Tom Hanks, Kevin Bacon, Bill Paxton, Ed Harris and Gary Sinise.
Gladiator (2000) More4 9:15pm-12:20am
Roman general Maximus Decimus Meridius is a casualty of a power struggle between the corrupt Emperor Commodus and the Senate. Ordered to be put to death along with his family, he escapes his would-be killers but is sold into slavery as a gladiator – and uses his fame in the arena to fight against the tyrant. Oscar-winning period epic, with Russell Crowe, Joaquin Phoenix, Derek Jacobi and Oliver Reed.
Boxng Day
Short Circuit (1986) Channel 4 9:20am-11:20am
A military robot is struck by lightning and develops a mind of its own. The machine embarks on a series of comic misadventures, but the company that made him wants him back. He realises his only hope is to convince the scientist who invented him that he really is alive. Sci-fi comedy adventure, starring Steve Guttenberg, Ally Sheedy and Fisher Stevens.
James and the Giant Peach (1996) Sony Movie Channel 10:35am-12:15pm
An unhappy orphan living with his cruel aunts discovers a gigantic peach growing in the garden. Venturing inside, he meets six friendly insects and together they embark on a magical journey. Animated and live-action fantasy, based on Roald Dahl’s novel, starring Paul Terry, Joanna Lumley and Miriam Margolyes and featuring the voices of Susan Sarandon and Richard Dreyfuss.
The Witches (1990) ITV 11:05am-12:50pm
A boy goes on holiday with his grandmother to a seaside hotel hosting a convention of witches, who have come together to hear their leader’s plan to turn all the children in England into mice. When the chief hag discovers the young lad eavesdropping at their meeting, she decides to make him one of her first victims. Children’s fantasy directed by Nicolas Roeg, based on the book by Roald Dahl, and starring Anjelica Huston, Mai Zetterling, Jasen Fisher, Jane Horrocks, Rowan Atkinson and Brenda Blethyn.
Matilda (1996) Sony Movie Channel 12:15pm-2:20pm
A gifted youngster is packed off by her selfish parents to the prison-like Crunchem Hall School. Once there, she befriends a sweet-natured teacher who convinces her that not all grown-ups are bad – and urges her to use her special powers to turn the tables on the nasty headmistress. Fantasy comedy, adapted from the children’s book by Roald Dahl, with Mara Wilson, Pam Ferris, Embeth Davidtz, Rhea Perlman and Danny DeVito, who also directed.
Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981) BBC1 1:25pm-3:15pm
Intrepid archaeologist Indiana Jones goes in search of the legendary Ark of the Covenant, a biblical artefact of devastating power. His quest leads him to Egypt, where the Nazis are plotting to use the Ark to further Hitler’s plans for world domination – aided by Jones’s deceitful French rival. Steven Spielberg’s action adventure, with Harrison Ford, Karen Allen, Paul Freeman and John Rhys-Davies.
Batteries Not Included (1987) Sony Movie Channel 2:20pm-4:35pm
A family of tiny alien spacecraft intervenes to help the residents of a run-down Manhattan brownstone tenement stop greedy developers from demolishing their homes. However, the miniature flying saucers have the odds stacked against them as they bravely do all they can to save the day. Sci-fi fantasy, starring Jessica Tandy, Hume Cronyn, Frank McRae and Elizabeth Pena.
Home Alone (1990) Film4 2:50pm-4:55pm
A boy has to fend for himself when he is accidentally left behind after his family jets off to Paris for Christmas. The youngster initially enjoys his freedom but is soon forced to resort to ingenious booby traps to defend the family home from two dim-witted burglars. Comedy, starring Macaulay Culkin, Joe Pesci, Daniel Stern, John Heard, Catherine O’Hara and John Candy.
Home Alone Christmas Clothing
Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure (1989) 5STAR 4:10pm-6:00pm
Two dim-witted teenagers with dreams of rock stardom seem doomed to fail a school history project, unaware the future of the human race depends on their success. A time traveller is given the job of making sure they pass the test by sending them on a series of adventures in the past. Comedy, starring Keanu Reeves, Alex Winter and George Carlin.
Mrs Doubtfire (1993) Channel 4 5:45pm-8:00pm
A struggling actor’s ambitious, no-nonsense wife throws him out and demands a divorce. Desperate to spend time with his children, he puts his talents to good use by donning drag and posing as a Scottish housekeeper to get a job looking after them. Comedy, starring Robin Williams, Sally Field, Pierce Brosnan, Harvey Fierstein and Mara Wilson.
Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey (1991) 6:00pm-7:55pm
The would-be heavy metal superstars face the Grim Reaper as they try to reclaim their souls from Hell, return to the land of the living and stop their robot doppelgangers from changing history. Along the way, they must also master their instruments so they can triumph at the Battle of the Bands. Comedy sequel, starring Keanu Reeves, Alex Winter, William Sadler, Joss Ackland and George Carlin.
Ghostbusters II (1989) Sony Movie Channel 6:50pm-9:00pm
The eccentric spectre-hunters reunite to save New York from a massive river of slime generated by the citizens’ negativity and nasty thoughts. Meanwhile, the spirit of a 16th-century tyrant tries to return to the land of the living by possessing the body of a toddler. Sequel to the supernatural comedy, starring Bill Murray, Sigourney Weaver, Dan Aykroyd, Harold Ramis, Rick Moranis and Ernie Hudson.
Ghostbusters Clothing
Uncle Buck (1989) ITV2 7:00pm-9:00pm
An unreliable but good-natured slob is called upon to look after his trouble-making nephew and nieces while their parents are away – and what starts as a disaster soon changes for the better as the unlikely babysitter gets to grips with the finer points of being a responsible adult. Family comedy, starring John Candy, Macaulay Culkin, Jean Kelly, Gaby Hoffman, Amy Madigan and Laurie Metcalf.
Jaws (1975) ITV4 10:00pm-12:40am
A New England seaside town’s tourist season is turned into a nightmare by a giant killer shark. The local police chief’s efforts to protect the public are thwarted by the greedy mayor, forcing him to join forces with a grizzled fisherman and an enthusiastic marine biologist to hunt and kill the monster predator. Steven Spielberg’s thriller, starring Roy Scheider, Richard Dreyfuss and Robert Shaw.
Jaws TShirt
Dirty Dancing (1987) Channel 5 10:00pm-12:05am
A dance instructor at a 1960s resort hotel fears his career will be jeopardised when his regular partner is forced to pull out of an important show in which they are due to perform. Luckily, a naive teenager is happy to step in and is treated to a whirlwind holiday education in life, love and expressing herself. Romantic drama, starring Patrick Swayze, Jennifer Grey and Jerry Orbach.
Love Actually (2003) ITV 10:20pm-12:55am
Ten interlinked stories of people searching for and finding love. While the newly elected, bachelor British prime minister is smitten by a junior staff member at 10 Downing Street, a heartbroken writer heads for France to get over a failed relationship, and a faded rock star aims to reinvent himself in time for Christmas. Richard Curtis’s romantic comedy, with Hugh Grant, Martine McCutcheon, Emma Thompson, Alan Rickman, Colin Firth, Bill Nighy and Liam Neeson.
Whatever you’re up to this Christmas, hope you have a great time and get to spread some joy.
