The Weekly Retro Movie Rundown 179

Great wall of China! Another weekend? Sure why not!

Like an eagerly anticipating nominee for a big award, we find ourselves once again faced with a huge amount of opportunity before us like a long list of top retro films. A single decision will determine a great expanse of our lives (usually 90-120 minutes) and could just quite possibly take us to far and distant lands with some of the most colourful characters ever to hit the screen. We’ll sit patently with a belly full of butterflies before the big title is revealed and the fate of our evenings will be defined.

Have a happy retro weekend!

SATURDAY 16TH JANUARY

.
Flash Gordon (1980) Channel 4 10:00am-12:10pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
American football quarterback Flash Gordon and journalist Dale Arden find themselves aboard a rocket ship designed by scientist Dr Zarkov, who intends to travel across space to locate the source of recent natural disasters. The three arrive on the planet Mongo, where they soon learn that the attacks are the responsibility of evil emperor Ming the Merciless, who is planning to destroy the Earth. Sci-fi comic-strip adventure, with Sam J Jones, Max von Sydow, Brian Blessed, Melody Anderson, Topol, Timothy Dalton, Ornella Muti, Peter Wyngarde and Mariangela Melato.

Flash Gordon Merchandise

The Three Musketeers (1993) Film4 1:00pm-3:05pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
The king of France’s elite personal guard is disbanded, but three of them refuse to lay down their swords. Aided by an impetuous young man keen to join their ranks, the trio set out to foil an evil cardinal’s plot to seize the throne for himself by capturing the cleric’s wily female spy. Swashbuckling comedy adventure, with Kiefer Sutherland, Charlie Sheen, Oliver Platt, Chris O’Donnell, Tim Curry and Rebecca De Mornay.

Bean (1997) ITV2 4:00pm-5:45pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
The hapless fool is employed as a security guard for a British art gallery and is sent to Los Angeles to bring back a famous painting. Unfortunately, he finds himself mistaken for a renowned art professor and invited to make an important presentation. Mel Smith’s British comedy, starring Rowan Atkinson, Burt Reynolds, Peter MacNicol, John Mills, Peter Capaldi and June Brown.

The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997) ITV2 5:45pm-8:15pm (2 hours 30 minutes)
Scientist Dr Ian Malcolm reluctantly joins a research team on the island where his employer first designed genetically engineered dinosaurs. Meanwhile, a big-game hunter takes the chance to bag the biggest prize of all – a Tyrannosaurus rex. Steven Spielberg’s dinosaur adventure sequel, starring Jeff Goldblum, Julianne Moore, Pete Postlethwaite and Richard Attenborough.

Jurassic Park TShirt

Assassins (1995) ITV4 9:00pm-11:40pm (2 hours 40 minutes)
Hitman Robert Rath is planning to quit his lethal profession, especially when he is stalked by a ruthless younger assassin who has no qualms about killing innocent bystanders. But as Rath takes on his last assignment, he decides to protect his intended target after his rival comes gunning for her. Thriller, starring Sylvester Stallone, Antonio Banderas and Julianne Moore.

Drive (2011) BBC3 9:30pm-11:05pm (1 hour 35 minutes) – Not retro but can’t be ignored!
A stuntman who moonlights as a getaway driver tries to protect the wife and child of an imprisoned criminal. When the convict is released, the driver tries to convince him to give up his life of crime for his family’s sake, but when they work together on a robbery, they end up drawn into a conflict with the Mafia. Crime drama, with Ryan Gosling, Carey Mulligan and Bryan Cranston.

Kevin and Perry Go Large (2000) Comedy Central 10:15pm-12:00am (1 hour 45 minutes)
The teenage duo are thrilled when their parents agree to let them go to Ibiza, and promptly embark on an increasingly desperate quest to find stardom as club DJs and lose their virginity on the sun-kissed shores – but seem certain to fail. Comedy, starring Harry Enfield, Kathy Burke, Rhys Ifans, James Fleet and Paul Whitehouse.

Lethal Weapon 4 (1998) ITV London 10:35pm-12:50am (2 hours 15 minutes)
Mismatched LAPD detectives Riggs and Murtaugh stumble across a ship transporting Chinese immigrants into the US. As they try to get to the bottom of the organisation behind the smuggling, they find themselves up against a master criminal who is an expert in martial arts and heads a Chinese triad responsible for people-trafficking and forgery. Action adventure sequel, starring Mel Gibson, Danny Glover, Rene Russo, Joe Pesci, Jet Li and Chris Rock.

The Running Man (1987) Channel 4 11:40pm-1:30am (1 hour 50 minutes)
A helicopter pilot is framed for the murder of starving civilians – and ends up being forced to take part in a brutal TV game show in which a succession of gadget-wielding killers hunt him on the streets of Los Angeles. Sci-fi action adventure, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Yaphet Kotto, Maria Conchita Alonso and Richard Dawson.

SUNDAY 17TH JANUARY

.
Clueless (1995) Film4 1:00pm-2:50pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
A rich high-school student uses all her charm and financial clout to boost an awkward new pupil’s image, but soon finds she has created a monster – while her own popularity suffers in the process. Comedy inspired by Jane Austen’s Emma, starring Alicia Silverstone, Stacey Dash, Brittany Murphy and Paul Rudd.

Clueless Clothing

Blue Streak (1999) Channel 5 1:55pm-3:40pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
A convicted jewel thief is released from prison, and sets about recovering his hidden loot – only to discover a police station has since been built where he left it. Undeterred, he poses as a maverick cop and worms his way into the detective division – little realising his problems have only just begun. Comedy, starring Martin Lawrence, Luke Wilson and Peter Greene.

Napoleon Dynamite (2004) Film4 2:50pm-4:40pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
A socially inept high-school student and his lonely unemployed brother find their eccentric home life thrown into upheaval when their meddling uncle comes to stay. The teenage oddball tries to make the best of his changing circumstances, while putting all his skills to the task of helping his new best friend win the class presidency. Comedy, starring Jon Heder, Efren Ramirez and Haylie Duff.

Home Alone (1990) E4 3:05pm-5:10pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
A boy has to fend for himself when he is accidentally left behind after his family jets off to Paris for Christmas. The youngster initially enjoys his freedom, but is soon forced to resort to ingenious booby traps to defend the family home from two dim-witted burglars. Comedy, starring Macaulay Culkin, Joe Pesci, Daniel Stern, John Heard, Catherine O’Hara and John Candy.

Home Alone TShirts

You Only Live Twice (1967) ITV London 3:20pm-5:35pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
James Bond is sent on a mission to uncover the truth behind the disappearances of Soviet and American space capsules before the mutually suspicious superpowers go to war. The trail leads to Japan, where Bond finally comes face to face with his arch-enemy Blofeld. Spy thriller, starring Sean Connery, Donald Pleasence, Akiko Wakabayashi and Bernard Lee.

That Thing You Do! (1996) Sony Channel 4:30pm-6:45pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
A small-town beat combo become a national overnight sensation with their debut record – but their sudden success looks to be a one-off, leaving them struggling to find a way of repeating the formula. Comedy drama set in the 1960s, written and directed by Tom Hanks, who also appears as the band’s manager. With Tom Everett Scott, Liv Tyler and Johnathon Schaech.

Jurassic Park III (2001) ITV2 5:05pm-6:55pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
Palaeontologist Dr Alan Grant is lured to a dinosaur-infested island by a divorced couple who offer to fund his research, unaware their real motive is to find their missing son – and that the creatures on the island are far more intelligent than anyone suspected. Action adventure sequel, starring Sam Neill, William H Macy, Tea Leoni and Alessandro Nivola.

Smokey and the Bandit (1977) ITV4 6:05pm-8:00pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
A truck driver accepts a challenge to deliver a consignment of beer to a party. He claims he can make the 900-mile round trip in just 28 hours, but a pompous sheriff is determined to stop him in his tracks, not least because his prospective daughter-in-law has deserted his son and hitched a ride with the unlikely hero. Comedy, starring Burt Reynolds, Jackie Gleason, Sally Field and Jerry Reed.

Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls (1995) Channel 5 7:10pm-8:55pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
The eccentric pet detective is coaxed out of self-imposed exile in a Buddhist monastery to visit Africa and help search for a sacred white bat. However, his unique investigative talents are tested to the limits as he faces a race against time to find the missing creature and prevent a tribal war. Comedy sequel, starring Jim Carrey, Simon Callow and Bob Gunton.

The Client (1994) ITV4 9:00pm-11:30pm (2 hours 30 minutes)
A Mafia lawyer tells a boy where a politician’s body is buried shortly before committing suicide, prompting a team of district attorneys to press the young witness for information. However, the streetwise kid refuses to give evidence unless his own and his family’s safety is guaranteed, and hires a lawyer to ensure his demands are met. Courtroom thriller based on the novel by John Grisham, with Susan Sarandon, Tommy Lee Jones and Brad Renfro.

Whatever you’re up to this weekend, remember that too much rice is always better than not enough and to measure twice and cut once.
xoxo

The Weekly Retro Movie Rundown 173

Willy Wonka’s factory! Can it be? So soon? Is it….really….the weekend?!

Like a hardworking, creative and ever so slightly extraordinary chocolate factory owner, we find ourselves once again in front of a whole world of possibilities. We could mix a touch of comedy with a splash of sweet, or perhaps mix some thriller flavours with a hint of romance. The choices are endless! After everything has set, we can take a taste of some of our creations and always dip back into them thanks to the magic of celluloid wonder.

Happy retro weekend!

SATURDAY 21st NOVEMBER

.
Evil Under the Sun
(1982) ITV3 8:00am-10:20am (2 hours 20 minutes)
Hercule Poirot braves the heat and sand to investigate the murder of a glamorous stage star on an idyllic Adriatic holiday island. It becomes clear many people had reason to want the temperamental actress dead and the Belgian sleuth is soon hard at work figuring out which of her enemies eventually managed to kill her. Mystery, with Peter Ustinov, Diana Rigg, James Mason, Maggie Smith and Jane Birkin.

Toys (1992) Film4 1:00pm-3:20pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
A dying toy-maker leaves the company to his brother, a power-mad general, who turns the friendly family factory over to the production of weapons. It falls to the general’s zany nephew and his equally childlike sister to stand up for their father’s benign world-view. Comedy, starring Robin Williams, Michael Gambon, Joan Cusack and Donald O’Connor.

Field of Dreams (1989) ITV London 3:45pm-5:45pm (2 hours)
A farmer hears a mysterious voice inspiring him to mark out a baseball diamond in a cornfield – which, to his surprise, is visited by the ghost of the star player of the 1919 Chicago White Sox team, whose career was cut short by scandal. It later dawns on him the pitch has a greater purpose – to give people who have sacrificed important parts of their lives a second chance. Fantasy, starring Kevin Costner, Ray Liotta, Burt Lancaster and James Earl Jones.

Independence Day (1996) Film4 6:05pm-9:00pm (2 hours 55 minutes)
A fleet of huge flying saucers launches a devastating and unprovoked attack on Earth. As survivors try to flee the seemingly unstoppable alien invaders, the courageous US president, an ace pilot and a computer genius come up with a plan to take the fight to the enemy and save the human race. Roland Emmerich’s sci-fi adventure, starring Will Smith, Bill Pullman, Jeff Goldblum, Mary McDonnell, Randy Quaid, Robert Loggia and Harry Connick Jr.

Fun Fact: The scene in which Will Smith drags the unconscious alien across the desert was filmed on the salt flats near Great Salt Lake in Utah. Smith’s line, “And what the hell is that *smell*?” was unscripted. The small of the Great Salt Lake picked up at that moment and Will only just noticed.

Willow (1988) 5* 3:55pm-6:30pm (2 hours 35 minutes)
A farmer with dreams of becoming a wizard finds an abandoned baby, who is destined to bring about the downfall of an evil queen. The wicked tyrant’s minions have been sent to kill the child before she can fulfil the prophecy, and it falls to the would-be sorcerer to protect her, with the aid of a rogue warrior. Fantasy adventure, starring Warwick Davis and Val Kilmer.

The Fifth Element (1997) 5* 6:30pm-9:00pm (2 hours 30 minutes)
In the 23rd century, the world faces destruction from a seemingly unstoppable force of pure evil. Meanwhile, a New York cab driver encounters a mysterious woman destined to save the Earth from its fate, and has to protect her from a scheming arms dealer and a horde of alien mercenaries. Luc Besson’s sci-fi adventure, starring Bruce Willis, Milla Jovovich and Gary Oldman.

Hulk (2003) ITV2 7:55pm-10:40pm (2 hours 45 minutes)
Scientist Dr Bruce Banner turns into the rampaging green Hulk after exposure to a huge dose of gamma radiation, prompting the military to embark on a no-holds-barred mission to destroy the monster. Meanwhile, Banner’s unstable father resurfaces, holding the secret to his transformation. Comic-strip adventure from director Ang Lee, starring Eric Bana, Jennifer Connelly, Sam Elliott and Nick Nolte.

Indecent Proposal (1993) Watch 10:00pm-12:30am (2 hours 30 minutes)
A couple dealing with financial difficulties are approached by a billionaire, who offers them $1million in return for one night with the wife. They accept the deal, but the husband’s suspicions after the event threaten to tear their relationship apart. Adrian Lyne’s drama, starring Robert Redford, Demi Moore, Woody Harrelson, Oliver Platt and Billy Bob Thornton.

Fight Club (1999) 5* 11:20pm-2:05am (2 hours 45 minutes)
A disillusioned office worker grows weary of his humdrum existence, but after meeting the mysterious Tyler Durden he finds fulfilment in establishing a club where similarly frustrated men come to vent their anger in bouts of bare-knuckle fighting. Satirical drama, directed by David Fincher, starring Edward Norton, Brad Pitt, Helena Bonham Carter, Meat Loaf and Jared Leto.

SUNDAY 22nd NOVEMBER

.
Happy Feet
(2006) ITV2 4:05pm-6:15pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
A young penguin disappoints his fellow seabirds with his inability to sing – but instead he displays a remarkable talent for tap dancing. However, his elders refuse to accept this outlandish behaviour and send the youngster into exile, marking the start of a wonderful journey. Animated adventure, with the voices of Elijah Wood, Robin Williams, Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman.

The Mummy (1999) ITV London 4:15pm-6:30pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
A soldier of fortune joins an academic and her conniving brother on an expedition to an ancient Egyptian lost city. The explorers accidentally cause the spirit of a vengeful priest with awe-inspiring supernatural powers to rise from his tomb, leading to a desperate battle for survival. Fantasy action adventure, starring Brendan Fraser, Rachel Weisz, John Hannah, Arnold Vosloo and Oded Fehr.

Congo (1995) Film4 6:50pm-9:00pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
An expedition to find King Solomon’s diamond mines in the jungles of the Congo disappears without trace. The tycoon behind the mission sends his assistant, a former CIA agent, to find out what became of the explorers – only to discover that the party met a grisly fate at the hands of a horde of vicious apes. Action adventure based on Michael Crichton’s novel, with Dylan Walsh, Laura Linney, Tim Curry and Grant Heslov.

Liar Liar (1997) ITV2 7:15pm-9:00pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
A lawyer, whose underhand ploys to win cases leave him little time to see his son, discovers he is incapable of lying after the boy’s birthday wish makes his dad tell only the truth. However, this causes a host of problems as the attorney tries to muddle his way through a high-profile divorce settlement. Comedy, with Jim Carrey, Maura Tierney, Justin Cooper, Jennifer Tilly and Cary Elwes.

Stargate (1994) Channel 5 11:40pm-1:50am (2 hours 10 minutes)
An Egyptologist and a soldier head an expedition through a mysterious portal to an alien planet. The world they find resembles ancient Egypt and is under the rule of a tyrant who has convinced the downtrodden inhabitants that he is a god – until the humans incite the enslaved populace to fight back. Sci-fi adventure, starring Kurt Russell, James Spader and Jaye Davidson.

Whatever you’re up to this weekend, always check the small print and remember to bring bags with you.

xoxo

The Weekly Retro Movie Rundown 155

Salty Sea Boat Captain! The weekend is on the horizon already!

So like a birthday party rammed with kids dressed as princesses and pirates in a room adorned with multi coloured balloons and streamers, let us be your slightly over eager, little bit pushy and stressed mother as we bring to you a massive slice of retro movie greatness and pass you the well wrapped parcel of cinematic awesomeness and over excitedly open the presents of celluloid wonder.

Have a happy retro weekend.

SATURDAY 11th JULY

Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls (1995) 5* 5:30pm-7:10pm (1 hour 40 minutes)
The eccentric pet detective is coaxed out of self-imposed exile in a Buddhist monastery to visit Africa and help search for a sacred white bat. However, his unique investigative talents are tested to the limits as he faces a race against time to find the missing creature and prevent a tribal war. Comedy sequel, starring Jim Carrey, Simon Callow and Bob Gunton.

Clear and Present Danger (1994) Film4 6:05pm-9:00pm (2 hours 55 minutes)
A CIA analyst gets caught up in the Colombian drug trade while trying to track down terrorists responsible for the murder of a close friend of the US president – but his investigations point to illegal activity and corruption at the very top of government. Action thriller, based on Tom Clancy’s novel, with Harrison Ford reprising his role from Patriot Games alongside Willem Dafoe, Anne Archer and James Earl Jones.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 (2010) ITV London 7:00pm-9:45pm (2 hours 45 minutes)
The dark lord Voldemort rises to ultimate power over the magical world, so the teenage wizard and his friends set out on a mission to find the magical horcruxes – artefacts containing parts of the evil wizard’s soul that hold the key to destroying him. The first half of the two-part conclusion to the fantasy saga, starring Daniel Radcliffe, Ralph Fiennes, Emma Watson and Rupert Grint.

Harry Potter Merchandise

Never Say Never Again (1983) ITV4 8:00pm-10:45pm (2 hours 45 minutes)
James Bond investigates the hijacking of two American nuclear warheads and tracks the stolen missiles to the Bahamas, where a sinister millionaire working for criminal organisation Spectre is planning to hold the world to ransom. Action adventure, starring Sean Connery, Klaus Maria Brandauer, Kim Basinger, Max von Sydow and Barbara Carrera.

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997) Movie Mix 9:00pm-10:55pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
A velvet-clad, sex-crazed secret agent from the 1960s agrees to be put into a state of suspended animation after his arch-enemy escapes justice. Thirty years later he is defrosted to do battle with the power-mad villain again, but the mission proves nearly as daunting for him as getting to grips with 1990s social values. Spoof spy adventure, with Mike Myers, Elizabeth Hurley, Mimi Rogers, Michael York and Robert Wagner.

Rambo: First Blood Part II (1985) ITV4 10:45pm-12:50am (2 hours 5 minutes)
Incarcerated Special Forces veteran John Rambo is offered the chance for freedom by former commander Colonel Trautman if he takes up the offer to return to the jungles of Vietnam on a life-or-death mission to rescue American PoWs. During the course of the operation, he develops strong feelings for his guide, a female freedom fighter – but tragedy strikes, leaving him more determined than ever to exact a bloody and explosive revenge. Action adventure sequel, starring Sylvester Stallone, Richard Crenna, Julia Nickson-Soul, Steven Berkoff, George Kee Cheung, Andy Wood and Martin Kove.

SUNDAY 12th JULY

The Dark Crystal (1982) Film4 1:00pm-2:50pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
A survivor of a near-extinct race is given a dangerous quest as his world approaches an astronomical event that will decide its future. He must find a way to restore a broken piece to a magical crystal, which has become a source of dark power for the cruel creatures who wiped out his people. Jim Henson’s puppet fantasy, with the voices of Stephen Garlick and Billie Whitelaw.

The Dark Crystal T-Shirts

The Flintstones (1994) ITV2 2:35pm-4:20pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
Blue-collar caveman Fred Flintstone is promoted to an executive position at work and unwittingly becomes embroiled in an embezzlement scheme – thanks in no small part to his seductive new assistant. Live-action version of the cartoon comedy, starring John Goodman, Rick Moranis, Rosie O’Donnell, Halle Berry and Elizabeth Taylor.

Overboard (1987) ITV London 2:35pm-4:45pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
A wealthy heiress suffers amnesia after falling overboard from her yacht. A rough-hewn carpenter and father of four steps in and claims to be her husband – but only to avenge himself for her previous ill-treatment of him, which she has no recollection of. Comedy, starring Goldie Hawn, Kurt Russell, Roddy McDowall and Edward Herrmann.

Fantastic Mr Fox (2009) Film4 2:50pm-4:35pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
A rebellious fox decides it is time to grow up and change his chicken-stealing ways for the sake of his wife and children. However, the presence of three wicked farmers near his woodland home proves a challenge he cannot resist. Stop-motion animated adventure based on the novel by Roald Dahl, with the voices of George Clooney, Meryl Streep, Jason Schwartzman and Bill Murray.

Fantastic Mr Fox Merchandise

James and the Giant Peach (1996) 5* 4:00pm-5:30pm (1 hour 30 minutes)
An unhappy orphan living with his cruel aunts discovers a gigantic peach growing in the garden. Venturing inside, he meets six friendly insects and together they embark on a magical journey. Animated and live-action fantasy, based on Roald Dahl’s novel, starring Paul Terry, Joanna Lumley and Miriam Margolyes and featuring the voices of Susan Sarandon and Richard Dreyfuss.

The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997) ITV2 6:30pm-9:00pm (2 hours 30 minutes)
Scientist Dr Ian Malcolm reluctantly joins a research team on the island where his employer first designed genetically engineered dinosaurs. Meanwhile, a big-game hunter takes the chance to bag the biggest prize of all – a Tyrannosaurus rex. Steven Spielberg’s dinosaur adventure sequel, starring Jeff Goldblum, Julianne Moore, Pete Postlethwaite and Richard Attenborough.

Jurassic Park T-Shirts

Unforgiven (1992) ITV4 9:00pm-11:40pm (2 hours 40 minutes)
Two notorious gunslingers come out of retirement to help a young assassin collect the $1,000 bounty on the heads of a pair of cowboys who attacked and mutilated a prostitute in the backwoods town of Big Whiskey. The local sheriff, however, has no intention of letting the pair impinge on his own authority. Oscar-winning Western, directed by and starring Clint Eastwood, with Gene Hackman, Morgan Freeman, Jaimz Woolvett and Richard Harris.

Death Becomes Her (1992) ITV3 10:10pm-12:20am (2 hours 10 minutes)
Two romantic rivals are both granted the secret of eternal youth by a mysterious mystic. However, as they battle to get their claws into a plastic surgeon, they discover their now-immortal bodies are capable of taking whatever damage they can dish out. Black comedy fantasy, starring Goldie Hawn, Meryl Streep, Bruce Willis and Isabella Rossellini.

Whatever you’re up to this weekend, keep it fun, keep it safe and keep it cool!

xoxo

The Weekly Retro Movie Rundown 143

Beermats and bottle tops! It’s only the bloomin weekend already!

Heading out way to the local beer garden to enjoy some sweet evening sunshine, we’ll enter the garden of Eden that soothes our end of week woes with spirits high as we search for the few remaining spots of sunshine to set up base camp for the evening.
We’ll reminisce of stories past, get the latest with the dating gossip from the group or perhaps just end up discussing some of the weirdest and most wonderful topics imaginable before heading home and snuggling up on the sofa to catch some of the most retro cinematic wonder that was ever created.

Have a happy retro weekend!

SATURDAY 18th April

.
King Kong
(1976) Film4 1:00pm-3:40pm (2 hours 40 minutes)
Oil prospectors travel to a recently discovered and remote Pacific island, where they encounter a gigantic gorilla. The men manage to capture the huge ape and bring it back to America – but the confused creature is terrified by events and escapes, wreaking havoc in New York. Remake of the classic 1933 fantasy adventure, with Jeff Bridges, Jessica Lange and Charles Grodin.

Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles (2001) ITV London 2:40pm-4:30pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
The Australian adventurer heads for the bright lights of LA with his wife and son – but it is not long before they become embroiled in a scheme to smuggle valuable paintings out of the former Yugoslavia. Comedy sequel, starring Paul Hogan, Linda Kozlowski, Jere Burns, Jonathan Banks and Serge Cockburn.

Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure (1989) ITV2 3:30pm-5:20pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
Two dim-witted teenagers with dreams of rock stardom seem doomed to fail a school history project, unaware the future of the human race depends on their success. A time traveller is given the job of making sure they pass the test by sending them on a series of adventures in the past. Comedy, starring Keanu Reeves, Alex Winter and George Carlin.

Fun Fact: The phone booth time machine in the film was given away as a contest prize in Nintendo Power magazine, as the magazine was promoting a then-new Bill and Ted game for the NES.

Muppets from Space (1999) GOLD 4:10pm-6:00pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
Gonzo hits the road with pal Rizzo in tow and goes in search of his roots – only to make the amazing discovery that his parents belonged to a race of aliens. He then has to choose whether to board a UFO and return to his family, or stay with the friends he knows and loves. Family comedy, with F Murray Abraham, David Arquette, Ray Liotta, Andie MacDowell and Rob Schneider alongside the puppets.

Muppets T-Shirts

Apollo 13 (1995) ITV2 6:30pm-9:15pm (2 hours 45 minutes)
Fact-based drama about the ill-fated 1970 Apollo 13 mission to the moon. Crew leader Jim Lovell is faced with a nightmare when the mission suffers an on-board explosion – leaving the team stranded in space with a dwindling oxygen supply while flight controllers and engineers in Houston try to find a way to bring the crew safely back to Earth. With Tom Hanks, Kevin Bacon, Bill Paxton, Ed Harris and Gary Sinise.

The Fugitive (1993) 5USA 9:00pm-11:40pm (2 hours 40 minutes)
A doctor is convicted of his wife’s murder and forced to go on the run to prove his innocence – but his efforts to find the mysterious one-armed man he believes is the real killer are hampered by a tenacious US marshal. Thriller, starring Harrison Ford, an Oscar-winning Tommy Lee Jones, Sela Ward, Julianne Moore and Joe Pantoliano.

Red Heat (1988) ITV London 10:15pm-12:10am (1 hour 55 minutes)
A Russian detective travels to America to oversee the extradition of a Georgian drug baron responsible for supplying cocaine in Moscow. He is teamed up with a hostile Chicago cop, but when their prisoner kills an officer and escapes, they put aside their mutual mistrust to bring him to justice. Action thriller, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, James Belushi, Peter Boyle, Laurence Fishburne and Ed O’Ross.

SUNDAY 19th April

.
When Harry Met Sally (1989) Zing 5:00pm-5:30pm (30 minutes)
A man and a woman with different attitudes to life meet by chance and develop a close and long-lasting friendship. But over time, a mutual sexual attraction begins to develop and threatens to ruin their relationship – raising the question whether men and women can ever really be just friends. Romantic comedy, starring Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan.

Beetlejuice (1988) 5* 5:05pm-7:00pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
Recently deceased couple Adam and Barbara Maitland enlist the professional services of a hard-boiled veteran ghost to scare away the obnoxious yuppie family who have moved into their former home. Tim Burton’s supernatural comedy, starring Michael Keaton, Geena Davis, Alec Baldwin, Winona Ryder, Jeffrey Jones and Catherine O’Hara.

Beetlejuice T-Shirt

Pocahontas (1995) Channel 5 5:40pm-7:15pm (1 hour 35 minutes)
A Native American princess falls in love with an English settler, but her father is distrustful of the Europeans – not without just cause, as a cruel governor is prepared to wage war to get his hands on the gold he believes they are hiding. Disney animated drama, with the voices of Irene Bedard, Mel Gibson and Christian Bale.

Jaws (1975) Sky Movies Sci-fi/Horror HD 6:45pm-9:00pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
A New England seaside town’s tourist season is turned into a nightmare by a giant killer shark. The local police chief’s efforts to protect the public are thwarted by the greedy mayor, forcing him to join forces with a grizzled fisherman and a marine biologist to hunt and kill the monster predator. Steven Spielberg’s thriller, starring Roy Scheider, Richard Dreyfuss and Robert Shaw.

Jaws T-Shirts

Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994) Channel 5 7:20pm-9:00pm (1 hour 40 minutes)
An eccentric but brilliant former cop sets himself up to champion the underdog – as a private eye specialising in locating missing animals. The zany detective is called in to find a kidnapped dolphin – the mascot of an American football team – and uncovers a plot involving high-level police corruption. Comedy, starring Jim Carrey, Courteney Cox, Sean Young, Tone Loc and Noble Willingham.

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984) BBC3 8:10pm-10:00pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
The intrepid archaeologist, with his young sidekick and a nightclub singer in tow, is stranded in India, where he takes on a mission to recover magical sacred stones from the hands of an evil cult engaged in human sacrifice and child slavery. Steven Spielberg’s action adventure, starring Harrison Ford, Kate Capshaw, Ke Huy Quan and Amrish Puri.

Fun Fact #1: The rope bridge used during the final fight scene was actually suspended up a couple of hundred feet across a gorge on location in Sri Lanka. Acrophobic Steven Spielberg would never walk over it, and had to drive a mile and a half to reach the other side. Harrison Ford on the other hand had no such fear, and would run across it at full speed.

Fun Fact #2: D.R. Nanayakkara, cast as the Indian village Shaman, did not speak a word of English. He delivered his lines phonetically by mimicking Steven Spielberg who was prompting him off camera. The pauses in his dialogue were therefore not for dramatic effect, but rather waiting for his next line.

The Mask (1994) Sky Movies Family HD 9:50pm-11:40pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
A timid bank clerk stumbles on an ancient mask, which endows whoever wears it with untold superhuman powers, unbridled self-confidence and an irresistible charm for the ladies. Unfortunately, he earns the enmity of a local gangster for daring to flirt with his girlfriend – and when the crook gets wind of the artefact’s existence, he covets the power for himself. Comic-book comedy, with Jim Carrey, Cameron Diaz, Peter Riegert and Peter Greene.

Whatever you’re up to this weekend, remember to always give a lucky tap and to shut all the windows before you leave the house.
xoxo

The Weekly Retro Movie Rundown 131

Magician’s wand! Is it really the weekend?

Appearing as quickly as it will disappear, the weekend is here once again with a puff, flash and bang and sure to bring as much mystery, glamour and flamboyance as a top stage show magician. Waving our hands around in spectacular fashion but only to distract and amaze, we’ll be pulling out cards from your very pocket at such a rate they will become animated like some of the great celluloid creations.
Sit back, open your mind and prepare to be amazed!

Have a happy retro weekend!

SATURDAY 10th January

.
Richie Rich
(1994) ITV2 1:10pm-3:05pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
The world’s wealthiest youngster has everything he could possibly want except friends. When his parents go missing, he must try to keep their fortune out of the clutches of a scheming executive, with the help of some less well-off children. Family comedy, starring Macaulay Culkin, John Larroquette, Jonathan Hyde, Edward Herrmann, Christine Ebersole and Mike McShane.

Superman III (1983) 5USA 4:00pm-6:35pm (2 hours 35 minutes)
The Man of Steel battles an evil tycoon, who has recruited a computer genius to aid his schemes for world domination. Together the villains hatch a plan to dispose of Superman once and for all – but instead of killing the superhero, they accidentally unveil his dark side. Comic-book adventure sequel, starring Christopher Reeve, Richard Pryor, Robert Vaughn and Margot Kidder.

Clueless (1995) Film4 4:40pm-6:35pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
A rich high-school student uses all her charm and financial clout to boost an awkward new pupil’s image, but soon finds she has created a monster – while her own popularity suffers in the process. Comedy inspired by Jane Austen’s Emma, starring Alicia Silverstone, Stacey Dash, Brittany Murphy and Paul Rudd.

Rocky II (1979) 5USA 6:35pm-9:00pm (2 hours 25 minutes)
Philadelphia boxer Rocky Balboa quits the ring to marry his sweetheart and become a father. However, times prove hard and money is tight, so when Balboa is offered another shot at Apollo Creed’s heavyweight title, the fighter is lured out of retirement. Drama sequel, starring Sylvester Stallone, Talia Shire, Carl Weathers, Burt Young and Burgess Meredith.

Lethal Weapon (1987) Sky Movies Action & Adventure 7:00pm-9:00pm (2 hours)
An unstable Vietnam veteran cop teams up with a by-the-book Los Angeles police detective to investigate the apparent suicide of the daughter of a wealthy businessman, leading them to a violent and bloody confrontation with a ruthless drug cartel under the control of a retired US general. Action thriller, starring Mel Gibson, Danny Glover, Gary Busey, Mitchell Ryan and Tom Atkins.

Fun Fact: Lethal Weapon was the first movie to feature a cellphone. It can be seen when Murtaugh calls his wife to tell Amanda Hunsaker’s death, and when later Murtaugh calls Dr. Stephanie Woods to talk about Riggs’ insanity.

Gremlins (1984) Sky1 9:00pm-11:05pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
A teenager is given a strange, cute creature as a Christmas present by his eccentric father and warned to keep it away from water, not to feed it after midnight, or expose it to direct light. However, a chance dousing causes the furball to spawn a horde of murderous little monsters, and their devilish antics bring mayhem to a small town. Comedy horror, with Zach Galligan, Phoebe Cates, Hoyt Axton and Polly Holliday.

SUNDAY 11th January

.
American Pie
(1999) Sky Movies Comedy 10:25am-12:15pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
Four teenage boys make a solemn pact to lose their virginity before the high-school prom, and though their antics cause them huge embarrassment and public humiliation, the friends also learn about love and affection in their relations with the opposite sex. Coming-of-age comedy, starring Jason Biggs, Shannon Elizabeth, Chris Klein, Alyson Hannigan, Mena Suvari, Seann William Scott and Eugene Levy.

The Mask (1994) Sky Movies Comedy 2:35pm-4:25pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
A timid bank clerk stumbles on an ancient mask, which endows whoever wears it with untold superhuman powers, unbridled self-confidence and an irresistible charm for the ladies. Unfortunately, he earns the enmity of a local gangster for daring to flirt with his girlfriend – and when the crook gets wind of the artefact’s existence, he covets the power for himself. Comic-book comedy, with Jim Carrey, Cameron Diaz, Peter Riegert and Peter Greene.

Flash Gordon (1980) Film4 Film4 3:05pm-5:20pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
American football quarterback Flash Gordon and journalist Dale Arden find themselves aboard a rocket ship designed by scientist Dr Zarkov, who intends to travel across space to locate the source of recent natural disasters. The three arrive on the planet Mongo, where they soon learn that the attacks are the responsibility of evil emperor Ming the Merciless, who is planning to destroy the Earth. Sci-fi comic-strip adventure, with Sam J Jones, Max von Sydow, Brian Blessed, Melody Anderson, Topol, Timothy Dalton, Ornella Muti, Peter Wyngarde and Mariangela Melato.

Diamonds Are Forever (1971) ITV London ITV London 4:15pm-6:35pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
James Bond investigates a diamond-smuggling operation, and discovers that behind the scheme is his insidious arch-enemy Blofeld, who is planning to construct a devastating orbital doomsday weapon powered by the precious stones, which will force world powers to disarm and give him global domination. Spy adventure, starring Sean Connery, Jill St John, Charles Gray, Bernard Lee and Lois Maxwell.

10 Things I Hate About You (1999) E4 8:00pm-9:55pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
Lively teenager Bianca is not allowed to start dating until her man-hating sister Kat does first – but no boy is brave enough to ask her out. However, Bianca’s would-be boyfriend thinks he has found the perfect man for the job in the shape of a quirky loner with a mysterious past. Comedy, based on Shakespeare’s The Taming of the Shrew, starring Heath Ledger, Julia Stiles, Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Larisa Oleynik.

Teen Wolf (1985) Syfy 9:00pm-11:00pm (2 hours)
A teenage misfit is initially dismayed to learn he is a werewolf as a result of a hereditary curse. He finds there are advantages as he becomes a local celebrity, while his enhanced agility makes him the star player of his school’s basketball team – but fame quickly goes to his head. Comedy, starring Michael J Fox, James Hampton and Susan Ursitti.

Whatever you’re up to this weekend, make sure you don’t order more than you can possibly eat and remember to always start from the outside in.

xoxo