Well mask my wall and slap me with a brush! Another retro movie weekend is upon us!
Taking on more ‘little’ jobs than you could even imagine, the beginner DIYer is frantically at work trying to create a domestic masterpiece. Filling here, sanding there, our lone warrior is smashing their way through each room like a person possessed. Measuring twice and cutting once, the great wardrobes of glory will slowly rise to become a things of beauty. Fit for a king and queen, their new abode will make the history books and will sure to see them living in comfort for years to come.
Have a happy retro weekend!
SATURDAY 19th August
Jumanji (1995) Sony Movie Channel 1:00pm-3:10pm
A man who has been trapped inside a mysterious jungle board game for 26 years is eventually freed when two children start to play it. Unfortunately, he arrives with a rampaging horde of animals on his heels, leaving only one solution – to finish the game he started all those years ago. Fantasy adventure, starring Robin Williams, Kirsten Dunst and Bonnie Hunt.
Labyrinth (1986) 5STAR 5:10pm-7:10pm
A teenager wishes her baby brother would be taken away, only to have her request granted by a band of goblins and their sinister king. She regrets her decision and sets out to rescue him, but to reach the castle where he is being held, she must find her way through a magical maze full of strange creatures. Jim Henson’s fantasy adventure, starring Jennifer Connelly and David Bowie.
Toy Story (1995) BBC1 5:15pm-6:30pm
A jealous string-pulled cowboy doll’s status as his owner’s favourite plaything is threatened by the arrival of a charismatic hi-tech astronaut figure, who refuses to believe he is simply a toy. However, the rivals are forced to work together when they are left stranded in the outside world. Pixar animated adventure, featuring the voices of Tom Hanks, Tim Allen, Don Rickles and Jim Varney.
Toy Story Gifts
The World Is Not Enough (1999) ITV 10:50pm-1:10am (2 hours 20 minutes)
James Bond is assigned to protect the heiress of an oil dynasty after her father is killed in a bombing at MI6 headquarters. The attack is the work of an infamous terrorist who is unable to feel pain after surviving a gunshot to his head, and who now intends to destroy the world’s supply of oil. Spy adventure, starring Pierce Brosnan, Robert Carlyle, Sophie Marceau and Robbie Coltrane.
Blade (1998) ITV4 11:05pm-1:25am
A half-vampire possesses all the strengths inherent in bloodsuckers with none of their weaknesses, and is determined to wipe the monsters from the face of the Earth. However, he faces a deadly new threat in a renegade vampire who is close to decoding an ancient prophecy that will allow him to repopulate the world with his kind. Action thriller, starring Wesley Snipes, Stephen Dorff and Kris Kristofferson.
SUNDAY 20th August
Muppets from Space (1999) Sony Movie Channel 10:45am-12:35pm
Gonzo hits the road with pal Rizzo in tow and goes in search of his roots – only to make the amazing discovery that his parents belonged to a race of aliens. He then has to choose whether to board a UFO and return to his family, or stay with the friends he knows and loves. Family comedy, with F Murray Abraham, David Arquette, Ray Liotta, Andie MacDowell and Rob Schneider alongside the puppets
Antz (1998) Film4 1:00pm-2:40pm (1 hour 40 minutes)
A neurotic worker ant passes himself off as a soldier to impress a princess. However, he provokes a jealously ambitious general with an accidental act of heroism – so he and his beloved decide to flee the brutal colony and go in search of the promised land of Insectopia. Animated comedy, with the voices of Woody Allen, Sharon Stone, Gene Hackman and Sylvester Stallone.
Licence to Kill (1989) ITV 3:25pm-6:00pm (2 hours 35 minutes)
James Bond plans revenge on a drug baron who maimed his friend. However, when the British government refuses to take official action, 007 finds himself stripped of his licence to kill and forced to go it alone without the backing of MI6. Spy thriller, starring Timothy Dalton, Robert Davi, Carey Lowell, Talisa Soto and Benicio Del Toro.
James Bond Gifts
Hocus Pocus (1993) Film4 7:05pm-9:00pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
A teenager in Salem, Massachusetts, breaks into a spooky house on Halloween and accidentally resurrects three witches who have been dead for 300 years. The sorceresses are soon causing chaos while seeking a suitable sacrifice for a ritual to give them eternal youth. However, an old foe – a boy they turned into a cat – is on hand to help stop their mischief. Supernatural Disney comedy, with Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker, Kathy Najimy and Omri Katz.
Matilda (1996) Sony Movie Channel 6:55pm-9:00pm
A gifted youngster is packed off by her selfish parents to the prison-like Crunchem Hall School. Once there, she befriends a sweet-natured teacher who convinces her that not all grown-ups are bad – and urges her to use her special powers to turn the tables on the nasty headmistress. Fantasy comedy, adapted from the children’s book by Roald Dahl, with Mara Wilson, Pam Ferris, Embeth Davidtz, Rhea Perlman and Danny DeVito, who also directed.
Midnight Run (1988) Sony Movie Channel 9:00pm-11:40pm
When accountant Jonathan Mardukas skips bail after having been arrested for embezzlement, bounty hunter Jack Walsh is hired to catch the fraudster and return him from New York to Los Angeles. Unfortunately, his task is hindered by the ingenuity of Mardukas and the attentions of pursuing FBI agents and Mafia hitmen. Comedy thriller, starring Robert De Niro, Charles Grodin, Yaphet Kotto, Dennis Farina, John Ashton and Joe Pantoliano.
Whatever you’re up to this weekend, check the traffic first and remember to take a drink with you.