The Weekly Retro Movie Rundown 97

Smokey bacon sandwiches! It has to be the Weekend!

So, inside a white laboratory, found in the depths of a government run research facility. Let us be your highly intelligent, super smart  micro biologist, as we stare into our microscope looking for the secrets of retro movie magic, we’ll splice together neutrons and electrons to create cinematic greatness before we discover the breakthrough that is celluloid wonder.

Have a happy retro weekend!

SATURDAY 3rd MARCH

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Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan, Lord of the Apes (1984)
Channel 5 12:30pm-3:05pm (2 hours 35 minutes)
The infant heir of an aristocratic English family is raised by apes in the African jungle after his shipwrecked parents are killed. Years  later, he saves the life of a Belgian explorer, who returns him to England so he can claim his birthright. Drama based on Edgar Rice  Burroughs’ novel, starring Christopher Lambert, Ian Holm, Andie MacDowell and Ralph Richardson.

Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace (1999) ITV2 5:45 pm-8:30 pm (2 hours 45 minutes)
Jedi Knights Obi-Wan Kenobi and Qui-Gon Jinn are instructed to protect Queen Amidala when her planet is invaded. Escorting her away from  danger, they meet gifted youngster Anakin Skywalker, who seems ideally suited to join the pair’s order – but is unaware of just how  powerful he could become. Sci-fi prequel, starring Liam Neeson, Ewan McGregor, Natalie Portman and Ray Park.

Star Wars T-Shirt BMX Stormtrooper TShirt

Arachnophobia (1990) 5* 5:50pm-8:00pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
A mild-mannered doctor sets up practice in a small town, but a cloud gathers over his career due to a series of unexplained deaths. Before  long, he has to convince the locals that a horde of venomous spiders is responsible and confront his intense fear of arachnids into the  bargain. Comedy horror, starring Jeff Daniels, John Goodman, Julian Sands and Brian McNamara.

Hot Tub Time Machine (2010) Film4 9:00pm-10:55pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
A man suffering a mid-life crisis tries to recapture his lost youth by going back to his old haunts with two equally unhappy friends and  his teenage nephew. They end up being transported back to 1986 and are tempted to give themselves the lives they always wanted – despite  warnings that they must not change anything. Sci-fi comedy, starring John Cusack, Clark Duke, Craig Robinson and Rob Corddry.

SUNDAY 4th MARCH

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Beethoven (1991)
ITV2 12:35pm-2:20pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
An all-American family adopts a huge St Bernard, but the father is dismayed when it turns into a one-dog disaster zone. He insists the  mutt must go to a new home, but when it is kidnapped by a crooked vet, dad has a change of heart and races to the rescue. Comedy, starring  Charles Grodin, Bonnie Hunt, Oliver Platt and David Duchovny.

Getting Even with Dad (1994) 5* 1:35pm-3:50pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
Spoilt child Timmy goes to live with his outwardly respectable father, but realises he is a small-time thief planning his latest robbery.  Timmy sets out to reform his dad, and in the meantime manages to fix him up with an attractive undercover cop – leading to much confusion.  Family comedy, starring Macaulay Culkin, Ted Danson, Glenne Headly and Hector Elizondo.

Stargate (1994) Channel 5 6:45pm-9:00pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
An Egyptologist and a soldier head an expedition through a mysterious portal to an alien planet. The world they find resembles ancient  Egypt and is under the rule of a tyrant who has convinced the downtrodden inhabitants that he is a god – until the humans incite the  enslaved populace to fight back. Sci-fi adventure, starring Kurt Russell, James Spader and Jaye Davidson.

Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones (2002) ITV2 7:15pm-10:00pm (2 hours 45 minutes)
Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi and apprentice Anakin Skywalker are sent to protect Senator Padme Amidala from an assassin. However, as  galactic civil war threatens to erupt, the pair are forced to split their efforts, leading Anakin into an ill-advised romance and the  beginnings of a journey toward the dark side. George Lucas’s second prequel to the original sci-fi trilogy, starring Ewan McGregor, Hayden  Christensen, Natalie Portman and Christopher Lee.

Star Wars T-Shirt Star Wars T-Shirt

Whatever you get up to this Weekend remember, put sprinkles on your  ice cream and always enjoy yourselves.

xoxo

The Weekly Retro Movie Rundown 91

Slap my knee and stamp my foot it’s only the weekend!

Like the busy paper hatted waiter at an American style diner, let us be your hard working hero as we rush around, spinning plates, filling fizzy drinks to the brim and serve up yet even more cinematic greatness until you’re fit to burst! Grab your bill and tip well as we you marvel in our classic 80s celluloid wonder.

Have a happy retro weekend!

SATURDAY 22nd MARCH

The Addams Family (1991) Film4 1:00 pm-2:55 pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
Creepy couple Morticia and Gomez find their unconventional life threatened by a man claiming to be a long-lost relative. When they welcome him with open arms, they fall prey to a plot that could cost them their ancestral home and the family fortune. Black comedy based on the 1960s TV series, starring Anjelica Huston, Raul Julia, Christopher Lloyd, Christina Ricci, Jimmy Workman and Carel Struycken

Field of Dreams (1989) ITV4 11:10 am-1:20 pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
A farmer hears a mysterious voice inspiring him to mark out a baseball pitch in a cornfield – which, to his surprise, is visited by the ghost of the star player of the 1919 Chicago White Sox team, whose career was cut short by scandal. It later dawns on him the pitch has a greater purpose – to give people who have sacrificed important parts of their lives a second chance. Fantasy, starring Kevin Costner, Ray Liotta, Burt Lancaster and James Earl Jones.

Kindergarten Cop (1990) ITV London 3:30 pm-5:35 pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
A tough detective is forced to pose as a preschool teacher in a bid to capture a drug dealer whose son is one of the pupils. However, his biggest challenge turns out to be controlling a class full of five-year-olds. Comedy, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Penelope Ann Miller, Linda Hunt, Pamela Reed and Richard Tyson

Mannequin (1987) 5* 5:05 pm-7:00 pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
A struggling artist gets a job as a window dresser for a department store, only to discover one of his dummies is a reincarnated Egyptian princess who comes to life at night. As he falls for the living doll, she inspires him to transform the shop’s display and make it the most spectacular in town. Fantasy comedy, starring Andrew McCarthy and Kim Cattrall

SUNDAY 23rd MARCH

The Witches (1990) Channel 5 3:50 pm-5:35 pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
A boy goes on holiday with his grandmother to a seaside hotel hosting a convention of witches, who have come together to hear their leader’s plan to turn all the children in England into mice. When the chief hag discovers the young lad eavesdropping at their meeting, she decides to make him one of her first victims. Children’s fantasy directed by Nicolas Roeg, based on the book by Roald Dahl, and starring Anjelica Huston, Mai Zetterling, Jasen Fisher, Jane Horrocks, Rowan Atkinson and Brenda Blethyn

The Witches T-Shirt
Ladies Roald Dahl The Witches T-Shirt

Roald Dahl The Witches T-Shirt
Men's Roald Dahl The Witches T-Shirt

This Is England (2006) Film4 9:00
Twelve-year-old Shaun lives with his mother in a shabby council flat in a bleak northern town and is lacking direction after losing his father in the Falklands War. At school, he is befriended by a skinhead gang and the leader takes the boy under his wing – a tie that draws Shaun into a world of racism and violence, but one where he begins to find a new identity. Shane Meadows’ drama set in the 1980s, starring Thomas Turgoose, Stephen Graham and Jo Hartley

Whip It (2009) ITV2 7:50 pm-10:00 pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
Misfit teenager Bliss grows tired of her small-town life and pushy mother, who is trying to relive her lost youth by making her daughter compete in beauty pageants. When she discovers the fast-paced sport of roller derby, Bliss is instantly hooked and joins a struggling team, but has to keep it a secret from her family. Comedy drama, starring Ellen Page and Drew Barrymore, who also directed.

Dogma (1999) Channel 4 10:55 pm-1:20 am (2 hours 25 minutes)
Two fallen angels banished to Earth discover a theological loophole could get them back into Heaven – except their plan will cause the world’s destruction. It falls to a lapsed Catholic woman to stop them, with the aid of two so-called prophets, a muse-turned-stripper and a forgotten 13th apostle. Kevin Smith’s comedy fantasy, starring Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, Linda Fiorentino, Salma Hayek, Jason Lee and Alan Rickman

Whatever you’re up to this weekend, remember to turn off the tap while brushing and turn the lights off. 🙂

xoxo

The Weekly Retro Movie Rundown 88

Wizbits’ magic hat! Is it the Weekend!

So in a not too distant post apocalyptic Earth, let us be your marauding horde of flesh hungry zombies, clumsily ploughing through the debris of a broken and deserted city street. As we go moaningily looking with our good eye for retro movie mayhem, well hobble, limp and drag our half an eaten carcass for cinematic awesomeness before cornering and ripping apart the fresh plump flesh of celluloid wonder.

Gave a happy retro weekend!

SATURDAY 22nd FEBRUARY

A League of Their Own (1992) TCM 3:00pm-5:30pm (2 hours 30 minutes)
An alcoholic former professional player reluctantly agrees to train an all-female baseball team during the Second World War. With star player Dottie Hinson and her sister Kit on board, they look set to dominate the league – until sibling rivalry rears its head. Comedy drama, starring Geena Davis, Lori Petty, Tom Hanks and Madonna

A League of Their Own

Superman II (1980) ITV4 5:20pm-7:55pm (2 hours 35 minutes)
The Man of Steel meets his match in the form of three fugitive villains from his home planet of Krypton. Flying down to Earth, the super-powered trio unleash a reign of terror in a bid to take over the world – but Superman is not there to stop them, having surrendered his powers to lead a normal life with his beloved Lois Lane. Comic-strip adventure sequel, with Christopher Reeve, Gene Hackman, Terence Stamp and Margot Kidder.

Men's Vintage Blue Distressed Superman Logo DC Comics T-Shirt
Men's Vintage Blue Distressed Superman Logo DC Comics T-Shirt

Ladies Vintage Blue Distressed Superman Logo DC Comics T-Shirt
Ladies Vintage Blue Distressed Superman Logo DC Comics T-Shirt

Jumpin’ Jack Flash (1986) Movie Mix 9:00pm-11:10pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
A computer operator stumbles across an SOS from an English spy trapped in Eastern Europe. While trying to help him contact his superiors, she is plunged into international espionage, and ends up being pursued by KGB assassins and faced with unmasking a mole in British intelligence. Spy comedy, starring Whoopi Goldberg, Jonathan Pryce, James Belushi, Roscoe Lee Browne and Carol Kane.

Airplane! (1980) E4 9:00pm-10:50pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
The passengers on board an ill-fated airliner become increasingly jittery when the members of the flight crew flounder during a food-poisoning crisis. As ground control personnel struggle heroically to ensure the plane lands safely, a traumatised war veteran must face his fear to take the controls. Spoof disaster movie, starring Robert Hays, Leslie Nielsen, Robert Stack and Lloyd Bridges.

Airplane!

SUNDAY 23rd FEBRUARY

Freaky Friday (1976) Film4 4:20pm-6:15pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
A mother and her rebellious teenage daughter’s simultaneous wishes to trade places results in them magically switching bodies for a day and gaining an unforgettable insight into each others lives. Disney fantasy comedy, with Jodie Foster, Barbara Harris, Patsy Kelly, John Astin, Charlene Tilton and Sorrell Booke

Freaky Friday

Junior (1994) ITV2 5:15pm-7:30pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
A fertility expert pioneers a treatment enabling men to become pregnant and carry babies to full term. When the authorities cancel funding for the research, he decides to test it on himself, but gives little thought to how difficult it will be to keep it a secret. The situation is further complicated when he starts to fall for the woman whose child he is carrying. Comedy, with Arnold Schwarzenegger, Danny DeVito, Emma Thompson and Frank Langella.

Junior 1994

Independence Day (1996) Film4 6:15pm-9:00pm (2 hours 45 minutes)
A fleet of huge flying saucers launches a devastating and unprovoked attack on Earth. As survivors try to flee the seemingly unstoppable alien invaders, the courageous US president, an ace pilot and a computer genius come up with a plan to take the fight to the enemy and save the human race. Roland Emmerich’s sci-fi adventure, starring Will Smith, Bill Pullman, Jeff Goldblum, Mary McDonnell, Randy Quaid, Robert Loggia and Harry Connick Jr

Independence Day

Kalifornia (1993) MGM Channel 8:40pm-10:40pm (2 hours)
A writer and his photographer girlfriend, who are researching a book on serial killers, travel across America with a former convict and his naive teenage girlfriend. They remain unaware that their traveling companion is exactly the kind of mass murderer they have only read about. Thriller, starring Brad Pitt, David Duchovny, Juliette Lewis and Michelle Forbes

Whip Crackalaka! Bonus movie clip time this week a little Airplane!

Whatever you get up to this Weekend remember to get milk and always enjoy yourselves.

xoxo

The Weekly Retro Movie Rundown 87

Wizadora! It’s the Weekend!

So like an old cardboard box full of fluffy, cheeky, snugly, super cute and cuddly Kittens, let us roll about in blankets of retro movie magic as we chase balls of unwinding cinematic greatness before tiring ourselves out and falling asleep on a massive comfy pillow of celluloid wonder.

Have a happy retro Weekend!

SATURDAY 15th FEBRUARY

California Man (1992) Film4 3:10pm-4:50pm (1 hour 40 minutes)
Two high-school students accidentally unearth a frozen Stone Age caveman in their backyard. They decide to thaw him out and show him off around town. Unfortunately, their ticket to cool starts to run out of control and cause mayhem all over the state. Teen comedy, starring Brendan Fraser, Sean Astin, Pauly Shore, Megan Ward and Mariette Hartley.

Brewster’s Millions (1985) Film4 4:50pm-6:55pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
A baseball player is stunned to learn he has come into a massive inheritance. Unfortunately, there is one condition – he must somehow find a way to spend $30million in just one month, or he will lose the lot. Meanwhile, two scheming lawyers, who stand to get the money if he fails, are determined to sabotage his efforts. Comedy, starring Richard Pryor, John Candy, Lonette McKee and Jerry Orbach.

Brewster’s Millions

Tank Girl (1995) MGM Channel 5:15pm-7:00pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
In a post-apocalyptic wasteland, a sadistic tycoon controls the world’s water supply. A rebellious heroine whose boyfriend was killed by the tyrant’s henchmen plots to bring his regime down – with a little help from a gang of mutant kangaroos. Comic-book adventure, with Lori Petty, Malcolm McDowell and Naomi Watts

Rambo III (1988) ITV4 10:00pm-12:00am (2 hours )
Vietnam veteran John Rambo turns down a request from his old colonel to join a mission in Soviet-occupied Afghanistan. However, when the officer is captured, Rambo sets off to save him, joining the Mujahedeen rebels in fighting against the Russian invaders. Action adventure sequel, starring Sylvester Stallone, Richard Crenna, Kurtwood Smith, Marc de Jonge and Sasson Gabai.

Rambo T-Shirt
Men's Black Rambo Part II T-Shirt

Rambo T-Shirt
Men's Charcoal Rambo T-Shirt

SUNDAY 16th FEBRUARY

The Love Bug (1968) Film4 3:10pm-5:20pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
Herbie, an irrepressible Beetle car with a mind of its own, takes a shine to a struggling racing driver and helps him to win a string of victories on the track. However, his success attracts the attention of an unscrupulous rival competitor, who will go to any lengths to win the most important race of all. Disney comedy, starring Dean Jones, Michele Lee, Buddy Hackett and David Tomlinson

The Mighty Ducks (1992) ITV2 3:40pm-5:50pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
A self-centred yuppie lawyer is horrified when a judge finds him guilty of drink-driving and orders him to coach a hopeless inner-city junior ice-hockey team as part of his community service. However, he comes to appreciate his new role and things finally start to look up for the team. Comedy, starring Emilio Estevez, Joss Ackland, Lane Smith and Joshua Jackson.

The Mighty Ducks

Harry and the Hendersons (1987) 5* 2:50pm-5:00pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
A hapless family’s camping holiday in the mountains is brought to a sudden end when they accidentally hit the legendary Bigfoot with their car. They decide to adopt the endearing creature, but have more trouble than expected trying to keep him concealed and to avoid arousing their neighbours’ suspicions. Comedy, starring John Lithgow, Melinda Dillon, David Suchet, Don Ameche and Kevin Peter Hall

Harry and the Hendersons

Cliffhanger (1993) ITV4 9:00pm-11:15pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
A retired mountain rescue expert is drawn into a battle of wits with a psychopathic criminal searching for a $100million fortune lost in the Rockies – and puts his life on the line as he negotiates the treacherous mountains in a bid to stay one step ahead of the crook. Action thriller, starring Sylvester Stallone, John Lithgow, Janine Turner and Michael Rooker.

Cliffhanger 1993

Whaka-Whaka! Bonus movie clip time!
This week we learn a little something as Stoney teaches link about the basic food groups….

Remember to always wheez the juice and enjoy yourselves.
Cheerio.

xoxo

The Weekly Retro Movie Rundown 82!

Alphabetti Spaghetti! Looks like the Weekend to me!

Once Upon a cloudy sky. Amongst a thick hazy Forrest, sat hunched over on a hollowed out log, gazing wearily over a steaming boggy marsh. Let us be your be-shaggled woodland Troll as we dribble, droll and blow snot bubbles in anticipation of something slimy and squidgy or boney and crunchy to eat. We’ll be poised and ready to pounce onto some cinematic greatness, we’ll prepare our nasty nosh with herbs and sprinkles of movie magic before we devoir the whole thing in one single gulp and belch out some celluloid wonder.

Have a happy retro weekend!

SATURDAY 11th JANUARY

Stargate (1994) 5*  5:10pm-7:30pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
An Egyptologist and a soldier head an expedition through a mysterious portal to an alien planet. The world they find resembles ancient Egypt and is under the rule of a tyrant who has convinced the downtrodden inhabitants that he is a god – until the humans incite the enslaved populace to fight back. Sci-fi adventure, starring Kurt Russell, James Spader and Jaye Davidson

The Fifth Element (1997) 5*  7:30pm-10:00pm (2 hours 30 minutes)
In the 23rd century, the world faces destruction from a seemingly unstoppable force of pure evil. Meanwhile, a New York cab driver encounters a mysterious woman destined to save the Earth from its fate, and has to protect her from a scheming arms dealer and a horde of alien mercenaries. Luc Besson’s sci-fi adventure, starring Bruce Willis, Milla Jovovich and Gary Oldman

Saving Private Ryan (1998) More4  10:00pm-1:25am (3 hours 25 minutes)
In the aftermath of the Normandy landings, a group of American soldiers scours the battlefields of France in search of a missing infantryman, who has been given compassionate leave to return home because his brothers have been killed in the conflict. Steven Spielberg’s Oscar-winning Second World War drama, starring Tom Hanks, Tom Sizemore, Edward Burns, Matt Damon, Barry Pepper and Vin Diesel

Dogma (1999) Film4  9:00pm-11:25pm (2 hours 25 minutes)
Two fallen angels banished to Earth discover a theological loophole could get them back into Heaven – except their plan will cause the world’s destruction. It falls to a lapsed Catholic woman to stop them, with the aid of two so-called prophets, a muse-turned-stripper and a forgotten 13th apostle. Kevin Smith’s comedy fantasy, starring Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, Linda Fiorentino, Salma Hayek, Jason Lee and Alan Rickman

SUNDAY 12th JANUARY

Space Jam (1996) Channel 5  3:30pm-5:10pm (1 hour 40 minutes)
Aliens arrive on Earth to abduct the Looney Tunes gang as a new attraction at their failing intergalactic theme park. To keep their freedom, Bugs Bunny and friends challenge the invaders to a high-stakes basketball game, calling on Michael Jordan to save the day and send the extraterrestrials back where they came from. Live action and animated comedy, starring Bill Murray and Danny DeVito, with the voices of Billy West and Bill Farmer

Honey, I Blew Up the Kid (1992) Film4  3:25pm-5:10pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
A scientist perfects a device for making objects grow when they come into contact with electricity. Unfortunately, his two-year-old son is accidentally turned into a giant and goes on the rampage through the streets of Las Vegas. Disney comedy sequel, starring Rick Moranis, Marcia Strassman, Robert Oliveri and Lloyd Bridges

Coming to America (1988) Film4  9:00pm-11:15pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
A bored African prince defies his father’s plans for an arranged marriage and escapes to the USA to find a bride on his own terms. Comedy, starring Eddie Murphy and Arsenio Hall in several roles, with James Earl Jones, Allison Dean, Eriq La Salle and Madge Sinclair

Sixteen Candles (1985) Film4  11:15pm-1:10am (1 hour 55 minutes)
A teenager’s parents forget her birthday, so she tries to get over her disappointment by searching for the man of her dreams, unaware she’s looking in the wrong place. Comedy drama, starring Molly Ringwald, Justin Henry and Anthony Michael Hall

Whatever you get your filthy mitts on this weekend, remember never stare a Gorilla in the eye and always enjoy yourselves.

xoxo