The Weekly Retro Movie Rundown 82!

Alphabetti Spaghetti! Looks like the Weekend to me!

Once Upon a cloudy sky. Amongst a thick hazy Forrest, sat hunched over on a hollowed out log, gazing wearily over a steaming boggy marsh. Let us be your be-shaggled woodland Troll as we dribble, droll and blow snot bubbles in anticipation of something slimy and squidgy or boney and crunchy to eat. We’ll be poised and ready to pounce onto some cinematic greatness, we’ll prepare our nasty nosh with herbs and sprinkles of movie magic before we devoir the whole thing in one single gulp and belch out some celluloid wonder.

Have a happy retro weekend!

SATURDAY 11th JANUARY

Stargate (1994) 5*  5:10pm-7:30pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
An Egyptologist and a soldier head an expedition through a mysterious portal to an alien planet. The world they find resembles ancient Egypt and is under the rule of a tyrant who has convinced the downtrodden inhabitants that he is a god – until the humans incite the enslaved populace to fight back. Sci-fi adventure, starring Kurt Russell, James Spader and Jaye Davidson

The Fifth Element (1997) 5*  7:30pm-10:00pm (2 hours 30 minutes)
In the 23rd century, the world faces destruction from a seemingly unstoppable force of pure evil. Meanwhile, a New York cab driver encounters a mysterious woman destined to save the Earth from its fate, and has to protect her from a scheming arms dealer and a horde of alien mercenaries. Luc Besson’s sci-fi adventure, starring Bruce Willis, Milla Jovovich and Gary Oldman

Saving Private Ryan (1998) More4  10:00pm-1:25am (3 hours 25 minutes)
In the aftermath of the Normandy landings, a group of American soldiers scours the battlefields of France in search of a missing infantryman, who has been given compassionate leave to return home because his brothers have been killed in the conflict. Steven Spielberg’s Oscar-winning Second World War drama, starring Tom Hanks, Tom Sizemore, Edward Burns, Matt Damon, Barry Pepper and Vin Diesel

Dogma (1999) Film4  9:00pm-11:25pm (2 hours 25 minutes)
Two fallen angels banished to Earth discover a theological loophole could get them back into Heaven – except their plan will cause the world’s destruction. It falls to a lapsed Catholic woman to stop them, with the aid of two so-called prophets, a muse-turned-stripper and a forgotten 13th apostle. Kevin Smith’s comedy fantasy, starring Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, Linda Fiorentino, Salma Hayek, Jason Lee and Alan Rickman

SUNDAY 12th JANUARY

Space Jam (1996) Channel 5  3:30pm-5:10pm (1 hour 40 minutes)
Aliens arrive on Earth to abduct the Looney Tunes gang as a new attraction at their failing intergalactic theme park. To keep their freedom, Bugs Bunny and friends challenge the invaders to a high-stakes basketball game, calling on Michael Jordan to save the day and send the extraterrestrials back where they came from. Live action and animated comedy, starring Bill Murray and Danny DeVito, with the voices of Billy West and Bill Farmer

Honey, I Blew Up the Kid (1992) Film4  3:25pm-5:10pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
A scientist perfects a device for making objects grow when they come into contact with electricity. Unfortunately, his two-year-old son is accidentally turned into a giant and goes on the rampage through the streets of Las Vegas. Disney comedy sequel, starring Rick Moranis, Marcia Strassman, Robert Oliveri and Lloyd Bridges

Coming to America (1988) Film4  9:00pm-11:15pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
A bored African prince defies his father’s plans for an arranged marriage and escapes to the USA to find a bride on his own terms. Comedy, starring Eddie Murphy and Arsenio Hall in several roles, with James Earl Jones, Allison Dean, Eriq La Salle and Madge Sinclair

Sixteen Candles (1985) Film4  11:15pm-1:10am (1 hour 55 minutes)
A teenager’s parents forget her birthday, so she tries to get over her disappointment by searching for the man of her dreams, unaware she’s looking in the wrong place. Comedy drama, starring Molly Ringwald, Justin Henry and Anthony Michael Hall

Whatever you get your filthy mitts on this weekend, remember never stare a Gorilla in the eye and always enjoy yourselves.

xoxo

The Weekly Retro Movie Rundown 52!

Batten down the hatches, it’s only the weekend!

So like a big hairy spider dominantly standing in the centre of your bath tub, let us be your fearless Nanna, as we try and scoop you up in the giant glass of retro movie greatness before we squish you under the rolled up newspaper of cinematic awesomeness and wash you away in a flood of celluloid decadence.

Have a happy retro weekend 🙂

SATURDAY 18th MAY

Beetlejuice (1988)Sky Movies Sci-fi & Horror 3:30pm-5:10pm (1 hour 40 minutes)
Recently deceased couple Adam and Barbara Maitland enlist the professional services of a hard-boiled veteran ghost to scare away the obnoxious yuppie family who have moved into their former home. Tim Burton’s supernatural comedy, starring Michael Keaton, Geena Davis, Alec Baldwin, Winona Ryder, Jeffrey Jones and Catherine O’Hara.

Ladies Ghost With The Most Beetlejuice T-Shirt £22.99 (also available for men!)
Ladies Ghost With The Most Beetlejuice T-Shirt £22.99 (also available for men!)

California Man (1992)Film4 5:10pm-7:00pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
Two high-school students accidentally unearth a frozen Stone Age caveman in their backyard. They decide to thaw him out and show him off around town. Unfortunately, their ticket to cool starts to run out of control and cause mayhem all over the state. Teen comedy, starring Brendan Fraser, Sean Astin, Pauly Shore, Megan Ward and Mariette Hartley.

Small Soldiers (1998)ITV2 6:30pm-8:45pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
A hi-tech computer chip has a bizarre effect on a squad of toy soldiers, causing mayhem for their owner as the miniature marauders engage in a series of scaled-down skirmishes. Children’s adventure mixing live action and computer animation, starring Kirsten Dunst, Denis Leary and Gregory Smith, with the voices of Tommy Lee Jones, Frank Langella, Sarah Michelle Gellar and Christina Ricci.

Saving Private Ryan (1998)Film4 9:00pm-12:15am (3 hours 15 minutes)
In the aftermath of the Normandy landings, a group of American soldiers scours the battlefields of France in search of a missing infantryman, who has been given compassionate leave to return home because his brothers have been killed in the conflict. Steven Spielberg’s Oscar-winning Second World War drama, starring Tom Hanks, Tom Sizemore, Edward Burns, Matt Damon, Barry Pepper and Vin Diesel.

SUNDAY 19th MAY

Caddyshack (1980)Sky Movies Comedy 2:50pm-4:30pm (1 hour 40 minutes)
A host of weird and wacky characters cause mayhem at an exclusive golf club, including a laid-back professional player, an obnoxious millionaire, the snobbish club president, a motley collection of teenage caddies and a psychotic groundskeeper engaging in a fight to the death with a canny gopher. Comedy, starring Chevy Chase, Bill Murray, Michael O’Keefe and Rodney Dangerfield.

Cinderella (1950)Sky Movies Disney 6:35pm-8:00pm (1 hour 25 minutes)
An orphan is forced to live a life of servitude by her cruel stepmother. The king of the realm she lives in organises a lavish ball to find a bride for his son, and a caring fairy godmother puts her magic to the task of turning the downtrodden girl into a princess. Disney animated fairytale, with the voices of Ilene Woods, William Phipps and Verna Felton.

Ladies Cinderella T-Shirt £19.99
Ladies Cinderella T-Shirt £19.99

The Simpsons Movie (2007)E4 8:00pm-9:50pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
Homer unwittingly pollutes Lake Springfield, so the US government decides to isolate the city underneath a giant dome. The Simpsons manage to escape and plan to start a new life in Alaska – but learn Springfield is about to be destroyed, and return to save their friends. With the voices of Dan Castellaneta, Julie Kavner, Nancy Cartwright and Yeardley Smith.

Simpsons Homer This Dude Rocks Lounge Pants £16.99
Simpsons Homer This Dude Rocks Lounge Pants £16.99

The Incredible Hulk (2008)ITV2 7:45pm-10:00pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
A bungled experiment causes a scientist to turn into a monster whenever he gets angry. He travels the world seeking a cure for his condition, while a ruthless general is determined to capture him and use the creature as a weapon. However, one of the soldiers under the officer’s command undergoes a terrifying transformation of his own. Comic-book adventure, starring Edward Norton, Liv Tyler, Tim Roth and William Hurt.

Men's Green Keep Calm Don't Make Me Angry Incredible Hulk T-Shirt £17.99 (also available for ladies)
Men's Green Keep Calm Don't Make Me Angry Incredible Hulk T-Shirt £17.99 (also available for ladies)

Allakazoo, it’s bonus movie clip time. I find myself singing this any time I’m making lunch – not sure why!

If only fairy God Mothers actually existed……! 😉

Mmm yet another tasty weekend of films, looks like we’ll be working on improving that butt-groove in the couch a little bit more.

Whatever you get up to this weekend remember no dive bombing in the shallow end and always enjoy yourselves.