Beans on toast! It’s the Weekend!
So at the back of a bustling busy restaurant amongst stacks of dirty dishes and cutlery let us be your eager to please Kitchen hand, as we hold aloft our scrubbing brush of retro movie awesomeness, let us hose down mounds of crud covered pots with a jettison of cinematic greatness before we stand in awe at a glistening mountain of celluloid wonder.
Happy retro weekend!
SATURDAY 28th NOVEMBER
Seven Ways from Sundown (1960) 5USA 9:15am-11:00am (1 hour 45 minutes)
An inexperienced Texas ranger is given a challenging first assignment – to assist a grizzled veteran in bringing an infamous killer to justice. During the search, the young lawman befriends a charismatic stranger, but does not realise his new acquaintance is the criminal he is pursuing. Western based on Clair Huffaker’s novel, starring Audie Murphy and Barry Sullivan.
Miracle on 34th Street (1973) Movie Mix 2:45pm-4:50pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
Christmas fantasy about a popular New York department store Santa Claus who brings joy into the hearts of the city’s children by claiming to be the genuine article – but ends up in court for his trouble. Jane Alexander and Roddy McDowall star in this remake of the 1947 classic.
Time Bandits (1981) Film4 2:50pm-5:05pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
A bemused schoolboy is escorted on a bizarre journey through time by a group of larcenous dwarfs. His adventures lead him to encounters with various characters from history – but none of them are quite what he had imagined. Terry Gilliam’s fantasy comedy, starring Craig Warnock, David Rappaport, John Cleese, Michael Palin, Sean Connery, Ian Holm, Ralph Richardson and David Warner.
Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home (1986) Dave 4:00pm-6:15pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
The Enterprise crew travels back in time to prevent an alien probe destroying the Earth. The only thing that can avert the disaster is a humpback whale, a creature extinct in the 23rd century – but adjusting to life back in 1986 proves a distinct challenge. Sci-fi adventure sequel, starring William Shatner, DeForest Kelley and Leonard Nimoy, who also directed.
Hulk (2003) ITV2 5:40pm-8:25pm (2 hours 45 minutes)
Scientist Dr Bruce Banner turns into the rampaging green Hulk after exposure to a huge dose of gamma radiation, prompting the military to embark on a no-holds-barred mission to destroy the monster. Meanwhile, Banner’s unstable father resurfaces, holding the secret to his transformation. Comic-strip adventure from director Ang Lee, starring Eric Bana, Jennifer Connelly, Sam Elliott and Nick Nolte.
The Princess Bride (1987) 5* 6:00pm-8:00pm (2 hours)
A cynical youngster becomes entranced by his grandfather’s magical tales, which revolve around a stable-boy’s heroic quest to rescue his lost love from the clutches of an evil prince, with the aid of a vengeance-seeking Spanish swashbuckler and his hulking sidekick. Rob Reiner’s comic fantasy adventure, with Cary Elwes, Robin Wright, Chris Sarandon, Mandy Patinkin, Peter Falk and Fred Savage.
Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (1989) Dave 6:15pm-8:20pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
The Starship Enterprise races to the rescue of intergalactic ambassadors held hostage on a distant planet. The crisis proves to be the handiwork of a renegade Vulcan mystic who kidnaps Captain Kirk and his crew, ordering them to fly to an unexplored world where he hopes to fulfil his insane ambition – to meet God. Sci-fi adventure, written, directed by and starring William Shatner, with Leonard Nimoy, DeForest Kelley and David Warner.
Zoolander (2001) Film4 7:20pm-9:00pm (1 hour 40 minutes)
Dim male model Derek Zoolander is stunned to find his career going downhill thanks to the arrival of an equally vacuous rival – but fails to realise he is merely a pawn in a dangerous game of international espionage and world domination. Comedy, starring Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Will Ferrell, Milla Jovovich, Christine Taylor and David Duchovny.
Back to the Future (1985) ITV2 8:25pm-10:45pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
Teenager Marty McFly travels back to the 1950s in a time machine built by his eccentric inventor friend. The return journey proves tricky enough, but he also accidentally alters the sequence of events that led to his parents falling in love – and has to persuade his future dad to win his mother’s heart, or he will never be born. Sci-fi comedy adventure, starring Michael J Fox, Christopher Lloyd, Lea Thompson and Crispin Glover.
Midnight Run (1988) ITV4 11:00pm-1:35am (2 hours 35 minutes)
When accountant Jonathan Mardukas skips bail after having been arrested for embezzlement, bounty hunter Jack Walsh is hired to catch the fraudster and return him from New York to Los Angeles. Unfortunately, his task is hindered by the ingenuity of Mardukas and the attentions of pursuing FBI agents and Mafia hitmen. Comedy thriller, starring Robert De Niro, Charles Grodin, Yaphet Kotto, Dennis Farina, John Ashton and Joe Pantoliano.
SUNDAY 29th NOVEMBER
The Secret of My Success (1987) ITV3 6:25am-8:35am (2 hours 10 minutes)
A naive country boy travels to New York to make his fortune, only to end up working in a corporation’s mail room. He chances on a vacant office and hatches a plan to pass himself off as a top-ranking executive, but leading a double life proves harder than expected. Comedy, starring Michael J Fox, Helen Slater, Richard Jordan and Fred Gwynne.
Big Business (1988) Film4 1:00pm-3:00pm (2 hours)
The first-born babies in two sets of identical twins are mixed up at birth by a short-sighted nurse, leading to their being raised in very different social circles. In later life, one pair, brought up in a poor mining town, visits New York to challenge a powerful conglomerate – only to find their respective siblings are in charge of the company. Comedy, starring Bette Midler and Lily Tomlin in dual roles alongside Fred Ward and Edward Herrmann.
The Money Pit (1986) 5* 3:20pm-5:15pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
Yuppie couple Walter and Anna buy a ramshackle old house and set about renovating it, only to see their dream home gradually turn into a nightmare. Anna also has to contend with her ex-husband, who is determined to talk her into giving their relationship another try. Comedy, starring Tom Hanks, Shelley Long, Alexander Godunov and Joe Mantegna.
The Little Mermaid (1989) Channel 5 3:35pm-5:15pm (1 hour 40 minutes)
Underwater princess Ariel becomes bored with her aquatic existence and spends her time spying on humans, much to the annoyance of her father. Longing to live on land, she strikes a deal with a banished sea witch in order to become human and meet a prince – but there is a price to be paid. Disney’s animated adventure, with the voices of Jodi Benson, Christopher Daniel Barnes and Rene Auberjonois.
The Mummy Returns (2001) ITV London 4:20pm-6:35pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
Married explorers Rick and Evelyn battle the newly resurrected mummy Imhotep and his ruthless partner, who have captured their son. The undead creature is heading for a confrontation with a legendary ancient warrior – with power over a magical army to be won. Fantasy adventure sequel, starring Brendan Fraser, Rachel Weisz, John Hannah, Arnold Vosloo, Oded Fehr and Patricia Velasquez, with a brief appearance by Dwayne Johnson.
Sister Act (1992) Channel 4 5:25pm-7:15pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
Nightclub singer Deloris Van Cartier agrees to testify against her gangster boyfriend after witnessing a murder. Placed in protective custody by the authorities, she is less than pleased to discover she is expected to pose as chaste nun Sister Mary Clarence in a convent. Comedy, starring Whoopi Goldberg, Harvey Keitel, Maggie Smith, Bill Nunn and Kathy Najimy.
Back to the Future Part II (1989) ITV2 6:50pm-9:00pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
Time-travelling teenager Marty McFly travels to the 21st century, where he has to save his children from a terrible fate. However, this proves to have unforeseen consequences when the future version of arch enemy Biff sees a chance to rewrite history for his own benefit, leaving Marty stuck in a twisted parallel universe. Sci-fi comedy sequel, starring Michael J Fox and Christopher Lloyd.
The Simpsons Movie (2007) E4 8:00pm-9:50pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
Homer unwittingly pollutes Lake Springfield, so the US government decides to isolate the city underneath a giant dome. The Simpsons manage to escape and plan to start a new life in Alaska – but learn Springfield is about to be destroyed, and return to save their friends. With the voices of Dan Castellaneta, Julie Kavner, Nancy Cartwright and Yeardley Smith.
Whatever you’re up to this weekend, make sure you get there nice and early and remember sharing is caring.