Great wall of China! It’s the weekend alllll over again. Time for another retro movie rundown!
So like an 4×4 enthusiast with their off-roading, fully loaded, high-riding 4×4 who’s about to set off into the rocky terrain, we find ourselves faced with a weekend of adventure which will take us to far and distant lands. there will be challenges, there will be drama and of course we will come back with a tale to sell. With a mountain amount of retro movie hills to master, we’ll use our skills and endurance to overcome anything that we face and will return for another week, ready to do it all over again!
Have a happy retro weekend!
SATURDAY 5th MARCH
Death Becomes Her (1992) ITV3 6:10am-7:55am (1 hour 45 minutes)
Two romantic rivals are both granted the secret of eternal youth by a mysterious mystic. However, as they battle to get their claws into a plastic surgeon, they discover their now-immortal bodies are capable of taking whatever damage they can dish out. Black comedy fantasy, starring Goldie Hawn, Meryl Streep, Bruce Willis and Isabella Rossellini.
The BFG (1989) CITV 9:25am-11:10am (1 hour 45 minutes)
A friendly giant befriends a lonely little girl and transports her to a strange land. Unfortunately, a number of the other giants there have acquired a taste for eating children. Determined to stop their nefarious habit, the pair set out to charm the Queen of England into putting her armed forces at their disposal. Animated adventure, based on Roald Dahl’s classic tale, with the voices of David Jason, Amanda Root and Angela Thorne.
The BFG Merchandise
Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979) Channel 5 11:30am-2:00pm (2 hours 30 minutes)
A mysterious, planet-sized energy cloud is heading for Earth, destroying everything in its path. Admiral James T Kirk returns to the bridge of the Enterprise to stop the invader, but he has to contend with a bitter rival and the possession of one of his crew by the alien force. Sci-fi adventure, the first movie based on the TV series, starring William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, DeForest Kelley and Persis Khambatta. Part of Star Trek Weekend – Celebrating 50 Years of Star Trek.
Star Trek Merchandise
The Spy Who Loved Me (1977) ITV 3:35pm-6:00pm (2 hours 25 minutes)
James Bond teams up with a KGB agent to recover missing British and Soviet nuclear submarines, before whoever stole them can use their warheads. Unfortunately, 007 was responsible for the death of his new ally’s lover – and she is determined to make him pay before their mission is complete. Spy adventure, starring Roger Moore, Barbara Bach, Curt Jurgens and Richard Kiel.
Despicable Me 2 (2013) ITV2 5:10pm-7:10pm (2 hours)
A reformed criminal mastermind who has abandoned his wicked ways for a life of fatherhood and jam-making helps a secret agent to bring one of his fellow evil geniuses to justice. The villain in question has stolen a dangerous experimental serum with the power to turn harmless animals into ravening monsters. Animated comedy sequel, with the voices of Steve Carell and Kristen Wiig.
Hulk (2003) ITV2 7:10pm-10:00pm (2 hours 50 minutes)
Scientist Dr Bruce Banner turns into the rampaging green Hulk after exposure to a huge dose of gamma radiation, prompting the military to embark on a no-holds-barred mission to destroy the monster. Meanwhile, Banner’s unstable father resurfaces, holding the secret to his transformation. Comic-strip adventure from director Ang Lee, starring Eric Bana, Jennifer Connelly, Sam Elliott and Nick Nolte.
The Inbetweeners Movie (2011) E4 9:00pm-11:00pm (2 hours)
Awkward teenagers Simon, Will, Jay and Neil plan a holiday to the Greek island of Crete after they finish their exams, hoping to experience drink, sex and debauchery beyond their wildest dreams. However, things do not quite work out as planned. Comedy based on the TV series, with Joe Thomas, Simon Bird, James Buckley and Blake Harrison.
Never Say Never Again (1983) ITV 11:20pm-1:35am (2 hours 15 minutes)
James Bond investigates the hijacking of two American nuclear warheads and tracks the stolen missiles to the Bahamas, where a sinister millionaire working for criminal organisation Spectre is planning to hold the world to ransom. Action adventure, starring Sean Connery, Klaus Maria Brandauer, Kim Basinger, Max von Sydow and Barbara Carrera.
SUNDAY 6th MARCH
Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (1982) Channel 5 1:50pm-3:55pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
The Enterprise crew faces a bitter battle to the death with an old enemy. Khan, a genetically engineered superhuman tyrant, has escaped exile on a barren planet and hijacked a starship to take his revenge on Admiral Kirk, while also scheming to turn an experimental planet-creating device into a doomsday weapon. Sci-fi adventure sequel, with William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, Ricardo Montalban and Kirstie Alley.
Back to the Future Part II (1989) ITV2 1:55pm-4:05pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
Time-travelling teenager Marty McFly travels to the 21st century, where he has to save his children from a terrible fate. However, this proves to have unforeseen consequences when the future version of arch enemy Biff sees a chance to rewrite history for his own benefit, leaving Marty stuck in a twisted parallel universe. Sci-fi comedy sequel, starring Michael J Fox and Christopher Lloyd.
Harry and the Hendersons (1987) 5STAR 2:50pm-5:05pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
A hapless family’s camping holiday in the mountains is brought to a sudden end when they accidentally hit the legendary Bigfoot with their car. They decide to adopt the endearing creature, but have more trouble than expected trying to keep him concealed and to avoid arousing their neighbours’ suspicions. Comedy, starring John Lithgow, Melinda Dillon, David Suchet, Don Ameche and Kevin Peter Hall.
Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992) Channel 4 4:00pm-6:15pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
Hapless youngster Kevin somehow manages to catch the wrong plane and finds himself heading for New York, while his family jets off to Florida. Having got his hands on his father’s credit card, he is enjoying the good life staying in a luxury hotel – until he bumps into two familiar burglars with an axe to grind. Comedy sequel, starring Macaulay Culkin, Joe Pesci, Daniel Stern, Brenda Fricker and Tim Curry.
Moonraker (1979) ITV 4:15pm-6:35pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
James Bond’s investigations into the mysterious disappearance of a space shuttle lead him to a sinister industrialist, who is plotting to wipe out most of the human race. The secret agent also faces a rematch with his old enemy, metal-toothed hitman Jaws. Spy adventure, starring Roger Moore, Michael Lonsdale, Richard Kiel and Lois Chiles.
Evolution (2001) Film4 4:50pm-6:50pm (2 hours)
Two science teachers investigate a mysterious meteor and discover it is oozing a strange fluid containing millions of minuscule but rapidly evolving organisms – which start to turn into terrifying alien monsters with a taste for human flesh. Sci-fi comedy, starring David Duchovny, Orlando Jones, Julianne Moore, Seann William Scott, Dan Aykroyd and Ted Levine.
Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home (1986) Channel 5 6:00pm-8:10pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
The Enterprise crew travels back in time to prevent an alien probe destroying the Earth. The only thing that can avert the disaster is a humpback whale, a creature extinct in the 23rd century – but adjusting to life back in 1986 proves a distinct challenge. Sci-fi adventure sequel, starring William Shatner, DeForest Kelley and Leonard Nimoy, who also directed.
Mission: Impossible 2 (2000) E4 6:35pm-9:00pm (2 hours 25 minutes)
Secret agent Ethan Hunt sent to find and destroy the only sample of a deadly man-made virus. However, he faces tough opposition in a former spy-turned-criminal mastermind who has already acquired the cure and now wants the pathogen itself. Director John Woo’s action thriller sequel, starring Tom Cruise, Dougray Scott, Thandie Newton and Anthony Hopkin.
Back to the Future Part III (1990) ITV 6:40pm-9:00pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
Time-travelling teenager Marty McFly is transported back to the days of the Wild West, where he strives to save his eccentric scientist friend Doc Brown from death at the hands of a villainous gunslinger. Final instalment in the sci-fi comedy trilogy, starring Michael J Fox, Christopher Lloyd, Mary Steenburgen and Thomas F Wilson.
Back to the Future TShirts
East Is East (1999) More4 9:00pm-11:00pm (2 hours)
Pakistani chip shop owner George Khan tries to keep his seven unruly children under control in 1970s Salford. Revelling in the pleasures of adolescence, the flares-wearing youngsters seem determined to ignore his moral advice – but a shock is in store for two of his teenage sons in the shape of arranged marriages. Comedy drama, starring Om Puri, Linda Bassett, Jimi Mistry and Archie Panjabi.
An Officer and a Gentleman (1982) Channel 4 11:40pm-1:55am (2 hours 15 minutes)
A Navy recruit undergoing officer training has an uneasy romance with a factory worker. He also attracts the attention of a tough, uncompromising sergeant, who sees his potential and is determined to push him to the limit. Romantic drama, starring Richard Gere, Debra Winger, Louis Gossett Jr, Robert Loggia, David Keith and David Caruso.
Whatever you’re up to this weekend, don’t forget your toothbrush and always remember to hide whatever food you don’t want under your fork.