The Weekly Retro Movie Rundown 52!

Batten down the hatches, it’s only the weekend!

So like a big hairy spider dominantly standing in the centre of your bath tub, let us be your fearless Nanna, as we try and scoop you up in the giant glass of retro movie greatness before we squish you under the rolled up newspaper of cinematic awesomeness and wash you away in a flood of celluloid decadence.

Have a happy retro weekend 🙂

SATURDAY 18th MAY

Beetlejuice (1988)Sky Movies Sci-fi & Horror 3:30pm-5:10pm (1 hour 40 minutes)
Recently deceased couple Adam and Barbara Maitland enlist the professional services of a hard-boiled veteran ghost to scare away the obnoxious yuppie family who have moved into their former home. Tim Burton’s supernatural comedy, starring Michael Keaton, Geena Davis, Alec Baldwin, Winona Ryder, Jeffrey Jones and Catherine O’Hara.

Ladies Ghost With The Most Beetlejuice T-Shirt £22.99 (also available for men!)
Ladies Ghost With The Most Beetlejuice T-Shirt £22.99 (also available for men!)

California Man (1992)Film4 5:10pm-7:00pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
Two high-school students accidentally unearth a frozen Stone Age caveman in their backyard. They decide to thaw him out and show him off around town. Unfortunately, their ticket to cool starts to run out of control and cause mayhem all over the state. Teen comedy, starring Brendan Fraser, Sean Astin, Pauly Shore, Megan Ward and Mariette Hartley.

Small Soldiers (1998)ITV2 6:30pm-8:45pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
A hi-tech computer chip has a bizarre effect on a squad of toy soldiers, causing mayhem for their owner as the miniature marauders engage in a series of scaled-down skirmishes. Children’s adventure mixing live action and computer animation, starring Kirsten Dunst, Denis Leary and Gregory Smith, with the voices of Tommy Lee Jones, Frank Langella, Sarah Michelle Gellar and Christina Ricci.

Saving Private Ryan (1998)Film4 9:00pm-12:15am (3 hours 15 minutes)
In the aftermath of the Normandy landings, a group of American soldiers scours the battlefields of France in search of a missing infantryman, who has been given compassionate leave to return home because his brothers have been killed in the conflict. Steven Spielberg’s Oscar-winning Second World War drama, starring Tom Hanks, Tom Sizemore, Edward Burns, Matt Damon, Barry Pepper and Vin Diesel.

SUNDAY 19th MAY

Caddyshack (1980)Sky Movies Comedy 2:50pm-4:30pm (1 hour 40 minutes)
A host of weird and wacky characters cause mayhem at an exclusive golf club, including a laid-back professional player, an obnoxious millionaire, the snobbish club president, a motley collection of teenage caddies and a psychotic groundskeeper engaging in a fight to the death with a canny gopher. Comedy, starring Chevy Chase, Bill Murray, Michael O’Keefe and Rodney Dangerfield.

Cinderella (1950)Sky Movies Disney 6:35pm-8:00pm (1 hour 25 minutes)
An orphan is forced to live a life of servitude by her cruel stepmother. The king of the realm she lives in organises a lavish ball to find a bride for his son, and a caring fairy godmother puts her magic to the task of turning the downtrodden girl into a princess. Disney animated fairytale, with the voices of Ilene Woods, William Phipps and Verna Felton.

Ladies Cinderella T-Shirt £19.99
Ladies Cinderella T-Shirt £19.99

The Simpsons Movie (2007)E4 8:00pm-9:50pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
Homer unwittingly pollutes Lake Springfield, so the US government decides to isolate the city underneath a giant dome. The Simpsons manage to escape and plan to start a new life in Alaska – but learn Springfield is about to be destroyed, and return to save their friends. With the voices of Dan Castellaneta, Julie Kavner, Nancy Cartwright and Yeardley Smith.

Simpsons Homer This Dude Rocks Lounge Pants £16.99
Simpsons Homer This Dude Rocks Lounge Pants £16.99

The Incredible Hulk (2008)ITV2 7:45pm-10:00pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
A bungled experiment causes a scientist to turn into a monster whenever he gets angry. He travels the world seeking a cure for his condition, while a ruthless general is determined to capture him and use the creature as a weapon. However, one of the soldiers under the officer’s command undergoes a terrifying transformation of his own. Comic-book adventure, starring Edward Norton, Liv Tyler, Tim Roth and William Hurt.

Men's Green Keep Calm Don't Make Me Angry Incredible Hulk T-Shirt £17.99 (also available for ladies)
Men's Green Keep Calm Don't Make Me Angry Incredible Hulk T-Shirt £17.99 (also available for ladies)

Allakazoo, it’s bonus movie clip time. I find myself singing this any time I’m making lunch – not sure why!

If only fairy God Mothers actually existed……! 😉

Mmm yet another tasty weekend of films, looks like we’ll be working on improving that butt-groove in the couch a little bit more.

Whatever you get up to this weekend remember no dive bombing in the shallow end and always enjoy yourselves.

The Weekly Retro Movie Rundown 49!

Skinny Pete and Badger too!  It has to be the Weekend!

So, deep beneath the oceans swell amongst the blue and yellow angel fish who swim merrily among the coral and seaweed, where lies the wreckage of the old Hispaniola. Deep inside lurks a devilishly curious octopus who’s made its self at home. Intriguingly let us be your bikini-shell clad mermaid as we search for shiny pearls of movie greatness, look under pebbles for retro cinematic awesomeness and  chase orange and white clown fish for celluloid wonder.

Have a happy retro weekend! 🙂

SATURDAY 27th APRIL

Uncle Buck (1989)ITV London 3:35pm-5:30pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
An unreliable but good-natured slob is called upon to look after his trouble-making nephew and nieces while their parents are away – and what starts as a disaster soon changes for the better as the unlikely babysitter gets to grips with the finer points of being a responsible adult. Family comedy, starring John Candy, Macaulay Culkin, Jean Kelly, Gaby Hoffman, Amy Madigan and Laurie Metcalf.

American Pie (1999)Sky Movies Comedy 6:15pm-8:00pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
Four teenage boys make a solemn pact to lose their virginity before the high-school prom, and though their antics cause them huge embarrassment and public humiliation, the friends also learn about love and affection in their relations with the opposite sex. Coming-of-age comedy, starring Jason Biggs, Shannon Elizabeth, Chris Klein, Alyson Hannigan, Mena Suvari, Seann William Scott and Eugene Levy.

Under Siege (1992)5USA 9:00pm-11:10pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
Terrorists infiltrate a US battleship in a carefully orchestrated move to steal its arsenal of nuclear weapons, unaware the ship’s resourceful cook – a veteran US Navy Seal – and a scantily clad stripper are about to foil their plans. Action adventure, starring Steven Seagal, Erika Eleniak, Gary Busey and Tommy Lee Jones.

Commando (1985)ITV London 10:35pm-12:20am (1 hour 45 minutes)
The daughter of retired special forces officer John Matrix is kidnapped by an old comrade-in-arms, now in league with a deposed former dictator. The tyrant plans to use the girl to force Matrix into assassinating the head of the country he once ruled, but is unprepared for the lengths to which the veteran soldier will go to rescue his child. Action adventure, with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Rae Dawn Chong.

SUNDAY 28th APRIL

The Cannonball Run (1981)5USA 2:00pm-4:00pm (2 hours)
A rogue car racer and his manic sidekick compete in an illegal race across America. The crafty duo plan to use an ambulance to keep one step ahead of the police, but face stiff competition from other eccentric speed enthusiasts, all of whom have plenty of dirty tricks up their sleeves. Comedy, starring Burt Reynolds, Roger Moore and Dom DeLuise.

Legend (1985)Film4 7:10pm-9:00pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
A peasant boy, who has a special bond with animals and fairies, shows his sweetheart the last surviving unicorns. Unfortunately, a monstrous demon and his goblin henchmen despise the mythical creatures and trick the girl into harming one of them, forcing Jack to act quickly to save her immortal soul. Ridley Scott’s fantasy adventure, starring Tom Cruise, Mia Sara, Tim Curry and David Bennent.

Big (1988)Sky Movies Family 9:45pm-11:40pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
A boy ridiculed for his size makes a wish on a fairground machine to become bigger – only to wake up as a 30-year-old man. Driven from his home by his terrified mother, the bewildered youngster trapped in a grown-up body makes his way to New York, where he rises high in the ranks of a toy manufacturing company and applies his childlike brain and emotions to the complexities of adult life. Comedy, starring Tom Hanks, Elizabeth Perkins and Robert Loggia.

Coming to America (1988)Film4 9:00pm-11:20pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
A bored African prince defies his father’s plans for an arranged marriage and escapes to the USA to find a bride on his own terms. Comedy, starring Eddie Murphy and Arsenio Hall in several roles, with James Earl Jones, Allison Dean, Eriq La Salle and Madge Sinclair.

Haaawoooga! Its bonus movie clip time. This week features something every kid in school wanted after watching this movie.

Unfortunately jumping up and down on your older sisters mini synthesiser does not work – it only gets you a black eye! Sorry Sis 😉

Whatever you get up to this weekend, try not step on the cracks and always enjoy yourselves.

Cheerio.

The Weekly Retro Movie Rundown 54!

Bears in jumpers! Is it the weekend?

So, as the sun descends over the dusty planes of old wild west, where herds of cattle graze freely on the lush vegetation, let us be your band of sun-kissed, dirt covered cowboys as we attempt to drive this cattle train over fields of retro movie greatness, across rivers of mega cinematic awesomeness and through valleys of celluloid amazement. Yeeehaw!

Have a happy retro weekend 🙂

SATURDAY 20th APRIL

Kindergarten Cop (1990)ITV London 3:30pm-5:30pm (2 hours)
A tough detective is forced to pose as a pre-school teacher in a bid to capture a drug dealer whose son is one of the pupils. However, his biggest challenge turns out to be controlling a class full of five-year-olds. Comedy, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Penelope Ann Miller, Linda Hunt, Pamela Reed and Richard Tyson.

Rocky IV (1985)Channel 5 7:40pm-9:30pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
The Italian Stallion agrees to help former champion Apollo Creed train for a match against a seemingly invincible boxer from the Soviet Union, only to see his friend die as a result of injuries sustained in the fight. Rocky vows to avenge him, and prepares to take on the Russian heavyweight in his own country. Drama sequel, directed by and starring Sylvester Stallone. With Dolph Lundgren, Talia Shire, Carl Weathers and Brigitte Nielsen.

Men's Rocky Balboa vs Clubber Lang T-Shirt £19.99 (also available for ladies)
Men's Rocky Balboa vs Clubber Lang T-Shirt £19.99 (also available for ladies)

Planes, Trains and Automobiles (1987)Film4 9:00pm-10:45pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
A stressed businessman just wants to make it home to spend Thanksgiving with his family. However, when his flight is forced to land miles from its destination, he finds himself sharing a disaster-strewn journey across America with an amiable but slobbish salesman. Comedy road movie, starring Steve Martin, John Candy, Laila Robins, Kevin Bacon and Michael McKean.

Parenthood (1989)ITV London 10:45pm-1:00am (2 hours 15 minutes)
Anxious family man Gil Buckman is determined to have a better relationship with his three children than he had with his tough father. Elsewhere, his two sisters are also having family problems – one is struggling to understand her two troubled teenagers, while the other’s husband wants to turn their toddler into a child genius. Comedy drama, starring Steve Martin, Keanu Reeves, Mary Steenburgen, Jason Robards and Dianne Wiest.

SUNDAY 21st APRIL

Toy Story (1995)ITV2 12:10pm-1:55pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
A jealous string-pulled cowboy doll’s status as his owner’s favourite plaything is threatened by the arrival of a charismatic hi-tech astronaut figure, who refuses to believe he is simply a toy. However, the rivals are forced to work together when they are left stranded in the outside world. Pixar animated adventure, featuring the voices of Tom Hanks, Tim Allen, Don Rickles and Jim Varney.

Toy Story 2 (1999)ITV2 1:55pm-3:45pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
Cowboy doll Woody is stolen by an unscrupulous toy collector, who knows he is worth a fortune as a collectible, prompting fearless Space Ranger Buzz Lightyear to lead a daring across-town mission to rescue him. However, Woody is tempted to spend his life languishing in the safety of a museum rather than face the prospect of his owner growing up. Animated sequel, featuring the voices of Tom Hanks, Tim Allen, Joan Cusack and Kelsey Grammer.

Jurassic Park (1993)ITV London 3:55pm-6:15pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
Scientists are given a sneak preview of a safari park inhabited by genetically engineered dinosaurs created by an eccentric tycoon. However, it all goes wrong when a greedy employee sabotages the security systems, allowing the prehistoric beasts to roam free and hunt the visitors. Steven Spielberg’s action adventure, starring Sam Neill, Laura Dern, Jeff Goldblum, Richard Attenborough and Samuel L Jackson.

Risky Business (1983)Sky Living 10:00pm-11:55pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
An upper-class suburban teenager gets involved with a prostitute while his parents are away on holiday, turning the family home into a brothel and jeopardising his plans for the future. Coming-of-age comedy, starring Tom Cruise, Rebecca De Mornay, Bronson Pinchot and Joe Pantoliano.

Whopbopalooba-awhopbamboo! It’s bonus movie clip time!

This time from the best supply teacher of all time Mr Schwarzenegger. I only want one of these kids dads jobs, I’ll let you guess which one!

Whatever you get up to this weekend, remember, if it aint broke, break it and always enjoy yourselves.

Toodaloo.

The Weekly Retro Movie Rundown 43!

Mrs Pillsbury’s doughboy! Behold, weekend joy for all!

So like the ever hairy, very scary, bug eyed, big toothed monster lurking in the shadows beneath your bed, waiting for you to drift off just so it can mess with your bed linens. Let us be your always vigilant, brave and bold monster seeker, armed with the torch of mega movie greatness, we will pull back the sheets of awesome cinematic joy and search through the closet of infinite celluloid wonder. So you can rest your little head.Have a happy retro weekend 🙂

SATURDAY 2nd MARCH

Field of Dreams (1989) Sky Movies Modern Greats 3:45pm-5:35pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
A farmer hears a mysterious voice inspiring him to mark out a baseball pitch in a cornfield – which, to his surprise, is visited by the ghost of the star player of the 1919 Chicago White Sox team, whose career was cut short by scandal. It later dawns on him the pitch has a greater purpose – to give people who have sacrificed important parts of their lives a second chance. Fantasy, starring Kevin Costner, Ray Liotta, Burt Lancaster and James Earl Jones.

Honey, I Shrunk the Kids (1989) Film4 5:05pm-6:55pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
A professor invents a ray with the power to reduce objects in size. Unfortunately, his kids and their meddling friends trigger it off and are shrunk to microscopic proportions. When they are accidentally thrown out with the rubbish, the children have to contend with all kinds of animals and insects on their journey home across the backyard. Disney comedy, with Rick Moranis, Marcia Strassman and Amy O’Neill.

Judge Dredd (1995) 5USA 8:00pm-10:00pm (2 hours)
A law enforcer in a post-apocalyptic city is framed for a series of crimes committed by a fugitive who shares his DNA. He escapes from a prison transport and returns to hunt down the culprit and clear his own name. Sci-fi thriller based on the 2000AD comic-strip, starring Sylvester Stallone, Armand Assante, Max von Sydow, Diane Lane and Rob Schneider.

Men's Black I Am The Law Judge Dredd T-Shirt £17.99
Men's Black I Am The Law Judge Dredd T-Shirt £17.99

Forrest Gump (1994) Film4 9:00pm-11:40pm (2 hours 40 minutes)
A simple soul bumbles his way through a series of bizarre adventures, becoming an American football star, Vietnam veteran, table tennis champion and millionaire businessman – but the love of his life continues to elude him. Robert Zemeckis’s Oscar-winning comedy drama, starring Tom Hanks, Sally Field, Robin Wright and Gary Sinise.

SUNDAY 3rd MARCH

See No Evil, Hear No Evil (1989)Channel 5 1:40pm-3:30pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
A blind man and his deaf friend go on the run to clear themselves of a trumped-up murder charge. However, all kinds of oddball characters are on their trail, determined to get hold of a top-secret microchip that the duo do not know they have. Comedy, starring Richard Pryor, Gene Wilder, Kevin Spacey, Joan Severance, Alan North and Anthony Zerbe.

Beethoven (1991)ITV2 4:10pm-6:00pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
An all-American family adopts a huge St Bernard, but the father is dismayed when it turns into a one-dog disaster zone. He insists the mutt must go to a new home, but when it is kidnapped by a crooked vet, dad has a change of heart and races to the rescue. Comedy, starring Charles Grodin, Bonnie Hunt, Oliver Platt and David Duchovny.

Rocky (1976)Channel 5 6:45pm-9:00pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
Philadelphia brawler Rocky Balboa gets a shot at the world heavyweight title when current champion Apollo Creed decides to give an unknown boxer a chance in celebration of America’s bicentennial. Oscar-winning drama, starring Sylvester Stallone, Burgess Meredith, Talia Shire, Burt Young and Carl Weathers.

Men's Rocky Logo T-Shirt £16.99 (also available for ladies)
Men's Rocky Logo T-Shirt £16.99 (also available for ladies)

Lethal Weapon 2 (1989)ITV4 9:00pm-11:20pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
Headstrong cop Martin Riggs and his cautious partner Roger Murtaugh stumble across a plot by a South African diplomat to launder drugs money by shipping gold coins into the US via his embassy. Protected by diplomatic immunity, the crook looks certain to evade the law – while his chief henchman has a connection to Riggs’ traumatic past. Action thriller sequel, with Mel Gibson, Danny Glover, Joe Pesci, Joss Ackland, Derrick O’Connor and Patsy Kensit.

Whatever you get up to this weekend remember to enjoy yourselves and keep an eye out for that pesky monster. We’ll get it next time promise!

Bye.

The Weekly Retro Movie Rundown 38!

Aunt Bessie’s Roasters! Weekend frolics are up on us!

So like a band of sea weary, storm weathered pirates searching in the wide open blue sea aboard a masterful galleon for riches beyond their very desires, let us be your haggard but slightly dashing, bearded, one eyed, wooden legged, hook for a hand captain, as we navigate you through storms of awesome movie magnitude, tidal waves of retro cinematic colossusness and do battle with sea beasties of gargantuan celluloid magic.

Have a happy retro weekend 🙂

SATURDAY 26th JANUARY

Toys (1992) Film4 1:00pm-3:20pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
A dying toy-maker leaves the company to his brother, a power-mad general, who turns the friendly family factory over to the production of weapons. It falls to the general’s zany nephew and his equally childlike sister to stand up for their father’s benign world-view. Comedy, starring Robin Williams, Michael Gambon, Joan Cusack and Donald O’Connor.

Mrs Doubtfire (1993) Channel 4 6:40pm-9:00pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
A struggling actor’s ambitious, no-nonsense wife throws him out and demands a divorce. Desperate to spend time with his children, he puts his talents to good use by donning drag and posing as a Scottish housekeeper to get a job looking after them. Comedy, starring Robin Williams, Sally Field, Pierce Brosnan, Harvey Fierstein and Mara Wilson.

Dirty Dancing (1987) 5* 9:00pm-11:10pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
A dance instructor at a 1960s resort hotel fears his career will be jeopardised when his regular partner is forced to pull out of an important show in which they are due to perform. Luckily, a naive teenager is happy to step in, and is treated to a whirlwind holiday education in life, love and expressing herself. Romantic drama, starring Patrick Swayze, Jennifer Grey and Jerry Orbach.

Grey Nobody Puts Baby In A Corner Ladies T-Shirt £19.99
Grey Nobody Puts Baby In A Corner Ladies T-Shirt £19.99

The Fugitive (1993) ITV2 11:15pm-1:55am (2 hours 40 minutes)
A doctor is convicted of his wife’s murder and forced to go on the run to prove his innocence – but his efforts to find the mysterious one-armed man he believes is the real killer are hampered by a tenacious US marshal. Thriller, starring Harrison Ford, an Oscar-winning Tommy Lee Jones, Sela Ward, Julianne Moore and Joe Pantoliano.

SUNDAY 27th JANUARY

Toy Story (1995) ITV2 4:00pm-5:50pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
A jealous string-pulled cowboy doll’s status as his owner’s favourite plaything is threatened by the arrival of a charismatic hi-tech astronaut figure, who refuses to believe he is simply a toy. However, the rivals are forced to work together when they are left stranded in the outside world. Pixar animated adventure, featuring the voices of Tom Hanks, Tim Allen, Don Rickles and Jim Varney.

Back to the Future Part II (1989) ITV2 5:50pm-8:00pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
Time-travelling teenager Marty McFly travels to the 21st century, where he has to save his children from a terrible fate. However, this proves to have unforeseen consequences when the future version of arch enemy Biff sees a chance to rewrite history for his own benefit, leaving Marty stuck in a twisted parallel universe. Sci-fi comedy sequel, starring Michael J Fox and Christopher Lloyd.

Men's Back To The Future Delorean Firetracks T-Shirt £19.99 (also available for ladies!)
Men's Back To The Future Delorean Firetracks T-Shirt £19.99 (also available for ladies!)

Aliens (1986) Film4 9:00pm-12:05am (3 hours 5 minutes)
Lone survivor Ripley is rescued in deep space decades after an alien creature wiped out her ship’s entire crew. She is recruited to accompany a military expedition to a colony on the planet where she first encountered the monster, only to find the aliens have been reproducing and there are now hordes of them. James Cameron’s sci-fi thriller sequel, with Sigourney Weaver, Michael Biehn and Lance Henriksen.

Mad Max (1979) Syfy 10:00pm-12:00am (2 hours)
In the near future, Australian cop Max Rockatansky tires of battling to impose law and order on the roads and turns in his badge – only to be forced out of retirement when his wife and child are murdered at the hands of a motorcycle gang. George Miller’s action adventure, starring Mel Gibson, Joanne Samuel and Hugh Keays-Byrne.

There’s nothing sadder than a half melted snowman or a carrot and two lumps of coal in a puddle. We’ll miss you our snowy chum. Buck up droopy draws, these movies should cheer us up no end.

Whatever you get up to this weekend, remember to enjoy yourselves and watch out for pot holes.

Bye bye.