Land ahoy! It’s the ruddy weekend again! Must be time for the first Retro Movie Rundown of 2016!
Like an amateur and eager model boat enthusiast, we find ourselves on the banks of our local marine pond with our trusty craft, batteries full of charge and a head full of excitement. We’ll get the propellers spinning to simply mind-boggling speeds as we skip and dance our way around the pond surface. Twisting and turning like a gazelle looking to out run a Cheetah, we’ll hum along until our time is up and our power is all used up….which is hopefully somewhere near the edge.
Have a happy retro weekend!
SATURDAY 9TH JANUARY
The Towering Inferno (1974) More4 9:45am-1:00pm (3 hours 15 minutes)
The world’s tallest building goes up in flames during the opening celebrations. While the architect who designed the skyscraper tries to save the party-goers trapped on the 135th floor, a fire chief leads a valiant attempt to fight the blaze. Disaster movie, starring Paul Newman, Steve McQueen, Faye Dunaway, William Holden, Fred Astaire, Richard Chamberlain, Susan Blakely and Robert Vaughn.
The Sea Wolves (1980) 5USA 12:35pm-3:10pm (2 hours 35 minutes)
The German Navy use three Goa-based vessels to attack Allied shipping, and their British counterparts cannot retaliate as they are moored in neutral waters. A group of retired officers living in India unofficially returns to duty to deal with the threat. Fact-based Second World War adventure, starring Gregory Peck, Roger Moore, David Niven, Trevor Howard, Barbara Kellerman and Patrick Macnee.
Addams Family Values (1993) 5* 3:50pm-5:45pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
Spooky couple Gomez and Morticia hire a nanny to look after their new baby son – and stop him suffering an early death at the hands of his jealous elder siblings. Romance soon blossoms between the new childminder and Uncle Fester, but he does not realise she is planning to kill him once she has got hold of the family fortune. Comedy sequel, starring Anjelica Huston, Raul Julia, Christopher Lloyd, Christina Ricci and Joan Cusack.
Jurassic Park (1993) ITV2 5:45pm-8:10pm (2 hours 25 minutes)
Scientists are given a sneak preview of a safari park inhabited by genetically engineered dinosaurs created by an eccentric tycoon. However, it all goes wrong when a greedy employee sabotages the security systems, allowing the prehistoric beasts to roam free and hunt the visitors. Steven Spielberg’s action adventure, starring Sam Neill, Laura Dern, Jeff Goldblum, Richard Attenborough and Samuel L Jackson.
Jurassic Park TShirts
Terminal Velocity (1994) Film4 7:00pm-9:00pm (2 hours)
A skydiving instructor tries to clear himself of responsibility for the death of a woman whose parachute failed to open. However, he later learns she is a Russian spy who faked her own demise, and now needs his help to foil an international criminal conspiracy out to steal a fortune in bullion. Action thriller, starring Charlie Sheen, Nastassja Kinski and James Gandolfini.
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009) E4 8:00pm-11:00pm (3 hours)
The war between the shape-shifting robots erupts once again, as the first of the evil Decepticons leads an attack on Earth to locate an ancient planet-destroying machine. Hapless teenager Sam Witwicky is caught in the middle of the ensuing conflict as he holds the key to discovering the location of the device. Sci-fi adventure sequel, starring Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox.
Pale Rider (1985) ITV4 9:00pm-11:25pm (2 hours 25 minutes)
An unscrupulous landowner threatens to throw gold-miners off their land and take the riches for himself. As the law turns a blind eye to their troubles, the miners desperately need a saviour – who happens to arrive in the form of a mysterious preacher with formidable gunfighting skills. Western, directed by and starring Clint Eastwood, alongside Michael Moriarty, Carrie Snodgress and Richard Dysart.
The Fast and the Furious (2001) ITV2 10:20pm-12:25am (2 hours 5 minutes)
In a move to identify suspected hijackers, an undercover police officer infiltrates the high-octane world of illegal late-night street racing by rival gangs. He is befriended by a champion driver, but when he also forms a bond with the racer’s sister, he is pitched into a conflict of loyalties. Thriller, starring Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Michelle Rodriguez and Jordana Brewster.
National Lampoon’s Vacation (1983) GOLD 11:00pm-1:00am (2 hours )
A bumbling all-American family man takes his wife and kids on a disaster-filled cross-country drive to California to visit famous theme park Walley World – but their chances of arriving at their destination in one piece are looking slim. Comedy, starring Chevy Chase, Beverly D’Angelo, Randy Quaid, Imogene Coca, Anthony Michael Hall, Christie Brinkley and John Candy.
The Peacemaker (1997) BBC1 London 12:00am-1:55am (1 hour 55 minutes)
A military intelligence officer and a government expert on nuclear weapons team up to find the terrorists who have stolen ten atomic bombs from a train. The duo are initially reluctant to co-operate, but a grudging respect gradually develops after they are forced to work together. Action thriller, starring George Clooney, Nicole Kidman, Marcel lures and Armin Mueller-Stahl.
SUNDAY 10TH JANUARY
Thunderball (1965) ITV London 2:55pm-5:30pm (2 hours 35 minutes)
James Bond travels to the Bahamas on the trail of two nuclear warheads stolen from a British aircraft. The lethal weapons have fallen into the hands of international crime syndicate Spectre, which plans to fire them at the US coast unless an exorbitant ransom is paid. Spy adventure, starring Sean Connery, Claudine Auger, Adolfo Celi and Lois Maxwell.
Bean (1997) ITV2 2:45pm-4:30pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
The hapless fool is employed as a security guard for a British art gallery and is sent to Los Angeles to bring back a famous painting. Unfortunately, he finds himself mistaken for a renowned art professor and invited to make an important presentation. Mel Smith’s British comedy, starring Rowan Atkinson, Burt Reynolds, Peter MacNicol, John Mills, Peter Capaldi and June Brown.
Mr Bean TShirts
The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997) ITV2 4:30pm-7:00pm (2 hours 30 minutes)
Scientist Dr Ian Malcolm reluctantly joins a research team on the island where his employer first designed genetically engineered dinosaurs. Meanwhile, a big-game hunter takes the chance to bag the biggest prize of all – a Tyrannosaurus rex. Steven Spielberg’s dinosaur adventure sequel, starring Jeff Goldblum, Julianne Moore, Pete Postlethwaite and Richard Attenborough.
Iron Man (2008) E4 6:30pm-9:00pm (2 hours 30 minutes)
Arms manufacturer Tony Stark is taken hostage by a terrorist group and realises the weapons his company build have been falling into the wrong hands. Using his engineering skills to construct a hi-tech armoured suit, he manages to escape and then puts the technology to good use in the fight against evil around the world. Superhero adventure, starring Robert Downey Jr, Jeff Bridges, Gwyneth Paltrow and Terrence Howard.
Iron Man Merchandise
Star Trek: Generations (1994) Channel 5 6:40pm-9:00pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
USS Enterprise Captain Jean-Luc Picard must stop a deranged genius obsessed with gaining access to a mysterious energy source – regardless of the threat to entire civilisations that lie in his path. Help arrives from an unlikely quarter – his supposedly long dead predecessor Captain James T Kirk. Sci-fi adventure sequel, starring Patrick Stewart, William Shatner, Malcolm McDowell and Whoopi Goldberg.
Star Trek TShirts
Assassins (1995) ITV4 11:05pm-1:45am (2 hours 40 minutes)
Hitman Robert Rath is planning to quit his lethal profession, especially when he is stalked by a ruthless younger assassin who has no qualms about killing innocent bystanders. But as Rath takes on his last assignment, he decides to protect his intended target after his rival comes gunning for her. Thriller, starring Sylvester Stallone, Antonio Banderas and Julianne Moore.
Signs (2002) BBC1 London 11:25pm-1:05am (1 hour 40 minutes)
A former clergyman who has lost his faith since his wife’s death discovers a number of crop circles on his land. Initially believing them to be a prank, he gradually begins to suspect an alien invasion is at hand. As a series of strange and terrifying events takes place, he and his family are forced into hiding in their farmhouse, and must work together to survive. M Night Shyamalan’s sci-fi thriller, starring Mel Gibson and Joaquin Phoenix.
Footloose (1984) Channel 4 11:30pm-1:25am (1 hour 55 minutes)
A rebellious, hip-swinging student from the city moves to a small religious community, where he instantly clashes with an old-school fire-and-brimstone preacher – who has banned dancing and rock ‘n’ roll because he considers them immoral. Drama, starring Kevin Bacon, Lori Singer, John Lithgow, Chris Penn, Dianne Wiest and Sarah Jessica Parker.
Whatever you’re up to this weekend, make sure you wrap up warm and don’t forget to save your game.