Bubblewrap and boxes! It’s the weekend all over again and it’s time for another installment of our retro movie rundown!
Like two eager and determined house hunters, we find ourselves searching each and every avenue in the hunt for that perfect property that will tick all the right boxes, give us that warm feeling and become our brand a brand new home. We’ll fill it with all our worldly possessions, set everything just so and capture the whole adventure onto celluloid wonder ready to rediscover in years to come and say….look how young we looked!
Have a happy retro weekend.
SATURDAY 8th August
Only You (1994) Movie Mix 9:10am-11:30am (2 hours 20 minutes)
A woman who was once told the identity of the person she would marry in a childhood Ouija board game is astounded when a man with the same name calls her on the eve of her wedding. After promptly dumping her dull fiance, she follows the stranger to Italy in the hope of convincing him they are meant to be together. Romantic comedy, with Marisa Tomei, Robert Downey Jr, Bonnie Hunt, Fisher Stevens and Billy Zane.
Police Academy 3: Back in Training (1986) ITV4 12:10pm-1:55pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
Facing closure from cutbacks in public spending and competition from a more successful academy, the police training school calls on its bungling graduates to act as instructors and make good officers out of a bunch of new recruits even more incompetent than they are. Comedy sequel, starring Steve Guttenberg, Bubba Smith, Michael Winslow and Art Metrano.
The Mummy Returns (2001) ITV2 4:40pm-7:05pm (2 hours 25 minutes)
Married explorers Rick and Evelyn battle the newly resurrected mummy Imhotep and his ruthless partner, who have captured their son. The undead creature is heading for a confrontation with a legendary ancient warrior – with power over a magical army to be won. Fantasy adventure sequel, starring Brendan Fraser, Rachel Weisz, John Hannah, Arnold Vosloo, Oded Fehr and Patricia Velasquez, with a brief appearance by Dwayne Johnson.
Fun Fact: London’s Tower Bridge was closed to allow for filming. They were allowed to close it for 20 minutes at a time, but the resulting traffic jam after the first time brought threats of arrest from Scotland Yard and a reduced closing time of 10 minutes.
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984) BBC1 London 6:25pm-8:15pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
The intrepid archaeologist, with his young sidekick and a nightclub singer in tow, is stranded in India, where he takes on a mission to recover magical sacred stones from the hands of an evil cult engaged in human sacrifice and child slavery. Steven Spielberg’s action adventure, starring Harrison Ford, Kate Capshaw, Ke Huy Quan and Amrish Puri.
Live and Let Die (1973) ITV4 6:25pm-9:00pm (2 hours 35 minutes)
James Bond’s investigation into the murder of three British agents leads him to a connection between the dictator of a Caribbean island and a notorious Harlem drug kingpin – along with a plot to flood America with limitless supplies of free heroin. Spy adventure, with Roger Moore in his first appearance as 007, alongside Yaphet Kotto and Jane Seymour.
Iron Man (2008) Film4 6:35pm-9:00pm (2 hours 25 minutes)
Arms manufacturer Tony Stark is taken hostage by a terrorist group and realises the weapons his company build have been falling into the wrong hands. Using his engineering skills to construct a hi-tech armoured suit, he manages to escape and then puts the technology to good use in the fight against evil around the world. Superhero adventure, starring Robert Downey Jr, Jeff Bridges, Gwyneth Paltrow and Terrence Howard.
The A-Team (2010) Channel 4 9:00pm-11:25pm (2 hours 25 minutes)
Four soldiers are sent on a top-secret mission in Iraq that results in them being imprisoned for a crime they did not commit. When they learn the culprit is trying to sell equipment for producing fake currency, they break out of prison to find both him and evidence of their innocence. Action adventure based on the 1980s TV series, with Liam Neeson, Bradley Cooper, Sharlto Copley and Quinton `Rampage’ Jackson.
Octopussy (1983) ITV4 9:00pm-11:40pm (2 hours 40 minutes)
James Bond investigates the mysterious death of a British agent in East Berlin, a mission that leads him to a glamorous, international jewel thief. He discovers one of her criminal cohorts, an Indian gangster, is in league with a crazed Soviet general who plans to heat up the Cold War by detonating a nuclear bomb in an American Air Force Base. Spy adventure, with Roger Moore, Maud Adams, Steven Berkoff and Louis Jourdan.
Rambo (2008) Spike 10:00pm-11:40pm (1 hour 40 minutes)
The bandana-wearing one-man army has turned his back on violence to live a quiet life in Thailand. But before long he takes up arms once again to rescue a party of missionaries who have been taken captive en route to Burma by a sadistic military officer. Action sequel, directed by and starring Sylvester Stallone. With Julie Benz and Graham McTavish.
The Matrix (1999) ITV2 11:50pm-2:30am (2 hours 40 minutes)
A computer hacker discovers the world around him is nothing more than a virtual-reality fantasy created by malevolent living machines. Entering the devastated real world, he joins freedom fighters risking their lives to bring the truth out into the open and liberate the human race. Sci-fi action thriller, starring Keanu Reeves, Laurence Fishburne, Carrie-Anne Moss and Hugo Weaving.
SUNDAY 9th August
Legally Blonde (2001) 5* 1:30pm-3:30pm (2 hours)
A seemingly dizzy teenager is heartbroken when her boyfriend dumps her because he thinks she is not intelligent enough to help his political career. To prove him wrong she enrols at Harvard, but finds herself out of her depth as other students do their best to humiliate her. Comedy, starring Reese Witherspoon, Luke Wilson, Selma Blair, Matthew Davis and Victor Garber.
My Neighbour Totoro (1988) Film4 2:55pm-4:40pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
Two sisters move to a new home in the countryside when their mother is taken ill. They are thrilled to discover the house is next to an enchanted forest, and befriending the eldest and wisest of the strange magical creatures dwelling there. Animated fantasy from Spirited Away director Hayao Miyazaki, with the voices of Dakota and Elle Fanning.
Never Say Never Again (1983) ITV London 3:25pm-6:00pm (2 hours 35 minutes)
James Bond investigates the hijacking of two American nuclear warheads and tracks the stolen missiles to the Bahamas, where a sinister millionaire working for criminal organisation Spectre is planning to hold the world to ransom. Action adventure, starring Sean Connery, Klaus Maria Brandauer, Kim Basinger, Max von Sydow and Barbara Carrera.
Planet of the Apes (2001) 5* 3:30pm-6:00pm (2 hours 30 minutes)
An astronaut crash-lands on a strange planet and is captured and enslaved by the ruling race of highly intelligent apes. Luckily, he is helped by a sympathetic chimpanzee – but then discovers a shocking secret. Remake of the 1960s sci-fi adventure, directed by Tim Burton and starring Mark Wahlberg, Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Roth, and featuring a cameo appearance from the original film’s star Charlton Heston.
Fun Fact: Mark Wahlberg joined the film after meeting with Tim Burton for only five minutes. He was so anxious to work with the director that he agreed to play any part. Wahlberg dropped out of the role of Linus in Ocean’s Eleven (2001) to do this film.
Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (1989) Syfy 5:50pm-8:00pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
The Starship Enterprise races to the rescue of intergalactic ambassadors held hostage on a distant planet. The crisis proves to be the handiwork of a renegade Vulcan mystic who kidnaps Captain Kirk and his crew, ordering them to fly to an unexplored world where he hopes to fulfil his insane ambition – to meet God. Sci-fi adventure, written, directed by and starring William Shatner, with Leonard Nimoy, DeForest Kelley and David Warner.
The Amazing Spider-Man (2012) ITV2 6:15pm-9:00pm (2 hours 45 minutes)
A gifted teenager investigates his dead parents’ past, leading to a mysterious corporation and an incident that leaves him with superhuman powers. A personal tragedy drives him to use his abilities to fight crime, and he soon faces a scientist colleague of his father, who has undergone a deadly transformation of his own. Superhero adventure reboot, starring Andrew Garfield, Emma Stone and Rhys Ifans.
Whatever you’re up to this weekend, make sure you look both ways and remember that eating spaghetti with a white t-shirt on is a very dangerous game.