The Weekly Retro Movie Rundown 268

Yay! Weekend time again folks, Thank the god of weekends because they have packed it to the brim for us movie loving geeks. From adventuring archaeologists, teenage wizardry, shrimp boat captains, teenage romantics and firemen, it’s a fine time to stay in with us so put your feet up and completely immerse yourself in this weekends retro extravaganza. Enjoy yourself folks!

SATURDAY 18th November

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Beethoven's 2nd (1993) ITV2 2:00pm-3:50pm

The slobbering St Bernard is now grown up and in love with his beautiful sweetheart Missy. Together they bring a litter of puppies into the world - but have to go on the defensive when Missy's owner, the evil Regina, sets out to steal them for herself. Comedy sequel, starring Charles Grodin, Bonnie Hunt, Chris Penn, Nicholle Tom and Christopher Castle.

The Fifth Element (1997) 5STAR 4:40pm-7:10pm

In the 23rd century, the world faces destruction from a seemingly unstoppable force of pure evil. Meanwhile, a New York cab driver encounters a mysterious woman destined to save the Earth from its fate, and has to protect her from a scheming arms dealer and a horde of alien mercenaries. Luc Besson's sci-fi adventure, starring Bruce Willis, Milla Jovovich and Gary Oldman.

Dante's Peak (1997) Film4 6:55pm-9:00pm (2 hours 5 minutes)

A vulcanologist's suspicions that a long-dormant volcano is about to erupt turn out to be true, prompting him to race against time to save the community standing in its way - and clash with local government officials weighing his predictions against the loss in tourism revenue. Disaster movie, starring Pierce Brosnan, Linda Hamilton, Elizabeth Hoffman and Charles Hallahan.

Stephen King's It (1990) Sony Movie Channel 9:00pm-12:50am (3 hours 50 minutes)

A boy's murder alerts seven friends that a supernatural enemy they fought as children has returned. But after 30 years apart, the reluctant heroes struggle to overcome their worst fears and find the courage necessary to defeat such an inhuman force. Horror, starring Tim Curry, Richard Thomas, Tim Reid, John Ritter and Olivia Hussey.

Darkman (1990) Film4 9:00pm-11:00pm (2 hours)

A scientist working on synthetic skin is horribly disfigured and left for dead by a criminal gang. Now unable to feel pain, he continues his research, creating artificial faces that will last for only a short time. He uses these disguises to aid him in taking revenge on those who mutilated him - while also using a mask of his own face to see the girlfriend who thinks he died. Thriller, starring Liam Neeson and Frances McDormand.

First Blood (1982) ITV 10:55pm-12:40am (1 hour 45 minutes)

Vietnam veteran John Rambo is wrongfully arrested in a backwoods town and tested to the limits of his endurance by a brutal deputy. Rambo escapes from his cell and heads out to the woods, and with the forces of the law in hot pursuit he finally has the chance to fight them on his own terms. Action thriller, starring Sylvester Stallone, Brian Dennehy, Richard Crenna and David Caruso.

Aliens (1986) Film4 11:00pm-2:05am (3 hours 5 minutes)

Lone survivor Ripley is rescued in deep space decades after an alien creature wiped out her ship's entire crew. She is recruited to accompany a military expedition to a colony on the planet where she first encountered the monster, only to find the aliens have been reproducing and there are now hordes of them. James Cameron's sci-fi thriller sequel, with Sigourney Weaver, Michael Biehn and Lance Henriksen.

SUNDAY 19th November

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Carry On Screaming (1966) ITV 11:05am-12:55pm (1 hour 50 minutes)

A sinister boffin, his sultry sister and two genetic misfits kidnap innocent women from spooky Hocomb Woods and turn them into mannequins - but two dim-witted detectives look set to throw a spanner in the works. Comedy horror, starring Kenneth Williams, Fenella Fielding, Harry H Corbett, Charles Hawtrey, Jim Dale, Joan Sims and Bernard Bresslaw.

A Walk in the Clouds (1995) Sony Movie Channel 4:10pm-6:25pm

A salesman, recently returned from the Second World War, meets a pregnant woman who is anxious about going back to live on her strict parents' vineyard, so he agrees to pose as her husband to calm the waters. But once there, he is reluctant to give up the pleasures of the simple life, despite having a real wife back home. Romantic drama, starring Keanu Reeves, Aitana Sanchez-Gijon and Anthony Quinn.

Fun Fact: Keanu Reeves was injured during a friendly game of hockey with his friends during spare time. His lip was split, requiring six stitches. In his next scheduled scene, a love scene with Debra Messing, he was quoted as saying to her: "please don't hurt me."

Men in Black II (2002) Channel 4 5:20pm-7:00pm (1 hour 40 minutes)

Agent J investigates the unauthorised landing of a spacecraft and discovers a malevolent alien disguised as a lingerie model is on the verge of destroying humanity. His only hope of stopping her diabolical plot is to restore the memory of his retired partner K - but his former mentor takes more than a little convincing. Sci-fi comedy sequel, directed by Barry Sonnenfeld, starring Will Smith, Tommy Lee Jones, Rosario Dawson, Lara Flynn Boyle, Johnny Knoxville, Rip Torn and Tony Shalhoub.

Cliffhanger (1993) ITV4 9:00pm-11:15pm

A retired mountain rescue expert is drawn into a battle of wits with a psychopathic criminal searching for a $100million fortune lost in the Rockies - and puts his life on the line as he negotiates the treacherous mountains in a bid to stay one step ahead of the crook. Action thriller, starring Sylvester Stallone, John Lithgow, Janine Turner and Michael Rooker.

Hard to Kill (1990) ITV4 11:15pm-1:20am

A gang of drug dealers attacks the home of a Los Angeles cop, leaving him in a coma and his wife dead. Seven years later, he regains consciousness and gets ready to exact a grisly payback on the murderers. As he embarks on his deadly mission of vengeance, he learns his son also survived the attack, but was told he is dead. Thriller, with Steven Seagal, Kelly LeBrock, Bill Sadler and Frederick Coffin.

Whatever you're up to this weekend, don't forget to wipe your feet and always keep both shoes together when not wearing them. It's a nightmare otherwise.