Well blow me down and kick my shin! It’s only another retro movie filled weekend!
Drip, drip, drop,
Little April shower,
Beating a tune as you fall all around
Drip, drip, drop Little April shower
What can compare with your beautiful sound?
Beautiful sound, beautiful sound
Drip, drop, drip, drop
Have a happy retro weekend!
SATURDAY 9th April
Picture Perfect (1997) Film4 11:00am-1:00pm (2 hours)
An ambitious executive hires a man to pose as her fiancée to give her a stable image at work and attract a colleague who is only tempted by unavailable women. However, her fantasy life soon spirals out of control, leaving her unable to tell the difference between fact and fiction. Romantic comedy, with Jennifer Aniston, Jay Mohr, Kevin Bacon, Olympia Dukakis and Illeana Douglas.
Henry V (1989) BBC2 1:00pm-3:15pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
The English king leads his armies into war to reclaim control of France – culminating in a pivotal confrontation with much larger enemy forces on the fields of Agincourt. Adaptation of Shakespeare’s historical play, directed by and starring Kenneth Branagh. With Derek Jacobi, Brian Blessed, Emma Thompson, Ian Holm, Robert Stephens and a young Christian Bale.
Police Academy 3: Back in Training (1986) ITV4 2:00pm-3:00pm (1 hour)
Facing closure from cutbacks in public spending and competition from a more successful academy, the police training school calls on its bungling graduates to act as instructors and make good officers out of a bunch of new recruits even more incompetent than they are. Comedy sequel, starring Steve Guttenberg, Bubba Smith, Michael Winslow and Art Metrano.
Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (1982) 5STAR 1:25pm-3:35pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
The Enterprise crew faces a bitter battle to the death with an old enemy. Khan, a genetically engineered superhuman tyrant, has escaped exile on a barren planet and hijacked a starship to take his revenge on Admiral Kirk, while also scheming to turn an experimental planet-creating device into a doomsday weapon. Sci-fi adventure sequel, with William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, Ricardo Montalban and Kirstie Alley.
Star Trek Merchandise
From Russia with Love (1963) ITV4 3:45pm-4:45pm (1 hour)
James Bond is sent to steal a top-secret Soviet decoding machine and ends up helping its operator defect to the West. However, he discovers the mission is really a trap set by international crime syndicate Spectre, and struggles to evade his would-be assassins. Spy thriller, starring Sean Connery, Robert Shaw, Daniela Bianchi and Lotte Lenya.
James Bond Merchandise
King Kong (2005) ITV2 4:45pm-5:45pm (1 hour)
A maverick film-maker and his cast and crew board a ship bound for a mysterious island – but when they arrive, a giant gorilla carries off their leading lady. As the crew makes its way through the teeming jungle to find her, the director concocts a dangerous scheme to capture the great ape and take it back to New York. Peter Jackson’s remake of the fantasy adventure, starring Naomi Watts, Jack Black, Andy Serkis and Adrien Brody.
Starman (1984) Film4 6:45pm-9:00pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
An alien who crash-lands on Earth falls in love with a widow after assuming her dead husband’s identity as a cover, but the duo are soon fleeing the authorities in a frantic effort to reach an extraterrestrial rescue ship. Sci-fi fantasy romance, directed by John Carpenter and starring Jeff Bridges, Karen Allen, Charles Martin Smith, Richard Jaeckel and Robert Phalen.
I, Robot (2004) Film4 9:00pm-11:15pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
The inventor of an advanced form of intelligent robot is found dead, and the detective investigating the case is certain that one of the scientist’s mechanical creations is responsible – but no one believes his theory because the robots have been programmed to prevent them from harming humans. Sci-fi thriller, inspired by the Isaac Asimov stories, starring Will Smith, Bridget Moynahan and Alan Tudyk.
The Fast and the Furious (2001) ITV 9:25pm-10:25pm (1 hour)
In a move to identify suspected hijackers, an undercover police officer infiltrates the high-octane world of illegal late-night street racing by rival gangs. He is befriended by a champion driver, but when he also forms a bond with the racer’s sister, he is pitched into a conflict of loyalties. Thriller, starring Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Michelle Rodriguez and Jordana Brewster.
Die Hard (1988) Channel 4 10:00pm-12:35am (2 hours 35 minutes)
New York cop John McClane visits Los Angeles to see his family over the Christmas holiday. Stopping off at his wife’s place of work, he realises armed men have taken over the building and are holding the corporation’s staff to ransom – and only he has the ability to fight back. Action thriller, starring Bruce Willis, Alan Rickman and Bonnie Bedelia.
Passenger 57 (1992) ITV4 10:00pm-11:00pm (1 hour)
After his wife is shot dead during a robbery, a cop hands in his badge and takes up a job offer from an old friend to be a security adviser for a major transatlantic airline. On the flight taking him to his new employers in Los Angeles is an international terrorist being escorted to trial by the FBI – while the prisoner’s accomplices are disguised as passengers and crew and plan to hijack the plane. Action thriller, with Wesley Snipes, Bruce Payne, Tom Sizemore, Alex Datcher, Bruce Greenwood and Elizabeth Hurley.
Fun Fact: Originally, the role played by Wesley Snipes was offered to Sylvester Stallone but Stallone turned it down. However, just for fun, the script writer named one of the major characters, “Sly”, short for Sylvester and a nickname for Stallone.
SUNDAY 10th April
The Addams Family (1991) Film4 11:00am-1:00pm (2 hours)
Creepy couple Morticia and Gomez find their unconventional life threatened by a man claiming to be a long-lost relative. When they welcome him with open arms, they fall prey to a plot that could cost them their ancestral home and the family fortune. Black comedy based on the 1960s TV series, starring Anjelica Huston, Raul Julia, Christopher Lloyd, Christina Ricci, Jimmy Workman and Carel Struycken.
Small Soldiers (1998) ITV2 1:25pm-2:25pm (1 hour)
A hi-tech computer chip has a bizarre effect on a squad of toy soldiers, causing mayhem for their owner as the miniature marauders engage in a series of scaled-down skirmishes. Children’s adventure mixing live action and computer animation, starring Kirsten Dunst, Denis Leary and Gregory Smith, with the voices of Tommy Lee Jones, Frank Langella, Sarah Michelle Gellar and Christina Ricci.
Mr Bean’s Holiday (2007) ITV2 3:35pm-4:35pm (1 hour)
The bumbling fool wins first prize in the church raffle – a trip to France and a video camera. His travels cause chaos as he disrupts a film shoot in Cannes, to the fury of its megalomaniac director, and is then accused of kidnapping a youngster. Comedy, starring Rowan Atkinson, Willem Dafoe, Emma de Caunes and Max Baldry.
Mr Bean TShirts
Licence to Kill (1989) ITV 4:10pm-6:40pm (2 hours 30 minutes)
James Bond plans revenge on a drug baron who maimed his friend. However, when the British government refuses to take official action, 007 finds himself stripped of his licence to kill and forced to go it alone without the backing of MI6. Spy thriller, starring Timothy Dalton, Robert Davi, Carey Lowell, Talisa Soto and Benicio Del Toro.
Fun Fact: At 21 years old, Benicio Del Toro is the youngest actor to ever play a villain in a James Bond film.
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997) Comedy Central 8:00pm-10:00pm (2 hours)
A velvet-clad, sex-crazed secret agent from the 1960s agrees to be put into a state of suspended animation after his arch-enemy escapes justice. Thirty years later he is defrosted to do battle with the power-mad villain again, but the mission proves nearly as daunting for him as getting to grips with 1990s social values. Spoof spy adventure, with Mike Myers, Elizabeth Hurley, Mimi Rogers, Michael York and Robert Wagner.
Beverly Hills Cop II (1987) Dave 9:00pm-11:00pm (2 hours)
Wisecracking Detroit detective Axel Foley returns to Los Angeles to investigate the shooting of an old friend, and uncovers a connection with a spate of violent robberies carried out by a criminal who leaves a mysterious calling card. Comedy thriller sequel, with Eddie Murphy, Judge Reinhold, John Ashton, Ronny Cox and Brigitte Nielsen.
This Is Spinal Tap (1984) Gold 11:40pm-1:20am (1 hour 40 minutes)
An ageing British rock band try to revive their fortunes by embarking on a US tour, with a film-maker on hand to record the mayhem. However, the big comeback soon turns into a series of disasters as tensions between the clueless rockers and their long-suffering manager reach breaking point. Spoof documentary, starring Michael McKean, Christopher Guest, Harry Shearer and Rob Reiner.
The Blair Witch Project (1998) 12:25am-2:00am (1 hour 35 minutes) *If you DARE*
Three film students head into the American backwoods to make a documentary about the fabled Blair Witch. There proves to be more to the urban legend than meets the eye, and as night falls they find themselves in very real danger. Horror, presented as camcorder footage shot by the characters during their investigation, starring Heather Donahue, Michael Williams and Joshua Leonard.
Whatever you’re up to this weekend, remember that packing more than you need can be more of a hindrance than a help and that some things are better left unexplained.