The Weekly Retro Movie Rundown!

Jingle all the way! Another festive retro movie rundown has just landed on our roof and is here to spread some cheer!

With our postage sacks bulging like a hamster’s cheeks, we’re busy whizzing around from shelf to shelf like the Elves we are grabbing and wrapping all the toys and games ready for the big day. With a skip and a song as we go, we’ll send everyone’s presents merrily on their way ready to be tucked under bright and bold trees as they glisten in the night.

SATURDAY 9th December

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Miracle on 34th Street
(1947) Film4 11:00am-1:00pm (2 hours)
When a popular New York department store Santa Claus is placed in an asylum for claiming to be the genuine article, a crusading city lawyer takes on the case, determined to prove the man’s sanity. Christmas drama, starring Edmund Gwenn, Maureen O’Hara, Natalie Wood, John Payne, Gene Lockhart, Porter Hall and William Frawley.

Flight of the Navigator (1986) Film4 1:00pm-2:45pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
A boy mysteriously disappears in 1978, and is found eight years later, having not aged a day. He escapes being experimented on by government scientists by taking off in a crashed alien spaceship. With the help of the robot pilot, he tries to find out what has happened to him and if he can get back home. Sci-fi adventure, starring Joey Cramer and Veronica Cartwright, with the voice of Paul Reubens.

Wild Wild West (1999) Dave 3:00pm-5:00pm (2 hours)
A government agent teams up with a gadget-mad master of disguise to investigate the disappearance of several scientists. Their search leads them to an evil genius who is plotting to kill the US president with some bizarre inventions of his own. Sci-fi Western comedy, starring Will Smith, Kevin Kline, Kenneth Branagh, Salma Hayek and Ted Levine.

Live and Let Die (1973) ITV4 6:35pm-9:00pm
James Bond’s investigation into the murder of three British agents leads him to a connection between the dictator of a Caribbean island and a notorious Harlem drug kingpin – along with a plot to flood America with limitless supplies of free heroin. Spy adventure, with Roger Moore in his first appearance as 007, alongside Yaphet Kotto and Jane Seymour.

Octopussy (1983) ITV4 9:00pm-11:40pm
James Bond investigates the mysterious death of a British agent in East Berlin, a mission that leads him to a glamorous, international jewel thief. He discovers one of her criminal cohorts, an Indian gangster, is in league with a crazed Soviet general who plans to heat up the Cold War by detonating a nuclear bomb in an American Air Force Base. Spy adventure, with Roger Moore, Maud Adams, Steven Berkoff and Louis Jourdan.

James Bond Merchandise

Renegades (1989) ITV4 11:40pm-1:50am
An undercover cop infiltrating a criminal gang is involved in a diamond heist that ends in murder. As he pursues the criminals and tries to expose corruption in his own department, he makes an unlikely ally of a Native American on a quest to recover a sacred tribal artefact stolen by the crooks. Action adventure, with Kiefer Sutherland and Lou Diamond Phillips.

Shaun of the Dead (2004) ITV 11:05pm-12:50am (1 hour 45 minutes)
An unambitious 29-year-old man recently dumped and trapped in the job from hell decides to get his life back on track. Unfortunately, he has to put his plans on hold when zombies rise from their graves and stalk the streets of London to feast on the living. Comedy horror, starring Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Kate Ashfield, Dylan Moran, Lucy Davis, Bill Nighy and Penelope Wilton.

SUNDAY 10th December

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Junior
(1994) ITV 12:00pm-2:05pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
A fertility expert pioneers a treatment enabling men to become pregnant and carry babies to full term. When the authorities cancel funding for the research, he decides to test it on himself, but gives little thought to how difficult it will be to keep it a secret. The situation is further complicated when he starts to fall for the woman whose child he is carrying. Comedy, with Arnold Schwarzenegger, Danny DeVito, Emma Thompson and Frank Langella.

Toy Story (1995) BBC1 3:35pm-4:50pm (1 hour 15 minutes)
A jealous string-pulled cowboy doll’s status as his owner’s favourite plaything is threatened by the arrival of a charismatic hi-tech astronaut figure, who refuses to believe he is simply a toy. However, the rivals are forced to work together when they are left stranded in the outside world. Pixar animated adventure, featuring the voices of Tom Hanks, Tim Allen, Don Rickles and Jim Varney.

Toy Story Merchandise

The Man with the Golden Gun (1974) ITV4 5:25pm-8:00pm
James Bond’s investigation into the death of a world-renowned scientist working on solar technology draws him into a battle of wits with a stealthy assassin, who dispatches his victims with a golden bullet and has the British secret agent next in his sights. Spy adventure, starring Roger Moore, Christopher Lee, Britt Ekland and Maud Adams.

Godzilla (1998) Sony Movie Channel 6:10pm-9:00pm
A giant mutant lizard spawned from an atomic test rampages through the streets of New York, defying the combined might of the US Army and Navy as it searches for a quiet place to hatch its eggs. A bookish radiation expert and a shady French secret agent join forces to defeat the creature. Hollywood remake of the Japanese monster adventure, starring Matthew Broderick, Jean Reno, Maria Pitillo and Hank Azaria.

A View to a Kill (1985) ITV4 8:00pm-10:40pm
James Bond clashes with a megalomaniac international businessman plotting a global takeover of the computer industry by engineering a devastating earthquake in California’s Silicon Valley – and killing millions in the process. Spy adventure, starring Roger Moore in his final appearance as 007 alongside Christopher Walken, Grace Jones, Tanya Roberts and Patrick Macnee.

In the Line of Fire (1993) Sony Movie Channel 9:00pm-11:45pm
An ageing secret service agent, tormented by his failure to save the life of John F Kennedy in 1963, is drawn into a battle of wits with a sinister CIA-trained assassin out to kill the current president. As the day of reckoning draws closer, the agent’s nerves are tested to the limit – and nothing seems to be going his way. Wolfgang Petersen’s thriller, starring Clint Eastwood, John Malkovich, Rene Russo and Dylan McDermott.

Whatever you’re up to this weekend, spare some time to kick back, put your feet up and tuck into a box of chocolates and a good film. You won’t regret it.

The Weekly Retro Movie Rundown!

Hot bowls and spiky sticks! Another retro movie weekend is here and ready to rock this weekend.

Picking only the finest selection of cheeses we can muster, we will begin to chop, grate and mix all these subtle flavours together to create something bigger than the sum of it’s parts. We will begin to slowly heat, melt and mix our concoction, adding a touch of this, a splash of that and a hint of something else. Slowly stirring into the most delicious and winter warming fondue we have ever seen, we will marvel at our creation before mopping up the entire pot with a mix of tasty treats on sticks.

SATURDAY 11th November

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Getting Even with Dad (1994) 5STAR 11:30am-1:40pm
Spoilt child Timmy goes to live with his outwardly respectable father, but realises he is a small-time thief planning his latest robbery. Timmy sets out to reform his dad, and in the meantime manages to fix him up with an attractive undercover cop – leading to much confusion. Family comedy, starring Macaulay Culkin, Ted Danson, Glenne Headly and Hector Elizondo.

Fun Fact: Saul Rubinek was really hit in the nose with a bat during the scene where he falls down the stairs at the stadium. Since Rubinek was caught off guard, his reaction gave the scene a more realistic look.

Matilda (1996) Sony Movie Channel 11:45am-1:50pm
A gifted youngster is packed off by her selfish parents to the prison-like Crunchem Hall School. Once there, she befriends a sweet-natured teacher who convinces her that not all grown-ups are bad – and urges her to use her special powers to turn the tables on the nasty headmistress. Fantasy comedy, adapted from the children’s book by Roald Dahl, with Mara Wilson, Pam Ferris, Embeth Davidtz, Rhea Perlman and Danny DeVito, who also directed.

Roald Dahl Merchandise

Short Circuit 2 (1988) Film4 1:00pm-3:10pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
Manic mechanoid Johnny Five meets an old friend in New York City and embarks on a fact-finding tour – but ends up entangled in a series of escapades culminating in a bank robbery. Sci-fi comedy sequel, starring Fisher Stevens, Michael McKean, Cynthia Gibb and Jack Weston, with the voice of Tim Blaney.

Labyrinth (1986) 5STAR 1:40pm-3:40pm
A teenager wishes her baby brother would be taken away, only to have her request granted by a band of goblins and their sinister king. She regrets her decision and sets out to rescue him, but to reach the castle where he is being held, she must find her way through a magical maze full of strange creatures. Jim Henson’s fantasy adventure, starring Jennifer Connelly and David Bowie.

Labyrinth Merchandise

Bean (1997) ITV2 3:40pm-5:20pm
The hapless fool is employed as a security guard for a British art gallery and is sent to Los Angeles to bring back a famous painting. Unfortunately, he finds himself mistaken for a renowned art professor and invited to make an important presentation. Mel Smith’s British comedy, starring Rowan Atkinson, Burt Reynolds, Peter MacNicol, John Mills, Peter Capaldi and June Brown.

Smokey and the Bandit II (1980) Sony Movie Channel 4:20pm-6:35pm
The maverick haulier must overcome a crisis of confidence when he and his friends are hired to transport a pregnant elephant to Texas, a mammoth task that proves far from easy, especially with their old enemy in hot pursuit. Road comedy, with Burt Reynolds, Jackie Gleason, Jerry Reed, Dom DeLuise and Sally Field.

SUNDAY 12th November

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Look Who’s Talking Now (1993) Sony Movie Channel 1:05pm-3:00pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
A family takes in two pet dogs, a scruffy mongrel with discipline problems and a prim and proper pedigree poodle, whose personality clashes create all sorts of mayhem for the household. Comedy sequel, starring John Travolta and Kirstie Alley, plus the voices of Diane Keaton and Danny DeVito as the canine duo.

Men in Black (1997) Channel 4 4:45pm-6:30pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
A streetwise cop is enlisted by a top-secret government force dedicated to policing alien visitors to Earth, teaming up with a veteran agent just as a body-swapping extraterrestrial giant insect begins a reign of terror throughout New York City. Sci-fi comedy, starring Will Smith, Tommy Lee Jones, Linda Fiorentino, Rip Torn and Vincent D’Onofrio.

Big Daddy (1999) Sony Movie Channel 7:00pm-9:00pm (2 hours)
An immature 32-year-old is heartbroken when his girlfriend walks out on him. In a plan to win her back, he volunteers to look after his flatmate’s five-year-old son, thus demonstrating he is finally ready to grow up. However, his ideas of childcare prove unconventional and chaos quickly ensues. Comedy, with Adam Sandler, Joey Lauren Adams, Jon Stewart, Josh Mostel, Leslie Mann, Rob Schneider and Kristy Swanson, alongside Steve Buscemi in a cameo role.

Quantum of Solace (2008) ITV2 8:00pm-10:15pm
James Bond sets out on a personal mission of vengeance as he pursues the secret criminal organisation Quantum. His search leads him to the head of an ecological corporation, who is plotting to orchestrate a coup in a Latin American country to get his hands on a precious natural resource. Spy thriller sequel, starring Daniel Craig, Olga Kurylenko, Judi Dench, Gemma Arterton and Mathieu Amalric.

Whatever you’re up to this weekend, keep it cheesy.

The Weekly Retro Movie Rundown!

Splish, splash… another retro movie weekend is here! Let’s stir up some super sweet retro movie goodness.

Clicking on the kettle like shaking hands with an old and trusted friend, we’ll begin to gather all the essential bits and bobs from all the various locations. Selecting the perfect mug from the bunch, we’ll pluck out our next tea baggy victim, throw in just the right amount of sugar and then begin to fill our mug to the perfect level. Watching the clear liquid quickly turn into a familiar shade of brown with a stir with the spoon, we’ll begin to dream of the tea creation we are so close to complete before we can sit back and enjoy the weekends retro movie wonder.

SATURDAY 23rd September

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Look Who’s Talking Too (1990) Sony Movie Channel 9:00am-10:35am (1 hour 35 minutes)
Wisecracking toddler Mikey is joined by mischievous baby sister Julie and sibling rivalry inevitably erupts – while their parents have problems of their own to deal with, in the shape of the kids’ good-for-nothing uncle. Comedy sequel, starring John Travolta and Kirstie Alley, with the voices of Bruce Willis and Rosanne Barr.

The Rugrats Movie (1999) Film4 11:00am-12:40pm (1 hour 40 minutes)
Tommy tries to return his new brother to the baby shop, helped by Angelica, Chuckie, Phil and Lil – but the friends get lost in dense woodlands en route, turning their expedition into a scary and exciting journey of discovery. Animated comedy based on the TV series, with the voices of Elizabeth Daily, Christine Cavanaugh, Kath Soucie, Whoopi Goldberg and Busta Rhymes.

Matilda (1996) Sony Movie Channel 2:20pm-4:25pm
A gifted youngster is packed off by her selfish parents to the prison-like Crunchem Hall School. Once there, she befriends a sweet-natured teacher who convinces her that not all grown-ups are bad – and urges her to use her special powers to turn the tables on the nasty headmistress. Fantasy comedy, adapted from the children’s book by Roald Dahl, with Mara Wilson, Pam Ferris, Embeth Davidtz, Rhea Perlman and Danny DeVito, who also directed.

Roald Dahl Merchandise

Babe (1995) ITV2 3:30pm-5:10pm
A kindly farmer wins a cute piglet, which some greedy humans and jealous animals hope will end up as the Christmas roast. Undaunted, the young pig proves himself useful on the farm and enlists the aid of the resident dog in learning how to herd sheep. Family comedy, starring James Cromwell and Magda Szubanski, with Christine Cavanaugh, Miriam Margolyes and Hugo Weaving among those providing the voices of the animal characters.

Jumanji (1995) Sony Movie Channel 4:25pm-6:35pm
A man who has been trapped inside a mysterious jungle board game for 26 years is eventually freed when two children start to play it. Unfortunately, he arrives with a rampaging horde of animals on his heels, leaving only one solution – to finish the game he started all those years ago. Fantasy adventure, starring Robin Williams, Kirsten Dunst and Bonnie Hunt.

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986) ITV4 4:35pm-6:45pm
A cocky teenager plays truant from school and spends the day dragging his girlfriend and a reluctant friend into all manner of crazy adventures in the big city – while the school’s dean of students vows to stop at nothing to prove the youngster is faking illness. Comedy, starring Matthew Broderick, Mia Sara, Alan Ruck, Jennifer Grey, Jeffrey Jones and Charlie Sheen.

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off Clothing

Airplane II: The Sequel (1982) Film4 7:15pm-9:00pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
Hapless hero Ted Striker tries to prevent the launch of a passenger space shuttle, certain it will end in disaster. Sadly, his prediction comes true when a computer malfunction sends the spacecraft hurtling toward the sun, while a man driven mad by sexual inadequacy smuggles a bomb on board. Disaster movie spoof sequel, starring Robert Hays, Julie Hagerty, Lloyd Bridges, William Shatner, Sonny Bono and Chad Everett.

Airplane! TShirts

Speed (1994) Film4 9:00pm-11:15pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
An LAPD cop discovers a psychopathic criminal has planted a bomb on a crowded bus, primed to go off if the vehicle drops below 50mph. He boards the vehicle and helps the hapless passenger who has been forced to take the wheel to keep a constant speed to avoid a disaster. Action thriller, starring Keanu Reeves, Sandra Bullock, Dennis Hopper and Jeff Daniels.

There’s Something About Mary (1998) 5STAR 9:00pm-11:25pm
A lovelorn man hires a sleazy private eye to track down his high-school sweetheart in the hope of rekindling their brief relationship. By unfortunate coincidence, the detective also falls for her, and then it emerges there are even more men out there competing for her affections. Comedy from the Farrelly brothers, starring Cameron Diaz, Ben Stiller, Matt Dillon and Lee Evans.

SUNDAY 24th September

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Hulk
(2003) Channel 4 1:30pm-4:10pm (2 hours 40 minutes)
Scientist Dr Bruce Banner turns into the rampaging green Hulk after exposure to a huge dose of gamma radiation, prompting the military to embark on a no-holds-barred mission to destroy the monster. Meanwhile, Banner’s unstable father resurfaces, holding the secret to his transformation. Comic-book adventure from director Ang Lee, starring Eric Bana, Jennifer Connelly, Sam Elliott and Nick Nolte.

Superhero Gifts

The Four Musketeers (1974) Film4 3:00pm-5:05pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
The swashbuckling heroes, with young swordsman D’Artagnan promoted to their ranks, are sent to quell an uprising against the king. But the scheming Cardinal Richelieu continues plotting to seize power, while his treacherous partner-in-crime Milady de Winter has revenge in mind. Adventure sequel, starring Oliver Reed, Michael York, Charlton Heston, Faye Dunaway, Christopher Lee, Richard Chamberlain and Frank Finlay.

The Dam Busters (1954) ITV4 3:15pm-5:55pm
The story of the destruction of the major dams in Germany’s industrial heartland in the Ruhr valley in 1943, a mission that seemed impossible until engineer and scientist Barnes Wallis came up with the ingenious idea of bouncing bombs, and the pilots of 617 Squadron were trained to fly the crucial mission. Second World War drama, with Michael Redgrave, Richard Todd, Basil Sydney, Derek Farr and Ursula Jeans.

Fun Fact: The bombs shown in the movie were the wrong shape because the actual shape (a stubby cylinder) was still secret at the time.

Volcano (1997) E4 8:00pm-10:00pm (2 hours)
A river of molten lava spews from an erupting volcano onto the streets of Los Angeles, prompting the head of a crisis agency to team up with an intrepid scientist in a frantic and dangerous bid to save the city’s residents. Disaster thriller, starring Tommy Lee Jones, Anne Heche, Gaby Hoffmann, Keith David and Don Cheadle.

The Rainmaker (1997) Sony Movie Channel 10:00pm-11:50pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
An idealistic newly qualified lawyer teams up with a disreputable researcher to champion the cause of a leukaemia sufferer whose mother is suing an insurance company for refusing to pay his medical costs. As the case progresses, the young legal eagle finds he has much to learn about the dark side of the judicial process. Francis Ford Coppola’s courtroom drama adapted from the novel by John Grisham, starring Matt Damon, Danny DeVito, Jon Voight, Claire Danes and Mickey Rourke.

Boyz N the Hood (1991) BBC2 11:15pm-1:00am
A bright but underachieving teenager with a domineering single father strikes up a friendship with two brothers, and over time, the three young men each follow their own path – but a tragedy eventually leaves them facing a dangerous choice. Drama, starring Cuba Gooding Jr, Laurence Fishburne, Morris Chestnut and Ice Cube.

Whatever you’re up to this weekend, don’t forget to recycle and always keep your socks dry.

The Weekly Retro Movie Rundown!

Well mask my wall and slap me with a brush! Another retro movie weekend is upon us!

Taking on more ‘little’ jobs than you could even imagine, the beginner DIYer is frantically at work trying to create a domestic masterpiece. Filling here, sanding there, our lone warrior is smashing their way through each room like a person possessed. Measuring twice and cutting once, the great wardrobes of glory will slowly rise to become a things of beauty. Fit for a king and queen, their new abode will make the history books and will sure to see them living in comfort for years to come.

Have a happy retro weekend!

SATURDAY 19th August

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Jumanji
(1995) Sony Movie Channel 1:00pm-3:10pm
A man who has been trapped inside a mysterious jungle board game for 26 years is eventually freed when two children start to play it. Unfortunately, he arrives with a rampaging horde of animals on his heels, leaving only one solution – to finish the game he started all those years ago. Fantasy adventure, starring Robin Williams, Kirsten Dunst and Bonnie Hunt.

Labyrinth (1986) 5STAR 5:10pm-7:10pm
A teenager wishes her baby brother would be taken away, only to have her request granted by a band of goblins and their sinister king. She regrets her decision and sets out to rescue him, but to reach the castle where he is being held, she must find her way through a magical maze full of strange creatures. Jim Henson’s fantasy adventure, starring Jennifer Connelly and David Bowie.

Labyrinth Merchandise

Toy Story (1995) BBC1 5:15pm-6:30pm
A jealous string-pulled cowboy doll’s status as his owner’s favourite plaything is threatened by the arrival of a charismatic hi-tech astronaut figure, who refuses to believe he is simply a toy. However, the rivals are forced to work together when they are left stranded in the outside world. Pixar animated adventure, featuring the voices of Tom Hanks, Tim Allen, Don Rickles and Jim Varney.

Toy Story Gifts

The World Is Not Enough (1999) ITV 10:50pm-1:10am (2 hours 20 minutes)
James Bond is assigned to protect the heiress of an oil dynasty after her father is killed in a bombing at MI6 headquarters. The attack is the work of an infamous terrorist who is unable to feel pain after surviving a gunshot to his head, and who now intends to destroy the world’s supply of oil. Spy adventure, starring Pierce Brosnan, Robert Carlyle, Sophie Marceau and Robbie Coltrane.

Blade (1998) ITV4 11:05pm-1:25am
A half-vampire possesses all the strengths inherent in bloodsuckers with none of their weaknesses, and is determined to wipe the monsters from the face of the Earth. However, he faces a deadly new threat in a renegade vampire who is close to decoding an ancient prophecy that will allow him to repopulate the world with his kind. Action thriller, starring Wesley Snipes, Stephen Dorff and Kris Kristofferson.

SUNDAY 20th August

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Muppets from Space
(1999) Sony Movie Channel 10:45am-12:35pm
Gonzo hits the road with pal Rizzo in tow and goes in search of his roots – only to make the amazing discovery that his parents belonged to a race of aliens. He then has to choose whether to board a UFO and return to his family, or stay with the friends he knows and loves. Family comedy, with F Murray Abraham, David Arquette, Ray Liotta, Andie MacDowell and Rob Schneider alongside the puppets

Antz (1998) Film4 1:00pm-2:40pm (1 hour 40 minutes)
A neurotic worker ant passes himself off as a soldier to impress a princess. However, he provokes a jealously ambitious general with an accidental act of heroism – so he and his beloved decide to flee the brutal colony and go in search of the promised land of Insectopia. Animated comedy, with the voices of Woody Allen, Sharon Stone, Gene Hackman and Sylvester Stallone.

Licence to Kill (1989) ITV 3:25pm-6:00pm (2 hours 35 minutes)
James Bond plans revenge on a drug baron who maimed his friend. However, when the British government refuses to take official action, 007 finds himself stripped of his licence to kill and forced to go it alone without the backing of MI6. Spy thriller, starring Timothy Dalton, Robert Davi, Carey Lowell, Talisa Soto and Benicio Del Toro.

James Bond Gifts

Hocus Pocus (1993) Film4 7:05pm-9:00pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
A teenager in Salem, Massachusetts, breaks into a spooky house on Halloween and accidentally resurrects three witches who have been dead for 300 years. The sorceresses are soon causing chaos while seeking a suitable sacrifice for a ritual to give them eternal youth. However, an old foe – a boy they turned into a cat – is on hand to help stop their mischief. Supernatural Disney comedy, with Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker, Kathy Najimy and Omri Katz.

Matilda (1996) Sony Movie Channel 6:55pm-9:00pm
A gifted youngster is packed off by her selfish parents to the prison-like Crunchem Hall School. Once there, she befriends a sweet-natured teacher who convinces her that not all grown-ups are bad – and urges her to use her special powers to turn the tables on the nasty headmistress. Fantasy comedy, adapted from the children’s book by Roald Dahl, with Mara Wilson, Pam Ferris, Embeth Davidtz, Rhea Perlman and Danny DeVito, who also directed.

Matilda Clothing

Midnight Run (1988) Sony Movie Channel 9:00pm-11:40pm
When accountant Jonathan Mardukas skips bail after having been arrested for embezzlement, bounty hunter Jack Walsh is hired to catch the fraudster and return him from New York to Los Angeles. Unfortunately, his task is hindered by the ingenuity of Mardukas and the attentions of pursuing FBI agents and Mafia hitmen. Comedy thriller, starring Robert De Niro, Charles Grodin, Yaphet Kotto, Dennis Farina, John Ashton and Joe Pantoliano.

Whatever you’re up to this weekend, check the traffic first and remember to take a drink with you.

The Weekly Retro Movie Rundown!

Cor blimey governor! Another retro movie weekend so soon? We’d better hop to it!

Shouting it out loud and proud like an old timey Victorian street trader, we’ll dig out, wash off and proudly display our fresh batch of retro movie goodies. Roll up, roll up… classic movies for all! Shouting louder than our market competition, we’ll put only the best ones at the front and make sure they shine bright to any passers by.

Have a happy retro weekend!

SATURDAY 29th July

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Death Becomes Her (1992) ITV3 9:30am-11:30am
Two romantic rivals are both granted the secret of eternal youth by a mysterious mystic. However, as they battle to get their claws into a plastic surgeon, they discover their now-immortal bodies are capable of taking whatever damage they can dish out. Black comedy fantasy, starring Goldie Hawn, Meryl Streep, Bruce Willis and Isabella Rossellini.

Getting Even with Dad (1994) 5STAR 11:05am-1:15pm
Spoilt child Timmy goes to live with his outwardly respectable father, but realises he is a small-time thief planning his latest robbery. Timmy sets out to reform his dad, and in the meantime manages to fix him up with an attractive undercover cop – leading to much confusion. Family comedy, starring Macaulay Culkin, Ted Danson, Glenne Headly and Hector Elizondo.

The Rainmaker (1997) Sony Movie Channel 6:15pm-9:00pm
An idealistic newly qualified lawyer teams up with a disreputable researcher to champion the cause of a leukaemia sufferer whose mother is suing an insurance company for refusing to pay his medical costs. As the case progresses, the young legal eagle finds he has much to learn about the dark side of the judicial process. Francis Ford Coppola’s courtroom drama adapted from the novel by John Grisham, starring Matt Damon, Danny DeVito, Jon Voight, Claire Danes and Mickey Rourke.

Fun Fact: The scene where Danny DeVito wakes up Matt Damon on the bench was filmed hurriedly, surprising Damon, who had actually fallen asleep after a scene.

Midnight Run (1988) Sony Movie Channel 9:00pm-11:40pm
When accountant Jonathan Mardukas skips bail after having been arrested for embezzlement, bounty hunter Jack Walsh is hired to catch the fraudster and return him from New York to Los Angeles. Unfortunately, his task is hindered by the ingenuity of Mardukas and the attentions of pursuing FBI agents and Mafia hitmen. Comedy thriller, starring Robert De Niro, Charles Grodin, Yaphet Kotto, Dennis Farina, John Ashton and Joe Pantoliano.

The Green Mile (1999) Film4 9:00pm-12:40am (3 hours 40 minutes)
A convicted child-killer of towering height and massive build is condemned to death row, but astonishes the guards with his good nature and miraculous healing powers. They believe the gentle giant is incapable of crime, and emotions run high as they realise there is no hope of overturning his death sentence. Supernatural drama, based on a novel by Stephen King, starring Tom Hanks, Michael Clarke Duncan, David Morse and Harry Dean Stanton.

South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut (1999) Dave 10:00pm-11:35pm (1 hour 35 minutes)
The crusading grown-ups of the Colorado town lead America into war against Canada in a bid to eradicate bad language from TV. The four young heroes set out to bring peace to the world, but have to battle a fearsome alliance between Satan and Saddam Hussein. Animated musical comedy, with the voices of Trey Parker and Matt Stone, as well as George Clooney, Eric Idle and Isaac Hayes.

South Park TShirts

Fight Club (1999) 5STAR 11:45pm-2:35am
A disillusioned office worker grows weary of his humdrum existence, but after meeting the mysterious Tyler Durden he finds fulfilment in establishing a club where similarly frustrated men come to vent their anger in bouts of bare-knuckle fighting. Satirical drama, directed by David Fincher, starring Edward Norton, Brad Pitt, Helena Bonham Carter, Meat Loaf and Jared Leto.

SUNDAY 30th July

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Flight of the Navigator (1986) Film4 11:00am-1:00pm (2 hours)
A boy mysteriously disappears in 1978, and is found eight years later, having not aged a day. He escapes being experimented on by government scientists by taking off in a crashed alien spaceship. With the help of the robot pilot, he tries to find out what has happened to him and if he can get back home. Sci-fi adventure, starring Joey Cramer and Veronica Cartwright, with the voice of Paul Reubens.

Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994) Channel 5 12:50pm-2:30pm (1 hour 40 minutes)
An eccentric but brilliant former cop sets himself up to champion the underdog – as a private eye specialising in locating missing animals. The zany detective is called in to find a kidnapped dolphin – the mascot of an American football team – and uncovers a plot involving high-level police corruption. Comedy, starring Jim Carrey, Courteney Cox, Sean Young, Tone Loc and Noble Willingham.

The Waterboy (1998) ITV2 1:30pm-3:20pm
An American football team’s waterboy puts up with constant ridicule from the players. But one day his anger gets the better of him and he demonstrates an unexpected talent for tackling – so the coach gives him a chance to prove his worth on the pitch. However, he has to keep his blossoming sporting career a secret from his overprotective mother. Comedy, with Adam Sandler, Kathy Bates, Henry Winkler and Fairuza Balk.

The Return of the Musketeers (1989) Film4 4:45pm-6:55pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
D’Artagnan reunites his former companions to save the queen of France from the scheming Cardinal Mazarin, and embark on a mission to England to prevent the beheading of Charles I. Meanwhile, the daughter of a former vanquished enemy is seeking revenge on the four heroes. Swashbuckling adventure sequel, with Oliver Reed, Michael York, Frank Finlay, Richard Chamberlain, Kim Cattrall and Roy Kinnear.

Blues Brothers 2000 (1998) Sony Movie Channel 6:20pm-9:00pm
Ex-convict Elwood Blues sets about re-forming his band to raise funds for a children’s hospital. But no sooner has he found a suitable lead singer to replace his late brother Jake, than the band end up being pursued by the police, the Russian mafia and his own embittered stepbrother. Comedy sequel, starring Dan Aykroyd, John Goodman and Joe Morton.

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969) Spike 6:20pm-8:30pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
Two notorious outlaws’ routine of bank and train robberies is cut short when a seemingly unstoppable posse is formed to catch them. The pair plan to flee America and start a new life in Bolivia, with the Sundance Kid’s schoolmistress lover in tow – but staying ahead of the law is not so easy. Western, starring Paul Newman, Robert Redford and Katharine Ross.

Home Alone (1990) Film4 6:55pm-9:00pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
A boy has to fend for himself when he is accidentally left behind after his family jets off to Paris for Christmas. The youngster initially enjoys his freedom, but is soon forced to resort to ingenious booby traps to defend the family home from two dim-witted burglars. Comedy, starring Macaulay Culkin, Joe Pesci, Daniel Stern, John Heard, Catherine O’Hara and John Candy.

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Dirty Dancing (1987) Channel 5 8:00pm-10:05pm
A dance instructor at a 1960s resort hotel fears his career will be jeopardised when his regular partner is forced to pull out of an important show in which they are due to perform. Luckily, a naive teenager is happy to step in, and is treated to a whirlwind holiday education in life, love and expressing herself. Romantic drama, starring Patrick Swayze, Jennifer Grey and Jerry Orbach.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (2007) ITV 8:00pm-10:30pm (2 hours 30 minutes)
The young wizard struggles to convince his fellow sorcerers that the evil Lord Voldemort has returned to life. When Hogwarts headmaster Dumbledore is ousted in favour of a sadistic replacement, Harry realises he must take matters into his own hands, uniting his fellow pupils to form a secret army and training them for the inevitable confrontation to come. Fantasy adventure sequel, starring Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Rupert Grint, Gary Oldman, Michael Gambon and Alan Rickman.

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The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad! (1988) ITV4 9:00pm-10:50pm
While investigating the shooting of a colleague, disaster-prone police lieutenant Frank Drebin uncovers a plot to assassinate Queen Elizabeth II during her visit to Los Angeles. However, after he is sacked from the force by the mayor, the cop has to operate beneath the radar to get to the bottom of the conspiracy. Comedy, with Leslie Nielsen, Priscilla Presley and Ricardo Montalban.

The Peacemaker (1997) BBC1 11:20pm-1:15am
A military intelligence officer and a government expert on nuclear weapons team up to find the terrorists who have stolen ten atomic bombs from a train. The duo are initially reluctant to co-operate, but a grudging respect gradually develops after they are forced to work together. Action thriller, starring George Clooney, Nicole Kidman, Marcel lures and Armin Mueller-Stahl.

Whatever you’re up to this weekend, always read the instructions and keep a spare pair handy.