The Weekly Retro Movie Rundown 263

Sweet Valley High! Another retro movie weekend has landed and is here to whisk us off to far and foreign lands!

With a clip and a clonk, we’re re-living our childhoods once again as we connect power cables and controllers to our favourite dusty old game console. Firmly slotting in the well-used cartridge which is packed with data and memories, we’ll hit the power switch and begin to jump, run and slide our way around the old familiar lands we once conquered man moons before.

SATURDAY 14th October

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Lara Croft: Tomb Raider
(2001) Syfy 2:20pm-4:30pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
The gun-toting treasure seeker is thrown into a furious battle with a mysterious secret society as she races against time to locate the missing pieces of a legendary artefact that grants the owner the ability to control time. Action adventure based on the video games, starring Angelina Jolie, Daniel Craig, Leslie Phillips, Iain Glen, Chris Barrie and Jon Voight.

Titanic (1997) Film4 2:30pm-6:15pm (3 hours 45 minutes)
A party of explorers studying the sunken remains of the famous liner meets an elderly woman who was a passenger on the ill-fated maiden voyage. She recounts how she boarded the ship while on the brink of being forced into marriage by her family, and was stopped from killing herself by a penniless artist. She fell in love with her saviour, but the disaster on the horizon meant their time together was doomed to be short. James Cameron’s Oscar-winning romantic drama, starring Kate Winslet, Leonardo DiCaprio, Billy Zane, Kathy Bates and Bill Paxton.

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969) Spike 2:45pm-5:00pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
Two notorious outlaws’ routine of bank and train robberies is cut short when a seemingly unstoppable posse is formed to catch them. The pair plan to flee America and start a new life in Bolivia, with the Sundance Kid’s schoolmistress lover in tow – but staying ahead of the law is not so easy. Western, starring Paul Newman, Robert Redford and Katharine Ross.

Dirty Dancing (1987) 5STAR 3:55pm-6:00pm
A dance instructor at a 1960s resort hotel fears his career will be jeopardised when his regular partner is forced to pull out of an important show in which they are due to perform. Luckily, a naive teenager is happy to step in, and is treated to a whirlwind holiday education in life, love and expressing herself. Romantic drama, starring Patrick Swayze, Jennifer Grey and Jerry Orbach.

Dirty Dancing Merchandise

Liar Liar (1997) ITV2 5:45pm-7:30pm
A lawyer, whose underhand ploys to win cases leave him little time to see his son, discovers he is incapable of lying after the boy’s birthday wish makes his dad tell only the truth. However, this causes a host of problems as the attorney tries to muddle his way through a high-profile divorce settlement. Comedy, with Jim Carrey, Maura Tierney, Justin Cooper, Jennifer Tilly and Cary Elwes.

Pale Rider (1985) ITV4 9:00pm-11:20pm
An unscrupulous landowner threatens to throw gold-miners off their land and take the riches for himself. As the law turns a blind eye to their troubles, the miners desperately need a saviour – who happens to arrive in the form of a mysterious preacher with formidable gunfighting skills. Western, directed by and starring Clint Eastwood, alongside Michael Moriarty, Carrie Snodgress and Richard Dysart.

SUNDAY 15th October

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The Dark Crystal
(1982) Film4 11:00am-1:00pm (2 hours)
A survivor of a near-extinct race is given a dangerous quest as his world approaches an astronomical event that will decide its future. He must find a way to restore a broken piece to a magical crystal, which has become a source of dark power for the cruel creatures who wiped out his people. Jim Henson’s puppet fantasy, with the voices of Stephen Garlick and Billie Whitelaw.

The Dark Crystal Board Game

The Mask of Zorro (1998) Sony Movie Channel 12:00pm-2:00pm (2 hours)
The sword-wielding saviour of Spanish California returns after 20 years in prison, tutoring a thief to take over his heroic role and tackle corrupt government officials, who are using slave labour to mine gold illegally. Both mentor and pupil have personal scores to settle with their enemies, led by a ruthless governor and a psychotic military officer. Swashbuckling adventure, with Anthony Hopkins, Antonio Banderas and Catherine Zeta-Jones.

Napoleon Dynamite (2004) Film4 1:00pm-2:50pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
A socially inept high-school student and his lonely unemployed brother find their eccentric home life thrown into upheaval when their meddling uncle comes to stay. The teenage oddball tries to make the best of his changing circumstances, while putting all his skills to the task of helping his new best friend win the class presidency. Comedy, starring Jon Heder, Efren Ramirez and Haylie Duff.

Napoleon Dynamite TShirts

The ‘Burbs (1989) Channel 5 1:45pm-3:35pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
The arrival of secretive neighbours sparks an unhealthy curiosity in a group of friends, leading them to go to bizarre lengths to discover the truth about the newcomers. However, their investigations take an even weirder twist when they begin to suspect their unseen fellow suburbanites are part of a cannibalistic cult. Joe Dante’s black comedy, starring Tom Hanks, Bruce Dern, Carrie Fisher, Corey Feldman and Henry Gibson.

Smokey and the Bandit (1977) Sony Movie Channel 2:00pm-4:10pm
A truck driver accepts a challenge to deliver a consignment of beer to a party. He claims he can make the 900-mile round trip in just 28 hours, but a pompous sheriff is determined to stop him in his tracks, not least because his prospective daughter-in-law has deserted his son and hitched a ride with the unlikely hero. Comedy, starring Burt Reynolds, Jackie Gleason, Sally Field and Jerry Reed.

Fun Fact: This was such a hit that it became the second highest grossing movie released in 1977, next to Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope (1977).

Antz (1998) Channel 4 2:30pm-4:10pm (1 hour 40 minutes)
A neurotic worker ant passes himself off as a soldier to impress a princess. However, he provokes a jealously ambitious general with an accidental act of heroism – so he and his beloved decide to flee the brutal colony and go in search of the promised land of Insectopia. Animated comedy, with the voices of Woody Allen, Sharon Stone, Gene Hackman and Sylvester Stallone.

National Lampoon’s Loaded Weapon 1 (1993) Channel 5 3:35pm-5:15pm
A maverick cop and his by-the-book partner investigate the murder of a fellow detective, uncovering a sinister conspiracy to get the people of America hooked on cocaine-flavoured cookies. Spoof of the Lethal Weapon movies, starring Emilio Estevez, Samuel L Jackson, Jon Lovitz, Tim Curry and William Shatner.

Ghostbusters II (1989) Film4 4:40pm-6:45pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
The eccentric spectre-hunters reunite to save New York from a massive river of slime generated by the citizens’ negativity and nasty thoughts. Meanwhile, the spirit of a 16th-century tyrant tries to return to the land of the living by possessing the body of a toddler. Sequel to the supernatural comedy, starring Bill Murray, Sigourney Weaver, Dan Aykroyd, Harold Ramis, Rick Moranis and Ernie Hudson.

Ghostbusters Merchandise

Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls (1995) Channel 5 7:20pm-8:55pm (1 hour 35 minutes)
The eccentric pet detective is coaxed out of self-imposed exile in a Buddhist monastery to visit Africa and help search for a sacred white bat. However, his unique investigative talents are tested to the limits as he faces a race against time to find the missing creature and prevent a tribal war. Comedy sequel, starring Jim Carrey, Simon Callow and Bob Gunton.

Conan the Destroyer (1984) ITV4 9:00pm-11:05pm
The mighty sword-wielding warrior returns and is hired by a duplicitous queen to retrieve a mystical artefact from an evil sorcerer. Unfortunately, he fails to see that the malevolent monarch has a sinister plan in mind, and intends to kill him once his task is complete. Fantasy adventure sequel, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Grace Jones, Wilt Chamberlain and Sarah Douglas.

Highlander (1986) Spike 11:05pm-1:25am
A 16th-century Scottish clansman discovers he is one of a race of immortal warriors who can only be killed by beheading, and who are destined to fight to the death until just one survives. Centuries later in modern-day New York, he prepares for a final showdown with his deadliest enemy. Fantasy action adventure, starring Christopher Lambert, Sean Connery, Clancy Brown and Roxanne Hart.

Whatever you’re up to this weekend, always do your best and you’ll never be disappointed.

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The Weekly Retro Movie Rundown 256

Boxes and bubble wrap! Another retro movie weekend is here!

With a full weekend ahead of packing, shifting and unpacking, we will move all our worldly possessions to our new venture. Leaving behind memories, a few bad smells and probably that spoon the went missing a while back, we will set sail into the next ocean of life as we move from humble beginnings onto ventures new.

SATURDAY 26th August

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The Dark Crystal (1982) Film4 11:00am-1:00pm (2 hours)
A survivor of a near-extinct race is given a dangerous quest as his world approaches an astronomical event that will decide its future. He must find a way to restore a broken piece to a magical crystal, which has become a source of dark power for the cruel creatures who wiped out his people. Jim Henson’s puppet fantasy, with the voices of Stephen Garlick and Billie Whitelaw.

Bedknobs and Broomsticks (1971) BBC2 11:55am-1:50pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
A novice witch befriends three children and takes them on a series of magical journeys, including a visit to a land inhabited by cartoon animals, where they get involved in a decidedly one-sided football match against a spoilt lion king. Disney’s part-animated musical fantasy, starring Angela Lansbury, David Tomlinson, Roddy McDowall and Sam Jaffe.

Hook (1991) Sony Channel 11:00am-2:05pm
Peter Pan, who has finally grown up and is now a married lawyer with a family of his own, is whisked away by Tinkerbell to Neverland, where he must learn to fly again if he is to save his children from the clutches of Captain Hook. Steven Spielberg’s fantasy adventure, with Robin Williams, Dustin Hoffman, Julia Roberts, Bob Hoskins and Maggie Smith.

Heat (1995) Dave 11:00pm-2:30am (3 hours 30 minutes)
An armoured car hold-up sets a veteran police detective on the trail of a highly intelligent career criminal, whom he is obsessed with capturing. Meanwhile, the robber is planning an elaborate bank heist as his final job before retiring, and a complex game of cat and mouse develops between the two. Michael Mann’s crime thriller, starring Al Pacino, Robert De Niro, Val Kilmer, Jon Voight, Tom Sizemore and Natalie Portman.

SUNDAY 27th August

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The Mask of Zorro (1998) Sony Movie Channel 9:00am-11:50am
The sword-wielding saviour of Spanish California returns after 20 years in prison, tutoring a thief to take over his heroic role and tackle corrupt government officials, who are using slave labour to mine gold illegally. Both mentor and pupil have personal scores to settle with their enemies, led by a ruthless governor and a psychotic military officer. Swashbuckling adventure, with Anthony Hopkins, Antonio Banderas and Catherine Zeta-Jones.

Muppet Treasure Island (1996) E4 2:05pm-4:05pm (2 hours)
A youngster finds a treasure map and joins an expedition searching for a famous buccaneer’s lost treasure on an unexplored island. However, their mission falls foul of a band of pirates hiding out among the crew. Musical comedy based on Robert Louis Stevenson’s novel, starring Tim Curry, Billy Connolly, Jennifer Saunders and Kevin Bishop alongside the puppet characters.

The Muppets Merchandise

Mrs Doubtfire (1993) Film4 3:25pm-5:50pm (2 hours 25 minutes)
A struggling actor’s ambitious, no-nonsense wife throws him out and demands a divorce. Desperate to spend time with his children, he puts his talents to good use by donning drag and posing as a Scottish housekeeper to get a job looking after them. Comedy, starring Robin Williams, Sally Field, Pierce Brosnan, Harvey Fierstein and Mara Wilson.

Superman (1978) ITV 3:40pm-6:30pm (2 hours 50 minutes)
A fledgling superhero crash-lands on Earth after evacuation from his home planet and is taken in by an elderly couple who raise him as their own. But with adolescence comes a greater understanding of his superhuman powers, leading to his rebirth as a crusader for justice and defender of the American way of life. Comic-strip adventure, with Christopher Reeve, Gene Hackman, Margot Kidder and Marlon Brando.

Toy Story 2 (1999) BBC1 4:35pm-6:05pm (1 hour 30 minutes)
Cowboy doll Woody is stolen by an unscrupulous toy collector, who knows he is worth a fortune as a collectible, prompting fearless Space Ranger Buzz Lightyear to lead a daring across-town mission to rescue him. However, Woody is tempted to spend his life languishing in the safety of a museum rather than face the prospect of his owner growing up. Animated sequel, featuring the voices of Tom Hanks, Tim Allen, Joan Cusack and Kelsey Grammer.

Toy Story Gifts

Money Train (1995) Sony Movie Channel 11:05pm-1:25am
A New York cop in debt to loan sharks persuades his foster brother and fellow police officer to rob a train carrying all the day’s takings from the city’s subway network. However, things start to go wrong when a female detective creates rivalry between the pair, and a pyromaniac serial killer threatens their plans. Action comedy, starring Woody Harrelson, Wesley Snipes, Jennifer Lopez and Chris Cooper.

MONDAY 28th August

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Footloose (1984) 5STAR 7:00pm-9:00pm
A rebellious, hip-swinging student from the city moves to a small religious community, where he instantly clashes with an old-school fire-and-brimstone preacher – who has banned dancing and rock ‘n’ roll because he considers them immoral. Drama, starring Kevin Bacon, Lori Singer, John Lithgow, Chris Penn, Dianne Wiest and Sarah Jessica Parker.

The Bone Collector (1999) Sony Movie Channel 9:00pm-11:40pm (1 hour 40 minutes)
A quadriplegic ex-cop is saved from the brink of suicide by a rookie female officer needing his expertise to form a psychological profile of a serial killer. The murderer is posing as a cab driver and terrorising Manhattan, and has a gruesome habit of taking trophies from his victims’ bodies. Thriller, starring Denzel Washington, Angelina Jolie, Michael Rooker, Mike McGlone, Luis Guzman and Queen Latifah.

Four Weddings and a Funeral (1994) Film4 9:00pm-11:15pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
A London man’s misfortunes in love look set to change when he meets an American beauty. However, the prospect of a transatlantic relationship succeeding seems slim, so the pair go their separate ways – only for him to realise he is unable to get her out of his mind. Richard Curtis’s comedy, with Hugh Grant, Andie MacDowell, John Hannah, Charlotte Coleman, Kristin Scott Thomas, Simon Callow and James Fleet.

Patriot Games (1992) ITV4 10:05pm-12:25am
Former CIA agent Jack Ryan foils an assassination attempt by an IRA splinter group, killing one of the terrorists in the process. However, he becomes caught in a lethal game of cat-and-mouse with the dead man’s revenge-seeking brother. Thriller based on Tom Clancy’s novel, starring Harrison Ford, Sean Bean, Samuel L Jackson, Richard Harris and James Earl Jones, reprising his role from earlier Clancy adaptation The Hunt for Red October.

Whatever you’re up to this long bank holiday weekend, enjoy at least one lie in and make the most of everything. Every. Single. Thing.

The Weekly Retro Movie Rundown 243

Mop my brow and fan my face! Another bumper retro movie weekend is here and it’s a scorcher!

With the sun beaming down on us, we can almost feel the energy drain from us as we sit back, relax and let the sun beam it’s fiery rays all around us. Sipping on a cool glass of our favourite tipple, we watch the beads of water chaise each other down the side of the glass as we take some time to enjoy a well earned long break and some peace and quiet. Mooching indoors for a change of scene, we’ll turn on the box to enjoy the weekends top rated retro movie wonders as chosen by us. Enjoy!

Have a happy retro weekend!

SATURDAY 27th May

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Casper (1995) Film4 1:00pm-3:05pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
A paranormal expert moves into a haunted house where his daughter befriends the amiable ghost of a young boy – but things start to go awry when three smelly spooks and two dastardly crooks try to chase the new residents away. Family comedy, starring Christina Ricci, Bill Pullman, Eric Idle, Cathy Moriarty and featuring the voice of Malachi Pearson.

Patch Adams (1998) Sony Movie Channel 1:25pm-3:50pm (2 hours 25 minutes)
A talented student doctor turns the medical community upside down with his offbeat views about the healing power of laughter. His methods provoke outrage and intense debate among his professors – but his extrovert nature brightens the lives of all kinds of patients. Comedy drama, starring Robin Williams, Monica Potter, Daniel London, Bob Gunton and Philip Seymour Hoffman.

Camelot (1967) BBC2 1:30pm-4:20pm (2 hours 50 minutes)
King Arthur is happily married to Queen Guenevere, but the arrival of handsome knight Sir Lancelot leads to infidelity and betrayal. For a time, the king refuses to believe his wife is having an affair, but the lovers are betrayed by Arthur’s son, the conniving Mordred. Oscar-winning musical based on the Arthurian legend, starring Richard Harris, Vanessa Redgrave, Franco Nero, David Hemmings and Lionel Jeffries.

Spies Like Us (1985) 5STAR 1:35pm-3:45pm
Two incompetent US State Department officials are unwittingly used as decoys on a deadly mission to thwart Soviet activity in Pakistan. Unfortunately, their involvement in such a delicate operation brings the world to the brink of nuclear war. Comedy, starring Chevy Chase, Dan Aykroyd, Steve Forrest, Bruce Davison and Donna Dixon.

Mission: Impossible (1996) ITV 2:30pm-4:35pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
Secret agents suspect there is a traitor in their organisation when their latest assignment ends in disaster. The sole survivor is accused of being the mole, forcing him to go on the run to clear his name. However, in the process, he discovers a former Russian spy is selling information about the world’s leading undercover operatives. Action thriller based on the 1960s TV series, starring Tom Cruise, Jon Voight and Ving Rhames.

Napoleon Dynamite (2004) Film4 3:05pm-4:55pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
A socially inept high-school student and his lonely unemployed brother find their eccentric home life thrown into upheaval when their meddling uncle comes to stay. The teenage oddball tries to make the best of his changing circumstances, while putting all his skills to the task of helping his new best friend win the class presidency. Comedy, starring Jon Heder, Efren Ramirez and Haylie Duff.

Godzilla (1998) Sony Movie Channel 6:10pm-9:00pm (2 hours 50 minutes)
A giant mutant lizard spawned from an atomic test rampages through the streets of New York, defying the combined might of the US Army and Navy as it searches for a quiet place to hatch its eggs. A bookish radiation expert and a shady French secret agent join forces to defeat the creature. Hollywood remake of the Japanese monster adventure, starring Matthew Broderick, Jean Reno, Maria Pitillo and Hank Azaria.

The Day After Tomorrow (2004) Film4 9:00pm-11:25pm (2 hours 25 minutes)
A climatologist warns global warming will soon result in destructive freak weather, or even another ice age. He thinks the world still has time to prepare for the worst, but the crisis happens almost immediately – and as storms, earthquakes and hurricanes strike in terrifying fashion, he races across America to rescue his son from a frozen New York. Disaster thriller, with Jake Gyllenhaal and Dennis Quaid.

Jaws (1975) ITV 9:50pm-12:25am
A New England seaside town’s tourist season is turned into a nightmare by a giant killer shark. The local police chief’s efforts to protect the public are thwarted by the greedy mayor, forcing him to join forces with a grizzled fisherman and a marine biologist to hunt and kill the monster predator. Steven Spielberg’s thriller, starring Roy Scheider, Richard Dreyfuss and Robert Shaw.

Jaws TShirts

Die Hard 2 (1990) Channel 4 11:10pm-1:25am (2 hours 15 minutes)
Tough cop John McClane arrives at an airport to pick up his wife, but finds himself plunged into a bloody life-or-death struggle. He must battle terrorists who have seized control of the terminal as part of a campaign to secure the release of a convicted drug baron. Action thriller sequel, starring Bruce Willis, Bonnie Bedelia, William Sadler, Franco Nero and William Atherton.

SUNDAY 28th May

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The Punisher (1989) Channel 5 3:10am-4:40am (1 hour 30 minutes)
A former policeman takes the law into his own hands to avenge the murder of his family. However, he ends up fighting to save the children of the gangster he has sworn to bring down when they are kidnapped by a rival syndicate. Vigilante thriller, starring Dolph Lundgren, Louis Gossett Jr and Jeroen Krabbe.

Thunderbirds Are Go! (1966) Film4 1:00pm-2:55pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
International Rescue is called in to save the first manned space mission to Mars from sinister hijacker The Hood, and ensure a second attempt goes to plan. Puppet adventure based on Gerry Anderson’s TV series, featuring the voices of Shane Rimmer, Ray Barrett, Alexander Davion, Peter Dyneley, Sylvia Anderson and Cliff Richard, voicing a puppet version of himself.

Richie Rich (1994) ITV2 1:05pm-2:55pm
The world’s wealthiest youngster has everything he could possibly want except friends. When his parents go missing, he must try to keep their fortune out of the clutches of a scheming executive, with the help of some less well-off children. Family comedy, starring Macaulay Culkin, John Larroquette, Jonathan Hyde, Edward Herrmann, Christine Ebersole and Mike McShane.

The Dark Crystal (1982) Film4 2:55pm-4:40pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
A survivor of a near-extinct race is given a dangerous quest as his world approaches an astronomical event that will decide its future. He must find a way to restore a broken piece to a magical crystal, which has become a source of dark power for the cruel creatures who wiped out his people. Jim Henson’s puppet fantasy, with the voices of Stephen Garlick and Billie Whitelaw.

The Spy Who Loved Me (1977) ITV 4:15pm-6:40pm (2 hours 25 minutes)
James Bond teams up with a KGB agent to recover missing British and Soviet nuclear submarines, before whoever stole them can use their warheads. Unfortunately, 007 was responsible for the death of his new ally’s lover – and she is determined to make him pay before their mission is complete. Spy adventure, starring Roger Moore, Barbara Bach, Curt Jurgens and Richard Kiel.

Last Man Standing (1996) ITV4 9:00pm-11:00pm
A tough mobster pitches up at a lonely town on the Texan border during the Prohibition era, and spies an opportunity to cash in on the intense rivalry between warring Irish and Italian crime gangs by offering his services to both sides. Action adventure set in the 1930s, starring Bruce Willis, Christopher Walken and Alexandra Powers.

MONDAY 28th May

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Hook (1991) Sony Movie Channel 2:55am-6:00am (3 hours 5 minutes)
Peter Pan, who has finally grown up and is now a married lawyer with a family of his own, is whisked away by Tinkerbell to Neverland, where he must learn to fly again if he is to save his children from the clutches of Captain Hook. Steven Spielberg’s fantasy adventure, with Robin Williams, Dustin Hoffman, Julia Roberts, Bob Hoskins and Maggie Smith.

Matilda (1996) Sony Movie Channel 9:50am-12:00pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
A gifted youngster is packed off by her selfish parents to the prison-like Crunchem Hall School. Once there, she befriends a sweet-natured teacher who convinces her that not all grown-ups are bad – and urges her to use her special powers to turn the tables on the nasty headmistress. Fantasy comedy, adapted from the children’s book by Roald Dahl, with Mara Wilson, Pam Ferris, Embeth Davidtz, Rhea Perlman and Danny DeVito, who also directed.

Matilda Clothing

Clueless (1995) Channel 4 11:15am-1:10pm (1 hour 55 minutes)
A rich high-school student uses all her charm and financial clout to boost an awkward new pupil’s image, but soon finds she has created a monster – while her own popularity suffers in the process. Comedy inspired by Jane Austen’s Emma, starring Alicia Silverstone, Stacey Dash, Brittany Murphy and Paul Rudd.

Clueless Clothing

Escape to Victory (1981) Dave 12:50pm-3:10pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
Allied PoWs take to the football field when a group of Nazi officers comes up with the idea to have them take on a German team for a propaganda event. However, the prisoners see a chance to escape during the match. Second World War adventure, with Michael Caine, Sylvester Stallone, Max von Sydow and Daniel Massey. Soccer legends also making appearances include Pele, Bobby Moore and Ossie Ardiles.

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969) Dave 3:10pm-5:20pm (2 hours 10 minutes)
Two notorious outlaws’ routine of bank and train robberies is cut short when a seemingly unstoppable posse is formed to catch them. The pair plan to flee America and start a new life in Bolivia, with the Sundance Kid’s schoolmistress lover in tow – but staying ahead of the law is not so easy. Western, starring Paul Newman, Robert Redford and Katharine Ross.

Hard Target (1993) 11:00pm-1:00am
A woman searching for her missing father hires an out-of-work merchant sailor to guide her through the streets of New Orleans, where his martial arts skills are greatly tested in a series of encounters with sadistic hunters of human prey. John Woo’s action thriller, starring Jean-Claude Van Damme, Yancy Butler, Lance Henriksen and Wilford Brimley.

Heat (1995) Film4 11:10pm-2:25am (3 hours 15 minutes)
An armoured car hold-up sets a veteran police detective on the trail of a highly intelligent career criminal, whom he is obsessed with capturing. Meanwhile, the robber is planning an elaborate bank heist as his final job before retiring, and a complex game of cat and mouse develops between the two. Michael Mann’s crime thriller, starring Al Pacino, Robert De Niro, Val Kilmer, Jon Voight, Tom Sizemore and Natalie Portman.

Whatever you’re up to this bank holiday weekend, don’t forget to let things defrost and bring a pair of sunnies…. because you never know!

The Weekly Retro Movie Rundown 197

Slap my thigh and shiver me timbers! It’s another retro movie filled weekend!

Like a very keen and mildly experienced racer, we find ourselves faced with a a packed grid in which to take on. We’ll rev up the car and our adrenaline as we speed our way round the twist and turns of the track hunting down our next victim to overtake. Ticking off places like movies in our weekend, we’ll use cunning and tactics to manoeuvre our way through the weekend as we gain a sense of victory with every pass. Taking poll position, we’ll stand proud on the podium gazing back at the weekend that was.

Have a happy retro weekend!

SATURDAY 21st May

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The Dark Crystal
(1982) Film4 11:00am-1:00pm (2 hours)
A survivor of a near-extinct race is given a dangerous quest as his world approaches an astronomical event that will decide its future. He must find a way to restore a broken piece to a magical crystal, which has become a source of dark power for the cruel creatures who wiped out his people. Jim Henson’s puppet fantasy, with the voices of Stephen Garlick and Billie Whitelaw.

The Likely Lads (1976) GOLD 12:35pm-2:25pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
Bob and Thelma embark on a chaotic caravan holiday – with best pal Terry and a glamorous Scandinavian au pair in tow, ensuring that nothing will go according to plan. Comedy based on the TV series, starring James Bolam, Rodney Bewes, Brigit Forsyth and Mary Tamm.

Hulk (2003) ITV 2:20pm-4:55pm (2 hours 35 minutes)
Scientist Dr Bruce Banner turns into the rampaging green Hulk after exposure to a huge dose of gamma radiation, prompting the military to embark on a no-holds-barred mission to destroy the monster. Meanwhile, Banner’s unstable father resurfaces, holding the secret to his transformation. Comic-strip adventure from director Ang Lee, starring Eric Bana, Jennifer Connelly, Sam Elliott and Nick Nolte.

Hulk Merchandise

Back to the Future (1985) ITV2 5:05pm-6:05pm (1 hour) 2 part
Teenager Marty McFly travels back to the 1950s in a time machine built by his eccentric inventor friend. The return journey proves tricky enough, but he also accidentally alters the sequence of events that led to his parents falling in love – and has to persuade his future dad to win his mother’s heart, or he will never be born. Sci-fi comedy adventure, starring Michael J Fox, Christopher Lloyd, Lea Thompson and Crispin Glover.

Back to the Future TShirts

Tootsie (1982) Film4 6:40pm-9:00pm (2 hours 20 minutes)
A New York actor’s difficult reputation has rendered him unemployable. When a TV soap advertises a new female role, he disguises himself as a woman for the audition – and wins the part. But the character proves so popular, he is forced to keep up the pretence indefinitely. Comedy, starring Dustin Hoffman, Jessica Lange and Bill Murray. Directed by Sydney Pollack, who makes a cameo appearance as Hoffman’s agent.

Casino Royale (1967) 7:00pm-8:10pm (1 hour 10 minutes) 2 part
Ageing spy James Bond comes out of retirement to tackle a mysterious mastermind who wants to take over the world. Meanwhile, another agent disguises himself as Bond to face the evil genius over the baccarat table. Spoof spy adventure, starring David Niven, Peter Sellers, Woody Allen, Orson Welles, Deborah Kerr and Ursula Andress.

James Bond Merchandise

Uncle Buck (1989) ITV2 7:20pm-8:20pm (1 hour) 2 part
An unreliable but good-natured slob is called upon to look after his trouble-making nephew and nieces while their parents are away – and what starts as a disaster soon changes for the better as the unlikely babysitter gets to grips with the finer points of being a responsible adult. Family comedy, starring John Candy, Macaulay Culkin, Jean Kelly, Gaby Hoffman, Amy Madigan and Laurie Metcalf.

SUNDAY 22nd May

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A Little Princess
(1995) ITV2 1:00pm-2:05pm (1 hour 5 minutes)
A wealthy English girl is sent to an austere New York boarding school, where she charms the other youngsters with her stories of life in India – until her father goes missing in action, leaving her destitute and in the hands of the wicked headmistress. Drama based on Frances Hodgson Burnett’s classic novel, with Eleanor Bron, Liesel Matthews and Liam Cunningham.

Mars Attacks! (1996) Comedy Central 2:00pm-4:00pm (2 hours)
The inhabitants of Earth leap into action to repel an impending invasion by a seemingly invincible Martian army, which possesses superior weaponry, a thirst for destruction and a wicked sense of humour. Tim Burton’s sci-fi comedy, starring Jack Nicholson, Glenn Close, Pierce Brosnan, Annette Bening, Natalie Portman, Danny DeVito and Tom Jones.

Evolution (2001) Channel 4 2:30pm-4:30pm (2 hours)
Two science teachers investigate a mysterious meteor and discover it is oozing a strange fluid containing millions of minuscule but rapidly evolving organisms – which start to turn into terrifying alien monsters with a taste for human flesh. Sci-fi comedy, starring David Duchovny, Orlando Jones, Julianne Moore, Seann William Scott, Dan Aykroyd and Ted Levine.

Ghost (1990) More4 9:00pm-11:35pm (2 hours 35 minutes)
The spirit of a murdered executive tries to find a way to help his girlfriend bring his killer to justice and enlists the aid of a fraudulent medium – who is amazed and baffled when her psychic powers turn out to be all too real. Romantic fantasy, starring Patrick Swayze, Demi Moore, Tony Goldwyn and an Oscar-winning Whoopi Goldberg.

Starsky & Hutch (2004) Comedy Central 9:00pm-11:00pm (2 hours)
Two mismatched detectives are forced to work together for the first time to track down a crime kingpin who has introduced a new, undetectable narcotic to the streets – but they struggle to get along. Comedy spoofing the 1970s cop show, starring Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Snoop Dogg, Vince Vaughn and Juliette Lewis.

Raw Deal (1986) ITV4 10:00pm-11:00pm (1 hour) 2 part
An FBI agent is discharged for insubordination after assaulting a suspect, and ends up reduced to being the sheriff of a backwater Southern town. He is later offered his old job back – on the condition he will infiltrate a gang of Chicago mobsters and bring their leader to justice for killing the son of the Bureau’s chief. Action thriller, with Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sam Wanamaker, Kathryn Harrold, Ed Lauter and Darren McGavin.

Whatever you’re up to this weekend, always keep your legs and arms inside the kart and remember to take the original out of the copier.

xoxo

The Weekly Retro Movie Rundown 196

Chicken in a basket! It’s another retro movie filled weekend again? So soon? But how the….?

Like a super keen runner who has been in the depths of a training routine for longer than they can remember, we find ourselves just days away from our goal….the next local 10k run. We’ve worked hard, been rained on, and blown from left to right by the great British Spring weather and now it’s the real challenge. Will we beat our previous efforts? Will we be overtaken again by the IT guy who thought training was only something that happened on the railways? Only time, will tell.

Have a happy retro weekend!

SATURDAY 14th May

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City of Angels
(1998) ITV3 8:50am-9:50am (1 hour) 2 parts
A lonely angel observing life on Earth watches over a man undergoing heart surgery and is moved by the surgeon’s anguish at failing to save her patient. He makes himself visible to her and a mutual attraction develops – but it can only become a full-blown romance if he sacrifices his immortality. Romantic fantasy remake of Wim Wenders’ Wings of Desire, starring Nicolas Cage, Meg Ryan and Dennis Franz.

A Walk in the Sun (1945) BBC2 8:15am-10:10am (1 hour 55 minutes)
A US Army infantry patrol joins the 1943 invasion of Italy, and a series of casualties leaves a corporal in charge of the men. They are selected for a special mission to seize a farmhouse that German forces have turned into a fortified hideout. Second World War adventure, starring Dana Andrews, Richard Conte and Sterling Holloway.

The ‘Burbs (1989) 5STAR 11:30am-1:35pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
The arrival of secretive neighbours sparks an unhealthy curiosity in a group of friends, leading them to go to bizarre lengths to discover the truth about the newcomers. However, their investigations take an even weirder twist when they begin to suspect their unseen fellow suburbanites are part of a cannibalistic cult. Joe Dante’s black comedy, starring Tom Hanks, Bruce Dern, Carrie Fisher, Corey Feldman and Henry Gibson.

The Karate Kid Part III (1989) Comedy Central 3:00pm-5:15pm (2 hours 15 minutes)
The teenage martial arts expert becomes obsessed with defending his championship title, but wise mentor Mr Miyagi is not prepared to help him fight for such a shallow goal. Seeking someone else to help guide his career, he falls under the influence of a crooked trainer – who is secretly plotting his downfall with the help of an old adversary. Adventure sequel, starring Ralph Macchio and Pat Morita.

Karate Kid TShirts

Blues Brothers 2000 (1998) ITV4 3:15pm-4:20pm (1 hour 5 minutes) 2 parts
Ex-convict Elwood Blues sets about re-forming his band to raise funds for a children’s hospital. But no sooner has he found a suitable lead singer to replace his late brother Jake, than the band end up being pursued by the police, the Russian mafia and his own embittered stepbrother. Comedy sequel, starring Dan Aykroyd, John Goodman and Joe Morton.

The Dark Crystal (1982) Film4 4:40pm-6:25pm (1 hour 45 minutes)
A survivor of a near-extinct race is given a dangerous quest as his world approaches an astronomical event that will decide its future. He must find a way to restore a broken piece to a magical crystal, which has become a source of dark power for the cruel creatures who wiped out his people. Jim Henson’s puppet fantasy, with the voices of Stephen Garlick and Billie Whitelaw.

Diamonds Are Forever (1971) ITV4 5:45pm-7:00pm (1 hour 15 minutes) 2 parts
James Bond investigates a diamond-smuggling operation, and discovers that behind the scheme is his insidious arch-enemy Blofeld, who is planning to construct a devastating orbital doomsday weapon powered by the precious stones, which will force world powers to disarm and give him global domination. Spy adventure, starring Sean Connery, Jill St John, Charles Gray, Bernard Lee and Lois Maxwell.

James Bond Merchandise

Back to the Future (1985) ITV2 6:55pm-7:55pm (1 hour)
Teenager Marty McFly travels back to the 1950s in a time machine built by his eccentric inventor friend. The return journey proves tricky enough, but he also accidentally alters the sequence of events that led to his parents falling in love – and has to persuade his future dad to win his mother’s heart, or he will never be born. Sci-fi comedy adventure, starring Michael J Fox, Christopher Lloyd, Lea Thompson and Crispin Glover.

Back To The Future Merchandise

Zoolander (2001) 5STAR 10:00pm-11:50pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
Dim male model Derek Zoolander is stunned to find his career going downhill thanks to the arrival of an equally vacuous rival – but fails to realise he is merely a pawn in a dangerous game of international espionage and world domination. Comedy, starring Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Will Ferrell, Milla Jovovich, Christine Taylor and David Duchovny.

The Dark Knight (2008) ITV 10:20pm-1:00am (2 hours 40 minutes)
In the sequel to Batman Begins, the masked hero finds a new ally in his war on organised crime in Gotham’s crusading new district attorney, Harvey Dent. However, both men are pushed to their limits by the rise of the Joker, a criminal mastermind spreading chaos and destruction throughout the city for his own amusement. Comic-book thriller, starring Christian Bale, Aaron Eckhart and an Oscar-winning Heath Ledger.

Batman Merchandise

SUNDAY 15th May

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Casper
(1995) Film4 1:00pm-3:00pm (2 hours)
A paranormal expert moves into a haunted house where his daughter befriends the amiable ghost of a young boy – but things start to go awry when three smelly spooks and two dastardly crooks try to chase the new residents away. Family comedy, starring Christina Ricci, Bill Pullman, Eric Idle, Cathy Moriarty and featuring the voice of Malachi Pearson.

Death of a Gunfighter (1969) ITV4 2:25pm-3:25pm (1 hour)
A frontier marshal kills a drunken man in self defence, but finds his uncompromising brand of justice is no longer condoned by the locals. When he refuses to step down, the town fathers realise they may have to use violent methods of their own to rid themselves of him. Western, starring Richard Widmark, Lena Horne, Carroll O’Connor and David Opatoshu.

Porridge (1979) Film4 3:00pm-4:50pm (1 hour 50 minutes)
Cellmates Fletcher and Godber are coerced into aiding an escape attempt organised by the sinister Grouty. However, the two jailbirds contrive to break back into prison before their absence is detected by the formidable Mr Mackay. Comedy based on the TV series, starring Ronnie Barker, Richard Beckinsale, Peter Vaughan, Fulton Mackay and Brian Wilde.

Pocahontas (1995) Channel 4 3:35pm-5:10pm (1 hour 35 minutes)
A Native American princess falls in love with an English settler, but her father is distrustful of the Europeans – not without just cause, as a cruel governor is prepared to wage war to get his hands on the gold he believes they are hiding. Disney animated drama, with the voices of Irene Bedard, Mel Gibson and Christian Bale.

Uncle Buck (1989) ITV 4:00pm-6:00pm (2 hours)
An unreliable but good-natured slob is called upon to look after his trouble-making nephew and nieces while their parents are away – and what starts as a disaster soon changes for the better as the unlikely babysitter gets to grips with the finer points of being a responsible adult. Family comedy, starring John Candy, Macaulay Culkin, Jean Kelly, Gaby Hoffman, Amy Madigan and Laurie Metcalf.

X-Men (2000) Film4 6:50pm-8:55pm (2 hours 5 minutes)
Super-powered outsiders Rogue and Wolverine enlist at a school for mutants which is run by a benevolent psychic professor. While there, they agree to join others with similar gifts to take on a superhuman mutant terrorist faction intent on establishing dominance over mankind. Sci-fi comic-book adventure, starring Hugh Jackman, Patrick Stewart, Ian McKellen, Anna Paquin and Halle Berry.

Superhero Merchandise

Quantum of Solace (2008) ITV2 8:00pm-9:00pm (1 hour) 2 parts
James Bond sets out on a personal mission of vengeance as he pursues the secret criminal organisation Quantum. His search leads him to the head of an ecological corporation, who is plotting to orchestrate a coup in a Latin American country to get his hands on a precious natural resource. Spy thriller sequel, starring Daniel Craig, Olga Kurylenko, Judi Dench, Gemma Arterton and Mathieu Amalric.

Whatever you’re up to this weekend, always bring enough food and drink and remember that some things you can change, some you can’t, so why worry about them?
xoxo